Me: Wow, this is gonna be interesting.
Rukia: Shut the FUCK up! I wanna know if we need to intervene or not!
Me: ...FINE, Ms. P-M-S-PANTS! Enjoy.
Peyton blinked at him. "Um...What?"
His strange grin grew. "You seem to speak perfect English. I'm pretty sure you understood me."
"Well, yeah, but-"
"Then what's the problem, short stuff?"
"Well- Hey, wait...WHAT did you just call me?"
He moved into an upright position, making them nearly nose-to-nose, and repeated the phrase slowly and deliberately. "SHORT. STUFF."
BAM! POP! THWACK! THUD!
"GODDAMMIT, WHAT THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM?"
"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME SHORT STUFF, ICHIGO KUROSAKI, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS!"
Ichigo groaned and rubbed the back of his head, which was one of the many targets of her retaliation. "Tch. Figures. I get the blunt of your brute force on behalf of that Kurosaki kid."
Peyton's eyebrows shot up. "Umm..Ichigo? Maybe we should get you checked out. Isn't your dad a doctor?"
His strange new grin returned. "Oh, that's right. He never told you, did he?"
"Who's this 'he' person? Seriously, Ichigo, you're starting to freak me out a little."
"I'm not your boyfriend, dipshit! I'm his Hollow!"
Peyton's eyes widened a fraction, and she fell back onto her butt. "No way. Ichigo's not a Hollow. Are you?"
"I'm not Ichigo Kurosaki! Jeez!"
"Well then who the HELL are you?"
"What a dumbass question. I am me."
"Oh. Thanks so much for that nugget of wisdom, Confucious. Now, cut the shit. Get Ichigo back!"
"Hmmm....No."
"Please?"
"Oh, sure!"
"...Really?"
"HELL NO, MORON!"
Peyton smacked him upside the head again. "Watch your tone with me! Whether you're in Ichigo's body or not, I won't hesitate to kick your ass right out of it," she growled.
He grinned again. "Wow, no wonder he likes you so much. You sound really sexy when you growl."
Her temple throbbed, and she kicked him as she stood up.
"Ow! God-DAMMIT, BITCH, THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT!"
"Just get up and get Ichigo back, bastard!"
"NO!"
They glared at each other, and finally, Peyton sighed. "Well, if you ARE Ichigo's Hollow...How come I've never seen this happen before?"
He waved her off. "The asshole got better at repressing me. But thanks to this whole lightning-strike bit, I can have some control for a spell."
He waggled his eyebrows. "And some fun."
Peyton sweatdropped and hit him again.
"DAMMIT, ICHIGO WON'T LIKE ALL THESE NEW BRUISES ANY MORE THAN I DO RIGHT NOW, BITCH!"
"WELL, THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD!"
Ichigo- wait, NOT Ichigo- tugged her along, and she twisted in his grip.
"Hey! Get the hell off me!"
"Nope. We're going to meet your new step-grandparents, or whatever the hell you wanna call the old farts, just like our good buddy Ichigo planned."
It was never fully confirmed, but people say they could hear Peyton's prolonged "NOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY MEEEE?" for a good ten miles.
THREE MINUTES LATER...
"What should I call you?"
"Call me Mr. Flintstone."
Peyton gave him a weird look. "Why?"
"Because I can make your bed rock," he informed her.
Her eye twitched. "Where...the HELL...did you hear that song?"
"Anything that comes in contact with Ichigo, comes in contact with me." He chuckled at her strangled expression. "That's right. When you kiss him, you're kissing me as well. You're a great kisser, by the way. Hence why I haven't killed you yet."
THWACK!
"DAMMIT, WOMAN, YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME!"
"FOR WHAT? POSSESSING MY BOYFRIEND?"
"In a way, yes. I'm so much cooler."
"I beg to differ."
"Don't push your luck, Peyton. I could do anything I wanted to Ichigo's body- minus killing him, of course- and not have to deal with the consequences," he warned sinisterly.
Her house came into view. She sighed with relief. "Thank God. At least they're not here yet."
Hollow Ichigo just chuckled. "This is gonna be so much fun, wreacking havoc in that dumbass's body!"
Peyton slid in front of him and grabbed him by the collar. She pressed her forehead against his, and the horny dude didn't protest, thinking she had different motives.
"Mark my words. If you so much as point out the fact that my aunt Jennifer waxes her upper lip, or sneeze too loudly, ANYTHING wrong, I will kick your ass in front of everyone. No doubt you know I could do it, too. I'm sure you saw what I did to that Bount. And if I can't kick your ass, I can always enter Ichigo's inner world and cut your nuts RIGHT off. Got me?"
Despite himself, Hollow Ichigo gulped. "Okay, okay. But afterwards, I get to see your bra."
"WHAT?"
"Kidding, I'm kidding."
