Here you go, guys, the new chapter, finally. Unfortunately, it's not the longest chapter around, either, but it was necessary to end it where I did. I'm very much looking forward to writing the next chapter, and I hope you guys enjoy this one, since it's helping to lead into a part of the storyline I've been itching to write for a while now, which will be starting as of the next chapter! And also, thank you to those who sent me a PM, or left a review of encouragement after the AN went up...it meant a lot to me, and thank you for being so patient with me. =)

Big thank you to my beta, Feenrai, for getting this edited for me and all of you so quickly!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Previously:

Things exploded between Bella and Renee, when she demands Bella go to Jacksonville. Edward also tried to show Bella what he sees when he looks at her.

"You'll stay with me?" I checked.

"Of course," he smiled, as he began walking, with my hands still in his, leading us to the bed.

He climbed in after I did, propping himself up on one elbow as he lay facing me, and began to stroke my hair, just like we had done many other nights recently. I silently reveled in the fact that I was able to enjoy him stroking my hair.

I wasn't awake to enjoy it for long, though, despite the slight rumble of voices coming from my parents downstairs. Edward quickly began humming my lullaby, causing my eyes to become heavy. As I drifted off to sleep, my nightmares were not only plagued with hot, unwanted hands, but with motherly demands, and losing those I loved.

I could only hope that some of those wouldn't become a reality.

Chapter 20

After a restless night, having woken up multiple times, due to the unwanted thoughts that invaded my dreams, I awoke to the feel of a slight gust of wind hitting my skin, while a soft knock was produced on my bedroom door.

"Bella?" my mother's hesitant voice called. Due to being half asleep still, and unsure if I wanted to deal with her right now, I simply stayed quiet. It was only a little after eight in the morning, I could always feign sleeping in to avoid her. But as her voice called out again, I knew it would only drive me insane to wait. "Bella, honey? Are you awake? Can I please come in?"

"Yeah," I called out in a monotone. I sat up, and quickly scanned my room, noticing that my closet door was now completely closed, instead of partially open, as I had left it last night. Thankully, Edward hadn't gone far.

Renee slowly poked her head in the door, glancing at me for a second, before stepping all the way into my room and coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

"How did you sleep?" she asked conversationally, though I knew she was just stalling, since her hands fidgeted nervously in her lap.

I shrugged, not really wanting to give a full answer.

"I wanted to apologize, Bella," she began, finally cutting to the chase. "I just want what's best for you, baby, and ever since I found out what happened, I just...I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you, and I just thought...if you were in Jacksonville with me, that...I'd finally know what to do - how to help you. I hate seeing you this upset and this scared, honey. I can only imagine what you're feeling and going through," she said softly, as her eyes quickly welled with tears, and began to fall.

I simply sat there, unsure of what to say, and unsure of whether or not I even wanted to hear this. I figured, however, that I should give her the chance to explain. So I continued to sit, idly playing with a thread from the comforter, that lay on my lap.

"Your dad and I talked a lot last night, and I realized some things. As much as I want what's best for you...I was going about it all wrong. And I'm sorry for that, baby. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I would never want to hurt you, especially since I know you're already hurting so much," she choked back a sob.

"Mom, I..." I stopped, to choose my words carefully. "I'm...okay," I told her, slightly unsure, even as the word 'okay' spilled forth from my mouth. It wasn't entirely a lie. I figured I was as okay as I could be, given the situation and circumstances. "But no matter what, I'm not going to Jacksonville with you."

"I see that now, and I understand. I finally get it now. Your dad made me see that me forcing you to go with me wouldn't have helped you at all. If you think that...being here in Forks with your dad - and Edward - is best, then I won't push the issue anymore. All I want is for you to get better, and to feel better, and if you feel safe here, then this is where you should be," she said quietly, her voice shaking, but still strong.

I honestly had no words in response, because I could still feel the sleepy haze slightly coating my mind, and because I hadn't imagined her realizing and admitting to her mistakes.

Renee was generally not the kind of person to admit her mistakes. Usually, she would just continue on, and either forget about it, or pretend it never happened. This time, however, she was admitting that she was wrong, and for her, that was a big step.

"I've just missed you, Bella," she whispered, as her tears overflowed from her bottom lashes.

"I missed you, too, Mom," I said quietly, knowing that the words were true. I had missed her. I just hadn't wanted her to be here during this, because I knew things wouldn't go well, just like they hadn't.

At my words, however, the sob she had held back earlier finally erupted, as she fought to try and get herself under control. I sat there uncomfortably, not knowing what to do.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did. I'm sorry..." she mumbled, as her sobs became soft cries.

