"And I'd give up forever to touch you, Cause I know that you'd feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now. And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life. Cause sooner or later is over and I don't wanna miss you tonight. And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."
I sing along with the Goo Goo Dolls.
"Spencer get up or you're gonna be late for school." My mom comes in and tells me. "And turn that down." She says pointing to my iPod dock.
"How am I gonna get there, since I can't call Mads?" I ask a bit more sarcastically than I intended, getting up and turning down the music.
"Spencer you have a car." My mom points out.
"But it's a piece of crap." I counter.
"Get up and get ready for school Spencer." She says all motherly. "Now! She adds before turning and leaving out.
"Fiiiiine." I yell out after she leaves.
Life seriously sucks right now.
No Ashley.
No phone.
No friends.
Kill me now I think to myself as I turn my music back up and flop back onto my bed.
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, Or the moment of truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive." I sing along louder and hear my mom yell something. Fine ugh!
I finally get up and get ready for school before my mother decided to make another visit to my room. This time with something that could hurt me.
"Grab a bagel and a bottle of Orange Juice from the fridge and get out of here." My mom tells me as I come down the stairs.
She's seriously making sure I don't miss school today after I missed it yesterday.
"Okay." I say simply and do as she says and leave for school. "Fuck this car." I say as I pull into school. It seriously sucks. I almost didn't make it here, twice.
"You look like shit." Madison tells me as she catches up with me on the way to class.
"Thanks." I fake a smile then take a bite from my bagel.
"I'm just saying. You've seen better days." She adds with a smile.
"Fuck off." I tell her as we enter class and take a seat.
"You love me." She smiles that infamous Madison smile and I can't help but smile with her.
"So how bad did you get it?" She asks as the bell rings and teacher enters class.
"Grounded for a week." I tell her through a sigh. Talking about this just reminds me of the fact that I have to go an entire week without talking to Ashley. And I bet you're thinking, why don't I just use Madison's phone to text Ashley all day. Well, obviously you don't know my mom. She has her ways. She can find out anything. And I don't want to make this punishment last any longer.
"Only a week, that's not so bad. By the way Paula was looking yesterday, I was sure it was gonna be at least a month." She says and nods for emphasis.
"I kinda groveled." I tell her.
"Oh." She says and turns around in her seat.
"You?" I ask.
"Nothing." She shrugs. I drop my mouth open. How come I get punished and she doesn't. "What?" She says turning and seeing my facial expression. "I told you, I didn't wait til the last possible second to tell my mother I was going to the other side of the country. I'm not stupid. I woulda came back in a body bag chica." Madison says with a look of horror on her face.
"True." I say laughing a little.
"Where's Jade?" I ask realizing she wasn't in the seat across from Madison.
"Family problems." Is all she says.
"Oh." I say softly, then turn my attention to the teacher.
–
"You sure you don't want to use my phone to call Ashley?" Taylor asks me for the fifth time. We're sitting at lunch and I'm sure she's only asking cause I have that look on my face.
You know the one.
The one where everyone around you can tell just how fucking miserable you are without you having to say a word.
Yeah, that look.
"I'm just gonna do my time." I shake my head and push her phone back across to her.
"Okay." She says and puts her phone back in her pocket.
"She's scared her mom is gonna find out and make her punishment longer." Madison says then puts an apple slice in her mouth.
"Stop reading my mind hoe, thanks." I say dryly, poking at my pizza slice.
"If you're not gonna eat that, lemmy have it." Taylor says, grabbing my food from my tray before I could even respond.
"Oh yeah just help yourself." I tell her sarcastically.
"Don't mind if I do." She says with a smile before taking a bite from my pizza.
"I'm gonna see you guys later." I tell my friends then get up from the table and walk away.
"Spence." I hear Madison yell out after me, but I don't stop walking. I end up in the bathroom. I didn't think it would be this hard to not hear Ashley's voice.
I will not cry in this dirty school bathroom.
I will not cry in this dirty school bathroom.
I will not cry in this dirty school bathroom.
I keep repeating to myself in the mirror.
"Well that makes one of us." I hear a voice say from a stall. I turn around to see Jade come out.
"Jay, what are you doing here, I thought you had a family emergency?" I ask a bit confused at her presence.
"No." She says and shakes her head and she walks to the sink. "I just told Mads that." She says then splashes water on her face.
"What's going on Jay?" I ask concerned at why she would need to lie to my best friend... her girlfriend.
"I'm avoiding her." She tells me.
"Why?"
"I'm gonna ask you something Spencer and I need you to be completely honest with me okay?" She says as she grabs a paper towel and drys her face. You can still tell she's been crying though. Her eyes are beet red.
"Mhm." I say and nod.
"When you guys were in South Carolina, did Madison cheat on me?" She asks me and it's like all the wind got punched out of my stomach.
"Jade I..." I start, not knowing what to say. I mean, honestly, I have no clue what Madison did when she left Ashley's house with Katie, or what they did at the party. I was too enthralled in all things Ashley. And being sexually frustrated only clouded my vision even more.
"It's just that, when I went over to Madison's house last night um... well she went into the bathroom and she got a text from someone named Katie saying that they miss her and she had a great time last night. I know that Madison is your best friend and I'm really not trying to put you in the middle of this, but you're the only one that would know cause you were there. I hope that you can see me as a good friend right now and tell me the truth Spencer." She finishes and I have no idea what to say. Yes, they were flirting but I have no idea what went down at Katie's house when they left.
"Jade I honestly don't know." I settle on. And I know that seems like I'm throwing Madison under the bus but Jade and I have been friends almost as long as Madison and I have. This situation has no right solution.
"Spencer please..." Jade says and I can see the tears building in her eyes.
"Don't cry Jay." I tell her as I engulf her in a hug. "Madison loves you. I'm sure she wouldn't do that to you." I tell her. "Why don't you just ask her?" I ask as she pulls back from my embrace.
"I don't want to seem like the type of girlfriend that snoops around in her shit you know? I've never looked in her phone. I've never felt the urge to before last night. Something just keep telling me to look at it, look at it, look at it. So I did." She shrugs. "I wish I hadn't." She says then looks down at the ground.
"Look, I'm sure nothing happened. Katie is one of Ashley's friends and she was just keeping Mads company so Ash and I could have some alone time." I tell her truthfully. At least as far as I know it's true.
"I'm sure you're right." She says nodding and wiping her eyes.
"Don't worry about it, okay?" I say and let out a small smile trying to ease her thoughts.
"Kay." She nods and hugs me. "Thank you Spencer."
"No problem." I tell her just as the bell rings. "Let's go to class." I say and take her hand in mine as we walk out the bathroom together.
Oddly, that took my mind off Ashley.