A Slight Parody of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Chapter 12: The Polyjuice Potion

Part 4: The Chapter's Namesake

Disclaimer: Would you honestly believe me if I said I owned Harry Potter? That's right, NO!

"Commence Operation Polyjuice, Stage One, Commence!" buzzed Hermione on their magical walkie-talkie. Since it was magical, it didn't fall apart upon entering Hogwarts grounds.

"Yeah, whatever Hermione," said Ron as he arranged the poisoned cakes in the prettiest, most obvious way possible. Hermione had slipped a strong Sleeping Draught into the cakes, and they were going to have Crabbe and Goyle eat it.

Then Harry and Ron hid behind a suit of armor and waited as Crabbe and Goyle saw the cakes and go over to them. As soon as they swallowed they fell to the floor and caused an earthquake in Hawaii.

Harry and Ron then grabbed Crabbe and Goyle and stuffed them into a broom closet.

"Ooh, what have we here?" asked Peeves, floating up to them.

Uh oh, thought Harry.

"Kiddies stuffing other kiddies into broom closets? Ooh, bad kiddies! Filch would be very disappointed about this…"

"No please Peeves, don't tell him, just this once!"

Please, please, please, Peeves!

Peeves produced a bell out of nowhere, threatening to ring it and wake up half the school.

"!"

"Please Peeves, we'll do anything!"

"Anything?" asked Peeves, smiling cruelly.

Harry and Ron nodded vigorously.

"Would you… say… give me your Special Edition Cuddles the Troll Yu-Gi-Oh card?"

"WHAT!" exclaimed Harry and Ron.

"You heard me."

Harry and Ron looked at each other. Cuddles the Troll was Harry's best card.

"Wouldn't you want Lord Ironclaw instead?" asked Ron, holding up a card.

"Nope, only Cuddles," said Peeves stubbornly. "This bell is pretty loud. It would be a shame if I didn't ring it…"

Harry sighed reluctantly. He handed Cuddles to Peeves.

"Goodbye Cuddles," he said sadly. "I'll miss you." A single tear formed in his eyeball and rolled down his cheek.

"A wise choice," said Peeves, getting rid of the bell. Then he flew off, cackling and ripping Harry's one and only Limited Edition Cuddles the Troll card to shreds, and with it, a part of Harry's heart.

"Okay, let's get these hairs and report to Hermione," said Ron, trying to get back on track. As they yanked Crabbe and Goyle's hairs off and walked back to Myrtle's bathroom, Harry didn't say a word, but Ron didn't push him. He knew the importance of Cuddles and the special place he held in Harry's heart.

"Operation Polyjuice, Stage One, complete," said Ron into the walkie-talkie. "This had better be worth it, Hermione. We lost Cuddles the Troll on this mission."

"What?" asked Hermione, who had no clue what they were talking about and probably thought they'd gone mad. "Whatever," she continued, "Just get to the bathroom, pronto."

At the bathroom, it smelled like crap and looked like a girl's bathroom. It also sounded like broken pipes and felt like they were about to do something they would regret.

"Yeesh, what IS that smell, Hermione?" asked Ron, holding his nose.

"That's the Potion," replied Hermione through the fog. Did I mention there was a fog? "I accidentally put too much Eye of Newt, so it's probably going to last all night. We may have to sleep in the Slytherin dorms, as we can't sleep in the Gryphindor tower as Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy Parkington. Fortunately, I strengthened the Drought on Crabbe and Goyle's cakes; they won't wake up until tomorrow morning.

"Cool," said Ron, "Except for the part about sleeping in the Slytherin rooms."

Harry remained silent.

"What's wrong, Harry?" asked Hermione, who was just starting to notice he was upset.

Harry just sniffed sadly and muttered a word. It was not until later that Hermione would find out that word was "Cuddles."

After a painfully painful transformation to painful for me to describe, Harry and Ron stared at each other, astonished that they looked exactly like Crabbe and Goyle.

"Come one out, Hermione," said Ron, knocking on her stall door. No answer. "Come on, Hermione, it's time to go!" He looked at Harry's watch, five minutes of their precious 12 hours, wasted. "What was that one unlocking spell, Harry?" asked Ron. "Hermione uses it in a lot of our later books…"

"Alohomora," whispered Harry sadly.

Suddenly the stall door flew open to reveal… an empty bathroom stall.

"Hmmm…" Ron wondered out loud. "Now where could she have gone?"

Suddenly there was a meowing behind them. Ron and Harry turned around to see a cat, dark as midnight and sleek as and invisibility cloak. And mysterious as a… something mysterious. A cat in a bathroom stall, maybe.

"Meow," said the cat pleadingly, as if trying to tell them something.

"Aw, what a cute little kitty," said Ron, reaching out to pet it.

"Meow," it said annoyedly, giving him a light scratch.

"Ow!" said Ron. "That hurt. What's it doing here, anyway?"

Harry shrugged.

"Maybe we should just throw it out the window," said Ron, gesturing at the window that wasn't mentioned before due to not being important to the plot until now.

"Hiss!" hissed the cat, as if thinking, "You wouldn't really do that, would you?

"Ok," Harry said, grabbing it and throwing it out the window.

"REEEER!" said the cat, as if thinking, "You did!" or maybe, "Oh no you just didn't!" Either way, it fell out the window.

"Let's go to the Slytherin common room, we'll look for Hermione later," said Ron.

Harry silently agreed.

Little did they know that they'd just thrown Hermione out the window. And as they walked away, Myrtle had a laughing fit at what she just saw, because she knew what had just happened, and was getting a kick out of it.

Disclaimer: Those aren't real Yu-Gi-Oh cards