A Slight Parody of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Chapter 12: The Polyjuice Potion

Part 5: The Slytherin Common Room

Author's Note/Disclaimer: Wow, i haven't uploaded here in a while! I guess I've just been focusing so much on my other story, i forgot about this one. but there's not that many people reading this anyway, and I'm almost done, so.. yeah. Anyway, enjoy the penultimate chapter, because I don't own Harry Potter. And if you haven't read my other story, check it out, please?

Harry and Ron walked through the halls of Hogwarts, wondering where to go. They knew the Slytherin common room was in the dungeons, so they headed towards there. On the way, they passed the real Crabbe and Goyle's broom closet, and saw Malfoy about to open it.

"No!" yelled Harry and Ron, running over to him.

Looking shocked, Malfoy removed his hand from the door and stared at them. "Why not?" he asked.

"We mean," said Ron, thinking quickly, "No… need to look for us in there, because we're right here!"

Malfoy narrowed his eyes, as if suspecting something, but eventually seemed satisfied with that answer and turned down the hall. "Come on, then, we need to go to the common room. I have to tell you a secret."

Harry and Ron looked at each other excitedly. Maybe this "secret" was that Malfoy was, in fact the Heir of Slytherin!

When they reached the wall covering the Slytherin common room, Malfoy muttered the password, "I Draco Malfoy, hereby solemnly swear that I am, in fact, the Heir of Slytherin."

"That's a really long password," Ron noticed.

"Yeah, so what?" asked Malfoy, marching through the doorway that had opened up. "I don't choose the passwords, go complain to whoever does!"

Harry and Ron looked at each other again. That had been a little disappointing, but there was still the chance that the password was true.

"So are you the Heir of Slytherin?" asked Ron.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" exclaimed Malfoy, slumping into a chair. "No, no, no, and more, NO! When will you get that through your stupid skulls?"

Harry looked around. Surprisingly, nobody had stopped to stare at Malfoy's screaming. Apparently, he freaked out at Crabbe and Goyle a lot.

"Anyway," said Malfoy, "This is the secret I was telling you about." He got a newspaper clipping out of his pocket and handed it to Ron.

Ron read it, and as he did, his expression became more and more shocked. After he was done, he handed it to harry.

It was very wet, as if someone had cried on it, and crumpled-up, as if someone had thrown it at the ground. It said:

Lucius Malfoy – Secrets Revealed!

When the ministry of Magic raided Malfoy Manor last week, we found some very interesting stuff, but nothing was more shocking than this:
"Well, I… I… I…," was Malfoy's response when confronted about the object.
What was this mysterious object, you ask? Well it was none other than his super-duper, ultra-top-secret DIARY!
Here is just one of the most embarrassing entries:
"Dear Diary, Today I

The rest was ripped off, as if someone had angrily clawed it to shreds.

Harry passed it back to Malfoy, trying not to burst out laughing.

"Terrible, isn't it?" asked Malfoy. "Father had some very embarrassing secrets in that thing. It just… It just makes me want to cry…" Suddenly Malfoy started bawling uncontrollably.

Harry looked around, but surprisingly nobody was staring at them. Apparently Malfoy burst into tears often.

"It's a good thing," said Malfoy as the tears subsided. "Good thing they didn't search through our secret chamber under the drawing-room floor."

Harry noticed Ron hurriedly scribble something onto a piece of parchment, then tie it to an owl and whisper, "Send this to Arthur Weasly at the Burrow."

"Hey!" yelled the owl's owner as the owl flew out the window and Ron started whistling innocently.

"What was that?" asked Malfoy.

"Nothing," said Ron.

"Whatever," said Malfoy. "It's past my bedtime anyway."

Harry and Ron followed Malfoy t he dorms, bewildered. According to the big clock in the corner of the room, it was still 7:00 p.m.