Here it is, chapter 4, since I left you with a big cliff hanger last time. Hopefully this will live up to the expectations! I also have to say quick again that you guys are amazing with the reviews you've been leaving, and everyone who's putting the story in their favorites or in alerts...you guys are great. Thank you!
I read it over before putting it up, but if I missed any mistakes, I'm sorry!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.
--------------------------------------
Chapter 4
I instantly froze. She couldn't be talking about that. She couldn't even know about that. There's no way. Then I remembered that I had decided a minute ago that it would probably be best if I told him. I began to panic.
This can't be happening. I had only decided it may be best to tell him, I was still trying to decide if I should change my mind and not tell him. She couldn't know about this. I can't have her know. She would tell Edward, whether I wanted her to or not. Or even if she didn't tell him, he would see the vision in her thoughts. This can not be happening.
"What are you talking about?" I decided to play dumb.
I couldn't tell Edward. There's no way. I can't handle him leaving me again, even if he does deserve someone better than the filthy disgusting mess I now am. I can't tell him, and I won't. Now I just need to keep Alice from telling him - somehow.
"You know what I'm talking about, Bella," she told me with a stern and determined look on her face. "And I know you just decided not to tell him while you were zoned out and panicking a second ago, but you have to. You have to tell him for your sake, and for his," she told me softly. "I can see that if you don't tell him, it will drive him crazy knowing that you're keeping something from him. It will only hurt you both by you keeping it a secret. It will begin to drive a wedge between the two of you."
I refused to listen. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to know how much I would be hurting Edward. I already knew I was hurting him, and I hated myself for it.
I flung the passenger side door open, quickly getting out and slamming the door. I made a run for the front door of the house, despite the protest from my aching body. I was just about to go through the door when Alice whizzed by me at vampire speed and blocked my path.
"Let me go in," I told her, tears again springing to my eyes. I was too overwhelmed by everything going on. By what had happened, and especially by Alice now knowing my secret and the possibility of Edward finding out now whether I wanted him to or not.
"Not until you agree to tell him, Bella," she countered.
I didn't need this. I couldn't handle this. Not when she was saying this where the rest of the family would hear everything with their sensitive vampire hearing. Then they would all know, and then Edward would for sure find out. Then it would be impossible not to tell him. Then he would leave, then they would all leave, and I would be alone again. I wouldn't be able to survive that again.
"Please, Alice, just let me go up to Edward's room," I pleaded.
"No," she said, crossing her arms over her tiny frame to show she meant business and planned to get her way.
"Alice, don't be rude," Esme chided her as she came around the corner to stand in the doorway. "Of course you can go on up to Edward's room, dear," she said to me with a warm smile.
"Thank you," I mumbled with a tiny genuine smile as she moved Alice aside to let me by.
I got up to Edward's room and began cursing myself for not thinking of this. For not thinking that as soon as I even thought about telling Edward, Alice would see, and she would find out what happened. I hadn't thought about that. And now I didn't know what to do.
I curled up in a ball on the bed Edward had put in his room for me, inhaling his scent that lingered on the pillows, letting the tears yet again flow freely.
Alice's words came back to haunt me as I lay there, contemplating my options. If I didn't tell him, it would drive a wedge between us. I would hurt him, and I would hurt us, our relationship, and then he may leave me anyway. But if I did tell him...I would still end up hurting him, and there's no way he would still want me. Then he would leave me for sure. Either way I would hurt him and I could lose him, and I wasn't sure I could handle that possibility, but either option I chose could or would lead to that happening.
The thought of that made me cry even harder, but I was startled out of my thoughts as I jumped a foot in the air when there was a knock on Edward's bedroom door.
I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and sat up, and in a shaky voice said, "come in".
"Alice," I groaned as the door opened and she gracefully walked in.
"Bella," she said in a softer, more gentle voice as I threw myself back against the bed, only to be punished for the movement by the pain that followed from my battered body.
"Go away, please, Alice," I asked, even though I knew it wouldn't work. Alice always got what she wanted.
"I'm not going anywhere. But you need to start talking," she said as she came to sit down on the bed next to me.
I sat up and curled my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs to pull them closer to me in hopes of avoiding any physical contact. I didn't want to be touched.
"I don't want to talk," I mumbled, my eyes downcast to look at my knees.
"It helps to talk," she told me.
"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk." I told her, every word very deliberate and separate with added emphasis.
