Since I was suspended and all, I got to spend quite a bit of time alone in the house over the next few weeks – which didn't really bother me all that much. Although Esme was often there with me, she didn't make that big of a fuss, and mostly let me keep to myself. The first few days, I spent most of my time reading; going through some of my favorite books as well as some new ones I'd been wanting to read for a while. I found it relieving to finally get some space and time to think – though I tried not to think of what had happened with Edward Cullen too much.

I hadn't seen him since the day that I hurt him, and I knew I should tell him I was sorry for what happened, but I simply couldn't face it all just yet. Hell, I wasn't even sure I was sorry. I didn't want to deal with it for some time; for now, I just wanted to take a while to find my way back to some sort of normalcy.

In one sense, I felt like I had hit rock bottom. Not necessarily in that I felt bad about what I had done, but definitely in knowing that my family all pitied me, or even feared for my sanity. For that reason, I didn't really talk to them at all much for some time. Mostly, I would stay locked in my room, or outside in the fresh air, trying to clear my head.

About a week after my suspension, I did however receive a surprise visit from Jacob Black, and though I was first hesitant, I soon let go of that feeling and felt relieved to find that he was the same, kind and warm guy as last time we'd met.

We sat down in the living room, and he asked me how I was, what I'd been up to, and all that. After some chitchatting, he finally said: "So, I heard what happened with you and that guy, at your school."

I guess it would've been naive to expect him to not have heard about it.

"Great," I replied. "Isn't gossip such a wonderful thing?"

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, hell' be fine."

"Was your family really mad at you when they found out?"

"You could say that."

It didn't feel weird talking about it with Jacob; somehow it felt like if anybody would understand, it would be him. I couldn't really explain why.

"Yeah," he said.

… know what it's like to lose your temper … sucks that you always have to be so cautious around humans, doesn't it …

"Tell me about it. They're kinda like babies. Just so fragile and … weak."

"Mm."

"I just don't know what they expect of me, you know," I went on, without really thinking about where I was going. "I feel like … when I'm being myself, I just end up making everybody unhappy, and the only time anyone really seems to like me is when I act the way they want me to. I mean … is that fair?"

Jacob was quiet for a moment, then replied: "I'm sure that's not how they see it. I'm sure they care about you a lot."

"Of course they do; it's not that. Sometimes I just wonder what their motivation is. Do they want me to change because they think it would make me happy, or because it would make things easier for them?"

"I'm sure it's not as simple as just one or the other."

"I just can't stand the thought of making them unhappy."

… such sad eyes … don't know what to say, never was good at comforting …

"I'm sorry," I said, composing myself a bit. "I'm not gonna bore you to death with my problems."

"It's okay, though. As long as you're comfortable with it, I really like hearing you talk."

I looked into his eyes for a moment; his warm, amber eyes, and they were kind. God, how long had it been since I'd looked into a pair of kind eyes? I felt like reaching out and touching his face; there was a light in it that hadn't really noticed there before.

But I didn't touch him; I couldn't.

We decided to play some Soul Calibur IV to pass the time, and I wasn't surprised to find that he absolutely sucked at it. Jacob Black didn't at all feel like the type of person who had much experience in video gaming, but that didn't make him a sore loser. He laughed gladly at his own failures and congratulated me on my wins.

I like this, I thought to myself. It makes me feel happy.

When was the last time I had had that thought? I couldn't remember.

Something about Jacob seemed to help me let go of my insecurities and just be me, which was more than unusual these days. I had become so concerned with how other people – mostly my family – perceived me, that I sometimes didn't even know who I was anymore. Somewhere along the line, I had taught myself that my real me wasn't good enough for them. But, then again, neither was my fake me, or so it seemed.

With him, it was easier to just stop thinking about those things, and enjoy myself. I had used to be able to do that with Jasper once, but it was years ago now. He used to be my best friend but, even though we still shared a bond, it wasn't the same anymore. There was too much separating us now. Too many hurt feelings, I thought.

After that, I started spending more and more time with Jacob, and less and less time with my family. Being with him felt comforting, and helped keep my mind off of things. We would go hunting together, go on hikes or just hang out and play video games. It felt nice to have that kind of relationship with someone again. No pressure, or demands. God knows I needed it badly at that time.