"Oh…no…"
The little boy groaned miserably as he finally came to terms with the rather unpleasant truth. He was lost, no doubt about it, and all his wandering around the expansive mall didn't seem to be doing him one bit of good. With a sigh, Mac nevertheless continued on, searching around in vain for the lanky redheaded woman he had accidentally gotten separated from.
Casting his gaze about everywhere, Mac prayed desperately he'd spot a red ponytail sticking up out of the crowds, a flash of an emerald sweater, or any sign that Frankie was somewhere nearby. Alas, no such luck. But what exactly could he do? Well, logic dictated that lost children would fare best by heading towards the information booth. Mac had long since ruled out that particular option, however; no, not after a memorable fiasco that had occurred not too long ago when a quick trip to buy streamers had gotten a tad out of hand. There was absolutely no need to get mall security involved here. Chances were that Frankie was probably worried sick already, and so the last thing he wanted to do was to was either embarrass her half to death by having security call her name over the speaker system, or cause some other kind of mess-
"Hey, kid! Hey!"
Before Mac knew it, a pair of security guards clad in matching royal blue uniforms suddenly appeared from clear out of nowhere, much to the child's surprise. As the little boy froze in dismay, one of the guards, a slightly portly woman, quickly planted on a disarming smile.
"Oh, don't be scared! It's okay!" she quickly assured as her partner, a skinny goateed man, got down upon one knee.
"You're looking kinda lost there, little guy." He said gently with a warm smile. "What's wrong? Can't find your parents?"
"I…I-I…." Mac stammered a little while silently cursing his foul luck. Desperately wanting them to simply let him be, the boy finally tried to reply lamely, "Uh….no, I….I'm fine, I'm just….um….waiting for….I'm waiting for her here….y-yeah, I'm waiting for my-"
"No need to be frightened." The female guard just interrupted with a chuckle. "It's al right, you don't need to be frightened of us. We help little ones like you find their mommies and daddies all the time."
"But-" Mac tried to speak up, to no avail as she took him by the hand.
"Don't worry, it's going to be all-"
"Mac?" a familiar voice suddenly cried out in surprise. Immediately, both the child and the assembled mall security glanced up at the young woman sporting a head full of long, curly black locks standing only a few feet away, with shopping bags in hand. In a flash, Mac recognized his guardian's best friend, and promptly let out a gasp of relief as Kathy instinctively hurried over, looking as concerned as could be.
"Kiddo, what are you doing here?" she demanded worriedly. "What happened? Where's Fr-"
"Um…excuse me." The goateed guard demanded in puzzlement as he quickly stepped in between young woman and child. "Is this boy yours?"
"Wait, what?" Kathy replied confusedly. "Well, I-"
"I'm all right, it's just….see, I…well, I didn't mean to get lost!" Mac tried to answer her. "It's just that while in Sears, I-"
"That's what happened?" Kathy asked, looking a bit relieved. "Well, that's not too bad, but still…I mean, yikes, how long have you been wandering around? C'mere, I can call F-"
Before she could reach out to take the child by the hand, the female guard inquired with an impatient scowl, "Hey didn't you hear us? We asked you, is this child yours?"
"Yeah, yeah, sure." The young woman replied distractedly as she gathered the little one to her side. She of all people knew quite well how frantic her friend probably was at that very moment, and thus all Kathy really had her mind set on was reuniting a certain redhead with her charge as quickly as possible. "Yeah, he's with me, don't worry. I-"
"Mac? MAC!" a shout of unfathomable relief rang through the air like a tolling bell. Suddenly, there was a blur of emerald and scarlet, and before Mac knew it a pair of green-sleeved arms had swept him up onto his feet and into a tight hug.
"There you are!" Frances "Frankie" Foster, looking quite haggard from the panic-attack she had just suffered, exclaimed gratefully as she squeezed the little one tight. "Holy moly, pal, where were you? I feel like I've checked every store twice, and-"
"I'm sorry!" Mac immediately apologized with a guilty grimace. "I'm sorry, Frankie, honest! I didn't mean to! It's just that while we were in Sears, and we tried to cut through that big crowd by the cashier, and I-"
Without warning, the reunion was brought to a swift end as one of the very befuddled guards suddenly barked, "Hey!"
