Disclaimer: I don't own Glee nor its original characters (if I did it would probably be called The Brittany and Santana Show, and all the other characters would only be there to help advance their plot if they were even there at all).
A/N: Shoot the work, not the worker. Hate the holidays, not the holidays partaker. I'm not dead, despite apparent popular belief *lol* Stuff just piled up but I want you all to know that I'll never drop this story, I finish what I start. Anyways, I did get to catch up on Season 3 of Glee around Christmas, and when I say Glee I mean Santana & Brittany. There wasn't much to catch up on, unsurprisingly so. It took less than one hour to get the episodes and watch their tiny bits. Now I'm a bit curious, and anyone who watches the whole show could help me with this: do other couples actually get to share meaningful, long scenes? With, you know, at least some substantial dialogue? Because if they do things are definitely not fair for the girls. I know Glee is not famous for character development, and I mean no offense here, but that was just... Oh, another tiny question: are they actually adding more characters to the show? Because, I may be a relapse/selective viewer, but I've never gotten a glimpse of the irksome Irish kid before. So, could they possibly be doing that? They already have so little time for the heaps of characters they already do have, aside from the various musical acts. That would just be a puzzling move.
Babbling aside, I hope the absence only made the heart grow fonder :)
***This one goes out to: choyu, because "British tone"? How so? You got me intrigued... Do tell, dear reader. And to Ily 18, because I'd like to welcome you as a representive of all the numerous new readers. You guys never cease to amaze me with your love for this little story of mine. And as for Quinn/Rachel, I can't say I die of love for them either, although I've been enjoying writing them. Funny fact: the only reason they are even together here is because, at the time I started writing this story, I only read one other fiction and it had Quinn paired up with Rachel. Since I don't watch Glee I actually believed they had at least a thing going on the show *lol*
Wow, the record number of reviews the last chapter got was... amazing! Thanks for the love, guys. I wish I could single out every review because they are all getting better by the chapter. Anyhow, I won't keep you longer. Enjoy the new huge chapter! I was very self-indulgent on this one, I won't lie, *and* I got to use one of my favourite songs ever ;) Oh, and my climax pun will finally materialize itself *lol*
Mischances, Stances and Stolen Glances
||Chapter Seventeen||
Brittany came down from her high and started to feel the sting of rejection after being pushed away by Santana. She held the brunette's inquisitive gaze, trying to convey how she felt and was surprised when she felt Santana's hands on her shoulders again.
Santana shoved Brittany forcefully but gently against the lockers and, with a smirk on her lips and their bodies flushed against one another's, she started kissing the blonde again. Hard.
…
Brittany worked her hand to the back of Santana's neck, bringing their faces impossibly closer together, deepening the kiss she had longed for so long. Their lips moved against one another's feverishly, full of need and want, and yet a bit more gracefully than when it first started. Not that that entailed much. Either way Santana tasted like… home. And the blonde was beyond glad to be back after such a long time away.
Santana's hands were frantically travelling everywhere: from Brittany's jaw, to her neck, to her chest, to her arms, to her toned stomach, to the bare skin of her thighs… They simply did not know where to focus as her lips did their familiar thing against Brittany's while she had the tall blonde pinned hard against the lockers. At that moment Santana inwardly congratulated herself on her choice of ridiculously high heels, because she was of the same height as Brittany and she liked the feeling.
Brittany's tongue didn't even request entrance into Santana's mouth. It just slipped right in like it owned the place, which made Santana smile into the kiss, but not for long, though. She wanted to taste Brittany again, and so their tongues battled for dominance as they got reacquainted with the dance they hadn't performed in a long while. And, boy, it felt nice! The kiss was wet and it popped and smacked every once in a while. Brittany's other hand cupped Santana's breast and the brunette emitted a moan that prompted Brittany's turn to smile into the kiss.
There was no room for thought. There was only room to feel and at that moment they both were finding it hard to breathe. But there was no way they would break off the mind-blowing kiss for something so unimportant like breathing. The art of breathing through one's nose whilst kissing required work. Work that they have done more than diligently throughout their many years together, and it was time to put that coveted knowledge to use. And they surely did. Even though it was hard as hell as their breathing got shortened by the strenuous activity while adrenaline pumped through their veins. It felt like singing while running for Santana, or like singing while dancing for Brittany: the secret was all in the breathing management.
Santana instinctively grabbed Brittany's ass, their lips still connected in the long passionate kiss, and the blue-eyed woman moaned in return. As hands roamed and tongues dueled, suddenly only kissing and groping didn't feel enough. Their heated bodies ached for more and Santana's knee easily found Brittany's spot, putting more than enough pressure against it as she roughly pulled the blonde's bottom lip with her teeth. Perhaps a part of her wanted to punish Brittany a bit, and the dancer wasn't complaining at all judging by the embarrassingly loud and aroused sound that came from her lips at the combination of well-practiced moves.
Brittany's knee started to do the same to Santana as the blonde untangled her lips from between the brunette's teeth and brought them to the woman's tan neck, sucking hard and nibbling and doing their thing that always managed to drive Santana crazy. The brunette knew that Brittany. It was territorial Brittany and even though she hadn't had the pleasure to experience her a lot in the past, she was glad to meet her again as her mouth hang open with pleasure at the woman's expert ministrations on her neck.
As the women carried on against the lockers – back with the frantic kissing – they were both reaching their climax embarrassingly quick with every movement of their knees. It had been a long, long time. Santana began pressing Brittany against the locker with more force, searching for any leverage to operate her moves and Brittany, on the other hand, offered some counteractive push, trying to bring their bodies even closer together to maximize the friction despite the fact that through the thing material of both their dresses she could clearly feel Santana's racy heartbeats against her chest, which could burst at any second for all she knew taking in consideration her own speedy beats.
They intensely came together and Santana felt Brittany's quivering body against hers as she held the blonde in a sort of hug that was most likely a pretense to keep her body from falling down due to wobbly legs. Brittany's hot breath, product of heavy panting, on her neck wasn't doing many favours for the brunette either.
Santana and Brittany stood there for a while, catching their breaths. The side of the blonde's forehead resting lazily on Santana's right shoulder, and the brunette's forehead resting comfortably against Brittany's sweat-coated temple. After their high – and God, what a high! – that was when reality began to sink in… for both of them.
With red swollen lips and still in a small haze Santana pulled her head back a bit and chanced a quick study of Brittany's face, especially those mesmerizing blue eyes. Suffice to say, she did not like what she saw.
"Are you kidding me?" Santana asked evenly, slightly furrowing her eyebrows as she took a step backwards from Brittany's hold of her waist.
"What?" Brittany asked with confusion, mimicking Santana's eyebrows' shape whilst subconsciously missing the loss of contact.
"What? I can see the hesitation and regret all over your face, Brittany. That's what!" Santana replied in a louder tone of voice, shaking her head from side to side in disbelief.
Is my face really showing that? Brittany pondered briefly as she ran a hand through blonde hair. She had been shoved back into reality a few seconds ago, which brought her thoughts to Jenna, to her wife, and the fact that what she had just done with Santana was wrong. So, yes, maybe she looked a bit like that and she shouldn't be surprised, really, because Santana always could read her like an open book. However, unlike Santana apparently was thinking, considering her expression and tone of voice, Brittany did not regret doing what she just did with the love of her life. She regretted doing that before ending things properly with Jenna.
Santana wasn't taking Brittany's pause well, and the dancer could tell she was about to turn around and storm off. So, the blue-eyed woman ceased her leaning against the locker, shook her head repeatedly and countered haphazardly while taking one step closer to Santana, "I am not."
The brunette scoffed, taking another step backwards. Being close to Brittany had already proved quite quickly to be a bad idea that day, and she always did her best to learn from her mistakes.
"And now you're lying…" Santana trailed on with massive exasperation, placing both hands on her hips in a huff.
The dancer tried yet again to take a step forward and grab a hold of Santana, but the brunette dodged her, which made Brittany sigh and try to regroup. "I'm not, I mean, it's not what you think," Brittany shot back immediately, having a hard time to both process her many thoughts and speak up coherently.
When right and wrong were concerned Brittany always took the matter as a black and white deal. Things were either wrong or right, there was no middle ground. Ever since she was little, ever since she could remember, Brittany found it easier to disregard shades of grey. She always got lost in them. They were too out of control, too complicated, too confusing for her little head and so she denied the disconcerting grey area. Ergo, cheating on your wife was clearly wrong. However powerful and definitive the attenuating circumstance may be.
As the blue-eyed woman tried to wrap her mind around everything, tried to quell the loud battle between her heart and her head that rendered her momentarily disconcerted, Santana had started to really lose her patience. It wasn't like the brunette's mind wasn't running a mile a minute as well.
"Unbelievable…" Santana drawled out with a bitter and dry smile that cut deep through Brittany, who took a long stride towards the brown-eyed woman and managed to capture a tan hand in hers. But before the dancer could utter a single word amidst her stupor, Santana shook her hand free of Brittany and added sharply without dropping the blue gaze, "Goodbye, Brittany." And with that she turned around briskly.
"Santana, wait," Brittany called out with a hint of desperation in her tone, taking a couple of steps after the brunette. "I can explain…"
Without turning around to face Brittany, Santana shot back with conviction and utter determination, "I'm done waiting, Brittany." And then she mumbled for her ears only, "I've waited too damn long."
Brittany still tried to dejectedly call out again, "Santana…" But the other woman was already walking with purpose away from her. And Brittany thought it was probably better to let her go, let Santana fume for a bit. She knew Santana and knew that trying to catch her now and corner her into talking right then would only cause the woman to lash out. Besides, she wanted to do things properly. Brittany wanted to show Santana she really meant something; she really meant everything when she kissed her. Meaning: Brittany would gently end things with Jenna as soon as possible and then go after Santana. Words were really pretty, but actions? Actions were the real deal.
