When I'd parked the car in the garage, I stood for a moment, looking up at the sky. It was already dark out, and in the night sky, tiny stars were flickering and fluttering. They were so clear to my eyes, it felt almost like I could see their light travelling all the way across the universe toward me. There was a slight breeze in the trees behind the house; animals moving among the rocks and the grass. I could hear Carlisle and Esme moving inside, but I didn't feel like joining them just yet. The calm out here was so soothing; sort of cleansing.

Without really knowing why, I decided to lie down in the grass. As I did, a somber feeling suddenly welled over me.

I closed my eyes and felt the earth underneath my body. I tried to imagine what it would feel like being buried beneath it. Dark; the earth literally pressing in on my body from every direction; hopeless; horrifying.

Well, nevermind. It's not like I'm ever going to get a funeral, anyway.

I opened my eyes again. If I strained my hearing, I could pick up stray sounds from the prom; mostly undistinguishable musical beats, but every now and then a cry of joy, of surprise or ecstasy.

As I laid there listening, my mind registered someone leaving the house, coming down the front steps and across the grass. It was Carlisle. His light steps, his breathing – even the way the air flowed around his body as he pushed through it, creating a hardly perceivable breeze – it was all so familiar.

I didn't even cast him a glance as he sunk down beside me and took a deep breath.

… sweet child, you look so bothered; always so sad and cynical. Won't you please tell me what's on your mind?

"Nothing's wrong," I said decisively. "I was just enjoying the evening."

"It is a very beautiful evening tonight," he agreed. Still, it worries me when you have that look on your face. I want you to be happy.

"Carlisle … not this again, please. You know how it goes; we've been over this so many times."

He let out a light sigh and leaned back, lying down next to me.

"I know," he said. "I just keep hoping that one of these days, you'll come home with a smile on your face. You've been this way for so long now, so bitter … And it hurts for me to see you like this, when I've seen you look so happy before." … it's not …. it's not normal …

"You know as well as I do that words like 'normal' don't apply to us," I replied irritably. "But even so …"

I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence. I always had such a hard time talking about it; this … dark thing inside of me. I'd been more or less depressed for the last thirty years, and I didn't even know why. I usually didn't give it much thought, and normally it didn't interfere that much in my everyday life. Being around Jasper would help me at the times when I was most anxious. When I actually did give it thought or let my emotions run free, I would most likely end up having and anxiety attack, which led to me pushing my feelings even further away.

How could I deal with something I didn't understand?

We didn't speak any more about it that evening; it would've been to no use.

Carlisle stayed with me until Emmet called my cell phone to tell me they were ready to go home, a couple of hours later. Just lying there next to my adoptive father felt unbelievably comforting; watching the stars, listening to Carlisle's drifting thoughts. I could've stayed there forever. I was at peace there, in my true element.

But eventually, that peace had to be broken, and as Carlisle waved me off I promised myself not to leave the car this time, in hopes of avoiding another awkward encounter with Edward Cullen. And thankfully, my plan worked smoothly; upon arriving to the venue, I called in advanced and told my siblings to meet me outside, and home we went.

They all seemed well and cheerful, yet not as a red-faced and giggling as some of the teens that passed us by in the street.

"I'm sorry for tricking you like that before," said Alice with a slight smile, sitting next to me in the passenger seat. "But now you have to tell me everything! How'd it go with Edward?"

Just as I'd thought; the only reason Alice had wanted me to follow them inside was because she'd seen Edward and me talking before it had happened. Though why she'd want me to talk to him was beyond me. It didn't really matter though; because that's the last time I ever trust her. I guess I should've seen it coming, but I really didn't feel that I should have to keep a constant eye on her thoughts. She's my sister, for God's sake. Why did she always stick her nose in other people's business like that? Sure, her gift was amazing in its own way, but that didn't give her the right to start meddling.

"Awful. Thank you for that excruciatingly awkward moment, Alice," I said harshly. "Really. How would I ever get my regular dose of annoyance if not for you?"

I stared blankly at the road, but Alice was obviously a bit hurt at my words.

… only trying to speed things along …

"What 'things'?" I exclaimed loudly, startling the others. I started shouting. "I don't understand why you feel you have the constant need to start meddling with stuff that doesn't even concern you, and frankly, it's starting to piss me off. So next time, how 'bout you just stay the hell out of it?"

I could feel all four pairs of eyes staring at me, and felt a teensy bit ashamed, but at the same time it was about time someone told Alice what's what.

I ignored all of their thoughts; I knew they would only make me even more upset, and the rest of the way home we drove in an uncomfortable silence.

Later that night, when everyone else had retreated to their respective corners of the house, Jasper came to me in my bedroom. I was standing by the window, looking out into the woods, when I heard hem approach my door, put his hand on the knob and gently push it open. He didn't ask for permission to enter; he knew I'd let him know if he wasn't welcome.

He walked up to me and came to a halt at my left, gazing out over the same view as myself. His mind revealed nothing about his purpose for coming here. Jasper was the only one I knew who had learned to properly hide his thoughts from me; thought how he did it I had no idea. The only thoughts I could read in Jasper's mind were the ones he wanted me to read.

"You know she only means well," he said quietly.

"Yeah, well. So much for good intentions."

He sighed. Why did people always sigh when they were talking to me?

"Bella," he began, "you have to understand. We all worry about you. You've become so bitter over this last decade. You hardly ever leave the house except for school, and even then you're annoyed and pessimistic. Now, I know it's only because you're deep down inside very sad and anxious, but you need to understand that it's sometimes hard to be around you. I know that's not a nice thing to say, but it's –"

"What is it you want, Jasper?" I said abruptly, turning to him. "Did you just come here to make me feel bad or did you actually have a purpose?"

Jasper stared at me for a few seconds, and then replied: "You can't tell Alice that I told you this, but she's actually hoping that you and Edward will … end up together."

"Seriously?" I exclaimed. "Seriously? I'm telling you, she's getting more and more deluded by ever day. I can't even stand that guy."

"I know, I know that," said Jasper. "It's just that it would be so great if you could meet someone, you know? Even if it is a human … I mean it's not like being a human has to be a constant state, right? But anyway, I really think that if you fell in love –"

"Even so, how can you stand up for Alice when she's practically forcing me onto this guy? How is that fair? I'll tell you how; it's not."

"But the thing is you haven't even given him a chance, Bella. Whenever he gets close to you I can practically feel you rejecting him; and I don't think it's because of my ability either. It's all over your face. I feel sorry for the poor guy. Maybe if you gave him a chance –"

"No," I protested, getting more and more upset by the second, "no, Jasper. Can you hear your own words right now? You're implying that the only reason I've been depressed for so long is because I don't have a boyfriend. If your opinion of me is that low, I don't know whether to be offended or just royally pissed off, or both."

"That's not what I'm saying at all, if you'd actually listened to what I was saying you would've understood that what I mean is that I think it would really help you get better if you found someone, not that you being single is the reason for your depression in the first place."

By that point, I had already stopped listening and was moving toward the door. I flung it open and pointed my finger through it.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely, "but I really can't take any of this right now, it's just gonna go in one ear and out through the other. I've had a shitty night and I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave."

I tried being as honest as possible without sounding angry or annoyed, because at that point I really just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to feel guilty or pathetic or mean. Thankfully, Jasper sensed my emotions and, as always, understood.

So he came up to me, said "love you," and kissed my cheek. Then he left and I quickly closed the door behind him.