I had a few issues writing this chapter...hence it taking a bit longer. I kept writing it, but wasn't happy with how it turned out, so I kept going back and changing it. I think this version turned out the best, since I ended up crying while writing. Anyways, hopefully you guys will give me your opinion, and hopefully it lived up to your expectations. And thank you to everyone who alerted/reviewed last time...you guys are amazing, and I appreciate the support and that you take the time to review!

I did want to add in as a bonus...two songs that may help you get even more of a feel from where Bella's coming from/what she's feeling. Broken by Lifehouse I feel really fits in perfectly with how Bella's feeling about things since she's been raped, with how Edward's helping her and how she feels towards him and about herself. And Storm by Lifehouse I find fits in really well with how she feels about having to tell Edward about what happened...so that one's a great song for this chapter.

I also just wanted to say quick...I know my writing isn't perfect, but...I'm also only human. I know I have tense issues, and like I say with every chapter...I do read it over before I put it up, but...I don't always catch my own mistakes. I don't have a beta or anything, so like I said guys...if there are any mistakes, I apologize, but just try to bear with me, okay?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any characters.

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Chapter 10

I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep calming breath. I could already feel the anxiety beginning to sink in, along with the dread and fear of having to tell Edward.

Exhaling a shaky breath, I looked over into his butterscotch eyes, but I quickly looked away. If I had to tell him this, I couldn't look at him. Not while explaining what Jacob did to me. What Jacob took from me.

Without my consent, a single tear trailed down my cheek.

"Bella," Edward said softly, willing me to look at him. "You don't --"

"No, I'm okay," I told him, hoping to reassure him. I wanted to tell him and get this over and done with, but the idea of doing that also terrified me. What if Edward decided after he knew all of what happened that he couldn't be with me after all? I didn't know what would happen, or if I would be able to handle the fall out. But I also knew there wouldn't be a better time.

"I need to do this," I explained, wanting to do this before I lost the courage. "I just...don't know how to start."

Edward simply nodded in understanding, his eyes tense, and his mouth set in a grim line, preparing himself for whatever information I was about to give him.

"How about you start at the beginning," he encouraged, his expression never changing. "What happened after I dropped you off?"

I took a moment to collect myself, taking a deep breath before I finally spoke.

"We got to Jake's place, and he ended up falling asleep. So...I just watched TV until he woke up. Then when he woke up, he wanted us to go for -- for a walk -- outside, so the fresh air would help wake him up. He wasn't happy that he fell asleep, because he said he wanted to talk to me," I explained from the beginning, forcing myself to remember all the details. I took a deep breath and continued.

"You know what he wanted to tell me," I whispered, unable to look at Edward. "He -- he said he wanted to make it clear, so there wasn't any confusion. He said he -- he lov--" I couldn't finish the rest of that sentence. I remembered hearing his voice say those words to me as he forced himself into me. I shook violently at the memory, and clenched my eyes shut.

I felt Edward give my hand a squeeze, and I tried to steady my breathing.

"He said he wanted me to know my options. He told me to pick him instead of you. He even said he knew I didn't feel that way about him," I couldn't hold back the sob that escaped with those words.

Jacob knew I didn't feel that way. He knew I didn't want that. But he still did it. He still pushed himself on me, he still took my virginity, and now because of what he did, I'm just a broken mess. Now it only makes it more obvious that there's no way I could be good enough for Edward. The reality of that thought caused another sob to escape.

"Bella, you're safe now. I won't let him hurt you again," Edward vowed in an attempt to calm me, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the top of my hand.

"I tried to avoid it, I tried saying I had to go, but he grabbed me. He asked me if I wanted him to go away and to never see him again...and he was my best friend, so I said no, I didn't want that, but that just gave him the wrong idea. I tried explaining I wanted him around for different reasons; That he's like family. I loved him, but I wasn't in love with him, but he was still insisting that since I wanted him around...he would stay," I continued telling Edward, my emotions slightly more under control again. But at the thought of the next part of the story, my body tensed, and a few tears spilled past my lower lashes.