With those thoughts in mind, Brittany took a few steps back and rested her forehead against the coolness of a locker with eyes closed to settle down. Her heart was beating fast and, for once in a long time, her future prospects brought a little smile to her lips... She would get back together with Santana. Brittany could only imagine how over the moon Zoey would get, how her little pretty face would just light up when they told her. Real happiness… Feels good. Really good. But she still had to confront Jenna. And just like that the thought put a damp in her good mood.
It didn't take long for Santana to arrive back at the table her friends were sitting at. She had taken very long strides all the way through, and the sound of her heels against the gym's floor was particularly louder due to some serious heaviness in her steps. Yes, Santana was mad. If that wasn't indication enough of how mad she was, the scowl on her face and the flush on her cheeks definitely were. When it came to the origins of her flush, though, where Santana's madness began and where her encounter with Brittany at the lockers ended not even Einstein could accurately precise.
Riley apparently had joined Santana's friends at their table, and the doctor took a seat next to the redhead with more than apparent huffiness. Quinn and Rachel were animatedly yapping away amongst themselves.
Turning her body on the chair to face Santana, Riley studied her girlfriend's face expectantly. The brown-eyed woman clearly looked sour and simply ignored the ginger's look.
"What happened?" Riley finally asked in a low tone after waiting too long for Santana to volunteer the information by her own free will. Still the other woman remained silent, albeit holding emerald-green eyes. "With Brittany, I mean. What happened with Brittany?" Riley added in the same tone, elaborating even though both knew it wasn't really needed. The question didn't hold any jealousy or accusation, just honest curiosity. And perhaps some anxiety, too.
Sighing a long sigh, Santana replied evenly, "Nothing happened." She lied. And it wasn't like it was the first time, really. Riley never could tell the difference anyway and, besides, it was a well-intentioned lie. It wasn't like what happened minutes ago would happen again, anyhow. "We just talked," Santana added promptly, running a hand through her long dark hair to smoothen it. She had fixed her appearance as she made her walk-of-shame back, but the present talk made her self-conscious.
"You look a bit, uh…" Riley chanced meekly, looking for the right word to describe Santana without antagonizing her, "…upset."
"I'm not," Santana countered defensively and with some edge to it. She didn't mean to sound harsh because none of her foul disposition had to do with poor Riley, but everything was piling up on the brunette and she had never been any good dealing with one single feeling. Let alone a multitude of them all together.
Taking in Riley's slight frown, Santana added much more softly, "I'm sorry... There's just nothing to talk about, okay?" And she mustered up a really forced tiny smile, which Riley gracefully took and mimicked.
It was not right for her to blow up on the redhead, especially when she was mad – really mad – at Brittany and not Riley. Yet again, the whole situation was so fucked up. But she had told Riley. Santana had warned the emerald-eyed woman several times that she was damaged goods, that she had lots, lots of baggage, that she wasn't looking for anything serious and that she probably never would. It wasn't like she lied and led the other woman on. Riley decided to take her on anyhow, so she supposed the redhead would have to deal with that whole mess then. Before Santana could dwell further in her many ill thoughts towards her ex-wife, though, Quinn interrupted her, breaking away from her private conversation with Rachel.
"S, have you run into Nicole Hewitt yet?" Quinn asked with the hugest of grins plastered on her face, turning her focus to Santana.
Nicole was the head cheerleader before them. Someone they both severely envied – and secretly despised – before the heinous girl graduated and opened up the coveted spot for one of them to take.
"I saw her a few minutes ago and I looked around for you so we could mock her together, but you were nowhere to be found…" the petite blonde rambled on animatedly before concluding her thoughts, "Anyhow, she is as fat as a cow." And Quinn happily chuckled. Rachel, who was following the conversation, would have protested against the mean remark but Nicole used to give her a really hard time on hallways – like, a scary truly-vicious hard time – so she let it slide.
Santana merely gave her a half-assed nod in acknowledgment. Not even a devilish smirk was thrown into the mix.
"Oook, that was not the exact reaction I was expecting," Quinn said with less enthusiasm, dropping her grin a bit. She took a few seconds to study her friend's face and something was definitely off. Her enthusiasm prevented her from noticing before, but Santana wore this huge scowl on her face and everything about her demeanour told the blonde her friend was in a bad mood. And not regular Santana bad mood at that. "Did I miss something?" Quinn added with genuine concern and curiosity, leaning her body closer to the edge of the table on reflex.
"Nothing," Santana shot back sharply, sternly locking brown eyes on hazel ones to convey her disinterest in talking about this.
Quinn, Rachel and Riley exchanged confused glances amongst each other as Santana huffed on her seat.
Clearly not getting the message, Quinn pressed on comically, "Really, Santana, what crawled up your ass?" And she flashed the brunette a smile, which was totally not returned.
"Why everyone keeps asking me that?" Santana rhetorically asked in a clipped tone. She was already in a terrible mood and everybody kept pressuring her for answers she did not have or did not want to give. Christ! So, Santana added in the same manner, speaking profusely with her hands, "Nothing happened, ok? Can we just drop this, please?" The 'please' sounded more like a profanity than anything, really; and the question sounded exactly like a demand.
Quinn, Rachel and Riley exchanged odd looks yet again. Santana's sourness was evident but no one knew exactly why. Quinn subtly looked sideways at her wife and suddenly things started to add up in her head, in their head, actually. Taking in consideration the talk Quinn had had with Brittany in the bathroom, which the petite blonde quickly relayed to Rachel right after, it didn't take much for them to add up that something had transpired between their two friends. Something not-so-good… to put it mildly.
As half-understanding dawned on Quinn and Rachel, Santana made use of the silence that took over the table to drown in self-reproach and, especially, in Brittany-reproach. I mean, she is unbelievable… Santana mused inwardly. And not in that good way! Santana quickly amended. How could Brittany do that to her? How could she just play, toy with her feelings that way? She didn't understand. At all. Santana swallowed hard and kept letting the bitter wheels turn in her head. Brittany kissed her, not the other way around. And she felt the dancer enjoying herself… She felt several times Brittany smiling against her lips and neck… It just didn't add up. What was Brittany thinking? And what was she thinking? Letting herself fall under the blonde's spell like that and actually letting herself believe that maybe things were about to change. That maybe she could have her life back. What an idiot… Santana thought, unconsciously shaking her head at her pitiful self.
Before she could continue to wallow and make sense of everything that had happened so quickly but moments ago, Santana caught the sight of Brittany making her way to freakin' Jenna across the gymnasium as some couples danced to the slow songs that were playing one after another as the reunion neared its end. The sight made her stomach clench and churn and she got even madder at the blonde if possible. Her cold, ferocious brown eyes bore holes in the blue-eyed woman's back at distance and the even scarier scowl that took over her face's features brought the other women's attention to what the brunette was looking at, and there was no doubt something had happened between her and Brittany. Not that anyone dared to ask; especially Riley, who feared the answer the most.
Brittany made her way towards Jenna in slow steps, trying her hardest to calm her breathing and to stead her erratic heartbeats. She was almost reaching the shorter blonde and it was proving to be a difficult task to accomplish. All she could think about was Santana, their little rendezvous, and the confrontational conversation she would have to have with Jenna sooner than later.
"Hi," Brittany managed to say as she reached the green-eyed woman. The dancer couldn't muster up a smile, though. Too many things were running through her mind to manage that much.
"Hey," Jenna replied with a tight-lip smile, holding her cell phone in hand. "Where were you? I was looking for ya," she added without skipping a beat. Her face was calm and collected to Brittany's gladness. Running her eyes over Brittany's appearance – especially her hair – Jenna couldn't help but amend with slightly narrowed eyes, "You're looking kinda disheveled and, uh, weird, honey… Something wrong?"
Running a hand through her long blonde hair, Brittany stated while cursing herself inwardly for not straightening her appearance before coming back to the gym, "No, uh, nothing's wrong. It must be from all the dancing." She shook her head repeatedly from side to side for emphasis. "I was at the bathroom," the blue-eyed woman added immediately with a forced half-smile. Obviously – not to Jenna, though – it was a lie. And it wasn't like it was the first time, really. Jenna never could tell the difference anyway and, besides, it was a well-intentioned lie. The reunion was no place to have such an important talk.
Buying the lie like a keen customer, Jenna carried on with ease, "I got a call from Billy."
They both knew what that meant. Billy was one of the two people Jenna sponsored at AA.
"Relapse?" Brittany asked knowingly, oozing sympathy through her beautiful blue eyes. Jenna merely nodded, matching the look on her wife's face with a tiny sad smile playing on her lips.
"He just called. He's at the bar near the gas station just outside of town," Jenna relayed the information calmly. The man did have many lapses of judgement. She was used to it by then. "I'm sorry but I have to go and pick him up. At least he refrained from driving this time …" The petite blonde added dejectedly.
Brittany nodded her understanding. "Of course," the dancer stated candidly. "The reunion is almost over anyhow." And then she felt eyes on her. If Brittany were to be honest she felt them soon after entering the gym, but right at that moment they felt heavier. Way heavier. She couldn't help chancing a glance towards the table she knew said eyes were deriving from and, even though both women were far apart, Brittany always could make Santana's scowl from 10.000 miles away. Not only make, Brittany could actually feel Santana's loaded energy coming her way. And it wasn't nice. At all.
Jenna caught the subtle glance and slightly shook her head with dull resignation, but refrained from remarking anything.
Breaking her wife's mesmerizing trance, Jenna said evenly, "Alright. I'll go then. I have to take the car, though. Can you catch a ride with one of your friends?"
"Sure. Don't worry," Brittany replied, flashing a small smile for good measure.
"Ok. See you back home," Jenna said softly, matching the smile whilst briefly rubbing her hand up and down Brittany's upper arm before starting to walk away from the distraught blue-eyed woman towards the exit.
Brittany took a moment to collect herself before heading towards her friends' table. She knew the situation wouldn't be pretty but, knowing that everything would be resolved once she talked to Jenna and then went to Santana for another talk, brought her some peace of mind that she hadn't felt in a long, long time. Taking a deep breath and turning to the desired destination the dancer started walking with purposeful, calculated steps. As Brittany walked she could see that there other people standing around the table: Puck, Kurt and Sam. Brittany didn't know whether she was happy that there were more buffers around or apprehensive that there were more people to witness a possible outburst. You never really knew when Snix would decide to make an appearance.