Peyton sighed, shook her head, and walked ahead of him. "Sick freak."
"I was SO not kidding," he muttered to himself as he followed her up the driveway.
Right before she opened the door, he grabbed her hand. She glared at him, and he rolled his eyes. "I may be a Hollow, but I know how this works. Just lemme play along, I'll be a good boy."
He hesitated, then smirked to himself. "Well, as good as someone as horny as me can be, anyways."
Lindsay was the first to notice. She peered at "Ichigo" real closely, then made a weird noise. "Hmm. Something's different about you."
Both of them froze; Peyton was afraid of having to explain all this to her sister and Hollow Ichigo was afraid for his nuts.
"...Did you get a haircut?"
They both sweatdropped and laughed anxiously. "Yes, that's EXACTLY it!"
Lindsay beamed at her "smartness", but they all froze as they heard cars pulling up, followed by doors slamming and shouting.
Miya and Peyton exchanged a heavy sigh. "So it begins."
Even Hollow Ichigo gaped as Seth opened the door to reveal several generations of Cullens and Hasukos converged on their doorstep, yelling to each other to be heard among themselves.
They suddenly stopped talking and grinned at them. "Hi! Let's go eat, we're fricking starved like Roscoe was when we lost his dog bowl," her Uncle Lloyd said happily. "Damn, and I thought YOU had an accent," Hollow Ichigo muttered, making her stomp on his foot secretively.
"Lead the way, dad!" She said with an anxious laugh as Ichigo groaned.
Peyton and Hollow Ichigo were the last to leave the comfort of her home. "Welcome to my personal hell, inmate," she said in a fake cheerful tone as she headed for Seth's car.
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
"And these are his children. Lindsay, Seth, and Peyton," Miya explained, pointing at them each in turn.
Miya's mother hugged Lindsay and Seth. "Oh, and this is Orihime, my girlfriend," he added. She even hugged Orihime, who had the cutest dimples and everything.
But did she hug Peyton? Nope. She shook her hand.
"You're awfully...wet," she commented, looking Peyton up and down. She felt like naked the way that woman was scrutinizing her.
What the hell was this woman's problem with her? She would wonder if it was because she had red hair, unlike her golden-haired siblings, but Orihime had orange-red hair, so that wasn't it.
Obviously Miya's mom just didn't like Peyton on basic principle.
"Great to meet you, too. Oh, and this is my boyfriend Ichigo. We got caught in that storm, which would explain why I'm still wet."
Dammit, the woman even gave Hollow Ichigo a friendly pat on the shoulder, which made Peyton's temple throb.
"Uhhh, why don't we follow the waiter now?" Miya suggested with a nervous laugh.
"It's because she's old, rich, and a cougar. Personally, I think she's pissed off at your hotness," Ichigo commented.
Peyton sweatdropped. "You're still not seeing my bra."
"Dammit!"
TEN MINUTES LATER...
"So, what exactly is it you do, Mark? Miya never got to explaining that," Miya's mom asked.
"Oh. I'm chief coroner at the Karakura Police Department's morgue."
As expected, the parents' brows shot up. "Oh? Whatever is that like?"
"Cold, but usually quiet. I never get complaints from my patients."
Peyton covered her eyes with one hand as dad laughed at his own joke. This was going downhill already.
She heard Miya's mom clear her throat. "When I was a young woman, my mother would rap my elbow with a ruler if I ever had it on the tabletop like that."
Peyton put her arm back in her lap, temple throbbing as she noticed Orihime doing the same thing and getting away with it.
"...Oh. Sorry, Mrs. Hasuko."
"Please, I beg of you, call me Katana."
"Um...Okay. Sorry, Katana?"
"Oh, that's quite alright," she said lightly before turning to the waiter and ordering some wine.
"What the hell kind of name is that? I like Peyton so much better," Hollow muttered under his breath.
"Stop kissing ass, you're not seeing my bra," she hissed back.
They heard a muffled thud from the carpet, and Hollow flashed a dazzling, innocent smile at Katana, who was watching them like a hawk.
"Oh. I seem to have dropped my fork. I'll just...go get that."
He ducked under the table, which had such a long cloth draped over it that he could've easily escaped this hellish dinner.
Damn him for thinking of that first.
"So, Peyton? I hear you helped solve the murder of a young boy a while back. I was quite impressed with the details Miya gave me in her e-mail," Miya's dad commented.
Peyton waved him off half-heartedly. "Oh, really, I'm not exactly a hero or anything. I was just..."
She cut off with a gasp. She found Hollow Ichigo, alright.
"IIIIINNNN the right place at the right-" she squeezed her legs together, crushing Ichigo's head, then kicked him away, hiding his groans with the rest of her sentence. "TIME, is all! I'm just glad I could HELLLLP his family find some peeeeace!"
