My day has been less than pleasing so far.
The entire morning has consisted of Madison crying about Jade, Madison talking about Jade, Madison telling me all the things she should do for Jade, more crying, and more talking...
Ugh!
"I really need to just go and see her." Madison tells me as we sit on the couch watching T.V.
As you can see, since Madison and Jade broke up my entire life has consisted of this 'should I or should I' not mantra. Frankly, I'm over it.
Don't get me wrong, I love Madison to death but I think it's about time she got over Jade. I mean, if she hasn't forgiven her by now I don't think she will.
"Madison, for the last time, you should just leave her alone." I tell my friend who sighs. She knows I'm right but she wants to keep this crazy idea in her head that things are gonna change somehow when they're just...not.
"Why'd I have to go and fuck Katie." Madison says and shakes her head. I keep asking that too. My phone rings and I grab it off the table to see who's calling.
Yay!
It's Ashley!
I slide to accept. "Hey Ash." I answer.
"Hey baby." She replies and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. "What you up to?" She asks.
"Just watching T.V with Madison." I tell her and turn to look at Madison who's sulking. I roll my eyes and ask my girlfriend, "What are you are you doing?"
"Laying in bed, thinking about you?" She says in a low voice and I immediately get turned on. I know she did that on purpose.
"Baaaaby." I whine and I can tell she's trying not to laugh. How cruel is she? "No fair. You're an ass." I tell her and she giggles a little.
"You love it." She says. Can't deny it...
"That I do." I tell her in the sweetest voice ever. "So what are you really doing today?"
"I'm going to a party with Emily, Katie and her girlfriend." She tells me and my mood immediately goes from horny to heated. And not in the good way.
"Girlfriend?" I ask a bit confused. I didn't take Katie for the girlfriend type. I think then look over to Madison who has her eyes closed and head towards the ceiling.
"Newly acquired." Ashley tells me and I scoff inwardly. I wonder is she's gonna cheat on her since she was so willing to cheat with someone else who she knew had a girlfriend.
"Oh." Is all say.
"Yeah." She says and the line grows quiet. I guess she could feel my mood change. I'm kinda over this conversation now. It seems like everything always turns to a conversation about Katie or Emily.
"I'm gonna go see her." Madison shoots up from the couch and says suddenly. Before I can say anything or grab her, she's already out the door.
Shit!
"Baby I'm gonna call you back." I tell her, grabbing my keys and bag off the couch.
"K, I love you." She says.
"I love you too." I tell her and hang up quickly, chasing after my friend. "Madison wait!" I yell after her as she gets in her car. Ugh! I'm not in the mood for this today. I run after her and practically dive in front of her car to keep her from leaving. I thank the heavens for whoever created brakes that can stop on the drop of a dime.
"What the hell are you doing?" She asks, rolling down her window.
"What you want me to do, you just don't know it yet." I tell her with a half-smile. She's not amused.
"Move Spencer." She says seriously and I walk around to the driver's side of the car.
"Madison what are you doing? Why are you torturing yourself with this?" I ask and she drops her head.
"I love her. I'm miserable Spence and I will never forgive myself for what I did but I'll also never forgive myself if I don't do everything humanly possible to win her back." She tells me and this time I'm the one who sighs.
I get what she's saying. I know that if it was me I'd do everything I can to get Ashley back. Hell, even Ashley went out of her way to do something totally amazing for me because I was just upset at her over something she had no control over.
"Fine." I sigh out. "Move over, I'm driving though." I tell her and she complies quickly.
It takes me less than 15 minutes to get to Jade's house and I can tell that Madison has grown even more nervous.
"Just tell her how you feel." I tell Madison as I put the car in park. She lets out a puff of air then looks at me intently. I give her a reassuring smile before she gets out the car and walks up to Jades front door. She rings the door bell and waits, wiping her clammy hands on her pants and I can tell she's repeating something over and over—probably to calm herself down.
Jade's little sister opens the door and let's Madison in. I guess she wouldn't know that Jade doesn't wanna see Madison. I watch as my friend enters the house and hope everything goes well for her.
La.. la.. la..
What to do?
What to do?
"Could there be a possibility." I sing along as I turn up the radio. "..I'm trying to say what's up. Cause I'm made for you, and you for me. Baby now its time for us. Tryna keep it all together. But enough is enough. They say we're too young for love" Justin Bieber finishes the rest of the chorus cause that first part is all I know. "But I'm catching feelings.." I sing along again.