I looked at Edward before continuing, only to see he was sitting there, as still as stone, his face like perfect marble, like the most beautiful and pained statue I have ever seen. I quickly looked away, not able to stand see that much pain on his face, and knowing that it was all because of me.

"That's when he start -- started to try and touch me more. He had tried to touch my cheek, but I slapped his hand away and told him to behave. He said no, to take him as he is, or not at all. He said he -- he wasn't going to give up," I felt the tears stream down my face, knowing what was coming next. My body was still shaking, my emotions and nerves all over the place as I forced myself to remember the worst moment in my life.

"I told him I was in love with you, Edward. I told him you were my life," I sobbed, remembering Jacob's next words. I was hesitant to admit to Edward what Jacob had said, because I knew he wouldn't react well, but he wanted the whole story, and I was trying my best to tell him everything that happened, everything I remembered. "But he told me -- he told me I -- I loved him too, even if it was in a different way. He said that maybe once you were my whole life, but -- but then you...left, and now you have to deal with the consequences of that choice. Him. He's the consequence, Edward," I clarified, finally bringing my tear filled eyes up to meet his.

His eye were darker, harder, and his face was unreadable, aside from the occasional flash of pain within his eyes. I didn't like the look on his face, it was unsettling to see Edward look that way, and I wanted to erase that look from his face as quickly as possible.

"But I don't blame you, Edward. I don't. I know why you left. It's not your fault," I blurted through my tears, knowing where his train of thought was going. "It's not your fault that he did this to me."

"Bella, I --" he started, but I cut him off.

"No, it is not your fault, Edward," I said fiercely, despite the fear and sadness in my voice, and the tears that still fell.

I narrowed my eyes briefly at him, not wanting him to argue with me on this. It wasn't his fault. He needed to realize that, and I wasn't going to let him blame himself. Especially not for this.

I began shaking violently, knowing that the next words I would have to speak would be the ones describing Jacob -- describing what he did to me. I didn't know how to say it. I didn't know if I could. It was hard enough to tell Edward everything I already had. I never wanted to think about that day again, but I had made myself remember every detail, every word, and had told Edward all of the events leading up to what Jacob did.

"We can stop if you need to, love," Edward's soothing voice came from beside me, making me jump, his eyes staring at me intently, a look of worry and pain in his eyes now.

As much as I wanted to stop, as much as I never wanted to have to tell him this, I knew I couldn't stop now. If I had to tell him what happened, I had to tell him now, otherwise I don't think I ever would.

So ignoring Edward's words, I continued. "Jacob," I said, the name sending a shiver down my spine at still having to say it out loud, "grabbed my chin tight, so I couldn't look away; I couldn't move my face away. He told me he would be there fighting for me until my heart stops beating," I relayed Jacob's words, casting a nervous glance at Edward, who seemed to become perceptibly more rigid and tense at the mention of my change.

"I tried to pull away, especially since it was starting to hurt, but I couldn't," I felt more of the hot salty liquid fall from my eyes, my body still trembling as I clutched Edward's hand like a life line. "I told him that my heartbeats are numbered, but -- but that just made him want to fight even harder. He wasn't giving up, Edward," I whispered.

Edward continued to stay silent, allowing me to get through my story before I no longer could, and for that I was grateful. His soothing words couldn't help me now, not with this, not with reliving this. His words would probably only cause me to cry harder, because I would know that I didn't deserve his comfort, his sweetness after causing him so much trouble and pain.

His eyes, however, stayed fixed on me as I forced the next words from my mouth. "That -- that's when he kissed me. I tried. Edward, I tried to pull away, I did, but he was still hanging onto my chin," I whimpered as I tried to calm the powerful tremors running through me, but to no avail.

