"…No, no, no! Just give them a drink, don't drown the poor things! My word, child, what do you think you're doing?"
As the appalled imaginary rabbit went on as if he were witnessing the atrocity of the century, the lanky redhead shot him a nasty glare. If looks could kill, no doubt he would've expired in the blink of an eye. Alas, such simply wasn't the case, and Mr. Herriman continued to heap on the criticism.
"Didn't you come out here just to get the mail?" Frances "Frankie" Foster grumbled as she watered the flowers by the front porch of the large Victorian mansion looming over the rest of the neighborhood.
"I was, until I had the misfortune of seeing the sloppy job you were doing here." He shot back with a huff. "Honestly, Miss Frances, try and have at least a little pride in your work-"
"I'm pouring water from a plastic can!" she snapped. "What am I supposed to do, dish it out one drop at a time?"
"At least try not to drench them!" he implored. "Please, all I'm asking is that you try…not to…"
Mr. Herriman trailed off as an odd clamor grabbed his attention, Curious, the aging figment craned his neck and glanced behind him to find, much to his puzzlement, a little pigtiailed girl lugging what appeared to be a small cage across the front lawn.
"Mr. Herriman?" Frankie asked, confused as to why the berating had suddenly ceased. "Mr. Herriman, what are you…wait, what the…"
It wasn't long until the young woman spotted the bizarre spectacle, and for a few seconds the dumbfounded pair just observed as the child continued pulling along what they swiftly recognized to be one of the old gopher traps from the tool shed out back.
"Good gracious, what on earth is she up to?" Mr. Herriman murmured confusedly. After Frankie replied with merely a wordless shrug, the imaginary friend tucked his hands behind his back and promptly hopped off to investigate, while the girl meanwhile started setting up the trap.
"Er…Miss Goo?" he inquired as he drew near. Unaware that she wasn't alone in the front yard, she immediately leapt to her feet with a shrill squeak of surprise.
"Uh…...um…" the plainly apprehensive child started stammering the second she gazed into his eyes. Thus, it swiftly became clear something was afoot seeing as how she had yet to talk his ear off. "Uh, I…I….uh….h-hi?"
As she tried to plant on a disarming smile, Mr. Herriman shot her a bemused glance as he peered at the trap. "Miss Goo…what in the world do you think you're doing?"
"Just…just playin' around?" she suggested, to which he sighed exasperatedly,
"I don't know, are you asking me, or am I asking you? Good heavens, what do you think you're doing pulling around a-"
"Because…because…because….uh…er….Madame Foster asked me to…" she blatantly lied.
"Oh, really?" he replied suspiciously. "So what is it specifically that the Madame gave you permission to hunt for?"
Usually the chatterbox, the child currently appeared to be at a total loss of words as she just gazed back blankly while her mind raced furiously for a somewhat believable answer.
"….Rabbits?" Goo finally whimpered, unable to think of anything else. Before Mr. Herriman could respond, the front doors open and two small figures dashed out of the house and onto the lawn.
"We got it! We got it!" Bloo squealed jubilantly as he waved something clasped tightly in his blobby stubs high in the air. "We got the bait!"
"Did you set up everything yet for….the…" Mac abruptly trailed off the instant he saw the familiar furry authoritarian looming over their guilty-looking friend. When it quickly became obvious that the jig was up, the little boy ground to a halt a few feet away, as his imaginary friend did likewise.
"Uh….just…goofing around?" Bloo immediately tossed out a hasty excuse, while the carton of chocolate milk in his hands said otherwise.
Mr. Herriman was no idiot; as soon as he put all the clues together, at first he found himself unable to do little more than bury his face in his gloved paws with an incredulous groan. "Oh, good heavens…"
"What?" Frankie demanded as she sauntered over. "What is it? What are they doing?"
"Nothing!" Bloo immediately answered.
"If by 'nothing' you mean 'no-good', then you would be correct." Mr. Herriman countered as he shot them all a fierce glare. "Egad, children, don't tell me you were actually attempting to-"
"Attempting to do what?" the resident caretaker, just as befuddled as ever, inquired. "What? What were they doing?"
"Miss Frances, are you really so blind?" he snapped. "Just look at what they're baiting this trap with! Who only would be so inclined towards chocolate-flavored dairy beverages?"
"Um…" Before the redhead even had a chance to answer, Mr. Herriman faced his attention back to the trio of miscreants and began bombarding them in a hail of rebuke.
