Gasp, a new chapter, and I didn't even make you wait forever! lol. Miracle, huh? Anyways, again, not the longest chapter, but it needed to end at a certain point, which you'll understand when you get to the end. And a few of you were right with your guess about Bella's reaction - good job! Also, thanks to everyone who took the time to review, or even just continue reading...you guys are amazing!

My beta, Feenrai, puts up with a lot of emails/questions from me, and she's been an amazing help!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Argh, is anyone else having problems with changing the size and font of their text when they're editing a chapter on the site? It's done that the last couple of times, and it's driving me nuts.

Previously:

As he laughed at my response, I couldn't help but think that this afternoon with Edward seemed to be perfect, and almost normal. It felt like a typical lazy day of just being together, like we would have done before everything happened.

But then his face grew serious, and he said the four words that would terrify me, and cause me to fall to pieces.

"I love you, Bella."

Chapter 21

Everything stopped. My heart stopped beating, and my lungs ceased their motion. I stood there, frozen.

The words filtered through my mind, attempting to immobilize me, and filling me with an adrenaline-forced dread. I felt jittery, but also unable to move.

"I love you, Bella." The words continued to swirl within my mind, somehow being heard over the deafening whooshing in my ears.

Edward's voice had been so sweet, so tender. But as the words began to leave his mouth, his voice was no longer his own. It was his.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered hoarsely, his breath hot and unwelcome in my ear.

I looked around frantically, taking in the sight of my clothes, as they lay in a heap beside me. I wished for a way to escape, but my mind already knew there was none, as my body went limp, knowing I had lost the fight. I was too weak, and he was too strong. I could feel the weight of his body on mine, his already sweat slicked skin sliding against me, as the heat became overwhelming.

And all at once, it became worse, as I felt a searing hot pain between my legs and within me, accompanied by the heat of him inside of me. I could feel myself being stretched wide, my body feeling torn and broken.

I wanted to scream, but I knew it was no use. I could feel the edges of my vision darken, as my mind tried to shut itself down as much as possible, to shut out what was happening. Although it became coated in a slight haze, I could still see and feel what was going on..

His mouth crashed to mine, his tongue immediately forcing its way past my lips, as he invaded me in one of the only other ways possible. His arms gripped my torso tightly, alternating his position as he also groped my breasts. I didn't think it could get any worse, or be any more painful.

I was wrong.

After a moment, he pulled his hips back, causing the searing agony to intensify, and bringing fresh tears to my eyes. I was granted a moment of stillness, before he enthusiastically pushed himself back inside me, further intensifying the unimaginable pain.

He grunted, his lips finally leaving me, as I sucked in fresh air. But his lips didn't still, they trailed down my neck, making me shiver - not out of pleasure, but pain and disgust.

His heat was suffocating me. He was suffocating me. With each frenzied but harshly deliberate thrust, my breath left my lungs, as his hips continued to pound into mine.

As my tears continued to fall, I tried to decide which was worse: the physical or emotional pain.

My mind fought to try and block out what was happening. All I hoped was that it would be over soon, as I tried to remind myself to remain limp, to avoid feeling anymore pain.

The reminder to stay limp continued to replay itself in my mind. My body and mind felt like lead, despite my lungs seizing rapidly as I fought to get enough air.

As I blinked, I found myself in Edward's bedroom. He stood a few feet away from me, his expression pained, looking the most anxious I had ever seen him. But when he went to take a small step towards me, I took note of the fact that he was standing by the bed.

Hadn't I been sitting on the bed?

My thoughts were a jumbled mess, as my heart continued to pound painfully in my chest, and my gasping breaths continued.

After a moment, I became aware of the fact that I was standing near the glass wall, my back pressed against it, in an almost cowering, defensive type of position. I had no idea, or memory, of how, or when, I had moved myself off of the bed and against the wall.

"Bella?" Edward called softly, his voice attempting to be soothing.

I shut my eyes against it, trying to hold back the rush of tears that I felt collecting on my lower lashes.

There Edward was, standing across the room, looking almost heartbroken, and being nothing but sweet, kind and loving.

And I was the dirty, untouchable freak that stood cowering against a wall.

I was causing him pain. I was hurting Edward. He had been so sweet, and our day had almost been normal, until I ruined it. I damn well ruined it, just because he was being loving - because he told me he loves me!

