Chapter 13

Dean sat fast asleep outside the room,he couldn't bear to leave especially after what just happened,this was his mistake and he had to fix it.

He smiled weakly as he came out of his slumber,reality hitting him like a ton of bricks,this was it the dreaded day.

A nurse smiled weakly at him as she passed.

"I'm sorry,I didn't mean to fall asleep."

The nurse smiled "don't worry about it,you can stay as long as you need now,infact,in the next few hours the doctor should be here,I know its against schedule but-"

"You don't need to explain,I get it and thank you,for helping him through this-"he wiped his tired eyes pulling himself,digging into his pockets for loose change heading towards the vending machine.

"no need to thank me,i'm just doing my job."

He pulled a weak smile taking his coffee and slowly sipped it. "Can I see him before he's taken in?"he asked the nurse hopeful,he couldn't just leave things the way they were.

"sure...umm just a sec,let me check up on him then i'll let you know."she clocked in,dumped her bag with reception and strolled through to Castiels's room.

A few minutes after the nurse came back"come on through Dean."

Dean held his coffee in the palms of his hand wandering through slowly offering the nurse a friendly smile "thank you."

He headed through Castiel laying there wide awake,he looked fatigued and painfully thin,one of the nurses trying to force him to eat.

"C-Cas?"he stuttered.

"I thought I told you to fuck off"he muttered quietly.

Dean gritted his teeth looking down "I can't...Cas,I need you to know you're all I want and I know what I did was wrong,and i'll spend an eternity making it up to you if thats what it takes."he stood there and watched him as he tried to deny everything he was saying "Cas please,I don't have alot of time left,I love you i just need you to know that."

He forced a sad smile letting out a defeated smile,it was no good,Cas would never forgive him. He accepted it,it was over and there was nothing he could do about it,Castiel had made his choice. With that the Winchester walked away.

"Dean-"

Dean spun round slowly noticing a difference in Castiels' expression now.

Castiel smiled with his eyes "I love you too,don't leave okay."he turned to the nurse then back to Dean "I'm afraid, and I need you here." he forced out finding it difficult to speak.

Dean wandered back to him taking his hand planting a gentle kiss upon it"i'm not going anywhere Cas,I promise."he put his coffee down on the table beside his bed.

The doctor arrived an hour later going through all of the notes listening in to what all the other doctors who were assessing him were telling him.

"Prep him,we go under in 20 minutes."he informed his team.

Another nurse came through "Mr Winchester I'm sorry I have to do this but i'm going to have to ask you to leave,it's time."

Dean and Cas exchanged similar looks,Dean forcing yet another smile trying to put on his best brave face "okay Cas,i'll be right outside waiting for you okay...be brave,you'll get through this." he stared into his beautiful blue eyes pulling him into a kiss "Don't leave me okay?"he whispered to him.

Castiels' eyes filled up with uncontrollable tears taking hold of his hand not wanting to let it go.

"Please Mr WInchester,let us do our job."

Dean slipped his hand away blowing him a kiss,leaving the room,eyes filled up with tears being instructed to go to the waiting room where he sat for the next 3 hours.

Anna came hurrying through to the waiting room hours later "where is he?"

Dean glanced up at her offering her a weak smile "he's in surgery,he's been in there for 3 hours and i'm terrified."

"3 hours...but he's not supposed to have it for another few days,why didn't anyone tell me sooner."

"Anna i'm sorry I meant to ring you,we just ran into some complications."

"Is he going to survive?"

"I don't know...the nurses told me that theres a 25% chance he's going to pull through and i'm holding onto that with all my strength."

Anna put her hands to her mouth in shock"oh my god,this is bad."she took a seat opposite him trying to remain calm.

Another hour passed and still nothing.

The next hour,Sam Winchester came in offering his big brother morale support"I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner dad was being an ass as usual"

Dean pulled his brother into a hug"it's okay Sammy,i'm just glad your here now."

The brothers hardly kept in contact anymore,they were all busy on opposite ends of the country fighting for their future,Sam was in high school living alone with their missed his brother and it saddened him that a situation like this reunited them.

"Erm Sam,this is Anna,Castiels' sister."

"Hey"she smiled weakly fidgetting in her seat "why don't we know anything yet?"she snapped.

Dean glanced down at the floor "just be patient."he jumped as he phone went,he checked the number "erm excuse me a moment."he got up from his seat taking the phonecall outside the room.

"What?"

"well thats no way to talk to your proffessor,I was just...checking in."

Dean let out a tired sigh leaning against the telephone box next to the room "Cas is in surgery,5 freeking hours and we still haven't heard anything...Bobby I-I don't think he's going to make it"he sobbed losing all hope.

"Dean...don't give up on him now,he's going to need you more than ever when he pulls through this,you here me boy?"

Dean smiled at his proffessors words of wisdom,and nodded "thank you,i'll inform you what happens when I know something." he hung up,taking a deep breath completely missing the doctor slipping through the door.

"DOC...how is he,is he alive,whats happened?"

Sam put a supportive hand on his shoulder smiling weakly slowly shaking his head.

"Doc?"

The doctor took him aside "we ran into some complications halfway through the surgery,his vital organs were collapsing,causing one of the blood vessels leading to the brain to erupt,we managed to contain it and we've managed to remove the aggresive part of the tumor. But-"

Deans's eyes were already streaming with wetness grabbing his brothers hand tightly.