"What?" Frankie, having just suffered one of a parent's worst nightmares, replied snappily. However, as soon as she saw just who she mouthed off to, instinctively she cringed with a hoarse whimper. "Ackpth! Sorry! I didn't mean to-"
"Never mind that, all right? Look, just tell me this." The portly female asked with a suspicious glower. "Just who are you?"
"What, me?" the already frazzled young woman answered. "I'm…uh…I'm Mac's-"
"Who, the kid?" the male guard demanded. "You're with him?"
"Yeah," Frankie answered with a nod, hoping once she had affirmed this, then that would be that, and thus they'd all be able to go their own way.
To her alarm, they didn't look they believed her. In fact, they only continued to shower her with wary looks as the same guard replied, "That's funny….because she just told us the kid was with her."
"Huh?" the redhead grunted in bafflement, not aware yet that Kathy was standing no less that five feet away. "Who? Wait, wait, who? Who said that Mac is-"
"What?" Kathy exclaimed in surprise once realization set in. "Augh! Wait! No, wait! Nuh-uh! Look, that's not what I meant when I said that-"
"Kathy?" Frankie let loose with a startled yelp, and her entire body jerked in shock once she turned her head and realized her friend was practically standing right beside her. "Kathy, what's-mmph!"
The other young woman clapped a hand to the redhead's mouth as she hastily threw herself into the struggle to avert a potentially nasty misunderstanding. "You have to understand me, guys; when I said that, I didn't mean like I'm his family or something, I'm just-"
"Wait…." the portly female guard interrupted as she scratched her head. "So….you're saying this lady here is the boy's mother?"
"Right!" Frankie pulled her mouth free and instinctively agreed before she actually understood the statement that she had just confirmed. "No, wait! No, no, no! I don't mean it like that, I-"
"But aren't you a little young to have a kid that old already?" the goateed guard questioned as he shot her a very odd look.
"No, it's not like that!" Mac groaned in despair.
"Uh-huh!" Frankie chimed in as she put the little boy down. "See, we are family, but….well, not like in….look, thing is, we're not exactly related, but….okay, we're not related at all, but-"
"Not related?" the female guard repeated curiously. "What the? So how in the world-"
"No, no, it's like this!" it was Kathy's turn to try and explain. "There're not related, but…okay, look, we're gonna be here forever if I start from the beginning, but it's like this, Frankie adopted Mac, so they are family."
"Yeah, yeah that's right!" Frankie affirmed as she nodded so furiously her ponytail became a crimson blur. "I'm his guardian!"
For a few moments, the trio received nothing but a pair of stares, as if they were completely out of their minds.
"Wait, so….you're saying that…how old are you, exactly?"
"Uh….twenty-three…" Frankie answered with a nervous gulp once it became clear that they weren't out of the woods yet by any means. "And….and Mac's nine, and-"
The female security guard cocked an eyebrow. "So….you're really saying that you, a girl that young, volunteered to adopt a kid that old? And now you're his parent?"
When it was put like that, as much as Frankie hated to admit it, it all sounded like nothing more than a pile of cockamamie phony-baloney.
"Uh…big sister…er….guardian…." she answered. "But…well, yeah basically I'm-"
"So can you prove this?"
"What do you mean, can she prove this?" Kathy demanded.
"Yeah, of course I can!" Frankie brightened up excitedly. "I have the paperwork and everything! All the official-"
"And just where are these papers?" one of the guards interrupted. In a heartbeat, the hopeful smile vanished clean from the redhead's face.
"Uh….back home…." She whimpered, fully aware just how much it sounded like nothing more than a clichéd excuse.
The mall personnel gawked curiously at her for a few moments, passed one another a glance, and then without further ado the male guard suddenly reached forward and grabbed the redhead by the wrist.