He doesn't deserve that. He deserves better, so much better. I always knew I wasn't enough for him, and now it was even more glaringly obvious. He deserved someone who could love him freely, who could tell him she loves him, and be able to hear him tell her he loves her, without her panicking and practically losing her mind. I was gasping for air and cowering against a wall, for God's sake!

As I lost the battle to hold in my tears, I peeked up at Edward from beneath my lashes. His eyes were sad, lost, and completely unsure. The expression on his face was completely harrowing. It was a mixture of anguish and anxiety. I wished I could erase that look from his face.

"I'm sorry," I gasped, as tears continued to stream miserably down my cheeks.

"No, I'm sorry, Bella. So sorry," he breathed, his expression becoming even more pained, if possible.

He went to take a step closer to me, but I instinctively tried to push myself further into the wall to avoid his advance. He closed his eyes for a moment, running his hand through his hair, before he slowly opened his eyes again.

I felt like I was being suffocated. My chest still constricted, and my lungs still struggled to pull in and expel air. And for each second that I continued to see Edward's beautiful, but pained face - the pain that I had caused - I knew I needed to leave. Every second that I stayed only seemed to cause him more pain, and as it was, I couldn't bear the thought that I was so messed up and so horrible, that I would react the way I did to Edward telling me something as wonderful as, 'I love you'.

"I need...to leave," I panted, my eyes frantically searching the room, looking to see how far away I was from the bedroom door.

"Okay, we'll leave. We'll go wherever you want to go," he told me soothingly.

"Alone!"

"Bella, love, you know that's not safe. Would you please stay here, or at least allow me to go with you, if you insist on leaving?" he asked softly, as though he was speaking to a frightened child.

I shook my head frantically, unable to find the words to express myself for a moment.

"Alone. Please," I begged in a gasping breath. "I need to go...home. Please, don't follow," I pleaded, desperate to go, to get outside and inhale the fresh air, and to go home, away from Edward, and the insanity and pain I had caused.

I didn't care about the possible threat right now - I didn't care to acknowledge my fear. I also knew that if I ended up scared, being alone at home, since Charlie was at work...I knew I deserved the fear, and the pain.

Edward's eyes closed, seemingly in thought over my pleas to leave. But I knew I couldn't stay. I needed to leave - immediately.

So without any other thought, I turned towards the door, and ran as best as I could, given my disoriented, clumsy state, almost tripping down the stairs in my haste. I never once looked back to see the look on Edward's face, or to see if he was following. Only one thought was in my mind: run.

Thankfully having taken my truck to the Cullen's home earlier in the day, I still had the keys in the pocket of my sweater. I quickly pulled them out, climbing inside the cab quickly, while inserting the key into the ignition. As soon as it was running, I hit the gas, going as fast as my truck would allow me.

By the time I pulled up in front of Charlie's house, still gasping for breath, with my chest still constricted, and tears still clouding my vision...I realized that I had no memory of actually driving myself home. I remembered leaving the Cullen's home, and getting into my truck, but anything after that was a complete blank.

Shaking my head in an attempt to clear it, I had the thought to look into my rear view mirror to see if Edward had followed me. He hadn't. I breathed a sigh of relief, as I quickly got out of my truck, and let myself into the house.

It was quiet inside the house, with Charlie being at work. The flat screen was off for once, giving no background noise. The only discernable sound was my own harsh breathing. I was completely alone, with nothing but my thoughts, and I didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified.

I sank down to the floor just inside the doorway, letting my back rest against the door, as I let my mind wander.

As my memory replayed my flashback, and my reaction to Edward, I couldn't help the sob that escaped me. Unfortunately, as soon as the first sob escaped, it was impossible for me to stop.

How could I have done that to Edward? He had been so good to me ever since Jacob - ever since he did what he did.

How could he even love me, now that I'm this dirty and disgusting...and especially now, after what I did to him when he told me he loved me. But there's no way...there's no way he could possibly love me anymore. Not when Jacob had done...that to me, and not after the way I reacted. He couldn't love me. I'm not loveable - I'm disgusting and broken, and just...unfixable. I won't ever be normal again, I won't ever be the Bella that Edward first fell in love with. I'm nothing but...this.

This mess, sitting on the floor crying, and probably close to losing my mind. I wouldn't even want me, so how could I possibly expect Edward to?