Making her way through the last couples who slow-danced at the dance floor, Brittany reached the table in no time and she caught the tail of their conversation.
"It will be fun," Kurt said in his rather girly tone of voice.
"Yeah, totally," Sam chimed in with enthusiasm, arm around a woman. "It will be like a little Glee reunion of sorts," he added, smiling widely with his huge mouth.
People caught up to the dancer's presence and acknowledged her with head nods and smiles. Except for Santana, whose scowl turned ten folds as she averted cold eyes from freakin' blue ones. Yes, if Brittany had any doubt that the woman was mad that was enough indication that she truly was. Even madder than the blue-eyed woman had previously anticipated, actually. The sight hurt her. Most deeply. Because she knew it had been her doing.
"I already said we are in," Quinn calmly spoke for her and Rachel. The use of the pronoun and the intimacy that it carried caused Santana to involuntarily roll her eyes. Emotions galore were clearly making the brunette go haywire.
"S-Lo?" Puck prompted with a smug little grin, immediately receiving a real death glare from the doctor.
Santana had been the only one fighting the get together previously to Brittany's arrival.
Before the brown-eyed woman had the chance to colourfully retort, Kurt piped in while nearing the blonde dancer.
"You're onboard, right, Britt?" He asked with a smile and a glint in his eyes, the focus being shifted from a pissed Santana to the blonde.
"Onboard with what?" Brittany asked with confusion, shifting her eyes from Kurt's to each and every person around and at the table. She couldn't help but notice Santana still would not make eye contact with her, which was a pity because Brittany was dying to send her an apologetic and loving look that could somehow convey her feelings and ideally the notion that she would make everything right very soon. Ideally being the operative word, of course. She was pretty sure no look could ever accomplish that much. No matter how hard one might wish and try. The thought caused Brittany to sigh as her friend answered her.
"We were thinking the night is still too young and we are really enjoying this re-connection. So, we came up with this plan to have a mini Glee reunion at Puck's bar after this bash ends, which appears to be soon," Kurt informed as a matter of fact. "You're up for it?" He added hopefully, being met by Brittany's eyes again.
"Sure," Brittany replied without missing a beat and with a ghost of a smile on her face, the idea of reuniting with her Glee friends did make her feel momentarily happier. "I'll need a ride, though," she added quickly, receiving inquisitive eyes from Quinn, Rachel and – yes – Santana as well. So, the dancer felt the need to clarify, "Jenna had an emergency… One of the people she sponsors had a relapse," Brittany amended softly and couldn't help but notice that her brunette ex's scowl returned from a brief, almost unperceptive, falling. The reason behind it intrigued and yet escaped the blue-eyed woman.
"I'll take you," Kurt promptly offered with a congenial smile. "We have a lot to catch up, little Miss," he added with enthusiasm.
"Santana?" Sam gently coaxed again in a less antagonizing way than Puck, which wasn't a difficult feat to accomplish.
The brown-eyed doctor directed her sharp glance to Puck instead. "Call me that again and my knee will make sure you never procreate again," Santana stated in her best menacing voice, adding a pointed finger to the bar owner for good measure. After an expecting silence she added evenly, "I'm in."
Santana Lopez was definitely becoming a dull girl, always turning down opportunities to party and live large. Well, that was the end of it. She would not let Brittany put a damper on her. Ever again. Besides, she could use a few stiff drinks instead of those washed down punches they offered at the reunion. To the ladies' displeasure Puck's flask had only gone so far. So…
The brown-eyed woman's acceptance of the invitation brought a smile to her girlfriend's lips. Riley was growing more suspicious with each passing minute. A fun outing could only do them good. Right? Right.
"Great!" Sam exclaimed with animation. "I'll round the rest of us and then we can leave," he added casually, starting to walk away with his girlfriend by his side.
While Kurt talked to Brittany about something or other, the distracted dancer took the opportunity to steal yet another glance at Santana, who talked to Riley with little animation and Brittany could tell just by her eyes and stiff demeanour that Santana was really, really mad. Her chest constricted in that awful way one more time. Maybe she should try to catch the brunette alone and just tell her everything, that she would end things with Jenna. It devastated Brittany the fact that Santana thought ill of her somehow, even if it was due to a slight misunderstanding. Her ex's opinion of her meant more to the blue-eyed woman than she could ever say with mere words. No. She should stick to her plan however hard it may be. Actions first, words after. It was the best way to go. Concreteness; she thought to herself before giving Kurt her full attention again.
If Quinn and Rachel had any doubts that something transpired between their former married friends they got confirmation during their tense interaction at that table but moments ago. The mood was heavy and everyone with the tiniest bit of perception could sense the bad vibe radiating from Santana towards one clear main direction: Brittany. Not that all the other people around couldn't get a taste of their own. Santana had always been that generous.
What the hell happened? Was the question that kept coming back to Quinn and Rachel as they shared subtle sideway looks of mutually comprehended concern and curiosity while sitting at that table. They had to get Brittany alone eventually. Of their two best friends the blonde was definitely the most likely to spill the beans. And Santana was looking scarier by the second.
Everyone from Glee club that made it to the reunion also made it to Charlie's. Turned out the promise of real liquor was quite enticing to all parties, or so Santana figured. Because there was no way people would be there solely for an extent of some pathetic get-reacquainted with old peers shindig; the brunette sourly mused. That was exactly her frame of mind at that miserable instant. Yes, Santana was still very, very mad. And she had no problem whatsoever with showing that to anyone who chanced a chat or merely a glance her way.
Some of the bar's square wooden tables had been pushed together creating one big single table where everyone proceeded to take a seat, talk and enjoy their night. Everyone except for Santana and Brittany, obviously. The brunette sat there looking vexed and the blonde despondent, facing each other on different sides of the table – but not really making eye contact, courtesy of the stubborn brown-eyed woman.
"Ok, now that everyone is settled I'll start bringing in the booze," Puck who stood by the big table announced loudly to be heard over the already loud chatter. All eyes went to him. "I still got lots of your lady wine in the back Santana. Should I bring some over? I know how you broads love it," the bar owner added playfully, shifting his eyes from Santana to Quinn and Rachel, who rolled their eyes collectively at the funny man.
Santana shot back immediately in her authoritative tone, "Don't bring them on my account. I'm in the mood for something strong today." Her sharp eyes briefly flickered Brittany's way, which caused the blue-eyed woman to subtly flinch. "Scotch, maybe," she amended evenly and then finished with confidence and edge, "Neat."
"A woman after my own heart," Puck quipped with a typical smug grin on his face and Santana didn't even bother to take his response in consideration. She simply turned back to Riley who sat by her right side since she felt emerald-green eyes on her. She felt crystal-blue as well, but she wouldn't take that into consideration either.
From the corner of her eye Santana saw Quinn and Rachel whispering to each other and she figured it was about her as well. Yes, she was that self-centered, but her friends did try to corner her for answers whenever Riley was out of ear range on their way there. Either way, she did not want to deal with them either. In fact she just wanted to drink, and drink and drink. Not to the point of intoxication, surely. The river of shit that would come out of her mouth would be embarrassing, not to mention the river of tears she would most likely shed. No, she would drink a lot. But she would not get drunk. Santana knew she had a pretty high tolerance for alcohol. She could manage the task for certain. She just wanted to forget. She just wanted to feel nothing. To feel numb. That was her goal for the rest of the night. Thanks a lot, Brittany…
"Finn, Sam, give me a hand in the back, will ya?" Puck shouted to the guys who sat by their ladies at the table. "And Artie, you can start filling some pitchers of beer behind the bar. Everything you'll need is behind there," the buff man added as the guys started to move to comply to his requests, while the rest chatted away with the people closest to them.
"You ladies just sit and look pretty," Puck shouted back a joke as the three men walked to the back.
"That was exactly our plan, Puck," Mercedes chimed in with a boisterous laugh, elbowing Brittany who sat by her left and receiving a polite smile from the dancer. Even though the blonde was deep in thought… And not pleasant ones at that. Santana was really giving her the cold shoulder. Hell, cold shoulder would have been a nice change! She would have taken the cold shoulder over… that gut-wrenching thing any day of the week.
Artie successfully made the beer start to flow around the table, and in no time the guys reappeared from the back of the bar. Puck and Finn were carrying a few cases of liquor, which were promptly placed on the bar's counter. And Sam, well, Sam came carrying something else.
"Look what I found in the back…" The blond man trailed on with a huge grin, lifting up the device whilst all eyes turned to him. Sam was holding up a little tube television, no bigger than 10 inches and as ancient as time. "An old school karaoke machine!" He added enthusiastically, blowing on the top of the television and causing a big puff of dust to ensue.
The table started to buzz as everyone got excited with the prospect of singing again and chatted loudly and uncontrollably amongst themselves. Except for Santana, who looked less than amused by the discovery of the karaoke machine, figuring that bursting into song was the last thing she wanted to do at that moment. And Brittany, who looked too preoccupied to enthuse but at least didn't mind the possibility of more joy. She sure needed some at that moment.
"How splendid!" Rachel cried out in a very high-pitched tone, clasping her hands together in sheer glee. "I can't wait to be the first one to sing," the petite diva added in the same fashion, making Quinn smile lightly at her wife's enthusiasm and Santana roll her eyes.
"Be a little louder, won't you, Midget?" Santana scolded with exasperation, looking past Rachel to see Puck coming to the table with four bottles of scotch and Finn with a tray of glasses. At least the sight soothed her, despite Santana having to avoid Brittany's gaze as well since the blonde sat beside Rachel and was in her line of vision towards the guys.
Santana's remark earned reproaching looks from Tina, her fiancé and Kurt, but was simply ignored by Rachel. Quinn also sent Santana a warning mild glare. She knew Santana had something up her ass, but there was no need to take it out on her wife.
