Me: (looks around nervously) Well...Ichigo's whereabouts are currently unknown...but Abby and her mace from 'Medieval-Weapons-R-Us' kinda worries me... (turns cheerful) My money's still on Ichigo!

Rukia: (eye-twitch) Wow...You are SUCH a good friend to him, Mandy.

Me: (shrugs and takes a bite of the cake clearly marked "Ichigo's. Those who eat this will DROP FUCKING DEAD!") I care in my own little way!

Rukia: (shakes head) ...If you say so. Enjoy!

Ichigo and Peyton exchanged an "Oh Crap, We're SO Dead But This is SO Fricking Funny" look as the two Soul Reapers started getting all spazzy.

"Lieutenant Matsumoto and I are in no such relationship!" Toshiro practically shouted.

Matsumoto nodded quickly. "Yes, yes, what Captain Hitsugaya said! Chiyoko, where did you get an idea like that?"

"The same way everyone else did," Renji replied, snickering. Rukia and Matsumoto smacked him upside the head. "Ow, dammit, it was a JOKE! Jeez, PMS-ing women..."

Ichigo pointed at the female Soul Reapers enthusiastically. "So you guys DO have periods! I knew it, I knew it, I fricking KNEW IT! Karin owes me fifty bucks now!"

Peyton's eyebrows shot up. "Karin knows about Soul Reapers?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Sure, but that doesn't mean she believes in them."

"Yet she bet AGAINST their ability to PMS?"

"You act like I know what the hell goes on in my little sister's head!" He said impatiently. Peyton rolled her eyes, but then they both gulped.

Toshiro and Matsumoto were staring daggers at them. It wasn't very pleasant.

...Neither was being chased for three miles while dodging attacks from their zanpakutos. Though everyone else laughed their asses off about it.

Finally, Toshio abruptly slowed to a leisurely walk, totally calm. "...I believe we have left the rest of the group behind, Lieutenant."

Matsumoto reluctantly slipped out of PMS-Rage-Mode and pouted. "Are you sure we should let them live, Captain?"

He sweatdropped at her alarmingly-strong thirst for vengeance. He then pointed to Ichigo and Peyton, who were currently perched in a tree further up the hill, trying to catch their breath.

"I swear, I came THIS CLOSE to passing out," they heard Peyton say between pants.

"From fear or exhaustion?" Ichigo asked.

"...Both. But don't tell THEM that!"

"And risk it slipping out that I nearly pissed myself when Matsumoto started howling like a psychopath? Don't worry, I'm not taking any chances!"

"...I think they've had enough," Toshiro commented with another sweatdrop, and Matsumoto reluctantly followed him down the hill.

"...Very well, then. The nerve of some humans, huh Captain?"

"Indeed! They must be out of their damn MINDS, to think we would ever be lovers!"

"I know! I could do SO much better," she replied brightly, making his temple throb.

"Well, so could I," he shot back smugly, making HER temple throb.

"Oh really?"

"REALLY."

"I highly doubt that."

"And your reasoning would be...?"

"That there's no better out there," Matsumoto replied as if it were obvious.

"THAT is a completely biased opinion, and HIGHLY debatable. In other words, as the humans say...'Whatever'."

She turned her nose up defiantly and stomped ahead. "NOW who's being unprofessional, TOSHIRO?"

He ran to catch up before narrowing his eyes. "That is Captain Hitsugaya, LIEUTENANT."

"That's Matsumoto to YOU, TOSHIRO."

"LIEUTENANT."

"TOSHIRO."

"LIEUTENANT."

"TOSHIRO!"

"LIEUTENANT!"

"TOSHIRO!"

"LIEUTENANT!"

"TOSHIRO TOSHIRO TOSHIRO TOSHIRO TOSHIRO TOSHIRO TOSHIRO!"

"LIEUTENANT LIEUTENANT LIEUTENANT LIEUTENANT LIEUTENANT LIEUTENANT LIEUTEEEEENAAANT!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Peyton and Ichigo shouted.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!" Matsumoto screeched at the same time Toshiro shouted "THIS IS A PRIVATE MATTER!"

They heard yelling, then a very loud THUD.

"Holy crap, Ichigo!"

Ichigo groaned. "...Peyton...I think I deserve some attention now.."

Peyton was laughing her ass off, but they heard her saying "Damn, you just flipped right off! Hold on, lemme get the bird nest off, THEN the branches..."

Matsumoto huffed and pointed to the hill, which Ichigo and Peyton were currently on the other side of.

"See? THAT'S why I could do better. They take care of each other. In MORE than a Captain-and-Lieutenant sort of way," she added as he opened his mouth to say something along those lines.

He pressed his mouth into a line. "Then I guess it is a good thing you can do better, if that's what you really think."

She made a similar expression and stomped off. "I guess it is."

"...Well, you sure do SUCK at this kind of thing," Ichigo commented from behind him as Matsumoto turned into a tiny dot in the distance, with two other dots protruding from her chest, as usual.

Toshiro's temple throbbed. "It's called stress and pressure. Happens a lot between a Captain and their Lieutenant. Nothing more, and CERTAINLY nothing romantically induced."

Ichigo snorted a laugh. "If that's what you wanna keep telling yourself."

Peyton elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ouch, dammit!" He whined.

"Will you leave the guy alone? Or shall I share your dirty little secret about a certain bladder issue that was narrowly evaded just then?"

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

Peyton smirked smugly, and Ichigo finally sighed. "...You SUCK." She kissed his cheek. "I know."

And with that, they walked off talking about Pop-Tarts. Toshiro sweatdropped and hesitantly followed suit as Ichigo wrapped an arm around her waist.

I can't help but wonder how it can be so easy for them...

HOURS LATER...

Toshiro and Matsumoto had acted like nothing had happened, so Peyton was pretty much expecting it when the latter Soul Reaper flipped over to look at her later that night.

"Can I ask ya something?"

"Sure."

"Why do they make things difficult?"

Peyton blinked innocently. "Who?"

Matsumoto sighed and rolled her eyes. "You know. Men. They second-guess everything, know nothing, and act on as few good impulses as possible. And oh, when you bring up the very MENTION of a relationship with anyone, they freak out! But no, they insist they don't care at all. Yet they make you feel almost like if you ignored them and took flirting to a whole new level with some other guy, you're...CHEATING on them or something!" She ranted in an angry whisper, trying not to wake everyone else up.

Peyton propped up her elbow and rested the side of her face on her hand. "Simple. Can't live with us, can't live without us. It's the same reason we put up with their crap."

"Well, it SUCKS. And when an innocent little kid calls you lovers, the guy's first instinct is to grow cold all over again. DAMMIT!"

She huffed a few times, then held up a finger. "...But this is NOT about my Captain."

"Of course not, no connection there at all," Peyton agreed with a quick nod.

Is this what I was like before Ichigo asked me out? She wondered with a sweatdrop.

Matsumoto huffed again and laid flat on her back, staring at the ceiling. "Men. They're the REAL reason the Shinigami Women's Association suggested getting some sort of safety for our zanpakutos. You know, like the kind on the Human World's guns? The risk of murdering them is just too high nowadays..."

Peyton sweatdropped and laughed nervously. "Umm...I think this is the part where I remind you to think before you act, and then I turn over and go back to sleep."

Matsumoto smiled cheerfully. "Is THAT how these things go? Sounds sensible."

"Night, Matsumoto."

"Goodnight Peyton!"

"Good night Peyton-chan and Matsumoto-san!" Chiyoko called out immediately after, making the two jump.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING AWAKE?"