Instead of ceasing, my sobs only grew louder, as my body shook with the force of them. I tried to close my eyes and breathe through it, but nothing helped.

The thought of Edward's anguished face kept haunting me. Every time my eyes closed, I would see his face, twisted with pain - the pain that I had caused him, and every time I envisioned his face, I could feel my heart physically ache, knowing what I had done to him.

He's perfect, and he deserves happiness, not pain. He deserves the best - not me.

I curled my legs up to my chest, hugging them tightly to me, as I rested my forehead on my knees and allowed myself a moment to cry, before the memory of my flashback filled my mind.

"I love you, Bella."

I shuddered at the mere thought of those words. The words that have caused so much damage to my life. The words that were a verbal statement of why I was...of why Jacob did what he did. The same words that caused me to hurt Edward.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was because of Jacob that I hurt Edward. It was what Jacob did that caused me to react the way I did. And the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. At Jacob, and at myself.

He claimed to love me. Love. You don't do that to someone you love. What he did wasn't love. It was disgusting, and disturbing, and painful, and I hate him for it. I hate him for doing that to me, for hurting me like that, and I hate him for causing me to hurt Edward - the one person I would never want to hurt.

It was because of Jacob that I'm unlovable, and untouchable. It's because of him that I'm disgusting!

I hate him.

I hate him.

"I hate him!" I screamed aloud, my voice filling the empty house as my chest heaved with the force of the words.

I hugged my legs tighter to myself, needing the comfort, and also trying to hold myself together. I could feel myself slipping. I felt as though I may shatter or break, especially with my life already falling to pieces.

Jacob practically destroyed me. And I...I could possibly destroy Edward, and I'm going to have to deal with losing Edward - again. He is the purest, and best thing that I have in my life, and I have no choice but to be without him again.

A whimper escaped me, as I sucked in a huge, gasping breath. I didn't even want to think about losing Edward, and now I would have to face that reality. The first time I lost him, I nearly went insane. What would happen to me the second time?

He couldn't possibly still want me, and it was all because of Jacob. Because of Jacob's apparent love.

As wonderful as love can be, it can also break you. There's the sweet, good, honest love...and then there's the twisted, painful, and just...wrong love. And apparently, both forms of love were out to break me - not just my heart, but myself as a whole. My body. My mind.

It was due to Jacob's love that he did what he did, and that on its own broke me. But now, it was due to mine and Edward's love that I would have to leave him in order to keep from hurting him even more. Surely, that would break me completely, to the point of no repair, to lose him again.

I could feel another sob building in my chest, and my body shook with the force of keeping it in, until I finally allowed myself to let it out, to relieve the crushing weight it was laying on my chest.

Why? Why did all of this have to happen? Why did Jacob have to do that? Why did he have to make me so disgusting, broken and unloveable? Why did I have to go and hurt Edward?

Without realizing it, I had begun mumbling the same word over and over.

"Why, why, why?"

For each utterance of the word, I had unintentionally allowed my head to drop back against the wall, causing a rhythmic, low thunking sound.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, ignoring the dull ache that was beginning to bloom at the back of my skull. It could have been mere seconds, or minutes, maybe even hours, but eventually, I noticed that I had stopped my crazed movements, and simply sat on the floor, shaking. I lost track of all time, simply allowing myself to be lost in my own thoughts.

That's why, when I heard a loud, resounding knock at the door, I jumped and let out a startled yelp. In the eerily quiet house, the sound seemed to be magnified, so even when the door was knocked on a second time about five seconds later, I still jumped.

Knowing Edward had finally followed me, at least having given me a few minutes to myself, I slowly got up off the floor, wiped the tears off my cheeks, and yanked the door open.

"I told you not to follo-"

Only it wasn't Edward at the door.

It was Jacob.

I'm aware that due to how I've ended this chapter, that you'll probably want to throw sharp objects at me. Instead, I ask that you just review, please =).

Next chapter: What will happen now that Bella's stuck in the house, alone, with Jacob? How will she react, and what will Jacob do? And is Edward on his way, and will he be able to help Bella?

As always, let me know what you thought - I'd love to hear your opinion. Let me know how many of you are still interested in the story, by reviewing, even if it's just to tell me your theory on what will happen in the next chapter!