Author's Note: This story is now complete. I will be starting a new story in a few weeks.

Dr. Lam lowers the portable scanner. "They're clean. No Goa'ulds or any other parasites and diseases. Their blood work is clean as well. The Colonel and Vala are cleared to return to the SGC."

I sag with relief; finally we can go home. My body is shaking uncontrollably and all I want to do it lie down in a bed, any bed will do, and sleep for a week. Vala and I have been sitting in the sauna-like building for hours being poked and prodded in all sorts of locations.

Looking over at Vala, I see she looks just as relieved. Daniel hasn't left her side since he stepped through the wormhole, after we were secured by SG-3. Both Daniel and Lam waited for the two teams to confirm we were alone and there was no danger. I was surprised to see Daniel limp out of the wormhole, because we weren't usually let off world injured but Daniel assured me this was a one time thing since this was a special occasion.

Sliding off the bed, I look around the room. Jack and Cam are standing off to the side talking. My head spins a bit and I feel my legs buckle, but luckily the world levels out again. Cam and Jack are instantly at my side just in case.

Cam wraps his arm around me half-hugging me. "Ready to head back home? We've missed you; there's a whole stack of doodads waiting for you to play with. I'll just gather the troops and we can head for the gate." He stops, looking at Jack. "That is if it's all right with you."

Jack waves Cam away. "No worries, Mitchell. You're the lead on this party; I'm just here because I look good."

Cam moves away leaving Jack and I standing alone. He steps closer to me in case I need the support and I feel the need to thank him.

"I'm glad you're here, sir."

Jack shifts his feet awkwardly and looks down at his hands. "Well, how can I not, you-" He's cut off by the snap of the gate activating.

My thoughts and memories are still fuzzy, but I feel better. Drawing a breath, I head up the stairs flanked by Daniel, Jack and Teal'c. Behind us Vala and Cam rush to catch up and we all head home.

I wake up unsure once more where I am. The room is dark and I panic thinking I'm back in the cell on the unknown planet. The specter are there surrounding me. The closest one reaches out to me speaking words and sounds I can't understand.

Shrieking I back away hitting the wall, not that I have no where to go I fight with teeth and nails. The thing wails as it clutches it's hand where I bit it. I spit because of the awful taste it left in my mouth.

There are more of them now and they are stronger as they hold me down. The one I bit holds out a needle while the others try and bind me with strap attached to the bed.

Footsteps click against the floor as someone stops by my bed. "Everyone step back! I left orders for her not to be sedated!"

All the ghosts step back, merging with the shadows as someone emerges from the dark.

"Sam, you know you're in the SGC, don't you. No one is going to hurt you." Carolyn's voice cuts through my panic and her face comes into focus as she bends over me.

Gently she takes my wrist checking my pulse as though nothing had happened.

A nurse steps up beside her. "She attacked me, doctor and it's not the first time. We need to restrain her, the Colonel is a risk to the staff and herself."

I look back and forth between the two women ashamed at what I have done, I close my eyes and fight the tears. I feel so weak and helpless.

"You're relieved Nurse Jones. I'll watch over the Colonel. She seems fine now, have someone look at that bite."

Focusing on the sound of her voice helps me keep the hallucinations at bay. Carolyn isn't Janet but through all this she's become a true friend. Other nights like this she has sat at my bedside whispering reassurances and never held my frantic struggles against me. Through it all, she never made me talk; instead she waits until I was she's here; I find I can sleep without the nightmares.

After making some notes on my chart she sits down beside me and I have more strength to fight my body's cravings for the Kasa.

I clench my hands into fists as the cravings eat away at me. I want the high but I know I can't allow myself this setback. I'm almost through the worst part, now I just have to endure.

Daniel has been here a few times to talk to me about his own experiences with Machello as well as the time he suffered the sarcophagus withdrawal. The last time he was here, Daniel took my hand.

"Sam I know it all seems dark right now but there is a light at tunnel. I got through my trials and you'll get through yours. You're strong, Sam, use that strength."