"We don't even know if the machine works," Finn piped in casually, placing the tray on the table.
"If only we would be so lucky," Santana mumbled under her breath and Riley, the only one who listened, placed a soothing hand on the brunette's thigh under the table. Santana couldn't help but sent the poor soul a fake little smile in gratitude. She didn't deserve the ginger. She didn't deserve anyone, really. She was ruined. Brittany had ruined her. God, even I know how much of a whiny little bitch I'm sounding like in my own fucking head; Santana thought briefly.
"I didn't even know the thing was back there. Must have been old man Charlie's," Puck informed with a blasé shrug, placing the bottles on the table right after Finn placed the tray.
"The songs in it are pretty vintage as well," Sam said engrossed in thought as he flipped through the dusty book of songs. The machine placed on the table in front of him.
"Oh, old tunes are fantastic for my timbre of voice," Rachel couldn't help but say with a wide grin plastered on her face.
Brittany looked over at Santana from across the table, expecting a retort or a scoff, but the brown-eyed woman was apparently too busy fixing herself a really substantial glass of scotch. The dancer sighed and remembered herself for the umpteenth time that she would fix everything soon. No need for that awful feeling in the pit of her stomach.
"What are we waiting for?" Artie asked in his congenial good-boy tone. "Let's set this baby up," he added from his wife's side, pointing with his head to the little stage – if one could really call the slightly elevated small surface directly in front of the tables a 'stage'.
Sam grabbed the television set, microphone and wires and walked to the 'stage' as Artie rolled over there from the other side of the table. Finn soon followed after, laying a soft kiss on his seated fiancé's head first.
"You're really quiet, Britt," Quinn stated for the blue-eyed woman's ear only. She could see the tension between her friends with the same clarity as she would have seen a pink elephant sitting in the middle of the bar. "Something wrong?" The shorter blonde added in concerned question, but before Brittany could answer Mercedes interrupted their unknown private time.
"I hope you're not thinking of hogging all the songs like you used to, Rachel," Mercedes joked from Brittany's side as she addressed the theater diva that was already going through the book of songs with untamed excitement.
"Me hogging? Nonsense," Rachel dismissed with an air of seriousness but not looking up from the old black book, which brought laugh from several people sitting at the table. Including Quinn.
The real liquor flowed around the table along with the beer whilst the guys hooked up the karaoke machine on 'stage'. Santana was downing her fair share of scotch and tequila – which found its way to the table soon after its friends – and doing her best at shooting down the many glances Brittany insisted on sending her way for some reason, but the brunette still kept mindful of her limits to avoid potential meltdowns. Her goal was still numb, not drunk. Never hurt to repeat it internally.
A while later the guys managed to make the karaoke machine work and Rachel volunteered to take the lead as she did whine like Patsy Cline with a rendition of Crazy on the so-called stage. While everyone was engrossed in the performance, Brittany took the opportunity to try and start a conversation with Santana. She hated that they were in such a crappy state: not talking and the brunette avoiding even her forlorn glances.
"I miss seeing Rach perform…" Brittany said softly to Santana from across the table, trying to take a hold of those sharp brown eyes to no avail. Santana didn't turn her gaze the blonde's way. "Don't you?" The dancer added in question, not giving up that easily.
However, seconds passed and no answer came. Santana just took a swig of her scotch and quickly shot daggers Brittany's way before returning her eyes to the petite diva.
Riley, who had witnessed the whole thing, felt awkward with the unanswered question and decided to chime in for her girlfriend, "She really is very good." And she offered Brittany a half-smile. The tall blonde mimicked the kind gesture for lack of better response.
Quinn just watched the interactions from the corner of her eye. The hazel-eyed woman's attention split between her wife and the mind-boggling weirdness occurring with her two best friends. She knew it was prying on her part but Quinn needed to get to the bottom of that story, especially taking in the rate within which Santana was downing booze. At least she knew the brown-eyed woman could take her liquor. Otherwise the waterworks would make an unpleasant appearance.
Rachel belted the last lines in perfect key as she read the lyrics on the tiny television that was set on top of a bar stool on stage, "I'm crazy for tryin'. I'm crazy for cryin'. And I'm crazy for lovin' you."
The former Glee members applauded politely and Rachel added on the microphone, "Thank you! Thank you! You were a lovely audience." And she smiled her best performer smile, earning an eye-roll from Santana. Not that the petite brunette noticed through her high as she made her way back to the table, receiving a peck on the lips from Quinn.
The night went on in the same spirit. Mercedes sang Feeling Good with enough soul to go around for years. Tina covered Piece Of My Heart with all she got. Sam did a fun take on Dance, Dance, Dance. Puck and Finn did a nice and rough duet of If You See Her Say Hello. And Quinn and Brittany – dragged by the former since the tall blonde felt reluctant to sing under the circumstances – followed with a lighthearted version of The Tide Is High.
Brittany made sure to send suggestive, subtle looks Santana's way every time she would sing, "The tide is high but I'm holding on. I'm gonna be your number one. I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that." Looks that were dismissed with shakes of head and/or scoffs when taken under consideration at all. But the dancer was nothing more than tenacious and kept sending the looks anyway.
Kurt was in the middle of singing I Want To Hold Your Hand when Santana's betraying eyes traveled to an unsuspecting Brittany, who was talking to Artie a bit further down the table among all the other gleeks who kept chatting amongst themselves and watching the performance. The sight did nothing to appease the brunette's hard feelings as the crystal clear parallels were drawing in her head faster than Zoey could charm a perfect stranger. Suddenly, Santana felt just like her teenager-self; transported to a time where her already angry persona was turned a hundred times worse by the sting of Brittany's rejection, by the blonde choosing someone else over her when she stood before her with her heart in her hand. She could even listen to the overly familiar Copeland's Love Affair tune ringing in her ears – instead of Kurt's singing voice – like old times, when she used to hear it on repeat. And she could even see in her mind the view of her bedroom ceiling as she lied there in her bed staring at it while listening to said song and allowing herself to cry even though her pride was telling her she was nothing but a pathetic little girl. Because she was yet again pondering whether her kiss had been too weak, whether her eyes had been too tired, too tired to distinguish fact from fiction. The only difference was that she probably deserved to be treated by Brittany like she was back then. Santana knew she had dropped the ball in the past concerning the whole Artie situation. She had practically pushed the blue-eyed teen into the nerd's arms. But it was not the case where they presently stood. She did not deserve to be treated that way. Not after everything they've shared.
How could Brittany have done that to her? How could she be so callous? Have so little feeling? The thoughts and feelings swam through Santana's mind and body in a tumultuous pace. And, at that very moment, she knew. Santana knew with the type of certainty you only encounter a few times in life that she had been right that first time when she came back from her coma. She couldn't stay in Lima. Not like that. The brunette was fooling herself thinking she could be just friends with Brittany. Because, when it came to her former wife, she could never be only friends or only lovers. She could never be one without the other. Not after everything they had. It surprised her that Brittany could, really, but what she didn't know was that the blue-eyed woman would choose to have her under any capacity rather than not to have her at all. People are never the same. Thoughts and feelings always vary, but that's the beauty in life, in individuals.
Santana's predictions came through. Their situation brought the worst side of her to play. She had reverted to her old angry ways. She didn't remember the last time she felt as mad as she was feeling at that moment, and she was quite aware of how snappy she had been with everyone around her. Santana didn't like the old her and she wasn't looking forward to entertain that persona again. So, it all ultimately came back to her original answer to the same problem: she had to move back to New York. That initial solution was truly proving itself to be the best course of action for everyone involved. It would kill the brunette if Zoey ever got to see that side of her. And besides, she still missed the big city. She still didn't belong to Lima like she did to New York. She still missed her friends and even her real job, to be completely honest. Santana didn't mind being a general physician but being a plastic surgeon was her calling, her passion. And she wouldn't ignore those feelings any longer. She promised Brittany after she woke up that she would try to be just friends with her and make Lima into a home again, and she did. She did try. Now Santana just had to admit that she had failed. It had become too hard.
As the wheels turned in Santana's head, Brittany started to feel her ex's eyes on her and she quickly averted those blue pools from Artie to the woman in question. For the first time in the night Santana didn't look away from the dancer. She allowed their eyes to connect in that heated lock and the intensity of the look in the brown-eyed woman's eyes suddenly made Brittany sort of regret seeking the stare all night long. The resentment, the heaviness, the sadness, the anger, the coldness, the sharpness and, yes, even the love she still detected in the dark orbs made Brittany flinch in place. She took a deep breath and, yet again, couldn't wait to settle everything so they could be alright once more.
Santana held Brittany's stare and couldn't help but see the sheer love and adoration there, and as Riley chatted away with Rachel, the brunette doctor couldn't figure out all these mixed signals the blue-eyed woman insisted on sending her way. It was official: Brittany was trying to drive her completely mad, in both senses of the word. But then again she knew things and feelings in life weren't simply this or that. People were complicated, complex, and between 'this' and 'that' there were a myriad of other intricate stuff. However, her brain wasn't really interested in delving into explanations that could get her ex off the hook. And so, it dropped the merciful train of thought as quickly as it had picked it up. With that cogitation, Santana took a shot of tequila after brusquely averting her gaze from a tentatively smiling Brittany. New York, here I come…
The night kept going despite anyone's inner turmoil. But isn't that how life usually work? If only the world would stop spinning whenever anyone felt off, so the person could at least catch a breath and regroup. One thing is for sure: lots of hasty, stupid decisions would not be made. However, this pale blue dot of ours didn't work like that…
The people in Charlie's had gotten up from the table and scattered around the bar, but they were still chatting in little groups here and there and they still took turns singing on 'stage'.
At that moment Sam was doing his best impression of Space Oddity with extra enthusiasm as Brittany was coming from the bathroom to stop at the bar and grab a drink from Puck, who had been standing behind it for a while – sheer force of habit – only to be intercepted midway by her pair of bewildered best friends.
