Me: Well, we're back. And I'm sorry to say, I'm not ready for ANYONE to have my babies.
Rukia: If that's even possible, seeing as you're a girl.
Me: (mysteriously) There are ways, Rukia...There are ways!
Ichigo: (rolls eyes, which makes the other two laugh since he's in a full-body cast) Whatever. No babies. THAT MEANS YOU, PenguinLuver!
Me: Hey, don't be rude! It was oddly flattering.
Rukia: Plus Syco called you a..what was it? Oh, right. Vix-
Me: (proudly) VIXEN OF THE VIRTUAL DOMAIN!
Ichigo: So, in other words he's full of shit.
Me: (death glare) DO you WANT to be re-hospitalized?
Ichigo: N-No, please, anything but that! Their food fucking SUCKS!
Me: That's what i thought (hands him giant slice of cake) Here ya go! It's from "im a kitty that luvz sweets".
Ichigo: BITCH, I can't eat cake, im in a full-body cast!
Me: Why don't you get PEYTON to feed it to you?
Ichigo: (huffy sigh)
Me: FINE, i WAS gonna let you have some strawberry-flavored milk KijoKuroi gave me, flavored in honor of you by the way, but NOW...
Ichigo: (grasping air for the glass like an idiot) Unh! Unh! GIMME GIMME GIMME! I LOVE MILK!
Me: (drinking it exaggeratedly, giving me a Milk Moustache before using the innocent tone on him) Oh, I'm sorry, what was that?
Ichigo: (currently swinging his plastered arms at me) BITCH BITCH BITCH BIIITTCCHHH WAIT TILL I GET OUTTA THIS CAST!
Rukia: (shouting over our shouting) ENJOY!
"The hell are you two doing here!" Ichigo exclaimed, both of them turning redder by the minute.
"Dad said to hurry up and get Peyton home so he can, and I quote, 'See her beautiful shining face again'," Karin said dully.
"And I forgot my wallet again," Seth added in an equally dull tone, grabbing it out of the fridge before heading for the door.
The puppy bounded up happily as if nothing had happened, nipping at Ichigo's heels again. He seemed to really like Ichigo, who was glaring at the puppy as if this was all its fault.
Guess she wasn't the only one who found Ichigo's annoyance entertaining. Then again, who didn't?
Except right now. Right now she was flat-out disappointed. Things had been getting good, she thought with a mental pout.
Peyton hopped off the counter and stomped after everyone, and she tried not to laugh as Ichigo's temple throbbed due to the puppy trying to trip him.
"Hey, dude, not now, I'm mad at you!"
"Ichigo? Are you..."
"I WASN'T TALKING TO THE DOG!"
Peyton sweatdropped. "...No, of course not. How foolish of me to even assume such a thing." She then kicked him on the ass. "And don't blame it all on the dog, he was just an innocent and perverted bystander!"
"Hey, don't you damage my hot orange ass!"
"I will if I want to!"
"Hey, LOVERS, shut the hell up!" Seth called from up ahead, making them both freeze. "We're not lovers, where'd you hear THAT from?"
"Karin."
"KARIN!" They shouted, making her temple throb. "According to MATSUMOTO AND RENJI AND RUKIA, you two fooled around all during your Soul Society Camp. Oh, and they mentioned something about a bath."
An evil aura surrounded the two, making Seth and Karin cringe on behalf of the three gossipers.
"NOTHING HAPPENED, THEY'RE SO GONNA PAY FOR THAT!" They screeched.
Karin rolled her eyes. "Fine, jeez, chill out. We all know it's gonna happen eventually, what's the big deal?"
"The BIG DEAL is- ...Ugh, nevermind!" Ichigo said with a groan of frustration. Peyton giggled, and he kicked her on the ass as revenge.
THIRTY-NINE MINUTES LATER...
Peyton and Ichigo exchanged a fist-bump, looking at their handiwork with pride. When they had arrived at Urahara's, everyone was still incapacitated (minus Jinta and Ururu), and they used this to their advantage.
They had a Hitler-esque moustache drawn onto Matsumoto's upper lip, Rukia's previously-plain-white shirt was almost an exact replica of Karin's birthday card she made, minus the "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, PEYTON!" part, and Renji's eyebrows had been drawn to look even weirder.
Also, Peyton had arranged his hair to show off even more of how trimmed it was.
Jinta was taking pictures and had videotaped the whole thing, while also taking pictures of Urahara, who was currently giggling in his sleep and had Yoruichi (in cat form) tucked under his chin like a little kid.
Yoruichi was one of the drunkest of the bunch, and apparently hadn't budged one bit since she crawled up there late last night.
"Ichigo Kurosaki, we are full of AWESOMESAUCE."
"I totally agree, Peyton."
"Yeah, yeah, you're epic legends. Can we go back home now? Dad's gonna get really pissed if we take much longer."
They sweatdropped and, with one last look at their masterpieces, followed Karin out. "Why would he get pissed?" Peyton asked cautiously.
She sighed. "He thinks you're avoiding him because you didn't IMMEDIATELY come see him when you got back."
Peyton sweatdropped. "...You're serious."
Karin waved her off. "He has self-esteem issues, I think." Ichigo just smirked. "I tried to tell you, from day ONE, he was weird and perverted. But you didn't listen, did ya!"
"I figured you were the weirdest!" She shot back defensively.
"Chyeah right!" He and Karin replied in unison, scoffing.
She glared at them, then pouted. "If ICHIGO had woken me up sooner-"
"Whoa no no no NO, don't even GO THERE!" He said, waving his hands as if stopping a major traffic accident from occuring.
Unfortunately, when he did this he did it facing some cars on the road as well, and they thought he meant them.