OK, so am I suppose to wait for Madison or... cause I'm already bored as shit.
Would I be a bad friend if I left?
"Doo-do-doo-doo-do-do-d.o-do-do-do-doo... Catching feelings.." Me and Justin Bieber sing at the same time.
We are harmonizing and shit.
Let me stop.
I grab my phone and texted my friend Taylor. She lives around here. Maybe I can hang out there for a while.
"In my head we're already together. I'm good alone but with you I'm better. I just wanna see you smile. You say the word and I'll be right there. I ain't never going nowhere.." I lied I'm still singing.
How cute is this fucking song though?
I felt my phone vibrate in my hand I flip it over and see it's from Madison.
She says that I can leave without her.
Aw, that's why she's my best friend... she cares.
I text her back saying good luck.
I don't even wait for Taylor to text me back I just drive to her house.
–
"Oh Hi friend. Nice of you to let me know you're stopping by." Taylor says after opening her door wearing her bathing suit.
"Uh, I texted you." I say walking right in the house. "Gabby you better be dressed!" I announce into the room.
"Spence wait!"
I turn around at my panicking friend rising my eyebrows as a silent question.
"Don't go out there give me a minute." my friend says rushing to the back yard.
"Oh hey Spence." Gabby says as she ties her bikini bottom, as she walks into the kitchen.
"Kids and their sex." I say shaking my head and head to the refrigerator to get a Vitamin Water.
"So what's up?" I say sitting on top of the counter opening my drink
"Nothing just having sex all day." Gabby says putting her hair up.
"Babe!"
Gabby rolls her eyes at her girlfriend.
"Fun. I miss sex." I sigh into my drink.
"How are things with you and Ash?" My friend asks cuddling up to her girlfriend.
Couples make me sick.
Phooey!
"We're good. I fucking miss her though. Sad face."
"Hey summer's around the corner.." Taylor says.
"Bitch, that's forever from now! I want my girl nooooow!"
"Thanksgiving break is coming up soon you brat. Did you forget?"
"Oh my God! Yes!"
"You wanna tan? You're looking kinda pale..." Taylor says in disgust and then both her and her girlfriend laugh at me.
"Bitches!" I say pretending I'm offended. "Let me get my suit its in the car."
–
"I hate tanning." I say after laying still for five minutes maybe even less than that.
"You are sucha child." Taylor says with her eyes closed. I get up from my spot on the lounge chair and run and jump in to the pool, making sure to splash Taylor.
"Aahh!" she screams.
I laugh and swim towards them.
"Where's Madison?" Gabby asks after laughing at her girlfriend.
"I dropped her off at Jade's.." I say letting the sentence die out.
"Ohhh." Gabby says and Taylor nods her head in understanding.
"I hope they work it out. I don't like it when mom and dad are fighting." Taylor says seriously, getting a look from Gabby.
"Baby, Madison cheated on her. I'm surprised Jade's even trying to hear her out right now."
The couple go back and forth and I dip my head in water.
I really don't wanna hear anymore Jade and Madison talk.
I resurface catching my breath. "Remember when we used to play who can hold their breath the longest?" I ask my two friends stopping their discussion about Jade and Madison. "That was fun."
"You are so random. I'm hungry."
"And I'm random?" I ask Taylor.
"Yeah." She says with a shrug. "What do you guys wanna eat? Frankie's on her way we can have her get us something."
"Frankie's coming?"
"That's what I said right?" my sarcastic friend turns and asks her girlfriend.
"Yeah, I do believe you said that baby. And I'll take a Baconator."
"Ugh! I hate you guys." Dunking my head back in the water. When I come up for air both my friends are giving me questioning looks. "I want a frosty... What?"
"You two looked mighty..." Taylor started off.
"..cozy at the party." Gabby finished her girlfriends sentence.
They both laugh like hyenas and high-five each other.
"You guys are such lames." I say laughing at my friends. "You two should take that act on the road really." I continue getting out of the pool.
They always tease me about Frankie and they just find it hilarious.
I dry myself off ignoring my friends. Well, no I did roll my eyes.
Frankie will flirt with a pole if it had a pussy.
"Speaking of.." Taylor gets up when the doorbell rings.
That was fast.
"I miss Ashley." I say laying back down on the pool chair and closing my eyes.
We use to all go swimming everyday after school.
Those were the good ol days.
I heard Frankie say hi to Gabby and heard her walking towards me.
Don't you guys hate the feeling of being unwantedly eye-fucked?