"Brittany, where were you?" Rachel asked in a shrill voice, her eyes wide and alarmed as Quinn stood by her side.
Brittany shot her and Quinn a puzzled look and replied sort of in question form, "In the bathroom?" After a short beat the leggy blonde added more evenly, "Why?"
Sam's voice could be heard, "And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the stars look very different today…" And some people were cheering him on, not that the girls were paying any real attention.
"What happened between you and Santana?" Quinn asked rapidly, cutting straight to the chase. She had always been a practical woman, and she was already on the edge of her reason. If she let it up to her wife they would be circling around the issue for a century before actually broaching it.
Brittany bit her bottom lip and looked quite antsy whilst Quinn continued in a soft tone, "I mean, she has been practically biting people's heads off. She called me Lucy twice on our way here." She said the last part with indignation. "I haven't seen her like this in, I don't know, forever. And now she announced to the whole table that she is moving back to New York with Riley."
"What?" Brittany asked a bit too loudly on reflex, her eyes getting as wide as her friends'. "I didn't hear that," she added absentmindedly for good measure, stealing an unknown glance at the brunette in question. Her heart clenched at the sight of the scowl and distant brown eyes before returning her eyes to Quinn and Rachel before her.
"Well, she just declared it while you were in the bathroom," Rachel informed as a matter of fact, and then she inaudibly mumbled the next part, "I wonder why she chose that precise moment…"
Brittany sighed for the umpteenth time that night, perched herself on the nearest stool by the bar and stayed silent. She was clearly gathering her thoughts, so Quinn and Rachel moved closer to the dancer and waited patiently. Brittany's eyes were fixed on the floor and her pale hands fidgeted with the fabric of her navy blue dress.
After a while the blue-eyed woman trailed on meekly, returning her gaze to her friends' faces, "She won't actually do that..." Another short pause. "San is just mad..." A longer pause. "…at me."
Quinn and Rachel assessed the hurt, despondent look on Brittany's face and simply waited for the blonde to continue, which they knew she would. And eventually she did. Brittany told them everything that happened and the married couple fully understood the reason behind Santana's foul mood.
"Wow…" was all that Rachel could say. It really had to have been something to render Rachel speechless. As for Quinn she just stood silent, perplexed by everything that transpired without anyone's knowledge.
"Yeah…" Brittany backed the diva's limited response.
After Rachel regained her over-active, prolix speaking skills, she added evenly, "So, she just stormed off?" Brittany simply nodded her confirmation and the married couple had no trouble believing that whatsoever. Santana has always had a hothead. "She didn't even give you time to explain everything?" Rachel continued in some sort of stupor, and Brittany again nodded.
"But everything will be alright," the blue-eyed woman added in a slightly cheerier and resolute tone, stealing another glance at Santana quickly. "I'll talk to Jenna and I'll… I'll end things as soon as I get the chance, and then Santana and I can be together again." A ghost of a smile couldn't help but take over the blonde's pink lips for a split second, despite all the sadder ramifications.
"I know that's what I've got to do now, what I have to do..." Brittany continued evenly, her eyes meeting Quinn's for a moment, which made the shorter blonde flash a tight-lip smile. Quinn surely helped, but Brittany saw everything on her own.
"And it's all I've ever wanted. I don't want to fight it anymore. And I don't want to lose her…" Brittany shook her head from side to side repeatedly, eyes downcast for a moment. "Not again. I don't think I could take that," she added so delicately and so genuinely while meeting the other two women's eyes again that both her friends had to take a deeper breath to quell their emotions.
The three of them shared a moment of tranquil bliss; small smiles taking over their lips. Things would go back to normal soon. Total happiness was just a step away so it seemed.
"I'm so happy for you. Both of you," Quinn said in her trademark velvety tone, rubbing Brittany's upper arm with the small smile still in place.
"We are," Rachel amended softly, widening her own smile. "Now let's get back to the table," the petite brunette added in high spirits, starting to do so hand-in-hand with Quinn as Brittany followed close.
When they reached the table and proceeded to take their seats, Sam's song had finished already and an apparently heated conversation was taking place.
"You totally should," Kurt said in his best motivational voice.
Briefly eyeing the newest additions to the table with suspicious eyes, Santana spit out with determination but still with a great deal of nonchalance, "In case my last statement wasn't clear enough: I do not sing anymore. As in: not ever again." And she rolled her eyes, just because she could and wanted whilst taking a sip of beer. She thought it best to lay off the scotch for a bit. Just a bit.
"Besides, there are still people who didn't sing yet," Santana added briskly, trying to dodge the subject. "Wheels for instance," she offered, throwing an inconsequential look the nerd's way.
"No, everyone sang already, including me," Artie replied promptly, trying to shake the nickname that he hadn't heard in forever. "I did a version of –" he began to add but was rudely cut off by the brunette doctor.
"Yeah, you can see how memorable it was," Santana stated with bite and some venom laced in her tone.
Yes, she was certainly reverting to old habits. Nasty ones. Make no mistake: Santana was a bitch. She had always been one, and always would be... but just a regular, hilarious bitch. It had been a long time since she dropped the venom, the viciousness, the cruelness and all that hurtful mean-spirited stuff.
The comment immediately earned her a kick on the shin under the table and Santana's sharp brown eyes quickly found blue ones across the table.
"Ow! What the fuck?" Santana practically yelped out, holding Brittany's confused stare with indignation and fierceness. The blonde didn't reply just furrowed her eyebrows.
Quinn cleared her throat subtly and Santana met her hazel eyes, realizing who the real culprit was. Before she could scold Fabray, though, the petite blonde just mouthed one word for Santana's eyes only: 'Chill'. Quinn was tired of Santana's attitude. She was in pain, yeah, the blonde got it, but she wouldn't allow her friend to make an ass out of herself. A jackass, that is.
Mercedes dared to try and coax the brown-eyed woman as well with some usual sassiness, "Come on, Santana… Drop the hard-to-get act and sing a song already."
How could Quinn expect her to play nice when those people were clearly trying to send her off the edge? However, she knew the blonde had a point. One of the main reasons why Santana loved their friendship – not just Quinn's and hers – was that they had no problem with calling each other on their shit. And God only knows they were both… they were all, actually, full of it. She, Quinn, James, Rachel… not Brittany, though. No… her ex had always been the closest thing to perfect she had ever laid eyes on besides Zoey. But, when it was rarely necessary, Brittany was called on hers as well. For crying out loud! Even then, in that mad state of mind, her brain couldn't shake the dancer off and out. Pathetic…
Santana huffed and replied with exasperation but mellowed considerably, "What part of 'I don't sing anymore' didn't you understand, Wheezy?"
Before Mercedes could retort, especially about the nickname of yore, Riley interfered gently, placing a pale hand on Santana's tense shoulder, "Just sing one song, babe…" Brittany closed her eyes briefly at the 'stolen' term of endearment. Soon. Very soon; the blonde reminded herself. "I've never heard you sing before, aside from that drunken night, and I bet you have a really beautiful voice."
Santana sighed. A long, long sigh. She didn't want to snap at her girlfriend yet again that miserable night, despite her strong desire to do just so. However, she surely wasn't about to burst into song, especially then and there.
Brittany interrupted Santana's taking-a-breather-to-not-snap time when she spoke softly, with that sweet tone the brunette wasn't willing to hear. Not then. "Yeah, San… Sing. You've always loved it so much." And she flashed Santana a wide, supportive, loving grin.
Brittany was hoping that singing a song would at least improve the brown-eyed woman's mood a bit. Again, it broke her heart to see Santana that upset, especially since everything would correct itself and fall back into its place sooner that Santana could possibly imagine. The notion once more warmed the dancer's insides, and she couldn't wait for it to do the same to the love of her life.
Something about Brittany's smile and carefree demeanour rubbed Santana the wrong way, though. Not that it was taking much at that point. Clearly she was the only one hurting. Brittany was a-ok.
"Fine," Santana announced firmly, holding those clear blue eyes with something Brittany couldn't quite place. "Okay. You…" realizing she was talking to Brittany only Santana amended her speech to disguise her slip, "…all want me to sing? I'll sing," she added without missing a beat but substantially deflated whilst standing up quickly, making sure to adjust her mustard dress that had ridden up slightly due to sitting down.
People cheered on, most not really picking up on the tension. Puck handed the brunette the book of songs and she scanned it briefly, trying to find something suitable. Brittany discreetly looked on the scene midst the light chatter she found herself involved in after Santana's compliance. When Quinn was picking a song for them to sing her eyes fell instantly on Songbird and, at that very moment, she was hoping beyond hope Santana would choose it.
Santana chose her song mighty quickly and, in no time, she was stepping onto the tiny, remarkably low 'stage' and taking a hold of the old microphone. Brittany's heart began to beat faster on its own accord, her hands a bit sweaty, and, unbeknownst to the dancer, Riley chanced a glance the blonde's way before returning her gaze to Santana on stage.
The slightly tense atmosphere was present for only a few as many talked and while the first few notes of the song began to reverberate through the warm bar, quickly followed by Santana's beautiful voice. The brunette sang the slow tune with passion but downcast eyes, her knuckles white as she held the microphone a bit too tightly. There was no need to read the lyrics on the small TV screen. She knew them by heart.
Sometimes I feel so happy,
Sometimes I feel so sad,
Sometimes I feel so happy,
But mostly you just make me mad…
Soft guitar and chill tambourine notes echoed. Santana directed her heavy gaze to Brittany before singing the next lines. She wanted a song? There it was.
Babe, you just make me mad…
Brittany felt tempted to avert her eyes, but refrained from doing so. She could not. Instead the dancer took it all in: the good, the bad and the ugly.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes,
Linger on, your pale blue eyes…
Santana's voice was so… raw, and powerful that some people who were chatting decided to turn their attention to the woman bearing her all on stage. After those verses – and the fact that the brown-eyed woman's stare was boring holes on Brittany's pale blue eyes – there was no doubt left who Santana was singing to.