I sat motionless, simply looking at Renee, who continued to cry while staring at her hands, which sat in her lap. She finally saw that she had been wrong, and she wasn't making it about her anymore. That's all I could ask for, and so I said nothing, as I let her words wash over me.

x-x-x

In the next few days, ever since the talk with Renee, things were much more calm and less tense in the house. To say things were perfect would be a lie. You could still feel some slight lingering tension and unease. Thankfully, however, she also seemed to be holding back from trying to hug me since then, which I was very grateful for. As much as I loved her, I couldn't deal with that right now.

It wasn't until she was about to go home about four days later (partly at my request), that I was able to respond when I saw Renee's hesitation to board her flight. She appeared to be lingerering, her eyes shooting towards me every few seconds, as if guaging my reaction. As the realization sunk in that I wouldn't be seeing her for a while again, I wanted to close that space between us, and also give her that small bit of comfort, knowing that I allowed her to touch me.

So after her eyes flitted over to me yet again, I stepped forward towards her. I could see the moment she realized my intentions, because her eyes lost their tension, and filled with unshed tears.

Her embrace was fierce, and strong, but also hesitant. At the moment, though, I held her tightly, despite my discomfort.

We may not always get along or agree on things, and I may not always be able to handle her flighty and ocassionally immature behavior, but she was still my mom, and I loved her. And I loved that, even though it took her a while to finally understand her prior behavior at Charlie's was not okay...that she now finally got it, and had tried to fix the situation, along with her behavior.

Us having both shed a few tears, Renee finally went back to Jacksonville, with the promise to call me often.

True to her word, she did continue to call relatively often, even if only to ask how I was doing. Those were the conversations I preferred, to be honest. Things were still slightly tense and shaky, and the less conversation we had to make, the easier things were.

It was also with ease, a week after Renee's departure, that I sat in the Cullen's kitchen with Esme and Alice.

Alice sighed, capturing my attention.

"Relax, Bella. Edward doesn't plan to be away any longer than necessary, it's just a quick hunting trip," she said calmly.

I was not freaking out, by any means, but being away from Edward in general always left me feeling anxious. It wasn't a question of feeling unsafe with the other Cullens, but Edward's presence just continued to sooth me in the way only he could.

That didn't stop me from trying to spend a bit more time with Alice lately, however. Since I felt more safe when Edward was with me, I worried I was slightly neglecting Alice - which is why I found myself in the kitchen with her and Esme...aside from Edward having needed to hunt.

"I know," I spoke softly.

"I know it's hard, dear, but you know that you're safe with us," Esme smiled at me, and placed her cool hand over top of mine, as it sat on the island counter top. At the sight of my slight smile in return, she went back to chopping the array of raw vegetables she had sprawled out before her.

Esme, apparently, had decided to make it her mission to make sure I was always fed, under the guise that she wanted to try out an array of recipes that she would otherwise never get the chance to try. She was even willing to go so far as - and was in the middle of - making an excessive amount so that she could freeze some of it, and have it already prepared when I wanted it. I appreciated the sweetness behind the gesture, even if my appetite was still severely lacking - a fact that Edward and Carlisle had both picked up and commented on, since I had lost a few pounds as a result.

"You know," Alice began, as she picked up a full length, unchopped carrot. When both Esme and I turned our attention to her, she continued. "I don't know how you could possibly eat this stuff. It's just gross! I mean...look at it!" She held the carrot at eye level and began to swing her hand around for emphasis, as her usually sweet face twisted into a disgusted grimace.

Both Esme and I glanced at one another, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

Alice, however, paid us no mind.

"And this! This one's even worse..." Alice crinkled her nose as she held up an un-peeled potato, and also took a small sniff of the air. "These things even smell bad, Bella. I don't know how you eat these things."

"Alice, you know you used to eat those things when you were human, too, right?" I asked her, attempting to hold back more laughter.

"Yes, but I don't remember any of that," she pouted. "And either way, I would definitely not want to eat any now. I'm glad it's you that has to eat it and not me," she smiled wickedly at me.

I simply smiled in return, enjoying the light-hearted moment, considering they weren't a very common occurance lately.

"At least the meat is slightly, only slightly better..." she still grumbled under her breath.

"Oh, Alice," Esme laughed full-heartedly, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth, as her tinkling laugh filled the air.

But the sound of only laughter in the air didn't last long. Not a second later, Alice's squeal was also filling the air, as she turned around to the entrance to the kitchen.

"Hi!" she greeted Jasped excitedly, as he returned home from some errands he had left to run earlier in the day.

She ran up to him, lifted up onto her toes, and placed a quick, tiny kiss on his lips, before she took his hand.

He smiled a charming, toothy smile at Esme, and dipped his head in greeting, for which he recieved a smile in return.

"Hello, Bella," he turned to me, a slightly more reserved smile on his face. "How are you feeling?" he questioned, his eyes staring directly at me.