It's so uncomfortable.
Violating even.
"Hey." I greet her as I stand up to grab my shirt.
We hug and I felt her hands travel down my back
"You think you're slick." I push her away laughing. I pick up my shirt and put it on immediately. "I don't see you tryna cop feels on Gabby."
"No actually I did. She just didn't mind." She says winking at Gabby who laughs it off and continues to eat her food.
"You're so disrespectful." laughing it off and took the frosty she was handing me.
Of course she shrugs it off and sits next to me.
"How are things with you and you're girl? Where is she again?" She asks as if she's really interested in my answer.
"We're great. She's in South Carolina." I tell Frankie who smiles. Sigh. I miss Ashley.
"That's cool. Tell her I said hi." She says and takes a bite out of her burger.
"You're an ass you know." I tell her with a smile and eat some frosty.
"What?" She asks with a mouth full of food.
Ew.
"You hate Ashley." I point out.
"Nah." She shakes her head and swallows. "She hates me."
Ashley does strongly dislike Frankie. But when you really think about it, Frankie is really harmless.
"Right..." I say dragging out the word and getting up.
"Where you going Carlin?" Frankie ask, standing up too.
"Down Frankie." I tell her and point my finger to her lawn chair. "I'm just going to the bathroom." I tell her and laugh a little.
"Oh." Is all she says. I guess she feels silly.
"She totally likes you." Taylor says to me as I pass her in the kitchen on my way to the bathroom.
"Who Frankie?" I ask, thumbing a finger in Frankie's direction.
"Yup." Taylor nods and smiles.
"Ha!"I laugh out. "Nah." I shake my head and put my frosty on the counter. "She's just being Frankie." I assure my friend.
"Right." Taylor says.
And that's my cue to leave.
"I just remembered I need to leave." I tell Taylor who just smiles.
"Get outta here bitch." She says with a smile and hugs me. "Tell Ashley I said hey." She adds. I smile and nod before leaving. I could hear Frankie calling my name as I made my way out the front door.
I laugh a little as I get in the car and head home.
–
"How'd you get here?" I ask Madison who's sitting on my couch.
"Jade dropped me off." She says in a low voice and gets up from the couch.
"How did it go?" I ask apprehensively. I mean, if Jade dropped her off it couldn't have gone too bad right? She shrugs and walks up the steps. "That bad huh?" I ask, following her up the steps. When we get to my room she takes a seat on y bed. "You wanna talk about it or no?" I ask disquieted. Madison shrugs again. "It's cool." I tell her as I sit down next to her on the bed. "Just tell me when you're ready."
"She's um... we're gonna work on it." Madison tells me after a few moments. Work on it? That's great.
So why isn't Madison more happy about it?
"But?" I question.
"I really hurt her Spence." Madison turns and says to me.
"Tell me exactly what happened."
Madison's POV
I'm nervous... like really fucking nervous about talking to Jade. I mean, I wanna make shit right with her cause I love her. But fuck am I nervous.
"Just tell her how you feel." Spencer looks at me and says as she puts the car in park. I guess she can feel the nerves flowing off me. I let out the breath I was holding and look at her. She gives me a smile that tells me everything is gonna be okay. But I know it probably won't. If anything, this visit is to tell Jade goodbye. I get out of the car and walk up to the front door. Now I'm fucking nervous as hell. I wipe my clammy hands on my jeans and ring the doorbell.
"Oh hey Madison." Jessie, Jade's six-year-old little sister greets me at the door with a smile.
"Hey Jessie, is Jade home?" I ask, knowing that she is. Her car is in the driveway.
"Mhm." Jessie smiles and opens the door wider for me to go inside. "She's in her room." She adds before running off back into the living room to watch T.V. I shut the door behind me and go up the stairs to Jades room.
You can do this Madison.
You can do this.
You can do this.
I keep repeating to myself in my head.
Why'd I have to go and fuck that girl! I mean, yes I was drunk and really horny but that's not even half an excuse.
I fucked it all up and I guess deep down I expected Jade to react differently when she found out.
Stupid me.
I reach Jade's door and knock. She says come in without asking who is it and I thank all that is holy for that.
"Hi." I say quietly as I enter her room and shut the door behind me. She's laying on the bed with her back to the door writing something. But as soon as she hears my voice she shoots up from the bed and is facing me.
"What the hell are you doing here?" She asks harshly and I cringe at her tone.
"I needed to talk to you." I tell her honestly.