Thought of you as my mountain top,
Thought of you as my peak…
She sang the lines with a bitter smile on her face, and uttered a scoff sound right after proclaiming them. Brittany's heart dropped and the woman winced discreetly in her seat, but her eyes were still locked with the brunette's.
Thought of you as everything,
I've had but couldn't keep…
As soon as the smile had appeared on Santana's face… it dropped. Crashed and burn with those loaded words that didn't fail to touch the dancer in the most personal way.
I've had but couldn't keep…
Santana repeated the wistful words, severing eye-contact with the blue-eyed woman because she couldn't help but close her eyes as the pretty words left her mouth. Quinn and Rachel assessed Brittany's face and the dancer looked like the saddest panda on Earth. The tall blonde's terms, not theirs.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes,
Linger on, your pale blue eyes…
Riley just looked in a daze, baffled by… even she didn't know exactly. The whole thing, really; the ginger guessed while Santana's eyes finally made their way back to Brittany's face.
If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see,
I'd put you in the mirror, I put in front of me,
I'd put in front of me…
Her voice was raspy and Santana sang from the heart. The performance style was all Reed, but trained ears could detect a bit of VV Mosshart's swagger in there as well. Some gleeks started to whisper inaudible side remarks to their seatmates, Quinn noticed.
Skip a life completely,
Stuff it in a cup,
She said money is like us in time,
It lies but can't stand up,
Down for you is up,
Linger on, your pale blue eyes,
Linger on, your pale blue eyes…
The guitar's sorrowful solo filled the ambient and Santana just kept staring at Brittany, letting it all wash down them as no words were spoken but a million ones were silently exchanged. And, for some reason, Santana felt lighter. Like she had purged something… extremely draining. Music still never failed her. Amidst everything she braced herself for the next loaded words.
It was good what we did yesterday,
And I'd do it once again…
After the couple of verses left her mouth and Brittany started to blink rapidly, Santana started to question her choice of song. But, hell… Come to think of it, she didn't really care. It was the absolute truth. So, she carried on with the revealing song.
The fact that you are married,
Only proves you're my best friend…
Brittany's eyes started to well up some and even Santana began to choke on her words a bit. Perhaps that was why the dancer had blinked so fast earlier; Santana mused, but didn't stop to ponder. The show must go on… And right then she realized she was beginning to sound like Berry. Most definitely a sign to change tracks.
But it's truly, truly a sin…
Santana added bitterly, deciding to terminate eye-contact with the blonde once and for all due to pain and simple spite that yet again took over her being. The anger had given space to dull resignation and forced acceptance, though. Hip, hip, hooray.
Brittany on the other end felt the urgent need to stride to that stage and just kiss Santana senseless. The whole performance had nearly broken her… but she kept her patience and metaphorically sat on her hands for the moment. She would do it right. End with Jenna first and then seek Santana; the blonde once again reminded herself begrudgingly.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes,
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
The song ended. People cheered on. Some of the guys were already too drunk to notice anything iffy as they clapped and wolf-whistled, but some others merely clapped in a bit of a weird haze whilst Santana got off the stage in a bit of a hurry.
"Nice, uh, performance, Santana," Tina said awkwardly after Santana returned to stand behind her previous seat at the table and uncomfortable silence washed over them.
The brunette doctor simply nodded in empty acknowledgment, trying to avoid Brittany's and her two friends' gazes, which surely were the only ones fully aware of everything. Most people returned to their own conversations while a few others kept their focus on Santana.
"I think it's time for us to leave," Santana said evenly, looking down and holding her seated girlfriend's stare. She could see the… well, she didn't know exactly what she could see in Riley's emerald-green eyes, but whatever it was it wasn't good. She couldn't say she was surprised, though. Not after her that song.
"I'm feeling a headache coming," the brown-eyed woman added, lying through her teeth as she allowed her eyes to roam blindly through some other faces at the table. "And Riley has a study group early tomorrow. Right?" Santana finished, returning her eyes to the redhead while grabbing her coat that hung on the back of her chair.
"Yeah, leave it up to my nerdy friends to schedule studying sessions on Sunday mornings," Riley said casually and with a smile on her cherry lips, trying to lighten up the tense mood and managing to dig up a few chuckles of those near them at the table. In reality most of her Nursing School friends worked, so it was hard to find a better time.
"We'll go with you," Quinn said with purpose, initiating the standing-up motion but stopping as Santana spoke immediately after.
"No, Q. You and Berry can stay," Santana replied resolutely, grabbing her clutch from the table whilst Riley stood up beside her. "No need to spoil your night. I'm sure someone can give you guys a ride, and you know where I leave my spare key," she added promptly. Truth was she did not feel like playing 20 questions at the moment, and she knew her friends would press on. All Santana wanted was to go home, take a long shower, crawl into bed and forget the whole night.
Brittany just silently watched the whole scene like she was trapped in an out-of-body experience. Her tongue was tied and her blue eyes were wide.
"I don't know… I –" Quinn started with hesitation but was cut off.
"Well, I do. Stay." Santana stated calmly, but Quinn could tell by her eyes that she meant business. So, she complied with a simple head nod. "Good," the brunette woman added with the fakest of little smiles.
"We'll take you two," Tina offered Quinn and Rachel with a smile on her eyes, and her fiancé nodded with a similar smile on his by Tina's side. The married couple smiled politely in return, albeit Quinn's reluctance to let Santana go alone. That performance had been heavy.
"You're leaving way too early, Santana," Mercedes said politely and the brunette doctor just shrugged in response. She wanted to leave. Badly. She had made a fool out of herself enough for one night.
Riley began to say some goodbyes to Puck who stood behind the bar and some others who dispersed there moments ago while Brittany took the opportunity to snap out of her daze. She couldn't help anymore. She would just say everything. Spill her heart out. To hell with having patience and all that! Brittany hated the prospect of ending the night on that unsavoury note, in spite of her plans to fix it all.
Brittany stood up subtly and made her short way to Santana, who had her back to the dancer as she had some final words of goodbye with Quinn. The hazel-eyed woman seeing Brittany approaching left the brunette doctor to go to her wife.
"Santana…" Brittany practically pleaded softly in a low and sweet tone of voice. The importance of the situation called for the blonde to use the other woman's full name. She wanted Santana to take her most seriously. When the brown-eyed woman turned around immediately to face her, Brittany asked in the same fashion, "Can we please talk for a bit?"
Santana held Brittany's stare for a short while. The look on the brunette's eyes was… strange, to say the least. It made Brittany nervous when she couldn't precisely pinpoint what was behind those brown eyes.
And so Santana replied emotionless, even though her words betrayed her own tone, "I rather not." Brittany blinked several times out of discomfort. "Wouldn't want to cause a scene at this pleasant even now, would we?" Santana added in kind, striding towards her girlfriend as she once again gave Brittany no chance to reply.
"Please, drive safe!" Brittany managed to call out to Santana's retreating figure. The brunette did have lots of drinks that night and despite her high tolerance for alcohol Brittany couldn't help but worry about her. Santana heard her but did not bother to acknowledge.
The dancer sighed and watched her go. Watched Santana pull some money from her clutch and stuff it in the giant brandy glass they had arranged to leave Puck 'tips' since the man refused to let them pay for the drinks. Despite the failed attempt, Brittany would have her time soon, and then she would have all the cards in hand to make Santana listen to her. Those were the thoughts wreaking havoc in the blue-eyed woman's mind whilst Santana left Charlie's with Riley by her side.
As Riley crossed the front door of Puck's bar with Santana, she feared what would happen to her and the brunette's relationship despite her decision to not voice her concern to her girlfriend. She knew all along that the doctor wasn't exactly over her ex-wife. Santana never led her on or anything like that. Riley had been okay with the fact that she would have to fight for Santana's heart. But, up until that night, she thought she was fighting with old memories but right then the ginger wasn't so sure. Something told Riley that Santana's feelings for Brittany were very much so mutual, despite the fact that the blonde dancer had a wife. Riley guessed the absence of the woman at the bar gave the redhead some pause to think as well, but deep down she knew the short blonde simply had an emergency to tend to. Maybe she was reading too much into things… Either way, Riley wasn't one to back down from a challenge. She would do her best, and since Santana was moving back to New York with her, they stood a chance after all.
It was pretty late when Quinn, Rachel and Brittany – alongside with the ones who were giving them rides – decided to call it a night. It didn't mean that there weren't still people inside Charlie's… because there were. The three women stood on the sidewalk in front of the bar with Tina, her fiancé, Kurt, Mercedes, and her husband. They were saying their final goodbyes before heading towards their respective cars.
"We'll see you tomorrow before we leave," Rachel called out to Brittany as they all made their separate ways. Brittany was riding with Kurt, Mercedes and her husband as Rachel and Quinn were going with Tina and her fiancé.
"You better," Brittany called back with a smile playing on her lips.
Tina's fiancé was driving the married couple to Santana's place whilst the women made idle chat, trying to catch up some more.
After a brief moment of comfortable silence, Tina said without malice and out of the blue, "Santana clearly still holds on to her High School mood, huh?" The woman let out a small chuckle. "I mean, all the insulting nicknames she dug up, and then the 180 with that song… No wonder Brittany left her," Tina concluded lightheartedly, looking back at the married couple from the front seat.
Quinn couldn't quite believe her ears. Tina had a lot of nerve judging Santana like that – erroneously so, she might add – and jumping to completely wrong conclusions in front of the doctor's closest friends no less. Not that the Asian woman knew how close they actually were, or anything about Santana's coma and her and Brittany's whole story. Regardless, she was totally out of line and Quinn was slightly tipsy and everyone knew her temper rose in kind to her drunk levels.
Before Quinn could 'politely' retort, though, Rachel placed a soothing hand on her wife's knee and took the lead, "It wasn't like that, Tina." Rachel's tone was gentle, but a little patronizing and condescending. Not that she minded, really. "Not in the slightest. And Santana is going through a rough patch right now, so her mood is completely understandable."