"Have any of you no sense of morality?" he scolded, causing them all to flinch involuntarily. "Do you mean to tell me that every single on of you had the intent of imprisoning a poor, dull-witted imaginary friend and actually-"
"I…I don't think we have any idea of what you're talking about-" Bloo tried to wheedle them out before Mr. Herriman stomped his foot and bellowed,
"The only way any of you is going to capture Master Cheese is over my cold, dead body! Do you hear me?"
"What?" Frankie yelped, unable to believe her ears. "Wait, wait! You mean they were actually going to…"
After gawking blankly at her infuriated boss for a moments, she stared incredulously at the children and the blobbish accomplice and murmured disbelievingly, "You were seriously trying to-"
Seeing as the cat was out of the bag, Goo gazed imploringly into the redhead's eyes and squealed dolefully, "We can't help it! He's just…he…well he's just sooooooo annoying!"
"Miss Goo, I thought Master Cheese's antics amused you-" Mr. Herriman tried to argue.
"Yeah, for like, fifteen seconds and a half!" she whined as she tugged at her pigtails. "Then it gets so super very ultra annoying, you wanna just yank out all your hair, grind your teeth to nubs, and bang your head into the wall until you knock yourself out and you don't halfta deal with him anymore! Seriously, how can anyone stand him just shooting off his fat pie hole like that twenty-four-seven, just babbling on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, just talking and talking and talking and talking and never shutting up for so much as one teensy tiny little second? I mean, just gabbing on and on and on, it just gets so super irritating that…"
As she passionately ranted on, Bloo added, "C'mon, it's not like we were gotta shove him off a bridge or anything after we caught him! We were just…well, y'know, keep him in there until like…when he wanted to go home, see? We just wanted to keep him from bugging everyone-"
"By imprisoning him like some wild beast?" Mr. Herriman growled. "And you were a part of this inhumane conspiracy too, Master Mac?"
As he fidgeted nervously under the rabbit's harsh glare, the boy tried to explain, "Well…Bloo already told you we weren't going to do anything to him-"
"Except locking him up like some common criminal!" Mr. Herriman snapped. "I mean really-"
"But-" Mac attempted to butt in before he was cut off.
"Not another word, you ruffians!" the rabbit warned. "Do you understand? I don't care how incredibly bothersome Master Cheese is; I absolutely forbid you to carry out this unthinkably ludicrous scheme of yours!"
"But we only-" Goo whined softly.
"Am I talking to a brick wall?" Mr. Herriman grumbled exasperatedly. "That's it, I'm through playing games here! You're all due for the scolding of a lifetime, you hear me?"
Rather than launch straight into a stern lecture however, the authoritarian went silent for a few moments. While the guilty trio silently waited for their just desserts in resigned silence, a slightly puzzled redhead had yet to realize Mr. Herriman was staring expectantly at her until he barked impatiently, "Well?"
"Huh?" Frankie grunted bewilderedly. "Well, what?"
"What do you mean, 'what'? Didn't you just hear what I told these rapscallions?"
The young woman just gawked blankly at him for several instants until finally comprehension dawned upon her.
"Wait…" she murmured as her jade eyes widened in disbelief. "Hold on…are you saying that I'm the one who has to-"
"Both Master Mac and Master Booragard are your official responsibility." Mr. Herriman reminded flatly. "It only seems fitting that you reprimand them and Miss Goo for being so callous as to actually attempt to-"
"But what can't you-" Frankie tried to argue to absolutely no avail whatsoever as he threatened her.
"Miss Frances, either you make it plain to them how at Foster's one should be appalled at the mere thought of capturing an innocent, slow-witted imaginary friend, or we'll have a private discussion later on about how-"
"Okay, okay, okay! Just cool it, will ya?" she begrudgingly conceded and rolled her eyes. "Sheesh!"
With a reluctant sigh, the redhead begrudgingly got down upon her knees and motioned for the three malefactors to come close.
"Okay guys, we really need to talk…" she began, trying to sound stern as she launched into a lecture. Firmly convinced everything was under control, Mr. Herriman nodded wordlessly in satisfaction and promptly hopped off, leaving the young woman to justly deal out punishment. As far as he was concerned, a potentially ludicrous crisis had been successfully avoided, and everything was as it should be.
"Thirty-five bottles of cat on the wall, thirty-five bottles of cat…"
Someone belted off happily from what sounded like down in the basement, much to the immense confusion of the imaginary rabbit crossing the foyer on his way towards his private office. Befuddled by the peculiar tune, Mr. Herriman wasted not a moment as he investigated the matter.