"Hey!" Frankie yelped. "Hey, what're you doing?"
"Come with us, ma'am." He just demanded flatly, to her alarm.
"No, no wait! It's true, it's true! I swear, all of it is true! I know it sounds weird, but... look, sometimes I carry a photocopy of his adoption form on me, just lemme check my....uh....okay, I know it's here in my purse somewhere, I just-""
"So you really are responsible for the kid you 'adopted'? Even though she said he's with her?" the portly woman said dismissively as she grabbed Kathy by the sleeve of her coat and took Mac's hand.
"Yes! I mean, no! I mean….I-I mean…." Frankie stammered, hopelessly flustered beyond compare at this point.
"Yes, yes!" Kathy, too eager to avoid a fiasco, blurted out before her brain could process what she was saying.
"Yeah, now that's a rich one." Growled the guard. "C'mon, knock it off with the funny business. It's time we figure out just what in the world you two are up to here."
"But….b-but…" Kathy babbled as her mind raced furiously. Lord only knew what kind of ordeal they were about to go through, and chances are that whatever it was, it was going to be a while until this whole mess was all finally sorted out.
A moment later though, a plan suddenly surfaced in her mind. At first, she grimaced at the idea. However, she had to admit, it was worth a shot, seeing how they were having such difficulty staying out of trouble by simply attempting to tell the peculiar truth. That, and she had to admit, she was feeling extraordinarily pressured to act fast before the situation could spiral out of hand any further. Without even making any attempt to come up with anything better, Kathy took a deep breath, then launched right into action.
"Hey, what're you doing?" snapped the female security guard as the young woman wriggled free and pulled Mac away with a few swift but clumsy maneuvers.
Boldly glaring back defiantly, Kathy proclaimed, "I'll only say this once more; it's true, every last word."
"No, no, part of it!" Frankie promptly disagreed as she true liberated herself with a furious yank. "Mac's mine, but Kathy's only my frie-"
"It's all right." Her friend interrupted as she patted Frankie's shoulder with a wink. "Don't worry, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We can tell them…."
At this point, Kathy had to really force herself to try and keep a straight face before trying to say in as a convincingly affectionate tone she could, "Honey."
"…..Uh…..say that again?" the totally dumbfounded redhead requested, not catching on right away.
"…So let me get this straight one more time; the kid she said that she adopted is also with you?" the chubby female guard summarized.
Using every ounce of acting talent she had at her disposal, Kathy tried to calmly herd Mac to Frankie's side, then without further ado she clasped onto one of the redhead's hands and squeezed tightly.
"Yes, he's with us." She proclaimed in "pride."
"K-Kathy?" Frankie whined as she cringed uncomfortably. "Kathy what are you d-"
Without any warning, Kathy turned her head, grimaced apologetically, and then promptly planted a kiss upon the caretaker's exposed cheek. In a flash, Frankie went as mute as a stone in dumb shock, while her emerald eyes promptly widened to the circumference of dinner plates.
"Huh?" Mac could only squeak as he descended into the furthest depths of absolute bewilderment.
"Don't worry, sweetie, just let mom take care of this." Kathy replied as she ruffled his hair, which of course did absolutely nothing to assuage his skyrocketing befuddlement.
Meanwhile, the pair of security personnel didn't know what to think at that point, if their expressions of total puzzlement were any sign whatsoever.
"So….uh…you mean to tell me that-" one of them tried to speak up.
Almost immediately, Kathy curled her lips into a fierce, offended scowl. "What? Are you saying that you have a problem with that?"
"Huh? No, it's just-" the portly female guard barely got out a few words before the young woman unleashed a brutal tongue-lashing as she launched into an Oscar-worthy performance.