Sam held his brothers hand as tight as he could trying his best to be supportive"Doc is he alive?"

The doctor nodded "yes...but he's in pretty bad shape,he'll probably be suffering from severe memory loss and even worse,he could be brain damaged,we won't know anything until he wakes up...if he wakes up."

"If?" Dean glared at the doctor angry"what do you mean if?"

"Dean calm down,they've done their best."

Dean pulled himself away from his brother now "Don't tell me to calm down...I want a straight answer doc."

The doctor sighed staring into Deans' eyes "your tired Mr Winchester,we took a risk removing the tumor and its paid off,we'll give you all the relevant information in the next few days,this is a good thing Mr Winchester,it means he's fighting very hard."

Dean glared back at him how the fuck had it paid off,he wasn't even awake? "I need some air"he pushed past them all heading outside.

Sam forced a smile at the doctor"thank you so much doctor." Sam immediately went out after his brother.

Anna gulped staring down at the floor "can I see him?"

The doctor smiled weakly at the girl"ofcourse,we're transferring him to ICU but once we're ready you're free to see him."he nodded leaving the room.

Dean stepped outside slamming his fists against the brick wall,angry..pissed off even "GOD DAMMIT"he yelled ast the top of his voice.

Sam widened his eyes going after to him "Dean...seriously you need to calm down."

"I can't...I can't calm down,this is all my fault."

Sam looked at him clueless"How is this your fault?"

"Because I betrayed him...I let him down and I fucked up the one chance of him ever forgiving me for my mistakes."

Sam rolled his eyes patting him on the shoulder"Dean whatever you did,it didnt cause this,stop blaming yourself and get back in there,Cas needs you,I mean it,don't make me push you"giving his brother his classic bitchface.

Dean smiled weakly rolling his eyes clenching his fists ready to pound on anyone who pissed him off,he returned finding out which room Castiel was being kept in heading that way.

Anna was already inside,he decided to wait not wanting to intrude,she was after all his sister,even if she didn't give a damn about him until now,he respected her privacy waiting outside.

Anna wiped her eyes as she left staring up at Dean"he's all yours."she rubbed her lips togther"you won't be hearing from me anymore,i've said what I needed to say to him,now i'm gone."

"so your just going to abandon him again?"

The red head turned giving him a shrug "theres still too many issues between us,even if he does pull through he won't want to see me."

"Thats where you're wrong Anna,thats all he ever wants,for his family to accept him."

Anna smiled not really buying it."Bye Dean,was nice knowing ya"she strolled off never to be seen again.

Dean frowned watching her leave.

Dean took a deep breath shaking trying to pluck up the courage to go inside "I'll be a minute okay Sam."

"Take as much time as you need Dean i'm here all day."he nodded.

Dean nodded back,entering the room,hearing the bleeping of the ventilator going off,the one thing keeping Castiel alive.

"hey Cas...I'm back,well I never left"he forced a laugh.

Castiel lay there still banages wrapped around the top of his head from the aftermath of the surgery,he looked barely recognisable now. He was attached to wires and machinery none of which made any sense to the Winchester.

"So...look Cas,you need to snap out of this,come back to me alright."

"Cas...Cas please."he pleaded taking hold of his hand.

The monitor bleeped once and again,and again.

Castiel was still unresponsive.

"Come back to me you son of a bitch don't you dare die on me."

Sam peeked through the door catching a glimpse of the couple together, a frown forming,ever since Dean had admitted to his family that he was gay, he found it hard to look at him the same way,Dean was always the tough,over protective big brother and now seeing this side of him,troubled him. He pushed the door open slowly"Dean? You mind?"

Dean glanced up as Sam entered smiling weakly "NO come on in Sam."

Sam frowned"he looks different,almost peaceful"he commented.

"He's not,he's in pain and I know that,even now..I just wish I knew what was going through his mind,he won't wake up."

"I'm sorry Dean."

Dean kept his eyes on him fixing his hair "yeah...pretty much back to square one again."

The doctor came through "I'm sorry but we're going to have to ask you to-"

"It's fine i'll leave,just give me a minute."his eyes fixed on his boyfriend "you better wake up you hear me."he whispered in his ear,kissing his cheek.

Sam rubbed his lips together awkwardly looking down at his feet.

The doctor cleared his throat "we'll inform you of any changes."he told them both.

The brothers left the clinc,Dean feeling completely drained "I need a drink-"

Sam rolled his eyes "Dean you need sleep I mean when was the last time you got a decent nights sleep,go back to your dorm get some kip,i'll keep an eye out here,let you know if anythings new."

"I'm fine Sam...I just-"

"Dean don't,your not fine,your umm boyfriends on deaths door ofcourse you're not fine,go seriously,get some rest please."

Dean sighed finally giving in"alright fine."

"good"

Dean smiled back at his brother "It's really good to see you Sam."

"Likewise Dean...umm I better find dad before he sends the search party,do you want to see him before you go?"

"Nah i'm good,but do please tell him that I send my love"he said sarcastically.

Sam simply nodded pulling Dean into a hug,Dean a little taken back by it. "Cas will be okay Dean,have faith."he let him go and smiled running off down the carpark to find their dads car.

Dean stared off into space hoping and praying for a miracle,just one more miracle,for Castiel to wake up and be healthy thats all he wanted.

But was it too much to ask?

Again thanks to those that are leaving me comments,I appreciate it sooo much. 3