Daniel words helped me see the good in what has happened. Although I hate what happened to me; this was so personal, to have my fears laid bare. They helped me discover that I do fear death and that in my heart I feel that I've let down the people who died serving with me. I have come to accept that the people I serve with will die and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. The only thing I can do is do my best and try to save as many of them as I can, but I know that sometimes I will fail. Others will die under my command no matter what I do.

Knowing that I need to think of something else, I call out, "Carolyn?"

"I'm here, Sam. How are you feeling?"

I stare down at our linked fingers for a few minutes. "Better, I just- I thought the hallucinations would be gone by now. There are times when I feel almost human again but it's going to be a long road." I stop as I look toward the door of what used to be Janet's office where she now stands. For once she's herself, not a specter. I close my eyes tightly hoping she disappears before I open my eyes. "I still miss Janet. She was there in the visions; that was the worst part. I always wondered if there was something I could have done to save her."

Needing to move I get to my feet, pacing the small area around my bed fighting the tears. Of all the things I saw Janet is the one I still have to deal with.

Carolyn comes up behind me and squeezes my shoulder before stepping back. "No, there wasn't anything you could have done. I've read the report; you were where you needed to be and she was doing her job. Janet was solider; she knew the risks. I never met her but I know she would hate that you blame yourself. It's time to stop punishing yourself and Cassie. She needs you as much as you need her. We all need our anchors and she's yours."

For just a moment, I fight the emotions surging to the surface. Then I give in letting the tears flow because I hadn't really mourned for Janet. Carolyn wraps her arms around me and lets me have my moment.

After a while I step back. "Carolyn can you get me a phone? I need to make a call, one that is long over due. If they let me out next weekend as planned I'll head up to Nevada and see Cassie. She deserves an apology for my behavior."

Carolyn smiles. "I think that's a wonderful idea. I'll be right back."

I watch Carolyn head in the direction of her office and a thought occurs to me. "Carolyn, when I get back would you like to have dinner, a girl's night out of sorts?

She smiles only this time bigger. "I'd like that a lot."

Janet is still standing in the doorway to her office. She waves once and I look around the rest of the specters are gone as well and I begin to believe that it's almost over. For the first time in forever, I'm at peace.

A few days later I wake up to find Jack sitting at my bedside sleeping. His hair and BDUs are mussed and I can tell he's been here awhile. All the guys have taken turns watching me, when they could.

Sitting up, I groan as my arm starts to prickle with pins and needles where I slept on it strangely. At the sound of my voice, Jack wakes immediately.

He looks over at me smiling. Getting to his feet he pats down his hair making it look even worse. "Carter, how are you feeling? Still no spooks?"

Turning my head, I look around expecting to find the specters standing there. After all, they have been my companions these last few weeks. But once again they are gone. I let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"No, they are still gone."

Jack slaps his palms together. "That's good. Doc Lam says your blood is clean and you're good to go home now. She wants to check you over one last time before she springs ya. I'll go get her." He takes a few steps only to stop and grab my hand. "If you ever want to talk about... it let me know. I have a bit of experience with these things."

I can tell this is the last thing he wants to do, but the fact he offered is touching. Reaching out with my other hand I cover it with his. "I'll do that sir, thank you."

Watching him walk away I smile. It feels good to be home and maybe one day I'll take him up on his offer.

It's taken a long time for me to see it but now I know can get through this experience. I have everyone on my side. It won't be dealt with in a day or a week but suddenly my future seems very bright.

I have started my new story on my personal website. To find it just Google my penname. You can also follow me on facebook (you want my page not my profile (I created that and have no idea how to get rid of it, I never use it) to get updates other than here. (When I post a new story I post it there two-three weeks before I post here.) There used to be a link on my profile but it seems to have disappeared. This site won't let you post outside links in the story that's why the address isn't here.

Thank you for reading and I hope you come back again. :0)

Also I have now published my second work of original fiction on kindle. It's a novella called Red Colony: Odyssey. If you search for my real name, Kelli Bullock on amazon you'll find it and my first novella.