"Bella, you were r--" she began, but I quickly cut her off. As soon as she said the word out loud, it would all become even more real. And even worse, then everyone else in the Cullen home would overhear and find out about it, and find out how disgusting I really am.
"No," I told her. "Do not say it. I said I don't want to talk about it," I told her again, my voice an octave higher as slight panic was setting in again. I knew she wouldn't let this go.
"Jasper," she called softly.
I instantly felt a wave of calm wash over me. I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be angry that this happened, I wanted to be angry at Jacob for doing this to me, I wanted to be angry at Alice for knowing...and mostly, I wanted to be angry at myself for hurting Edward no matter which option I chose.
"Don't sic Jasper on me to control my emotions, that's not fair!" I protested while glaring at her.
"I'm just trying to look out for you and Edward," she said in a small voice, her eyes now locking on mine. "I seen that if you don't tell him, it will cause problems between the two of you. You don't want that, do you, Bella?"
"No," I responded, a single traitorous tear escaping my eye.
"Then tell him," she told me as she placed her hand over top of one of mine, which were still clasping my legs.
"I can't," I mumbled. "I can't lose him, Alice." I instantly shut up, realizing I shouldn't have said that.
"Bella, you won't lose him," she told me in such a sure voice, I wanted to believe her. But I also knew that she could only see the future based on the decisions people make. And she wouldn't know if Edward would leave me or not, not until he actually made the decision. So as much as I wanted to believe her, I couldn't.
"You don't know that, Alice," I told her grimly.
"Yes, I do," she told me in that same sure voice, her head giving a slight nod causing her spiky hair to bounce.
"You haven't see that," I reminded her.
"I may not have seen it, but I do know my brother. He won't leave you, Bella. If anything, he won't leave your side after he finds out," she tried to comfort me. As much as I wanted to believe what she was saying, I couldn't. What she was saying wasn't a fact, it was an opinion.
"I want to be alone right now, please, Alice," I told her as I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled my legs even tighter to my chest. I just wanted to end this conversation, to stop this from happening. I wanted to erase yesterday and today from even happening. I wanted none of this to be true, for none of this to be real.
I didn't exactly want to be alone, but the person I wanted with me was Edward and he's still hunting. And right now I couldn't handle this conversation with Alice. I needed to end this conversation, and I knew that I was in a house full of vampires who would hear everything going on around them. If anyone were to come near the house, they would know. More specifically, if Jacob were to come anywhere near the house, they would definitely hear him and smell him. So I knew I was still safe there, even if I stayed in Edward's room by myself right now, since the Cullens would still be in the house with me and will keep me safe.
"Tell him, Bella. He deserves to know. You owe it to him and yourself to tell him. Its what's best...for both of you," she tried one last time to convince me before getting up and heading towards the door. She must have realized I wasn't going to give in and talk about it. "I'll come back in and check on you in a bit. If you need me, just call for me," she said with a small caring smile, her normal excitement and exuberance all but gone due to the seriousness of this situation.
As soon as she walked out of the room, I felt a sudden intense wave of calmness come over me, making my eyelids droop, my tiredness due to my lack of sleep last night not helping, either. I instantly knew it was Jasper's doing, probably thanks to Alice.
I fought to keep my eyes open. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to dream. I needed to stay awake. But it was no use. Within seconds, my eyes shut and I was left alone with my dreams, courtesy of Jasper.
-------------------------
I soon awoke to the sound of howling. At first I thought I had dreamt it, but as soon as my eyes opened, I heard it again. I wasn't dreaming.
Sheer terror washed through me. Jacob was near by. He was here. He was coming for me.
-------------------------------------------------
Yep, again you may want to kick me for leaving you with another cliff hanger. She hears howling nearby outside the Cullen's home..and I'm sure you can figure out what howling means. So...in the next chapter, you'll find out about the howling, and see how Bella reacts and what happens from there. You'll also see a bit more interaction with some of the Cullens. Plus, Edward will be back in the next chapter.
And...I just have to say quick...we all know Alice always gets what she wants. So that's why she was being a little more tough at the beginning of the chapter, and just because it's an important and serious subject and she wants Bella to do the right thing - the best thing for herself and for Edward, too. Anyways, we all know Alice is just trying to help, even if she has Jasper to help her in doing so.
Okay, so, what did you think? Worth the wait, and meet your expectations? I hope it did. Anyways, please review and let me know what you thought, and to let me know you're all still interested in this story!
