Castle slowly awoke to the delicious sensation of a naked and breathtakingly beautiful Kate Beckett sprawled next to him in his bed. She lay pressed against his side, one arm curled across his belly, the other flung out across the sheets. He remained still, savoring the view, and the mere fact of her presence. The reality that 24 hours ago he had believed her to be out of his life forever, made this moment all that much sweeter.
She was still deeply asleep, and knowing how little rest she'd had over the last few days, he wanted nothing to disturb her. Moving slowly, he carefully slid out of bed, as Kate let out a soft sound and curled into the pillow. She was so adorable like this, the hard cop edge softened in sleep, and her protective wariness eased. He wondered how much of that wariness would be back when she awoke. He knew her well enough to know it wouldn't all be gone. She'd made a huge leap in coming to him, but he wasn't fool enough to believe that everything would be smooth from there. He was fine with that; he'd been willing to wait and finally, she had come to him. If he had to fight the demons of her past, he'd do that too, now that he knew she was in this with him.
Pulling some clothes from the dresser, he eased into the bathroom, where he quickly showered and shaved. He selected a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, and draped them across the foot of the bed where she couldn't miss them, and scooping up her soggy clothes, slipped from the room.
An hour or so later, as Castle sat tapping on his laptop, he heard footsteps. Looking up, he savored the sight of a still sleepy Kate, once again clad in his clothes, her hair messy and tumbled around her face.
"Morning, Castle," she smiled, in a voice still husky with sleep "how long have you been up?"
Castle set aside his laptop, rose and opened his arms wide to her, smiling as she immediately stepped into his hug. "About an hour," he replied, "I thought you could use the sleep after the past few days."
"Mmmhmm," she hummed against his chest, "but I wanted to wake up with you." Her voice had the slightest hint of petulance, and he smiled.
"We'll have plenty more mornings for that," he promised, "Now, how about some coffee?" As he spoke, he curved an arm around her shoulders and began to steer her to the kitchen.
"WAIT, Castle!" she stopped in her tracks, jerking him to a halt, and he turned to her in surprise, concern etched across his face.
"The least you can do is kiss me good morning, since you abandoned me in your bed." she insisted, glaring up at him in mock anger.
Castle's face was a study in confusion, as his expression went from quizzical to indignant to aroused, and finally to determined, as he slid his hands to either side of her face, and pulled her in for a firm but tender kiss. He had meant to keep it brief, but she coiled around him and deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue into his mouth to toy with his. Several minutes later he pulled back, gasping for air and met her eyes, noting her smug expression.
"Damn Kate, good morning to you, too" Castle chuckled "do you still need coffee, or did that do the trick?"
"You've been kissing me good morning with coffee for four years now Castle," she smiled knowingly; "I just thought that it would be nice to finally have a real one."
Astonished and delighted, Castle burst out laughing as he turned her once more toward the kitchen. "I'm glad you got my message with all those coffees, although I must admit, the real thing is much more satisfying."
Pouring her a cup, he fixed it to her preference and set it in front of her on the counter. "Hungry?" he inquired.
"Maybe just some fruit," Kate mused, "after all, we ate half of Chinatown just a few hours ago."
Castle pushed a bowl of fruit closer to her, leaning back against the counter as he watched her select an apple. "Your jacket is hanging to dry, and your clothes are clean and are in the dryer," he mentioned casually, "should be ready in about 20 minutes."
"How domestic, Castle." Kate observed. "Trying to get rid of me?" A slight tightening in her face belied her casual tone.
"Of course not," he assured her, "I just thought you might be more comfortable in your own clothes when Alexis gets home. Actually, I was hoping we could run by your place and pick up some of your things so you could spend a few days here. Or the three of us could get out of the city for the weekend; join Mother in the Hamptons." He paused, trying to read her expression, "Or do you have to work this weekend?"
"Castle…I quit. I quit my job." Her face was pale, eyes unfocused as she spoke. "I'm not…Castle, I'm not a cop anymore." She raised her eyes to his, imploringly. "It was the right thing to do, but God, Castle, I'm so scared. I'm not sure who I am without that badge."
Rick rounded the counter instantly and enfolded her in his arms, one hand stroking her hair. "I know you Kate Beckett," his voice was low and fierce in her ear. "You are YOU, with or without that hunk of metal. The same extraordinary, beautiful, strong, amazing woman I have known for four years. That badge was a huge part of your life; it was what you did, but it is NOT who you are. It did not, does not, define you."
Kate shuddered a sigh into his chest, breathing in the scent of his aftershave combined with soap and a warm spicy smell that was all him. His hands continued to make long soothing strokes along her hair and down her back.
"Tell me what happened, Kate." Castle quietly asked. He steered her gently into a stool and sank onto another himself, facing her and patiently waiting as she gathered her thoughts and began to speak.
His blood ran cold as she recounted the rooftop struggle. Picturing her dangling above the street, helpless at the mercy of a contract killer made him sick.
She faltered as she explained what had happened next. "Castle, I was so sure I heard your voice calling my name. I shouted back, and I swore I heard you telling me to hang on."
Castle moved as if to speak and she held up her hand to silence him.
"I took an unbelievably stupid chance going after him without telling Gates, without backup. Ryan tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. But so many times you've been there to yank me back to safety when I go too far out on the edge. I guess I got careless, expecting you to always be there. When I started to fall, and they grabbed me, pulled me up, I was so certain you would be standing there. But I had driven you away." a tear rolled down her face as she stopped, overcome with emotion.
"Rick, I hung there, expecting to die, and thinking about you, about how brave you were to tell me how you felt. I had been so blinded by my anger that I didn't let myself feel anything about what you said. But out on that ledge, that was all I could think about; you were all I could think about. I didn't think about my Mom's killer, or revenge, or letting her down. I just wanted to survive so I could find you and tell you that I love you too." she smiled at the exultant look on his face, as he cupped her cheek with his hand and brushed a thumb over her tears.
"I've spent so much time over the last year trying to be about more than that one moment when I lost my Mom. But it took almost dying to make me realize that I've succeeded; I have moved beyond it. I know it changed me forever, and I've made my peace with that, but I don't have to drag it around with me anymore." Kate lifted her hand to cover his where it lay against her cheek.
"And quitting the force?" Castle inquired, searching her eyes with his.
"I want to find out who I am without it. I want to see if there is another way to live." she said simply.