"He was so -- so angry, I could feel it in the kiss. He grabbed me by the back of the neck," I mumbled through tight lips, my body still convlusing of its own accord, despite my attempts to stop it, my breathing ragged. "But the more I tried to fight, or tried to get away, the angier he became. I just wanted him to stop, so I did the only other thing I could think of -- I just -- I just stopped, I shut down. I shouldn't have. I should have fought harder," I wailed, bringing my free hand to cover my face, realizing my own stupidity.

If only I had fought harder, maybe I could have gotten him to stop. If only I had tried harder, or just done something, anything, other than just shutting down, hoping he would stop...maybe this wouldn't have happened. But I didn't do any of those things. I didn't fight hard enough. And he didn't stop.

"But he wouldn't stop," I whimpered, my breath coming out in short gasps now, more panic setting in. "When I realized he wasn't going to, I started struggle -- struggling again, but I was too weak. Too human," I realized. If I had already been changed, I would have stood a chance at getting away, at stopping it from happening.

I heard Edward growl, causing me to flinch, and knew it was a warning to not go there right now. I knew he was trying not to react to what I was telling him, and me bringing up a touchy subject like that at this exact moment was not helping matters -- or his self control -- any.

"Sorry," I mumbled through a gasp, bringing my hand away from my tear soaked face. Looking up now, I seen that Edward had repositioned himself on the bed to sit directly facing me now, his worried eyes burning intensely into mine. He held out his free hand, waiting for me to place my other hand in his.

I glanced at our already intertwined hands, and then at his out stretched one. His hand was firm and still. My own free hand was shaking uncontrollably, and despite the discomfort and fear of being touched, I wanted that comfort, that firmness that his hand offered.

Edward was my rock. He was my reason for wanting to try to get through this. My reason for not just curling up in a ball and pretending it didn't happen. And I knew without doubt that I wouldn't be able to get through this without him. He was all I had to hold onto.

So with a still shaking hand, I placed my other free hand in his, trying to repress the fear and the urge to flinch away from the touch.

"Keep going, love," Edward encouraged, his tone was sweet and soothing, with no hint of irration towards me and my mention of my change. But I knew him well enough to see the tense posture of his body, and the underlying rage within his golden eyes, but I also knew the anger was not directed at me.

"I tried everything I could think of, but...but it didn't help," I quivered at the memory, clenching my eyes shut yet again as I heard a growl rumble in Edward's chest upon hearing my words. "He held me to him by the back of the neck, and shoved his tongue in my mouth, and then I realized he -- he had taken off his shirt at some point, and at that -- at that point I knew. I knew what was going to happen. I could feel his hands everywhere. That just made it worse. I didn't want him touching me that way," I sobbed, trying to concentrate on the stillness of Edward's hands, hoping my body would stop shaking and become more still like his. The only part of me that wasn't shaking were my hands, since they were tenderly encased in Edward's.

"I started crying at some point, and I started getting angry at myself for not listening to you. For going to La Push in the first place and not staying away from Jacob. I'm sorry, Edward, I'm so sorry." My words came out in a muffled mess due to voice cracking and the sobs that still wracked my body.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm not angry with you, Bella," he murmured, his grip on my hands becoming slightly tighter.

I took slight comfort in Edward's words, but I knew I needed to continue telling him what happened, because I could feel myself already trying to stop, not wanting to have to relive this nightmare.

"I realized that -- that even if I could have gotten away...I had no way of getting home, or -- or to you. I didn't have my truck, and I -- I forgot the phone. I tried telling him to stop. I tried telling him no, but he didn't listen. He started -- started trying to take my shirt off, I tried to stop him, to block his hands, but..." I trailed off, my body practically convulsing as I shook so hard, my cries now becoming louder as well.

I managed to quiet my sobs after a few moments, while Edward stayed silent, his eyes more tense than I've ever seen them as his thumbs stroked the tops of my hands, and murmuring soothing sounds and words in hopes of helping me calm down.

"I tried shoving him away again, as hard as I could. But," I sniffled, not even bothering to wipe all of the wet tears from my face, knowing they would just keep flowing. "That just seemed to make him mad, and more determined. He held my arms down, and he wouldn't stop kissing me. I knew I had no way of getting away," I stopped and opened my eyes, trying to concentrate on anything other than the words coming out of my mouth, to help make this even a tiny bit easier.