Tina just gaped some in surprise, eyes locked with the petite diva. She didn't mean any offense. In fact her words had meant to be playful, not hurtful. Before she could process some sort of apologetic reply, though, Rachel carried on. The woman always did love a good soliloquy.
"There's no need to feel bad and apologize," Rachel continued and felt Quinn stiffen under her touch, however she was quick to amend, "But, if you really want to know what kind of person Santana really is, I'll just tell you one quick story. The four of us: Quinn, myself, Santana and Brittany used to all live in New York up to a few years ago. You know, before Brittany and Santana had to move back here, but maybe you don't know… Anyhow, that is not the point. The point is Quinn used to work in the corporate world before she and Brittany partnered up and opened the dance studio. The job was stressful and demanding, and she didn't like it very much." Rachel received a sidelong, confused look from her wife and got back on track again. "But that is not the point either. The point actually is that Quinn had to go to a meeting in Boston for the firm she worked at a couple of days prior to our first wedding anniversary…" Quinn lightly smiled when she realized where her wife was going with that story and Tina just kept looking and paying attention to the lively speaker.
"I recall she left in a Thursday. The meeting would take place Friday and she would be back Saturday morning, which was the day of our anniversary. Long story short – I don't want to bore you with minutiae," Rachel interjected with a candid smile, talking a mile a minute like usual as the other people in the car laughed at the irony of her statement. "It snowed so much Thursday night and Friday that the airports got closed and Quinn had no way to come back home in time. Now, you must remember how I am. I'm very much so in touch with my feelings," the petite brunette added casually and Quinn felt like interjecting and calling like it was: her wife was a drama queen, but the blonde refrained from doing so.
"So, when Quinn called Friday morning to tell me the awful news I was a complete mess. I went to Britt and Santana's in tears and continued to cry my eyes out. Santana kept complaining about my 'freak-out' while Brittany tried to soothe my nerves, and when B finally managed to calm me down a bit I went back home in low spirits. Anyways, when I woke up Saturday morning Quinn was sitting by my bedside," Rachel told the story, smiling in time with Quinn, Tina and, by that time, Tina's fiancé, who had been sucked into the story as he drove the rental car.
"I thought it was a miracle but, in reality, Santana had rented a car soon after I left their place and drove all the way to Boston in the middle of the night to go and get Quinn so she would be back in time for our anniversary. You see, Quinn didn't even consider driving back by herself because she had a broken arm in a cast and sling from one of James's ridiculous… well, that doesn't matter either. Anyhow, Santana even made Quinn and Brittany promise not to tell me she had gone through all that trouble for me, for us, and they actually managed to keep it a secret for quite some time, but Britt let it slip after too much wine at one of our dinner parties," Rachel finished with the widest of grins, squeezing Quinn's knee harder as Tina mimicked her grin.
"So, yes, that's who Santana is: a friend," Rachel added with her pompous tone of voice, looking sideways to catch Quinn's gaze full on. The look of pride and love she found there was enough to make her heart beat a bit faster. "A great one at that," she added, not dropping Quinn's stare.
Then Rachel returned her warm dark eyes to Tina and finished gently, "Again, what you said is alright. You didn't know… You don't know her. But I guess you can see now why whatever childish name calling on Santana's part – which really is only a manifestation of her strong will to put up a tough front – will always merely pale in comparison to how and who she truly is. Can't you?"
"Of course. I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" Tina trailed off in earnest, flashing both women an apologetic smile.
"Well, now you know," Quinn let out politely and softly, but still protectively, and Tina nodded in comprehension.
Santana was the closest thing to a sister Quinn had ever had. She was more of a sister to the blonde than her own sister. Quinn genuinely loved her, not that she would ever volunteer those words out loud to the brunette doctor. Not that it mattered either. They had said it to each other innumerous times: through actions, which ultimately was what it counted.
The rest of the ride went down smoothly and, shortly after, the married couple got dropped off at their destination.
Brittany tiptoed towards her bedroom soon after Kurt dropped her off at her place. She carried her heels in her hand. It sure had been an eventful night and she really felt like diving in her bed and just drift into sleep. Passing by Zoey's empty room as the dancer walked through the hallway down to her own bedroom, she couldn't help but let a tiny smile take over her lips. Their kid – or simply the thought of their kid – always made her smile. Brittany was sure the little monster must have had a great night at her parents'. She made a mental note to buy her Mom and Dad something as a thank you gift. They were always so helpful and she wanted to make sure they knew it. Actually she knew they knew it, but showing it some more wouldn't hurt.
Arriving at her bedroom, Brittany saw that Jenna was already asleep. The sight of her wife made her sigh involuntarily. The things to come… The blonde mused inwardly with bitter-sweetness. Making sure to be extra quiet not to wake her, Brittany placed her shoes on a corner, grabbed some clothes laid on an armchair and made her way outside the bedroom and into the bathroom.
In a matter of a minute Brittany was out of her navy blue dress and into a knee-length sweatpants paired with a t-shirt. The Columbia t-shirt. Looking at the piece of clothing adorning her torso through her image at the mirror Brittany smiled, caressing the fabric for a few seconds. The blue-eyed woman brushed her teeth, washed her face and got rid of the stubborn make-up. She and Santana always got on each other's case whenever one of them felt too lazy and wanted to sleep with the nasty stuff still on. The thought brought another small smile to her pink lips. Soon enough they would be able to share those little day-to-day things again.
As she dried her wet, pristine face with a towel amidst those thoughts, Brittany couldn't help but feel some heaviness wrap itself around her happy heart. Even though she would get Santana again and be positively, tremendously, unimaginably, utterly elated… she would have to break the heart of the woman peacefully sleeping just down that same hallway in order to get that. Brittany was already set on doing it. There was no doubt or other way about it. But it didn't mean that she wasn't feeling bad for Jenna.
Brittany tossed the hand towel aside, stared at her lively, determined blue eyes in the mirror for a long while, and finally went to her bedroom. Upon her arrival the dancer could see that Jenna hadn't even stirred in bed. The short blonde lied there in the same position as before. Shrugging it off, Brittany merely pulled down the covers and got into, keeping to her side of the bed. Tomorrow would be another day. Possibly a tough one, but also brighter; the blonde hoped as sleep slowly took over her.
A few hours later the sleeping, blue-eyed, blonde beauty stirred in her sleep, and then after some tosses and turns Brittany was awake. Her alabaster hand unconsciously touched cold sheets and she looked sideways to see that Jenna was no longer lying there beside her. And judging by the complete coldness of the sheets the green-eyed woman had gotten up quite a while ago.
Brittany shifted her head, rubbed the sleep from her eyes and took a gander at the alarm-clock on the nightstand. It was little past 6 in the morning. Looking at her bedroom's window she could see that it was still a bit dark outside and unexpected rain was lightly crashing against the glass of the small window. Another thought came to her head: she needed some water because her mouth was beyond dry from all the drinks last night. Thank God she was one of the fortunate ones to never suffer from hangovers; otherwise, she would be feeling pretty badly by then. Not that she drank too much. Mainly beer. And not a lot of it. She didn't get drunk.
She kicked the covers from her body and got up in search for water and Jenna. Maybe the woman went to the bathroom. Her theory was quickly proven wrong when she dragged her bare feet by the room in question and Jenna wasn't in there. Brittany kept walking and in no time she entered the living room, turning a right to get to the kitchen. However, when her hand blindly turned on the light switch there the lights revealed Jenna sitting on the couch in the joined dark living room. The sight startled the leggy dancer.
Clutching her chest in surprise, Brittany asked in a sleep-filled tone of voice, "What are you doing here alone in the dark?" She took the chance to fully take in Jenna's appearance under the bright lights. The green-eyed woman wasn't looking at her in the eyes. Instead she had a far off look. Jenna looked lost, frankly, and she was fully clothed. As in, not in the pajamas she was previously wearing.
Brittany took a step towards the living room and then she caught a glimpse of a suitcase behind the couch. At that very moment Jenna finally got out of her daze and her eyes met Brittany's for the first time since her wife entered the room. Instantly recognition of the situation dawned on Brittany.
Getting up from the couch but still holding Brittany's all-aware gaze, Jenna stated quietly and solemnly, "We need to talk." And then she finally noticed the t-shirt her wife was wearing. Of course; the short blonde thought, shaking her head from side to side with a tiny wry smile on her lips.
"Are you leaving?" Brittany bluntly asked with a raspy tone, but her voice did not crack unlike she thought it might have.
Jenna wanted to verbally say 'yes' but the word got stuck in her throat, so she gulped hardly and merely nodded her confirmation whilst taking a step forward. "This…" the green-eyed woman said wistfully, motioning between her and Brittany before continuing, "…this is not working anymore."
Brittany also gulped down and took a step towards Jenna. She wanted to reply but, by the look on the other woman's face, she knew Jenna had more to add, so she just waited to hear it. It was the least she could do.
Jenna looked at Brittany with soft eyes and it didn't take long for her to continue, "You know, I tried to look away… I tried to ignore the signs and to fool myself into believing that nothing was wrong. That we could just carry on like we were before she came back. I wanted to believe that so bad." Jenna took a pause and ran her hand through short blonde locks. Brittany held the green stare, taking in the words and… keeping them somehow, but she just had to interject.
"I tried, too, Jenna," the still very guilty part of the tall blonde spoke with complete honesty, and it commanded Jenna's attention. "So hard. You should know that. You must know that," Brittany added pleadingly, shifting her weight from one foot to another in nervousness.
Jenna nodded her understanding before she replied just as candidly, "I do… but neither of us should have to try so hard, you know? It isn't how it's supposed to be. At least I don't think so."
"I know what you mean," Brittany said dejectedly and she couldn't help but reminisce about her old times with the love of her life. She wouldn't say things were ever easy, but together everything always flowed naturally, effortlessly for the two of them.
Jenna wanted to say everything she had to say, so she got back on track and continued her train of thought from before Brittany had interrupted her, "Like I said, I tried, but sometimes, uh, sometimes it was just too hard. Too hard to keep that pretense, you know? And yesterday it was just… impossible."
