Me: Yay, we're back!

Ichigo: Yay. Fucking amazing. Let's throw a parade.

Me: You're in a splendid mood.

Rukia: Isn't he always?

Me: (slow nod) True, very true.

Ichigo: (sniffs) You guys are mean.

Me: (stage-whispers to Rukia): Do you think it might be cake overload?

Rukia: (points rather dramatically at Ichigo): NO CAKE FOR THREE DAYS!

Ichigo: NOOOOOOO! WAY TO GO, MANDY!

Me: S-Sorry! (nervous laugh) Anyways, enjoy!

The next morning, Peyton officially died of embarrassment and Miya was introduced to one of Lindsay's oddest traditions.

Peyton and her future stepmom were sitting at the kitchen table with Seth, minding their own business, and he apparently decided today was a good day to mortify his youngest sister.

"So, sis. Is Isshin gonna be disappointed this Christmas?" Seth asked innocently.

Miya looked up from her coffee with interest. "Isshin...That's Ichigo's dad, right?"

Seth nodded, smirking at how red Peyton was getting already. "Sure is. He wants grandkids more than anything, right P?"

"...Yeah. Yes he does," she replied in a dangerous tone.

"Is he gonna get some any time soon?"

She didn't know if he meant Ichigo or his dad, but she just said "NO."

"Oh, good. Then the shotgun should still stay locked up until hunting season."

"It better."

"It should."

"It will."

"Fine then."

"Fine."

"Oh, and I skimmed through that video again yesterday; y'know, skipping through the makeouts so I could keep my sanity. It's on the Top Ten list of most watched YouTube videos of the year."

Miya let out a low whistle, and Peyton just huffed and continued eating her Frosted Flakes. "There was no making out!"

"What's its rank?" She asked, and Peyton gave her a look.

Miya shrugged. "What?"

She just shook her head. "Nothing, absolutely nothing."

Seth grinned. "It's ranked number 4. You should be proud, sis! That's some great footage, and in such short time!"

"What footage?" Dad asked from behind Peyton.

Miya took a huge swig of coffee, Seth's smirk grew, and Peyton spit out her Frosted Flakes with coughing and sputtering.

"Peyton, jeez, are you alright?" He clapped her on the back, which just made it worse.

"Oh, we were talking about a wildlife video," Miya said cheerfully.

"C'mon now, don't call Peyton and Ichigo animals!" Seth retorted.

"What?" Dad was obviously beyond confused.

"Well, let's just say they had a really good trip. Really good. And according to all the comments, it was pretty hot," Seth said mysteriously.

Peyton kicked him hard under the table. "OW! DAMMIT, THAT HURT!"

"Peyton, no violence at the table," dad said with a sigh. "What's your brother talking about?"

"I dunno. Maybe he's high," She replied innocently before gulping down some OJ.

"I'm not HIGH! Just for that, I'm telling him the truth. Peyton and Ichigo hooked up in Disney World, and there's a video of everything they did floating around on YouTube. It's number 4 on the Top Ten Most Watched This Year list," Seth explained with a smug grin in Peyton's direction.

"SETH!" Peyton screeched as it slowly sunk in for dad.

The background turned depressing and scary as dad slowly repeated, "HOOKED. UP?"

Peyton sighed. We should've never let him watch Sixteen...

"...Miya?"

"Yes?" She asked carefully.

"Could you bring me your laptop?" He said in a voice that was so calm you could tell he wanted to just go outside and shoot the first thing he saw moving.

Peyton gulped, Seth chuckled nervously, and dad just plopped into a chair and sighed heavily before putting on his reading glasses.

"I never thought I'd have to check YouTube to see what my youngest daughter's been doing," he commented to no one in particular as he skimmed over the newspaper.

When dad started reading, he tuned everything out. EVERYTHING. When Hurricane Katrina's tailspins hit in Tennessee, he just sat there reading the paper, not even realizing what was happening outside, while Peyton and her mom were busy spazzing out.

So of course she used this time to kick the crap out of her big brother.

"DAMN YOU, SETH! He's gonna shoot Ichigo, I'll have to deal with all those 'Sorry your boyfriend died out of the blue like that' speeches again, and it'll be ALL. YOUR. FAULT!" She more-or-less screeched.

