"Can I ask you something?" I said to Jacob some days later.

"Shoot."

We were sitting next to each other on a large rock on the beach, cooling down after a rather intense hunting session. It was windy out, and we watched as the waves struck the shore again and again, trying to reach us but failing every time.

"Do you plan on, um … you know, staying with Sam and the guys, for good?"

He didn't answer at first.

… never really was the type of person who stays in one place …

"Yeah," I said. "I kinda got that impression. Why is that?"

"Dunno. Sam says it's just a matter of finding something worth sticking around for, but I don't know. I've just always been hesitant to root myself anywhere, you know. But maybe he's right."

"Well, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but I do think of you as a bit restless. The way your thoughts wander sometimes. Which is strange, considering how calm and level-headed you are, like … you're at peace with yourself, but not the world around you."

He smiled and nudged me teasingly.

"Bella, the shrink."

… at peace with the myself, but not with the world …

I looked up at the solid, gray sky, and let go of a mouthful of air. I felt calm. Safe.

Jacob and I had been talking a lot lately, and I was starting to open up more and more with each day. Somehow I felt like I was coming closer to uncovering the darkness inside me; shedding a little more light on it with each word, and that maybe, hopefully not too long from now, I was going to hit on the core of all my issues. The thought scared the crap out of me, but the realization that Jacob would be by my side when it happened made it slightly less terrifying.

Honestly, I was beginning to really, really like him.

… something worth staying for …

"I wish people could read my mind," I said. "It's like, I'm inside every one else's mind, as well as my own, and it makes my head feel so crowded. Sometimes, it's hard to even tell apart which thoughts are mine and which ones aren't. I wish people could see what it's like in there, you know. It's so messed up."

"I guess 'gifts' aren't always pleasant. Not that I really know anything about it."

"So, you don't then? Have any special abilities at all, I mean?"

"Well," Jacob answered, shifting his weight, moving a couple of inches closer, "not like you, anyway. Though I do seem to have a certain effect on people. I don't know how many times people have told me that they feel happy in my company, even if I'm in a really bad mood myself. I guess it's sort of like the ability your brother has, only it's limited to a single emotion."

"At least it's a good one."

He smiled, and his knuckles brushed briefly against my lower arm.

"Yeah. And I don't really mind putting a smile on your face."

As we began our slow walk home, I thought about having to return to school once my suspension was over. I really didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay like this, free to spend my time the way I wanted; being able to do whatever and go where ever I felt like, whenever I felt like it. I was way too old for school, and I'd gone through it all so many times before.

But, at the same time, I didn't want to let Carlisle down any more than I already had. I wanted to show him that I could do it, and that I was capable of being normal. And I didn't want the people of Forks so start talking, or to draw any unnecessary attention to my family. But the thought of facing that place again, and the people in it, made me want to tear my hair from it's roots.

I was so tired of humans.

"Sometimes I wonder if we're just naive to think that we belong at such a close distance to humans. Like, what if the Volturi are onto something. It certainly would make things a lot simpler to live away from people."

"Sure, but just because it's simpler, doesn't make it the right choice."

"Jacob, the wise man," I said, nudging him.

"Is it school you're thinking about?" he asked.

"Mm."

"You'll be fine. And if you ever feel bored out of your brains, just give me a call and I'll come hang out during your breaks."

"Well, gosh, sir. How awfully kind of you bestow such an honor upon a mere immortal like me."

He laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.