They watched with wide eyes at the chaos that followed, flinching with every screech and crash. There was even a high-pitched yowl from a cat, just like in the movies.
When it was over, Peyton made a clicking noise with her tongue and looked at Ichigo, hands on her hips.
"...This is potentially problematic. And potentially ALL YOUR FAULT!"
He laughed sheepishly before giving her his puppy-dog look. "I love you?"
She rolled her eyes and pulled him along, as Karin had already shrugged and walked away from the five-car crash.
"You've got some NERVE, Kurosaki, using my own trick on me. And epically failing, too!"
SEVEN MINUTES LATER...
When they opened the door, they heard not only the familiar sounds of Yuzu cooking, but Isshin's rather loud whining.
"And where the hell's Little Rukiaaaaa? Why are all Ichigo's friends avoiding me? Am I embarrassing to them? YUZU, WHAT'S WRONG WITH KIDS TODAY, HUH? I AM COOL! I AM AMAZING! I AM...AM..."
"You're AWESOMESAUCE!" Peyton finished for him, waving from the doorway. The way he brightened up, you'd think she was Santa Clause or something.
He gasped in that drawn-out, surprised way that little kids do and immediately dropped his remote, shot off the couch, and sprinted for her.
"MY BELOVED FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S FINALLY ARRIVED!" He shouted happily, bombarding her with a huge bear hug.
"Yeah..I'm here...Good to see y'all again," she managed to get out.
"GAH! I missed your cute accent! Even if you two DID become lovers during Camp, I wish you had just stayed here and entertained us!"
"Gah! Isshin, we aren't-"
"YOU PERVERT! WE AREN'T LOVERS, OLD MAN!" Ichigo said over her strangled voice, making her temple throb.
"I was...hoping to go for...a more subtle approach," She informed him, which just made him smirk at her and his dad.
Isshin was hugging her so hard she was currently off the ground (due to being SHORT and all, okay there, she admitted it!), and he was swinging her to and fro like a kid with their first pet.
She thought it was kind of cute; Ichigo found it disturbingly funny.
"Dad, if she's gonna be your future daughter-in-law, she has to breathe first," he said matter-of-factly.
She felt her stomach flip when he said that (okay fine, she admitted THAT too! But that's gonna stay just between us, right? RIGHT?), and Isshin let out a drawn-out sigh of defeat. "Fiiiine, son, I guess that's true."
With that, he set her down, and for once she didn't nearly faceplant.
Yuzu then appeared into view, bouncing in place. "I would hug you too, but I figured I should let you recover from Papa's greeting first!" She said brightly.
Peyton smiled, breathing like she had been underwater for too long. "Good call, thanks Yuzu."
Karin took the steps two at a time. "I'll be in my room, doing...stuff!"
As soon as she was gone, Yuzu grinned at Peyton. "She's been using the art stuff you gave her for Christmas non-stop since she got them."
Peyton beamed at Ichigo. "Ha! I totally know your sister better than you!"
"What makes you say that!"
"She's been using MY present non-stop!"
He grinned smugly. "I gave her cash. COLD HARD CASH!"
She narrowed her eyes. "How much?"
"$200 worth, all in 20s."
"Oh, you bastard, I can't top that! The hell's the matter with you!"
"I guess my awesomesauce is just more epic."
"NO WAY!"
"WAY."
"It's MY WORD, jerkface!"
"So? You probably made the word with me in mind, sooo.."
"Actually, I made the word with a banana and lime in mind."
He grinned. "I have a banana. And two limes!"
There was dead silence as everyone sweatdropped; Peyton's temple throbbed before smacking him upside the head. "Ow!"
"PERVERT."
He rolled his eyes and pulled a banana and two limes out of his jacket pockets, making Isshin and Yuzu go "Ohhhh, I get it!".
Peyton turned bright red; he smirked triumphantly. "Whatever were YOU thinking of, Peyton, huh?"
"N-Nothing, those of course!"
"Oh REALLY? You sure looked surprised when I pulled them out."
"Do you want me to damage your hot orange ass again?" She said menacingly, and that made Yuzu gasp.
Isshin giggled like a little kid. "Son, she's a keeper. She's not afraid to try new things, Masaki was the same way on certain nights!"
They both turned bright red, and Ichigo kicked his father in the face. "NOT LIKE THAT, YOU PERVERT!"
"GAH! SON, MUST YOU START A BATTLE RIGHT WHEN MY BELOVED FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW ARRIVES TO SEE HER FAVORITE FUTURE FATHER-IN-LAW?"
Peyton's hands returned to her hips. "YEAH, Ichigo. What the hell's wrong with you! Hey Isshin, what were y'all watching before we came home?"
That perked him up real fast (he had previously been rubbing his face and had been heading for the poster of Masaki to complain), and he pulled her along with him, diving onto the couch.
Shockingly, Peyton didn't score another bruise this way.
"It's this new show I found called Lie to Me!"
Ichigo sighed as Peyton lit up like a kid on Christmas. "Oh, here we go. She's been talking non-stop about that show."
"Well, if you're not watching, why don't you help Yuzu in the kitchen?"
"No way, he can't cook worth a damn!" Isshin said with a chuckle.
She smirked as Ichigo looked at her in horror, knowing what she was about to say. "ACTUALLY, he cooked for me today, and it was edible. Good even."
They heard Yuzu impatiently set something down before scurrying into the room. "ICHIGO, YOU NEVER TOLD ME! C'mon, I wanna see what you can cook. Come ONNNN," she said excitedly as she pulled him into the kitchen.
"DAMMIT PEYTON!" He shouted from the kitchen.
Isshin just turned up the volume. "LOVE YOU TOO!" She shouted back brightly, still grinning excitedly at the tv as the opening came on.