"My body just...went limp, because I knew there was no -- there was no hope. So he let go of my arms and took off my pants and," I squeezed my eyes shut, hating the words I was speaking, "and my underwear," I cried. "I felt him touch my -- my backside. I couldn't even scream, I was just...frozen. Numb. I couldn't do anything," I wailed, squeezing my eyes shut impossibly tighter, my entire body now rigid as I continued to shake violently, making it more painful.

There was only a few sentences left of my story, and I forced each word and syllable from my lips as I sat gasping for air, the panic within me now as strong as ever.

"I don't...I don't remember everything. I felt him on top of me, I felt his skin on mine. It was hot -- too hot. I heard him say that he -- that he...lo-- loves me and then he forced himself into me. All I could feel was the pain before I blacked out. All I wanted was you, Edward. All I could think of was you," I sobbed, no longer even trying to calm myself.

I felt like I could feel his hands on me, touching me again. I felt like I was trapped again, and couldn't get away. Like I was being held down. I felt like I was back in that time and place, outside Jacob's house.

I felt myself scream, and yank myself free of the hands holding onto mine. I curled myself into a ball on my side, my hands covering my face as I shook my head back and forth, willing it to stop.

All I could see was that scene playing over and over again in my mind. I shrieked and curled up tighter when I felt my hands being pulled away from my face, and I tried to pull them free, but I couldn't.

"Bella," I could faintly hear Edward's voice. "Bella," again, but it wasn't clear, it seemed muffled -- by my ragged breathing and screams, and by the images running through my head. I tried to listen, to hear him, to hear the one person who could save me from this nightmare.

"Bella, love, open your eyes," he murmured. It was then that I realized the coolness of the hands that were restraining my own from covering my face.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Edward's anxious face right in my line of vision, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. Upon seeing him, my body began to relax, and loosened itself slightly from its stiff position.

I felt the tears still sliding down my face, and I didn't bother to stop them. Edward was still hanging onto my hands, even though I had stopped trying to pull away to cover my face again.

"Edward..." I whispered, unsure of what I even wanted to say. I was just happy he was there, even after he knew everything that had happened with Jacob. I was both relieved and happy that he was still here, and still by my side, even if I couldn't have him hold me.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured, his hands now protectively encasing mine as he brought one hand up to his face, and placed the smallest of kisses upon the inside of my wrist. I immediately tensed and gasped upon the contact, my breathing picking up slightly, but then soon relaxed moments later, knowing that Edward wouldn't go past my boundaries, and he only meant to comfort me.

Edward locked eyes with me to make sure I was okay, and I let him know I was with an infinitesimal nod of my head.

"You are safe now, Bella. I won't let him touch you ever again. I'll keep you safe. If that means killing that mongrel, then I will," he vowed fiercely.

I sat up quickly and began shaking my head furiously. "No! Edward, you can't kill him! You can't hurt him...if you do, it will ruin the treaty. I won't let you put you and your family in danger for me. Just...don't leave me," I whimpered, my tears still falling, despite my determination. "Just protect me by not leaving."

"I won't leave you, Bella," he said, his eyes intense.

We were both quiet for a few minutes, both of us getting ourselves comfortable again, as I also tried to calm myself down.

"Thank you for telling me," Edward broke the silence, his voice nothing but sincere as he looked at me. I couldn't respond, so I merely nodded. "I'm proud of you, Bella. I know that was very difficult for you," he said cautiously.

"I didn't do anything, I just talked," I argued.

"You took a big step by telling me what happened," he explained. "Even though it wasn't easy, and it was very painful for you, you still got through it."

I didn't know how to respond to his words, so I shut my eyes as a tear fell, and I gave a small nod, hoping that was enough.

I told him because he wanted to know. He should know. He deserved to know, especially in case he no longer wanted to be with me after he found out. It was only fair for him to know everything that happened. It was what was best in the situation, so he would know the details before I had to tell Charlie.