Brittany's eyes widened slightly and her heart skipped a beat as she lifted a hand to rest on her waist. Had Jenna seen her and Santana together by the lockers? Her apprehensive train of thought was interrupted by the other woman, who kept talking.
"The way you two were dancing together…" Jenna trailed on softly with a strangled tone of voice and the blue-eyed woman relaxed a bit. The last thing she wanted was for Jenna to get even more hurt by that less than proud moment of hers from last night. Brittany didn't regret the act in itself, she regretted the circumstances. That is, she shouldn't have acted on her impulses before having that precise talk with her wife.
"So closely, so… intimately. I swear I've never seen you so, I don't know, so alive before," Jenna carried on, another wistful smile taking over her features as Brittany just listened with a somewhat painful expression on her pale face. "Even your eyes have been brighter since, you know…" she trailed off and Brittany's eyes couldn't hold Jenna's any longer. She cast them down in a bizarre mixture of bashfulness, happiness, and shame, for she could not honestly deny any of that.
A short moment of silence transpired between the two women as they just stood there, rooted to their spots a few steps from one another as they absorbed the magnitude of everything that was happening at that exact moment in time.
"You love her," Jenna broke the comfortable silence with her soft words and Brittany returned her gaze to the woman. Jenna no longer doubted that truth, or feared putting it out there. It was meant as a clear statement, not a question, but Brittany felt like answering all the same. Jenna deserved everything, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
"Yes. Very much," Brittany uttered every single word like a whisper, but the conviction behind them could be heard from across the globe if anyone cared to listen. "There was never really a time when I didn't," she genuinely added immediately after, making sure not to drop Jenna's green eyes. Especially when she amended, "But I love you, too."
"No, you don't," Jenna shot back immediately, shaking her head sharply. It wasn't a snap. The woman had spoken very gently but with utmost conviction. Brittany opened her mouth to protest but the green-eyed woman held up a hand to stop her, which the dancer complied with at once.
"You care about me, Brittany," The woman pressed on, stuffing her hands into her jeans' pockets. "I don't think you truly grasp the difference." That part did come out rather harsh and bitter; but who could blame her? She was only human after all. And a hurt one at that.
There was a reason why Brittany hated confrontations: the little zing fully hit its target and a hurt blonde was quick to jump in her defense, despite her lack of a developed one. "I – I…" The blue-eyed woman stuttered, looking down at her bare feet while trying to formulate a proper answer as she thought about the hard accusation.
Jenna, already a tad – but just a tad – regretful of her harshness, put her out of her misery when she spoke frankly, "It's okay, really. I thought you loved me as well. For quite a while." And they locked eyes again, still standing awkwardly in between the living room and the kitchen. "That is until I first saw you interact with her after she woke up…" Jenna trailed on and Brittany took in her wife's sad features. "Yeah, let's just say it was a harsh awakening that clearly enough I was more than willing to ignore," she finished with a little chuckle, trying to fruitlessly lighten the heavy tension that had taken the room at some imprecise moment.
Brittany was confused and she couldn't help but think about what Jenna had said. She truly had always loved Santana more than she had ever loved anyone else in the world. She just never stopped to think about what those differences in degrees of feelings could entail. So, perhaps the other blonde had a point somewhere, but Brittany didn't have time to dwell on that right then.
"It's funny how things are so much clearer in retrospect, isn't it?" Jenna continued more soberly while Brittany came down from her own thoughts. "Your inability to let me see and handle Zoey as my own daughter, the ever constant visits to the hospital, the videos you and her made that were played to exhaustion, her name that was unconsciously dropped daily by you in the middle of one casual conversation or another between us… I mean, the flags were all there from the start. I just refused to consider them. I never thought I would have to. And it only got worse after she came back into play."
Brittany slowly nodded in response while sighing. Jenna was right… She did do all those things. She just never realized. "Jenna, I'm sorry…" Brittany finally uttered with sincerity, tears brimming on her eyes. It was all she could offer, and she offered it wholeheartedly. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you," she added in the same fashion, eyes travelling to the ground for a moment before returning them to the face of the woman in front of her.
"I know that," Jenna replied with a slow nod of her head, tears also welling up in her eyes. She inwardly told herself she would not cry, though. "But you did," she added in earnest.
"I'm sorry," Brittany felt like repeating, and her voice noticeably cracked.
They stood there holding each other's stare for a few silent moments. Both women deeply sorry about the situation… albeit for slightly different reasons.
"It's okay… We were all put in an incredibly difficult situation, and it did most of the hurting by itself. I guess we all just did the best we could under the tough circumstances," Jenna offered plainly, finally taking her hands out of her pockets. They felt too hot and confined.
Brittany merely nodded repeatedly and the movement made a tear drop down her cheek, which the dancer was quick to wipe with shaky fingers. Despite her terrible guilt she couldn't help but also agree with the extremely sensible green-eyed woman. Facing Jenna's gracefulness about the whole thing only made Brittany feel even guiltier, to be completely honest.
"Where are you going to go?" Brittany asked weakly, changing gears slightly after her eyes unintentionally fell for a few seconds on the packed suitcase by the couch.
"Paula's," Jenna answered simply, letting her own eyes travel to the suitcase for a brief while. She felt very tired all of the sudden.
"Ok…" Brittany uttered not louder than a whisper as she ran a hand through messy blonde bed-hair.
Another short period of silence washed over them. It felt like they were mourning somehow, and in a way they were. Their relationship had just died beyond their means.
Jenna broke the silence yet again. "I love you Brittany, but I just have to let you go," the short woman spoke in spite of herself with a broken tone, and yet she managed to muster up a faint little smile.
"Jenna…" Brittany trailed on with utter dejection, taking another tentative step towards the broken woman. Brittany did not know what to do or say, everything seemed not… enough. She felt like giving Jenna a hug, but her posture didn't look open to that. So, she just stayed still. Only a couple of steps between them as she tried to console the short blonde with the warmest of looks her blue eyes could possibly conjure.
"Don't feel too sorry for me," Jenna said softly with a waiver of hand, sensing some sort of pity from her soon-to-be ex-wife. "I'm not being selfless here. I'm being quite selfish, actually."
Brittany furrowed her brows because she definitely could not see that.
"I don't want to be anyone's consolation prize anymore," the woman carried on confidently, holding Brittany's gaze to send her message loud and clear, which made the dancer wince a little bit. "I want to be with someone who really loves me. Completely."
Brittany once again nodded. She even mustered up an empathetic smile. It would be futile to try to make Jenna see that she was a bit more than that to her. "I really hope you find her, Jenna. God knows if anyone deserves to be totally happy that person is you," the blue-eyed woman said wholeheartedly, receiving a warm look back from Jenna.
"Thank you," Jenna said after a beat, wiping her own tear that fell from her eye. So much for not crying… "There's an open assistant manager position at the Cincinnati's Wal-Mart. I think I'll apply," she continued evenly after another short beat.
"Jenna, you don't have –" Brittany began to protest, shaking her head from side to side with her eyebrows furrowed together.
"I do. I need a fresh start," the green-eyed blonde cut her off softly but with conviction.
Relenting, Brittany replied offhandedly, "Well, then I wish you all the best… and all the love in the world." Lord knew she meant it.
Jenna offered Brittany one short nod. There was nothing really left for her to say. So, she went with, "I'll stop by another day to grab the rest of my stuff." It was Brittany's time to offer a short nod. "I was wondering… Could I see Zoey sometime to talk? I don't want to simply disappear from her life without as much as a word," Jenna added tentatively and bashfully, her gaze dropping to the floor.
Brittany smiled at Jenna's good nature. "Of course… Anytime you wish," she answered promptly, her voice as gentle as it comes.
"Thank you," Jenna said politely, moving her gaze to eye-level again. "I guess this is it, huh?" She added awkwardly.
"I guess," Brittany replied hoarsely, clearing her throat immediately after saying it.
"Goodbye, Brittany," Jenna said weakly, taking the two remaining steps forward and placing a feather-like kiss on the tall blonde's right cheek. She would not cry…
"Goodbye, Jenna," Brittany shot back in the same manner, wrapping the shorter woman in a short bittersweet hug.
Jenna morosely moved over to her suitcase and picked it up by its handle. "Tell…" She began to say, mustering up the strength to utter the bitter name she had managed to dodge the entire conversation, "…Santana that she is a very lucky woman," she finished evenly, looking at Brittany from over her shoulder.
Brittany wanted to say that she was the lucky one, but that would be unbecoming. So, she nodded with a tiny smile on her pink lips and watched as Jenna left, realizing after a long time that it was still raining outside.
She went to the window after Jenna closed the door behind her and watched as the woman dodged the rain on the way to her car, the first rays of light starting to appear shyly. Brittany felt light and heavy at the same time, if that was even possible. At least she felt hopeful. Really hopeful like she haven't felt in a long time.
The car left and a stunned Brittany went to the couch absentmindedly, taking a seat there. She did not know how long she sat there, taking it all in. Jenna had beaten her to the punch in the end. Three fingers made their way to her lips and just kept gently touching the sensitive skin there as her mind worked without really working. Suddenly her fingers felt a small smile forming on the pink lips they had been touching for some time.
And just like that Brittany got up from the couch, grabbed her house keys from the coffee table where she had dropped them last night, stepped into a pair of sneakers that she had thrown by the front door after her last dance class without even bothering to put socks on, and carelessly went out the door. All in a rush. Brittany had only one destination in mind.
It was true love's all-powerful kiss but, come on, you dearest readers didn't think it would solve all their problems, right? ;)
So, I said to prepare you little hearts, right? Well, next chapter I will definitely be putting some more serious weights into them. Yes, that was a not-so-subtle Interpol reference *lol* Oh, and Brittany will certainly get very wet. No, unfortunately, that was not another revealing pun :)
Tell me what you think, good folks :D
I still have many PMs to answer and I have not forgotten them. Just bear with me, readers...