Still not comfortable with making eye contant with anyone, I quickly looked away. The problem with Jasper looking at me like that...I tended to feel exposed. His question alone was usually enough cause to make me feel extremely exposed. His asking me that put me on edge each time, because if I lied, and said I was fine when I wasn't...he would know. It unnerved me that right now, as disgusting as I was, he knew every single thing that I felt. I wanted to be able to hide those feelings.

I fidgeted under his intense gaze. My fingers idly picked and pulled at my shirt sleeves, as I pulled them lower to cover my hands. "I'm okay," I answered quietly.

He gave no other response, other than to quirk his left eyebrow with his steady gaze, probably easily picking up on my nerves.

I had decided by now, after having Jasper ask me how I was multiple times...that it was probably with the intention of him being able to find out exactly how I was doing. I knew as soon as he asked, that whether I tried to stop it or not, my feelings did surface, as I tried to decide how to best, and most truthfully, answer him. So far, each time I wasn't entirely truthful, I would receive a look similar to the one today, as he looked at me in a slightly disbelieving manner, but said nothing. I knew he wanted me to be truthful, but that thought scared me immensely - even Jasper knowing the truth put me on edge. And by association, I'm sure Edward would be able to read his thoughts if he wanted to find out how I really was.

I tried not to dwell on it, as Jasper asked Esme if he could help her chop the vegetables.

As the three Cullens fell into a comfortable conversation about their day, I allowed myself to zone out. It wasn't often I had any time truly to myself, and as much as I needed to have Edward, or Charlie, or one of the Cullen's with me...when I was able to turn off thoughts of what Jacob did, then it was kind of nice to just be able to allow my mind to wander.

Unfortunately, shortly after getting lost in my thoughts, I screamed and jumped up, nearly falling off my chair when I saw a hand come near me, out of my peripheral vision.

"Bella!" I heard my favorite voice say urgently, but softly.

I also heard Alice's voice in the background, quickly saying "it's okay, Bella."

It was enough to immediately calm me, though my heart was still beating erratically. Placing my palm over the uneven beats, I turned to Edward.

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly, a look of worry on his face.

I shook my head. "It's okay," I mumbled. "I missed you."

"As I missed you," he murmured. "Would you like to go upstairs for a while?" he asked suddenly, sending a quick glance in the direction of his family, who continued doing what they were doing.

After nodding my assent, we went upstairs, where I quickly seated myself on his lush, golden bed. When I finished getting myself comfortable sitting back against the headboard, Edward came to sit on the edge of the bed, towards the middle, so he could sit facing me.

"How are you doing?" he asked me quietly, his eyes anxious.

Since I knew us being apart was just as hard on him, I answered quickly, to calm him. "I'm okay," I told him, with a small smile. "I spent some time with Alice and Esme. It was nice." After a moment, I asked, "did you hunt enough? Are you still thirsty?"

He gave me a smaller version of his crooked smile before answering. "It was enough."

We continued to ask one another little questions about the other's day, keeping things light and simple, as we just enjoyed the other's company.

As the conversation lulled, and we fell into a comfortable silence, I let my eyes sweep over his room, until his next words surprised me.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." The way he looked at me was with such love, and devotion, I couldn't help but want to believe him, though there was still that nagging voice in my mind, telling me I was anything but beautiful.

Instead of finding words, or giving a fake thank you, I ended up blushing, despite myself. I quickly lowered my head, allowing my hair to shield me - and my blush - from his view.

"There's that lovely blush," he smiled softly, having noticed anyway. "I've missed it."

I rolled my eyes, but also let myself smile, because in all honestly, I had also missed hearing that.

As he laughed at my response, I couldn't help but think that this afternoon with Edward seemed to be perfect, and almost normal. It felt like a typical lazy day of just being together, like we would have done before everything happened.

But then his face grew serious, and he said the four words that would terrify me, and cause me to fall to pieces.

"I love you, Bella."

See why it had to end there? Poor Bella. =(
Next chapter: What exactly causes Bella to fall to pieces over what Edward said? What does she do in her distraught state, and how does Edward react in response? And will the emotionally hightened situation lead to something dangerous?

By the way, real quick...someone said the pace of this story is too slow, but from the beginning, my intent has been to keep it realistic, and a big part of this story is Bella dealing with being raped, so I wanted the reactions, and emotions to be realistic and not rushed through, and that's why I'm not time jumping too much right now. It won't always be like that, but right now, it's necessary.

I'm sorry for the wait, but hopefully you found the chapter at least somewhat worth it. Things are about to get explosive and angsty, guys, so please review and let me know what you thought of the chapter, or even review and tell me your theories for Bella's reaction! Either way, I'd love to hear what you think.