I groaned when I realized that I would still have to go tell Charlie soon about what happened.

"What is it, love?" Edward asked, worried again.

"I have to tell Charlie," I explained. I really didn't want to. I didn't want to ever have to tell that story again.

"I'll be there with you, Bella. You don't have to be as detailed with Charlie," he said, his eyes fixed on me, watching my expression.

"Can...can I have a shower here first before I have to go tell him?" I asked nervously. I didn't usually ever shower here. But I wanted -- needed a shower. After telling that story, I felt dirty and unclean. I wanted to get the feel of Jacob's hands and mouth off of me. I wanted to scrub at my skin until I felt less dirty, less gross.

"Of course," he smiled, though I could see that it was a slightly tense smile, as he got up and began leading me by the hand out into the hallway, and walking me to the bathroom.

He opened a cupboard and pulled out a large towel, passing it to me.

"If you need anything, just call for me," he murmured, "I'll just be downstairs talking to Emmett."

"Okay. Thank you," I said sincerely.

With that, he left the room, shutting the door behind him on the way.

I quickly undressed, and stopped to look at myself in the mirror again. My face scrunched up in disgust at the sight before me.

I looked at the large, angry looking bruises on my arms and thighs, and brought my hand up to my right arm to poke the bruise, watching the color fade and then return. But what disgusted me the most was my flat, dead looking eyes, with dark circles beneath them. I always thought they were boring and dull, the color of mud. But even now, they looked so much worse. They lacked expression and shine, and my hair was dull and lifeless. My skin looked paler than usual, to the point of looking sickly.

Not only had Jacob damaged my body, and my mind, but he also damaged who I was. Who I am. I barely recognized myself. I wasn't sure I knew the girl staring back at me in the mirror.

I quickly turned away before I began to cry again, and got into the shower. I turned the water completely to cold, knowing that the hot would only remind me of Jacob's skin covering mine. I didn't need that reminder right now. It would only push me over the edge even further.

So with that, I began furiously scrubbing my skin, the events of today playing through my mind; The examination by Carlisle, everyone finding out, their reactions, telling Edward what happened...and having to relive what Jacob did to me.

I still felt like I could feel his hands on me, which only made me scrub harder, and begin to cry. Over what Jacob did to me, and over the fact that I would have to tell Charlie. But despite my tears, I knew I had to keep quiet, otherwise every single one of the Cullens would hear me crying, including Edward.

But my thoughts kept coming back to one thing...would Charlie even believe me?

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Okay, now before you guys want to start throwing things at me...I know I said Bella was going to tell Charlie in this chapter, but...Bella telling Edward what happened kind of became a bigger part of the chapter than I expected, and I didn't want to have a ridiculously huge chapter. With that said...I'm going to give you a choice. I'm doing something from Edward's POV again, because there's something important that needs to be done with him while Bella's in the shower. So you guys have a choice...do you want the whole chapter in Edward's POV, including when she tells Charlie? Or do you want the stuff with Charlie to be in Bella's POV? Tell me what you'd prefer when you review. I already have a good portion of the Edward part written that will be in that chapter either way. So the rest of the chapter's POV is up to you guys.

Also...don't think Edward's being insensitive with him kissing her wrist like he did...if you think about it, one of the main ways he usually comforts her or calms her is through touch, whether it's a simple touch of the cheek, or kiss on the head/forehead, or holding her, etc. He usually holds her when she's upset. But right now he's slightly unsure of himself as well, since he unsure of how to help her, and he's also scared to do anything to scare her or upset her.

Coming up...what is Edward going to talk to Emmett about? How will things go when Bella tells Charlie? Will he believe her? And will things change between Edward and Bella?

Okay guys...let me know what you thought, since I kept changing this chapter when I wrote it. So review and let me know what you thought of it, and let me know that you're still interested! [and tell me if you want Bella or Edward's POV with telling Charlie]