Seth merely blinked as she panted angrily. "...Well. In that case, you don't have to do my laundry anymore."

"I wasn't going to anyway, since you broke the deal! Dumbass," she said moodily, folding her arms across her middle.

He shrugged and went back to his cereal. Miya came running in, typing the link into the address bar as she walked.

Damn her and her multitask-ness.

"Here. Honey. HERE!" She yelled in dad's ear, the only way to actually get his attention during his precious Newspaper Time.

"Hmm? You say something, sweetie?"

Ew. Pet names?

Peyton shuddered. She hoped to God she and Ichigo never developed pet names. That would be a grim day indeed.

"Yeah, here's the laptop. I'd try typing in-"

"Peyton and Ichigo's Epic Hookup In Disney. LOL!" Seth recited.

They all turned to look at him; Peyton's temple seemed to be on constant Throb Mode this morning. He grinned. "I memorized it," he announced proudly.

"Do you know how perverted it is, how much you know about this video? It involves your own precious little sister!" Peyton exclaimed, throwing up a hand for emphasis.

He shrugged again while dad pressed play and Miya leaned over him, anxious to watch this alleged video Seth and Lindsay had explained to her a million times.

"With how many times it's mentioned at school, how could I NOT know so much about it? Seriously, it's not fair. I wish I could've at least made a guest appearance. I mean, damn! Matsumoto and that short guy can get away with all kinds of crap, just because their faces were in the background a few frames!"

Peyton's temple throbbed even more. "...Gee, this must be so hard for you. My heart goes out to you, bro. Truly."

"That means a lot to me, P!" He said dramatically, complete with a hand to his forehead and fake tears while gazing at the ceiling fan broodingly.

He could be serious competition against Isshin.

She rolled her eyes and waited for the coming homicidal tendencies from her father.

TEN MINUTES LATER...

"Awwww!" Miya said as soon as it was over. Seth was laughing, having watched most of it with them while Peyton waited anxiously on the other end of the table.

"It's funnier every time I watch it! It's so Peyton, right dad?"

Dad was still staring at the screen. Seth, totally oblivious, scrolled down to the comments. "Wait until you read this stuff; they're almost funnier than the video!"

Him and Miya skimmed through them, reading their favorites out loud, while dad just sat there. Unfortunately, his gaze had shifted to Peyton, and he was currently staring her down and watching her squirm.

"So. THAT'S how this Ichigo kid got sucked into the In-Laws Dinner last week."

"Uh, yeah, I guess," she answered, shifting awkwardly in her seat. "Can I go now?"

"NO."

"Okay," she said quickly with a nervous laugh. He's gonna murder someone, I just know it!

Miya looked over at her fiancee. "C'mon, hon. You know it was funny."

"Yeah. Some of it was. Except for the times when this boy kissed my daughter. Among other things."

"Like pull her into a fountain? Or make out in a pool?" Seth offered, earning glares from Peyton and Miya.

Dad nodded slowly. "Yeah, like that."He looked at the screen again, and judging by the intensity of his look, the screen had paused on a shot of Ichigo.

"Dads don't tend to feel too great about boys kissing their daughters without them knowing a thing about it. Especially not when they don't find out until weeks later, when presumably the aforementioned daughter's already gone on several dates with that boy."

Holy crap, is he psychic?

"Um...Five or six dates, actually, if that helps."

"It helps my knowledge. But it sure as hell doesn't help your case any," he said with a chuckle.

Okay, he laughed, that's a good sign, she thought with a sigh of relief.

Miya patted his arm. "Hey, don't worry about it. He's a good kid, I've met him before."

Dad turned to look at Seth. "Hey. You. What do you think about this Ichigo guy?"

Seth shrugged. "He's a pretty cool dude. Even the junior and senior chicks want him."

Dad gestured to Seth. "And THAT is why I worry. If Seth likes him, there's gotta be something wrong with this guy."

Peyton started laughing, and Seth sweatdropped. "Uh, dad, hello? Standing right here! Jeez."

"Oh, sorry son."

"Honestly, I'm OFFENDED. Appalled! Flabber-"

"Do you wanna keep your allowance or not?"

"Love you dad!" He exclaimed cheerfully before heading for the front door.

"And just where are you going?" Peyton asked.

