Me: (gloomy voice) hi, hey there, welcome back, enjoy.
Rukia: (eye-roll) she''s depressed, and it's all ichigo's fault.
Me: (whining) wouldn't YOU be if that orange dumbass was the reason you were officially banned of cake for another week?!
Rukia: Yeah. I caught Ichigo sneaking the two of them cake a couple days ago.
Me: I KNOW THAT DIPSHIT.
Rukia: I KNOW, i was telling the READERS!!!! NOW who's the dipshit?!
Me: ignore her. Enjoy!
"C'mon, little spider spider spider," Peyton cooed before sighing dully as the stupid creature went in the opposite direction she wanted.
She really hoped no one else woke up to see this; her crouched towards the door, holding a random glass against the carpet, trying to get a huge spider into it, and Rukia holding her cell phone excitedly.
She had been at it for almost two hours, and had to bite her lip to keep from cheering when it finally crawled inside.
Instead, she picked up the glass and headed for Ichigo and Isshin's room, laughing maniacally.
Rukia followed, giggling, phone ready to record.
THREE MINUTES LATER...
"OH MY GOD!!! ICHIGO, THERE'S A HUGE-ASS SPIDER ON YOUR BACK!!!!"
Ichigo snored extra loudly, and there were sweatdrops all around the room. Everyone but the aforementioned strawberry was up, ready to see Peyton's ultimate revenge in action.
Rukia huffed at the total lack of reaction to her shriek. "God, I thought for sure that would wake him up!"
Peyton simply held up a hand and headed for the side of his bed. "It's alright. Chill, Rukia. I got this."
She bent down towards him, making sure her hair tickled his face. Peyton eyed the spider on his back carefully, and could've sworn it was looking at her, but ignored the stupid thing anyway.
"IIIIIchigoooo?" She called in a soft and sultry voice by his ear.
He immediately responded with an actual response. "...Whoa, what was that? I wonder if I'm awake or still dreaming..." He muttered into the pillow.
Peyton quickly took a few steps back and pointed at his back. "OHMIGOD, ICHIGO!!! THERE'S A HUGE-ASS SPIDER ON YOUR BACK!!!"
Everyone else sweatdropped, since this was exactly what Rukia had said, then started laughing uncontrollably as he shot out of bed and started running around in circles.
"What the FUCK?!?! GET IT OOOFFFFFFF!!!!"
Karin handed Peyton a random bat, and they exchanged an impish grin.
She advanced towards the spinning and spastic Ichigo, who stopped when he noticed her.
He laughed nervously. "Umm...Peyton? What's that bat for??"
"Don't worry, this won't hurt. Much. Well, it won't permanently damage you or anything."
Everyone sweatdropped as Ichigo started jumping from bed to bed, avoiding his currently psychotic girlfriend.
"WHAT THE HELL?! STOP WATCHING AND HELP ME!!!" He shouted.
"Sorry, Ichigo. Youtube needs me to keep recording," Rukia replied casually.
"WHAT?!?! PEYTON, IF SHE PUTS THAT ON YOUTUBE, YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!"
"ICHIGO KUROSAKI, I AM CURRENTLY WIELDING A GODDAMN BAT!!! I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THREATENING ME, DUMBASS!!!"
"STOP YELLING, YOU'RE FREAKING OUT THE SPIDER!!!"
"I THINK YOUR SPINNING AND GIRLISH SCREAMS ARE WHAT'S SCARING IT!"
"MY SCREAMS ARE NOT GIRLY, THEY ARE MANLY AND BROODING!!!"
"MANLY AND BROODING MY ASS!! NOW STOP JUMPING AND HOLD STILL, BEFORE IT BITES YOU!" Peyton shouted before finally whacking him across the back with the bat.
She had hit him while they were in mid-air, between beds, and he fell spastically to the floor while Peyton landed on the other bed rather gracefully.
She stuck her hands out in a surfer-like pose, eyes wide. "Whoa. That was, like, ....JEDI."
Ichigo groaned from the carpet as the spider simply crawled off his back and under Isshin's bed, totally unharmed. "Did...Did you get it, Peyton?"
"Totally. I exterminated its ass," she said with a nervous laugh, looking at the camera-phone with a mischievous grin.
Rukia snapped the cell shut, and Isshin and his daughters clapped. "Beautiful! Magnificent!" Isshin cried out, heading for Peyton to hug her for her wonderful performance.
Ichigo jumped up and stopped him a few feet from Peyton, who sweatdropped. "Dad, no. Just no. She has to help me."
"Help you what?!"
"It bit me! LOTS of times!!"
"And Rukia or Yuzu can't help you?!"
"I don't wanna take my shirt off for them, are you kidding?!"
"You have before, idiotic son of mine!!"
"Well, I just want Peyton to help me, alright?!"
They all gaped at him, impressed, as he dragged Peyton into the bathroom. Peyton was momentarily stunned into silence.
Momentarily, anyway.
"AWWWW...Ichigo, I'm flattered!!"
"SHUT UP PEYTON, BEFORE I GRAB THE DAMN BAT MYSELF!"
"Yes sir!"
"Will you hold still?! God!"
"You'd make a scary nurse," was Ichigo's reply as he leaned across the sink so she could get a good look at his back.
Peyton made a face and felt a chill. "Ew. It got you good. Like, five or seven times. Jeez, just looking at all of 'em makes me shudder!"
"Oh. Well, that's just...awesome. Hey, wait...'five or seven'? What the hell happened to six?!"
"I never liked the number six. I like seven better."
"Hey, Peyton?"
"What?"
"Why was six afraid of seven?"
Peyton stopped what she was doing (which would be finding any excuse to come anywhere near his abs) to give him a sarcastic look via the bathroom mirror.
"Really, Ichigo? REALLY??"