"Get the fuck out, Madison." She says coldly and I can't say that I blame her.
"Jade please. All I'm asking is for a minute of your time." I tell her and she rolls her eyes.
"Why in the hell would I listen to anything you have to say?" She snaps and I don't have an answer. She shouldn't... I fucked up and I know I should just be giving her some space, but I can't. Every single thought I have is about her. She consumes every part of me and I can't be done with this until she at least listens to what I have to say.
"Please." I beg. It's a weak plea... undeserving of an ear but she looks down at her watch and says,
"Sixty seconds." Suddenly my throat is dry and everything I wanted to say goes out of my head. "Fifty seconds." She reminds me and I rack my brain for something to say. "You came here to stare at me or say something?" She asks sarcastically and my brain finally decides to work again.
"Jade, I know that I fucked up there's not one doubt in my mind that I did one of the most unforgivable things I could have ever done and I'm so sorry that I hurt you. But I love you more than I could..." I trail off as I feel the tears starting to build. I wipe my face and continue as she stares down at her watch. "I love you more than words can express and all I'm asking is for a second chance. I just... it doesn't even have to be in the way that we were. We could start over as friends." I tell her and she continues to just stare at her watch, not once looking at me. "Will you just look at me?" I say a little louder than intended. She ignores me and continues to look down at her watch.
"Ten, nine, eight..." She starts to countdown. But I'm not done talking. I move closer to her and pull her face up to me.
"Stop it." I say sternly and she clenches her jaw like she wants to hit me.
"Get your hands off me." She says through gritted teeth.
"Just stop counting down please." I try again.
"Move." She says pushing me back.
"Jade." I say trying to grab her hand.
"Don't touch me." She snatches away again.
"I'm not lea-"
"What do you want from me?" She cuts me off. I can tell she's about to cry. I hate seeing her cry.
"I wanna go back to the way we were." I tell her as the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes finally do.
"There is no we." She shakes her head. Now crying too.
"Baby." I start.
"You don't get to call me that." She yells. I didn't mean to call her that, it's just a force of habit. "You don't get to come in here and play the victim. You're the one that decided we weren't enough. That you didn't love me enough to stay faithful to me. So don't act like any of this is my fault." She says fully crying now. I can help but want to console her. I move forward again and on reflex she moves back, shaking her head.
"I was drunk." I start and she laughs a sarcastic laugh through her sobs. "And I know that's no excuse, but I was drunk and stupid and I fucked up. I know that. But this is killing me. It's killing me and I don't know what else to do. You're everywhere. In my dreams, my thoughts, at school, I see you everywhere. I couldn't leave you alone even if I tried." I tell her through a sob. I just wish I could hold her.
"You should leave." She tells me with her arms wrapped around her body practically in the corner of her bedroom to be as far away from me as possible.
"I can't." I shake my head.
"Please." She begs me. But I really can't go. I can't leave until something is resolved. She needs to either tell me to never speak to her again or to tell me she still loves me and that we can work this out somehow.
"Tell me that you don't love me." I say and move closer to her. Luckily she's already backed in the corner so she has no where else to go. "Tell me you don't love me and that you never wanna see me again and I'll go." I tell her and she just looks down at the ground. I reach her and lift her head. "Tell me." I say again, staring straight into her eyes. She stares at me intently but doesn't say anything. "Tell me and I'm gone forever Jade." I repeat but again she says nothing. I go to put my arms around her but she pushes me back. I try again and she hits me on the chest. Then she just keeps hitting me. I finally am able to wrap my arms around her. She stops hitting me and just cries in my arms. We must've stood there like that for at least five minutes before she finally spoke.
"I hate you for hurting me." She says sniffing.
"I know." Is my reply.
"I'm not just gonna get back with you."
"I know." I say again.
"You suck." She says then laughs a little.
"I know." I say and nod. I pull back and look at her. " I love you." I tell her and she looks down. I lift her head. "It's okay. You don't have to say it back. I just wanted to tell you." I say and she nods. I know it's gonna take some time for her to get over this, but I'm willing to wait.
As long as it takes.
–
"Wow." I breathe out as Madison finishes.
"Yeah." Madison nods and gets up from my bed. "I'm gonna head home and shower and shit. I feel like I've been over here way too long." She says then lets out a pointed laugh. I give her a confused look. "I'm gonna go." She says again before leaving.
Finally!
I think I may just get my friend back.
Now only if I could get my girlfriend here for Thanksgiving break this would be a bad day turned amazing!