Chapter 12

The next morning was a tough,he was en route back to the clinc tapping his hand on the steering wheel debating with himself weather he should tell Castiel what he did.

He pulled into thr nearest parking space folding the cheque in the palm of hand and sighed heavily pushing through the double doors looking down at the receptionist "Morning."

The receptionst raised her hand as the phone rang,she answered it leaving Dean hanging.

"Mr Winchester you're early,you know you can't see him till the afternoon."

Dean slide the cheque towards her on the counter "I don't care i've just been through hell to save his life now...let me see him."

The receptionsit accepted the cheque astonished "erm...i'll buzz you through but just this once."

Dean smiled geniuely and nodded "thank you,I appreciate that."he signed into the visitors book and headed through to the rooms,finding Castiels room easily,it was just down the hall and to the right.

He tapped on the door and smiled weakly find Castiel walking about talking with one of the nurses. "I'm not intruding am I?"

Castiel spun round letting out a weak smile sensing something different about Dean the moment he entered the room.

He reached out to him as he wandered over to him pulling him into a hug. "Hey-"

The nurse was clearly irritated,she rolled her eyes "i'll be right back...Cas if you need anything just buzz me."

Castiel smiled brightly at her"thanks"he held onto Dean and smiled into his eyes "Where have you been?"

"I'm sorry something...err came up yesterday but it's okay now,we're going to be okay right?"

Castiel let out a violent cough turning away,he pulled himself away falling to bed breathing heavily he manovered himself round so he was laying down,pulling the blanket over him.

Dean watched Castiel sadly glancing down to his feet "erm...do you want me to come back later?"

"NO...you only just got here...talk to me,tell me about your day...I miss the sound of your voice."

Dean took a seat beside his bed,apprehensively about to admit to him about his 'extra curricular activities'. He smiled innocently fidgetting a little "nothing special,just been studying trying to catch up with everything."

Castiel turned his head slightly knowing right away he was lying,he swallowed hard letting out a weak groan as he sat up"you studying? Do you think i'm an idiot?"

"No..but Cas I really was."

Castiel turned his head to face him "No you weren't but whatever Dean,don't have to tell me it doesn't matter."

He reached over to grab a cup of water that sat on a table beside him taking a drink.

They sat in silence for a moment.

Dean fixed his eyes upon Castiel "I'm sorry...your right I wasn't studying."he forced a smile "I just can't lie to you...I erm,was getting the money to get the top specialist in to perform your surgery next week."

"You..what,how?"

Dean fidgetted again forcing a smile "doesn't matter how,now I know you'll have the best"he leaned over planting a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Castiel let out a little whimper closing his eyes resting his head "I love you."

"Are you okay...Cas do you want me to get the nurse?"he asked worried.

"NO...just sit with me,keep talking."

Dean licked his lips nervously "Cas...I have to admit something,and I need you to promise you won't hate me for it,please...cause I still love you"he took a deep breath grasping Castiels' hand.

"I've done something horrible,something,unforgiveable...I slept with someone else,I was desperate Cas,I didn't know what to do and when I got told they were going to cancel your op if I didn't get the money to get the specialist over,I panicked. I've been struggling for a while and..and I found a way to get the money easily."he sobbed "I'm so sorry Cas...please."

There was silence from the other end,Dean took a deep breath.

"I'm supposed to be looking after you,i'm supposed to be the only one,and i've betrayed you-"he choked back refusing to cry "I just want you to know Cas that I love you so much,I did all of this for you,you're all i care about in the world,I would die for you you hear me?" his eyes filled up looking up at him.

Castiel was asleep breathing in deeply, he raised his arm tracing his fingers along Castiels knuckles kissing them "Please Cas I need you to forgive me."

He untangled himself from the wires that were attached to Castiel giving him another kiss.

He jumped as his moment was cut short,feeling his mobile vibrate in his pocket,he slipped his hand away reaching for his phone.

Afternoon sexy how are you feeling?,great night last night,fancy round 2? M

Dean immediately deleted the message,feeling sick to the stomach. Checking Castiels' monitor he sighed as everything was normal.

His phone buzzed again.

I'm great seeing as you didn't ask,hope to see you tonight :P M

"Fucking asshole"he muttered under his breath,deleting the message."i'll be right back Cas okay?"he smiled weakly letting him go briefly whilst he went to boost up on caffine.

Castiel breathed in heavy laying on his side,peaking his eyes open slightly,having heard everything.

He dissapeared to the vending machine,aching all over waiting for his coffee,the machine binged indicating that it was ready,removing it he held it carefully in both hands returning to the room.

Castiel had come too,his eyes wide open,staring up at the ceiling,pain in his eyes.

"hey your awake."he smiled.

Castiel forced a weak smile back and simply nodded pulling his hair off his face "you should go,the nurse will be back soon."

Dean frowned confused at how distant Cas had suddenly become "come on,let me stay a little longer,i've hardly seen you."

"Yeah well thats not my fault is it."he snapped.

"What the hell is up with you?"

"Whats up with me...whats up with me is i'm in pain and I...I can't it anymore,don't you see everything I do it hurts and you...seeing you now,it pains me even more."

Deans' eyes widened as he spoke"I can't begin to understand what your going through,but i'm trying to help you."

"well your not,your making it harder on me...yesterday made me see that,being without you it got me thinking."he coughed up "if the surgerys successful,I want you to let me go."

"Cas-"

"I mean it,I mean clearly I mean nothing to you anymore otherwise you wouldn't of slept with that guy last night." he looked up at him hurt.

"Cas...no...I love you...I know I made a mistake...I know that I didn't want to but he made me."

Castiel smiled painfully"he made you? Give me a fucking break Dean,I know you,you knew I was useless now so you just couldn't keep your dick in your pants long enough to fuck some other guys brains out."he roared his anger clearly this not doing him any favours.

"No Cas it wasn't like that,you've got to believe me, he's paid for you to get your surgery,if he helped me then I had to help him that was the deal."

Dean had tears in his eyes again,all he ever did now was cry.

"You're an idiot,there's other ways to come up with cash,but no...understandably you figured sex was the option cause thats all you ever think about."

"Cas I'm sorry."

"Don't say your sorry"he coughed up stuff gagging at the foul taste in his mouth.

Dean went over to him rubbing his back gently "It's okay-"

Castiel winced "don't fucking touch me...you know what I would rather die than take that money,because now its cursed...just go...please,just leave and don't come back...you hear me we're over."

This couldn't be the end,not like this.

"Cas please don't,I need you."

Castiel sat up throwing up in the bucket beside him "just go away."he sobbed into the bucket having another attack.

Dean immediately alerted the nurses backing away so the nurses could do their job,the scene terrifying him,blaming himself for this "oh god."being instructed by the nurses to wait outside he paced around the corridor not daring leave.

This was his doing and he knew he had to fix it.

One of the nurses came rushing out grabbing the phone,quickly dialling a number.

Dean frowned listening in,fear overwhelming as he heard that the nurse was calling the specialist

"I understand sir but if you don't get here tomorrow,it's possible he won't last another night,okay thank you sir,see you in the morning."she hung up walking right past Dean.

Dean gaped through the cracks in the door finding two nurses busy at work.

This was it now wasn't it,this was the moment he had been waiting for,the inevitable truth in which Castiel lived or died

Was he scared?

Yes.

Does he think Cas will survive this?

Yes,because thats all he had to go on,if he didn't,he would never forgive himself.

WOOW,two chapters in one day,i'm on a roll :D well this is it,the final few chapters are coming next,possibly maybe a few more extras. Be prepared for even more angst and thank you again. x