"Yeah, right! Do you have any idea how sick and tired I am with dealing with your type? Huh? Do you? Here I am, trying to get some errands done with my family, but no, apparently, that's just too much to ask for, isn't it? So we get separated from our…uh…our son for a little bit…"
"Oh…for crying out loud…." Frankie, absolutely mortified that some people were attracted by her friend's "outrage", groaned in despair as her face went flush. Meanwhile, still just as mystified as ever, Mac just clung to one of her legs with a low whine.
"…And you two have to turn this into some kind of interrogation! Seriously, just what is wrong with you? Hmm?"
By this point, Kathy had successfully made short work of mall security, and with seconds both personnel were reeling with embarrassment.
"I…I'm so sorry…" the goateed guard sputtered out an apology as he gestured for Kathy to calm down. "We just….uh….we just thought that…I mean, it just sounded kinda odd at first, and….augh, no! No, I don't mean that, I…I-I…just didn't guess that…and the kid's so old already, and-"
"So what?" Kathy snapped, sending a man nearly a foot taller than her cringing uncontrollably under the tone of her voice. "Honestly, what now? So we should have someone younger, then? Is that what you're saying? That if it's not a baby, it doesn't deserve to be given a loving home? Huh? Tell them, Frankie!"
"Uh-" the redhead just grunted dumbly. However, after her friend urgently squeezed her hand several times, signaling her to join in so to add some more legitimacy to their story, Frankie finally tried to plant on a forced smile. "Uh…we…er…it was….uh….love at first sight when we first saw him at the orphanage?"
Unable to believe what she had just said, the caretaker's already blazing blush darkened noticeably, and she shot Mac a pleading look, as if silently begging the horrifically confused child to forgive her.
"That's right!" Kathy just continued, hopelessly caught up in the act. "My Frankie absolutely refused to return home without him. Now, he's our pride and joy, and if you people actually have the nerve to tell us otherwise, then you have another thing-"
"We're sorry, we're sorry!" the female guard blurted out. "Sorry! No, we didn't mean anything, it's just….uh….I…"
"It was just a big misunderstanding." Her partner explained. "Seriously, we're sorry, we…um…we just didn't know, and-"
"Well if you're really so sorry, then for God's sake, could you just let us get on with our day?" Kathy hissed.
Without another word, the pair of mall security each gave a silent apologetic nod before whirling around and hastily vacating the scene in a brisk pace. Likewise, the several bystanders that had amassed also took this as their cue to leave, and within moments, it was as if the fiasco never happened. Well, as long as one was willing to ignore the fact that Frankie looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment, while her charge remained perplexed beyond comprehension.
"What…what just happened?" Mac asked softly, with eyes bulging in bafflement. With a groan, Frankie just gather him back up into her arms and hugged him in an attempt to calm both the boy and herself.
Meanwhile, looking rather pleased with her spur-of-the-moment performance, Kathy sighed heavily in relief. "Whew! Glad that's over with! Yeesh, what a bunch of…ah, nevermind, it's over, it's all over, thankfully. That was a pretty close call though, huh? Now, why in the first place were they-oh! Oh, right! Almost forgot! What happened to you guys? You okay? Frankie, how'd you lose Mac? I mean, I had literally just walked out of American Apparel, and the little guy was right there, with-"
To say the least, Frankie wasn't exactly in the mood for chatting. However, what she was in the mood to discuss was the fact that despite her friend's results from her spur-of-the-moment performance, there probably were much, much better ways that they could've handled that particular situation. Most unfortunately for Kathy though, this was one of those moments where the redhead strongly felt that actions spoke more than mere words.
"OW!" Kathy yelped as in a flash, Frankie transferred Mac to one arm and socked her soundly in the shoulder.
As the young woman instinctively began rubbing her injured arm furiously, the redhead announced flatly, "We have got to talk about your problem-solving skills."
To avoid any dispute on the matter, Frankie placed Mac atop her shoulders, then snatched up Kathy's purchases before marching off straight into the direction of the food court, ferrying along both her charge and several shopping bags.
Seeing that it did little good protesting, Kathy followed along, muttering grumpily under her breath, "I think I want a divorce…."
The End