"Where else? Picking up Orihime."

Peyton looked at her dad. "Well? No interrogation for him and his girlfriend?"

He shrugged. "I like Orihime."

Her temple throbbed. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm still surprised I get the most unwanted attention in this family.."

And THAT was when Lindsay came skipping on in, carrying some random stuff that looked edible.

"Tomorrow's Christmas E-Eve, tomorrow's Christmas E-Eve, tomorrow's Christmas EEE- EEEVVVVEEEEEEEEEE!" She sang at the top of her lungs, making a sharp skip-steer into the kitchen.

Miya sweatdropped and poked her head in. "Um...Lindsay? Is everything...alright?"

"It's her Pre-Christmas-Tradition," Peyton and dad explained at the same time.

"Once she's up and ready for the day, she skips on into the kitchen to start making stuff for Christmas Eve."

"Although, that stuff looks different. Whatchya carrying this time, Linds?" Peyton asked as she strolled into the kitchen.

Miya slowly followed, and Lindsay grinned at them. "Eggnog. Yuzu gave me some stuff yesterday."

"Who's Yuzu?"

"Ichigo's little sister, dad," Lindsay threw over her shoulder in a tone that suggested he should know her already.

"Oh, pardon me," he muttered moodily.

Lindsay gestured to dad, who was now back to reading the paper. "What's up with him?"

"Seth told him about the video, and he decided to watch it, and now his brain is permanently fried with horrifying mental images of me and Ichigo," Peyton said dully. "He's extremely suspicious about him now. Great. Fricking fan-TASTIC."

Her sister nodded, then cracked her knuckles expertly. "Don't worry, I've got this."

She then stood up on a stool and started shouting.

"Y'KNOW, PEYTON, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE DATING ICHIGO!"

Peyton and Miya sweatdropped. "What the hell are you doing?" "Just go with it," she hissed before cupping her hands over her mouth to continue her monologue.

"I MEAN, HE'S LIKE, AWESOME! NOT ONLY IS HE ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS, WHICH IS ALWAYS GOOD, BUT HE'S VERY NICE! IN FACT, DIDN'T HE SAVE YOUR LIFE ONCE? YES, I RECALL YOU TELLING ME THAT! AND THEN THERE WAS THE NIGHT UNCLE CAMERON GOT HIS SENTENCE! HE CALLED EVERY HOTEL IN THE AREA UNTIL HE FOUND YOU, AND STAYED ON THE PHONE WITH YOU ALL NIGHT LONG!"

Miya's eyes widened at that. "Awww, he did?"

"YES, MIYA, MY WONDERFUL FUTURE STEPMOM! HE REALLY DID DO THAT!"

"THAT'S SO SWEET!" Miya cooed, getting in on the action. Peyton had no choice but to grin.

"YES, IT WAS VERY SWEET! HE'S A GREAT BOYFRIEND, DON'T YOU THIINK?"

"WHY YES, LINDSAY, MY WONDERFUL FUTURE STEPDAUGHTER! I DO THINK HE'S A GREAT BOYFRIEND! PEYTON'S A LUCKY GIRL!"

"COOL BEANS, MIYA, COOL BEANS! AND HE'S VERY GOOD WITH KIDS, AND LOOKS OUT FOR HIS SISTERS! OH, AND HE'S RANKED IN THE TOP THIRTY ON THE ACADEMICS ROSTER CITY-WIDE! AND DID I MENTION HE'S IN TIP-TOP SHAPE AND ISN'T PERVERTED IN ANY WAY?"

"Jeez, Linds, let's not flat out lie," Peyton muttered under her breath after that perverted bit. Lindsay cleared her throat and hopped down. "Well, I'm done. I need some water."

"YES, I IMAGINE YOU'RE QUITE HOARSE AFTER SHOUTING LIKE THIS FOR SO LONG!" Dad replied, making Lindsay and Peyton freeze. "Whoa, he heard you? That's like...a miracle!"

"I know!"

Miya chuckled and shook her head. "Does Christmas do this to everyone?" Lindsay blinked at her. "What, have you never celebrated Christmas?"

"Nope."

Peyton watched with a sweatdrop as her sister did her own Appalled Wet Noodle Dance. "W-W-WHAAAAAAT? Y-YOU NEVER CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS?"