"Because seven ate nine! OHHHHH!!!!"
"Whoa-ho-HO! Pawnage!!"
"I know, I'm hilarious."
"Totally. No, seriously. Stop Ichigo. My sides. Too funny!"
"And hot."
"Sure."
"Ah-ha!"
Peyton rolled her eyes and crouched to look in the cabinets under the sink, smacking Ichigo's legs out of her way impatiently.
He rolled his eyes, but moved his legs anyway as she dug inside the cabinets furiously. Finally, she pulled out a First Aid kit with a triumphant smirk.
"Ta-da!"
"Oh my god, it's MAGIC."
"It's okay, Ichigo. It's okay to be amazed."
"Oh, I'm just blown away right now."
"Totally understandable," she replied cheerfully before finding some peroxide.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What're you doing with that? That stuff stings like hell!" He protested as he watched her reflection in the mirror.
She glanced up at their reflections. "The bites broke the skin."
"Duh."
"Yeah, well, unless you wanna have some weird reaction...Or y'know, DIE...I'd suggest you let me put some stupid peroxide on them."
He huffed and flicked his hand to and fro impatiently. "Fine, whatever."
Peyton rolled her eyes and dabbed some onto a cue tip. "Plus, y'know, you dying would kinda damper my day a little bit."
"Awwww. It would damper my day, too. I mean, I AM pretty awesome, aren't I? That's why you love me, I'm sure."
She practically stabbed his back with the cue tip, temple throbbing.
"OW!!"
"Don't be a dumbass. I can always get your loving father to come in here. Maybe give you The Talk while he's at it."
Peyton tried not to giggle as he immediately turned about five shades paler. She knew as well as he did that his dad had never given him The Talk, and Ichigo wanted to keep it that way.
"Fine."
"Good boy."
It was more or less quiet for a few moments. Well, except for Ichigo's wincing and "Ow"s every so often.
"Hey, Peyton?"
"Yo."
"It's gonna be so different when we get back."
"Whaddaya mean?"
"Well, for one thing, you'll probably need someone to taste your food for you to make sure it's not poisoned."
"I vote Ishihackaloogie," was her simple reply.
Ichigo laughed, then winced as she took on another spider bite. "I fully support that."
Silence.
"Hey, um, Peyton?"
"Oh, hello again. Haven't heard from you in a while."
He ignored that. "You sure you won't regret saying yes?"
Peyton glanced at his reflection. "Saying yes to what? Helping you with this? Trust me, if I were to be repulsed, it would've hit me about three minutes ago.."
"No, not that. I meant...me asking you out."
She paused, holding the cue tip carelessly, making the peroxide drip a little. "Where did that come from??"
He shrugged, and Peyton shuddered at the way it made the bites move across his skin. "Well..I mean, there's the video. And people are gonna think I die out of the blue a LOT. And then there's your fanboys and my fangirls. And my dad. And your dad. And your brother. And the guns they might possibly own. And...well, yeah," he concluded.
Peyton sweatdropped. "Well. Nothing can be done about the video. Once we get back to Karakura, you'll have Kon with you a lot more often, so you won't die too much. I'm pretty sure you can take my fans, and I can take yours with both hands behind my back. I'm used to your dad by now. What my dad and brother don't know won't hurt them OR you, and if they DO find out, it's nothing that my skills of persuasion won't fix. And the guns are usually in a safe, so I can always change the combination. And...well yeah," she concluded, mocking his voice at the end in a ridiculous tone.
He gave her that half-smile that always made the backs of her knees quivery, and she swiftly turned her gaze back to the spider bites.
"For the record, I don't sound anywhere even CLOSE to that."
"Says you."
"Yes, says me."
"Good thing I never listen to a word you say. Aaaand..Done," she announced before smirking at his reflection.
"Unless, of course, you want some Disney band-aids."
"Actually, I do."
Peyton rolled her eyes. "Personally, I think you just like my hands all over your back."
"You might be right."
"Whatever. Kiss-ass."
She put them on every bite before throwing the paper in the trash dramatically. "There. Now you have fricking Snow White, Aladdin, Stitch, Jasmine, Lilo, Dopey, and Cinderella on your back. They're watching you, Ichigo. Always watching. Veeerryyy carefully."
Ichigo grinned. "Cool, I have a picture of you on my back."
Peyton kind of thought he was talking about one of the princesses, but he followed his statement up with, "Dopey."
She huffed moodily and sweatdropped, making his smirk turn into snickering.
"See if I ever help you when you need medical attention ever again!"
He continued smirking. "You know you wanna look at me."
"I could go my whole life without it."
"No you couldn't."
"I could try."
"Peeey-toonnn!"
"Nope."
"Fine."
"Fine what?!"
He gently turned her by her chin to face him before kissing her. She hadn't realized he was that close, and was STILL blinking in suprise after he pulled away.
He laughed at her expression. "Now, if you give your dad a look like that, with those brown eyes of yours, he'd let you hide a fricking body if you need to."
Peyton felt her stomach flip, but she simply smirked and slipped out of his grip. "Like I said, whatever. Kiss-ass."
Ichigo laughed and followed her out, ruffling her hair on the way.
Me: I'm too depressed to comment on this chapp.
Rukia: I'm not! Awwww! That was cute!
Me: Did you post that on Youtube yet?
Rukia: (beams) of course!
Me: (brightens a little) awesome! Hey...wait...where the hell's Ichigo??!
Rukia: (waves me off) ehhh, time out chair.
Me: ...Er...What?
Rukia: the time-out chair. In the corner way over on the other side of the room. It's separated from this room by sound-proof glass. He can hear what WE'RE saying, but we don't have to listen to HIS annoying voice!
Me: Rukia, my dear, that's GENIUS!!!!!!
Rukia: I know. Review!