Ichigo came back up looking rather dissheveled, and held up his fork weakly. The younger people at the table sweatdropped, having a good idea of what might've happened.
"...Found it."
"I'm just going to pretend you somehow thought it would be lodged between my legs, asshole," she hissed as he returned to his seat.
"Well, what else could I have been doing? Nice legs, by the way. They're very smooth," He replied innocently as Peyton attempted to force the blush out of her cheeks.
Katana just eyed them suspiciously; hopefully she didn't have bionic hearing. "...Humph."
The only thing that made that damn dinner bearable was that the Cullen Clan had been stuck in traffic the whole time, so no further embarrassment was brought to Peyton's family name.
Thank God.
Any more of dad's dead body jokes or occasional "That's What She Said"'s, and Katana might've exploded.
At least Miya's dad had a sense of humor. Thank GOD Miya inherited his personality.
At the end of the dinner, once they were back at the Cullen house, she got full-on hugs from most of Miya's family. Katana simply informed her soon-to-be-step-granddaughter that she had a stain on her shirt and climbed into the car.
As soon as the car pulled out of the driveway, Peyton dropped her waving hand and clenched it into a fist. "I swear to God, I just might strangle that woman during the wedding."
The Cullen Clan were staying a couple days, beyond exhausted after spending two hours screaming at the top of their lungs at fellow drivers.
Peyton dragged Hollow Ichigo towards the Kurosaki house, and stopped in an alley about halfway there.
She planted her hands on her hips. "Alright, Hollow. Give control back to Ichigo."
He simply mirrored her stance. "No. A deal's a deal."
"W-WHAT? I NEVER PROMISED YOU WOULD SEE MY BRA!"
"Just show me, dammit, or I'll make you take it off!"
Peyton's temple throbbed. She knew good and well that she pretty much had to do whatever he said; it'd be nice to date Ichigo while he was in one piece.
She finally sighed in defeat and fingered the end of her shirt.
"Fine. Jerkface."
THREE HOURS LATER...
The first thing that registered to him was a monitor beeping. Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut tighter before opening them and trying to adjust to that damn fluorescent lighting.
He was in a hospital? He looked around, and his eyes landed on Peyton.
She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her seat. "Oh, good. Your eyes are normal now. I take it you're the real Ichigo?"
He paled. "Oh. So he really did win control, then."
Peyton set down her iPod and slid onto the bed beside him. "Yep. You owe me. BIG TIME."
Ichigo didn't dare look at his body. "How bad's the damage?"
"Well, for you, you have a broken wrist. I, however, am scarred for life."
"WHAT?"
"I'll explain that in a minute," she said quickly.
"Dammit, why does my head hurt so damn much?"
"Oh, about that....Do you know how damn HORNY your Hollow Self is? Oh, and I kinda had to beat you over the head with a trash can lid so you could regain control."
He slowly sat up. "Oh. Peyton, I'm so sorry you had to learn about him."
She waved him off. "Ehhh, it's my fault for letting you get hit by that damn lightning."
"So...How'd you get him to relinquish control?"
A blush crept onto her cheeks. "Well, um...He asked to see my bra...and since I didn't want him to do anything to your body, I...Well, I let him see it...but then he tried to give me a hug, and...well, I'm not STUPID! So then we got into a battle after he tried to touch 'em."
Ichigo sweatdropped. "Battle? What the hell, how did he lose against YOU?"
Peyton sweatdropped as well, blushing even harder. "Well, um...I kinda chased him around Karakura with a baseball bat I found in the alley, and when I finally got him in a heap on the ground, I...hit him over the head a few times with a trash can lid."
"So...YOU broke my wrist?"
"No! After I wouldn't let him have a chance to touch my boobs, he jumped off the dumpster and deliberately broke your wrist before running off with my shirt, all as punishment..."
Ichigo sighed, then started laughing. "You know, it's awkward yet a relief to know that my Hollow took a liking to you."
"You really think he did? I'd hate my guts if I were him, I mean, I beat the shit out of him."
"That's why! He hates weaklings. He calls me weak all the time. Since you beat the shit out of him...and with him trying to unhook your bra and all..Uhh, yeah, I'm pretty sure he took a liking to you."
Peyton laughed, and he pulled her over so her head was resting against his collarbone. "You're pretty damn lucky, usually he's a homicidal psychopath."
"Oh, well I threatened to cut off his nuts if he misbehaved."
"See, THAT is why I'm dating you."
Me: Wow. I'm surprised he didn't go on a killing spree.
Rukia: (looks at sea of cakes) Yeah, i know...You know what ELSE i know? These cakes will spoil if we don't eat them.
Me: Yeah, Ichigo would want it this way.
Rukia: Totally...
Me: Don't worry, I'll save him about four slices since he has a broken wrist and all. Hope you weren't disappointed with Hollow Ichigo's appearance, and he'll probably show up again some other times, too! REVIEW!