Peyton lifted a finger matter-of-factly. "Well, she IS Japanese, Linds. Not everyone's Christian here, just like in Tennessee."

"Well, yeah, but..."

Seth bounded in just then. "Forgot my wallet. Plus, I heard y'all screeching about Ichigo. Are we still doing the Screech-Fest?"

"NO," Peyton stated.

"You leave me no choice," he said ominously as he grabbed his wallet out of the fridge. How it got there was a true mystery. Wait, no it wasn't; he ate twenty-four-seven.

He hopped onto the stool and cupped his hands over his mouth.

"SPEAKING OF ICHIGO, PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW SOME PERSONAL INFO ON HIM I'VE GATHERED THROUGH PEYTON OVER THE PAST EIGHT MONTHS OR SO! HIS NAME IS ICHIGO KUROSAKI. HIS BIRTHDAY IS JULY 16th! HE'S 5 FEET 9 INCHES TALL! HIS BLOOD TYPE IS A!"

Peyton sweatdropped. "Even I didn't know his blood type. Where the hell did you-"

"DON'T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS WHILE I'M MONOLOGUING, SIS! NOW, WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH!"

"HE'S SIXTEEN, JUST LIKE PEYTON. HE HAS BRIGHT ORANGE HAIR AND LIGHT BROWN EYES. 'AMBER' IS WHAT PEYTON SAID, BUT THAT SOUNDS SO GIRLY WHEN I SAY IT...ANYWAY, HE LIVES THREE BLOCKS AWAY IN THAT CLINIC. YOU CAN TELL WHICH HOUSE THAT IS BECAUSE USUALLY THERE'RE SOUNDS OF BATTLE BETWEEN ICHIGO AND HIS DAD, WHO'S AWESOMELY INSANE! ALSO, I HEARD MY LOVELY LITTLE SISTER TELLING LINDSAY THAT HIS DAD HAS A BABY-MAKING CHART, WHICH HE USES TO FIGURE OUT WHEN EXACTLY THEY'LL GIVE HIM GRANDKIDS. HE WANTED SOME THIS CHRISTMAS, BUT THEY NOT-SO-POLITELY DENIED HIS REQUEST! ALSO, HE HAS A METAL BAT UNDER HIS BED, SO YOUR BEST BET IF YOU WERE A HITMAN WOULD BE TO STRIKE WHEN HE'S DEAD ASLEEP. ACCORDING TO PEYTON, HE CAN SLEEP THROUGH ANYTHING! AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED, I'VE ALSO BEEN ABLE TO HACK HIS FACEBOOK AND MYSPACE ACCOUNT, SO I KNOW MUCH, MUCH MORE ABOUT ICHIGO!"

The three girls stared at him, stunned speechless. Well, two of them were speechless. Guess which one wasn't.

"...Bro, you took protectiveness to a whole creepier new level! You hacked my boyfriend's Facebook and MySpace? AND gave dad hitman tactics? What the hell!"

Seth shrugged. "I did the same stuff to Keigo. When it comes to who my family's in relationships with, I have to be thorough. I did a background check on her, too," he added, pointing at Miya.

Peyton's temple throbbed, and Miya's eyes widened. "EHHHH?" He waved her dismay off. "Don't worry, you were clean!"

They heard dad ruffle his newspaper before uttering the scariest three sentences Peyton had ever heard from him in her life:

"Thanks for the tips, son. I guess we'll find out if this Ichigo kid passes my test soon. Very soon."

Me: Well, Ichigo was sent to time-out about three minutes into the chapp, sooo...I guess he missed a lot.

Rukia: It's probably better that way. Seth creeps me out sometimes.

Me: (shrugs) What else are big brothers supposed to do with their spare time other than run background checks and google their little sister's boyfriend?

Rukia: (sweatdrops) I don't think I will EVER fully understand the ways of humans.

Me: Neither will we, so that's alright.

Rukia: Hey, i just realized. How come you never put Ichigo and Peyton's dates in here?

Me: (shrugs) I figure we owe them at least a LITTLE bit of privacy. Besides...Who knows what they do when they're alone?

Everyone: (group shudder)

Me and Rukia: (together) UNTIL NEXT TIME!