"Hmmm? What in the world…" he murmured curiously as the horrifically off-key singing went on.
"…Take it back, smack on the tack…"
The imaginary rabbit opened the door and peered down to find quite the bizarre scene. There, placed down at the very bottom of the cellar stairs, an extraordinarily familiar little figure sat inside a tiny cage. As appalling as the spectacle was, the captive in all actuality looked none the worse for his imprisonment as he grinned foolishly and continued on as cheerily as could be, "…Thirty five bottles of cat on the wall! Thirty five bottles of cat on the wall, thirty-five bottles of cat…"
With a mortified gasp, Mr. Herriman promptly dashed down the stairs, only to reappear in the foyer just moments later, lugging the cage in tow.
"Of all the terrible, awful, shameful acts…" he muttered furiously under his breath as he freed Cheese. Still as idiotically happy as an imaginary friend could be, he immediately wandered off aimlessly down the nearest hall, with his caterwauling resounding out loud and clear for all unfortunate residents to enjoy.
No sooner had he liberated the dim-witted creature, the indescribably infuriated rabbit stormed off, arriving in the entrance of the TV room in record time with an outraged roar.
"WHO DO YOU SCOUNDRELS THINK YOU ARE?" he bellowed, abruptly interrupted a certain trio's video gaming as he soundly spooked all three of them near out of their skin.
"Hey!" Bloo yelped as the two children sitting on either side of him nearly jumped three feet in the air. "What the heck is your problem-"
"Get up! Up! Up!" Mr. Herriman aggressively demanded them to clamber to their feet. As soon as they did as bid, he quickly herded them all out into the foyer to the scene of their crime.
"What is the meaning of this?" he barked as he jabbed a finger at the now-empty trap. Before any of the guilty party could emit even a peep, he waved his arms and hurriedly motioned for silence.
"No, you know what? I don't even want to hear any of your excuses! It won't do you an ounce of good, I see what happened here!"
"But we only-" Goo squeaked before Mr. Herriman interrupted sternly,
"You only intentionally disobeyed your elders, that's what you did! Why, never in all my years-"
"Please, don't-" Mac tried to beg.
"Oh, I'm not going to do anything." The enraged figment replied with a harsh glower. "However, I can only shudder to try and imagine what Miss Frances will say as soon she sees what you've done, even though she should've made it perfectly clear to you earlier you were not to-"
"Hey!" a dismayed yelped suddenly resounded throughout the foyer. "Okay, who let Cheese out? I thought we agreed to-"
Frankie stopped dead in mid-sentence the instant she realized a certain imaginary rabbit was in fact right there in the foyer. Instantly, the startled young woman froze for a moment as Mr. Herriman whirled about and demanded incredulously, "Excuse me?"
"Uh….uh….I….um….I-I…." Frankie stammered uncontrollably until she finally gather enough wits around her to answer, "I….I said…I, er….said…who left the cheese in the…kraut….y'know, saurkraut…someone….um….someone left a whole block of cheddar inside a bowl of saurkraut that we had in the fridge, and…and…"
"Oh….I see…well, as sorry as I am to hear that, unfortunately now is not the time to seek out whoever violated the house rules on refrigerator cleanliness and organization!" Mr. Herriman barked after buying into her slapdash excuse, possibly only due to a pure miracle, if anything. "I regret to say that I have a matter here that requires your utmost attention immediately! Do you recall the hooliganism that we witnessed earlier this afternoon?"
"Oh….oh, no!" Frankie clapped her hands to her cheeks as she attempted to act shocked. "Don't tell me that-"
"That's right!" the enraged figment affirmed as he bought into her act. "These hoodlums deliberately obeyed us, despite the good, long lecture that you gave them. Miss Frances, I take it you know what to do from here?"
"Oh, of course!" Frankie answered with a furious nod as she jogged over to the little ones and promptly began wagging her finger as she started 'scolding' them. "Just what do you guys think you're doing? I'm very disappointed in all of you! Do you understand? I am very, very, very, very…."
Yet again convinced that all was being properly tended to, Mr. Herriman made his exit, thus leaving Foster's resident caretaker alone with the children to dole out punishment. As he vacated the room, Frankie's stern rebuking rang like music in the authoritarian imaginary friend's ears.
"…Very, very disappointed! Got it? I thought I told you, you're not to…" As soon as her boss hopped out of earshot, Frankie promptly got down upon one knee and lowered her voice to a secretive whisper. "Okay…my bad, so the basement wasn't such a great idea. I think next time, we should…"
The End