Perco

Percy peeled off his orange Camp Halfblood shirt, tossing it carelessly onto a bunk covered in sea-colored sheets. He peered at himself in the gold-edged full-length mirror the Aphrodite kids had gotten him for his birthday last year. He winked at himself and smoothed back his hair. God, he was the sexiest thing ever to walk the face of the earth. He had a twelve-pack from all of those monster battles, and his facial features had gotten pretty defined in the years since he'd come to camp. He was raising one sexy eyebrow at himself when there was a loud, sharp knock at the door.

"Come in, Annabeth!" he called. "I'm sexy and ready to go!"

"It's not Annabeth, you motherfucking narcissist," came a deep voice. It sounded like death.

"Oh, well, come in anyway," Percy said, slightly confused. "But I don't have a shirt on."

"Yeah, yeah, whatev-" the voice said. The door opened and Nico di Angelo walked into the Poseidon cabin.

"Nico?" Percy asked, his arm muscles rippling as he turned around.

"Holy motherfucking Satan," Nico whispered, his eyes wandering down Percy's body.

"My abs?" Percy asked, his mouth parting in a blindingly white grin. "I know."

"No," Nico said, looking shocked. "Your dick. It's huge." Percy looked down.

"Damn, I forgot to put my pants on." As Percy pulled on a pair of shorts, Nico retreated.

"So, what is it that you want?" Percy asked.

"I want to talk about our parents," Nico said grimly.

"Is that right?" Percy asked, going to his bed and sitting down. "What about them?"

"Well," Nico began, sitting down next to Percy. "I think their relationship is becoming more than just friendl- stop it!" Nico reached down and slapped Percy's hand off his crotch.

"Whaaaaat?" Percy asked innocently, looking insulted.

"Don't touch my penis!" Nico snapped. He coughed.

"Anyway, I'm afraid our fathers might actually be- stop!"

"Why can't I touch your penis?" Percy exclaimed in anguish. "Can't a guy stroke his friend's cock once in a while without being yelled at?" Nico shook his head, disgusted.

"You know what, I'm going to leave now. I can't- you're a whackjob, just like your dad." Suddenly, the fountain at Percy's bedside gurgled.

"Oh, you made my daddy mad!" Percy said, crossing his arms and pouting. "He's gonna whup ya! Whup! Whup!" Percy emphasized the word "whup" by reaching to his left and slapping Nico's crotch.

"Oh my fucking gods, stop it!" Nico yelled. He backed away and threw Percy's shirt at his face. Percy rose from the bed, looking extremely angry.

"All right, fine!" he hissed. Nico's eyes widened as Percy pulled his shorts off.

"Fine!" Percy repeated, punctuating the word with another slap of Nico's genitals. "Fine, I'll have sex with you!" He pinched one of Nico's nipples. "Just stop insisting!"

"But I-" Nico began, but before he had a chance to finish, he was naked, under Percy's sweaty body, lying flat on Percy's bed.

"The demigod on the bed goes in and out," Percy sang to the tune of "The Wheels on the Bus" under his breath. He shoved his foot into Nico's asshole.

"Fuck!" Nico yelled, clutching his buttocks in agony. Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, and the door of the cabin was blown off its hinges. For a moment, Poseidon could only stare. "What the HELL is going on here?" he asked when he was able to speak.

"NICO WANTS ME," Percy declared. "And hey, we're friends, so I couldn't just say no..." A vehement denial of Percy's narcissistic announcement was on the tip of Nico's tongue when he realized that there was truth to his words. The ripple of his muscles, the gleam of his green eyes as they caught the light. "Yes," Nico murmured under his breath, realizing how much he longed for Percy Jackson.

"Say, old Seabrain," Nico said, only vaguely aware of what he was saying. "You're into Hades, right?" Poseidon's eyes widened. "What are you talking ab-"

"We could double date," Nico suggested with a stupid grin on his face.

"Dates are boring," Percy yawned. "I'm in it for the SEX." Suddenly, his gold-edged mirror whizzed past his face. "What the fu-"

"I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!" Annabeth sobbed.

"Oh. Shit. Sweetie, it's not like that with us-" Annabeth stormed out the door, and Percy sprinted after her. Poseidon cast a glance at Nico. "You disturb me," he said, and disappeared from the room. Nico was left alone.

"HEY PERCY!" he shouted. "YOU FORGOT YOUR FOOT. IT'S STILL IN MY BUTT!"