Me: Rukia's back! She's currently taking a potty break, though. (holds up new cake) I GOT AWESOMESAUCE CAKE FROM SYCO AND PENGUIN!
(Cake suddenly appears on a revolver, being modeled like it's on The Price Is Right) It consists of ice cream cakes surrounded by deepfried twinkies and covered in hot caramel sauce!
Still Me: (wide-eyed) Guys, you WON'T believe this, but i am from the South...I mean, the SOUTH...and have never had a deep-fried twinkie. I KNOW! And also, i would like to personally ask Byakuya, wherever he is, to make it up to Penguin for torturing Syco but never taking her to prom. NOW.
Still Still Me: Oh, and also. An anonymous reviewer asked if they were gonna DO IT this chapter, and that reminded me that on chapter 69...which is COMING SOON MY FRIENDS...you better get ready. Because EPIC PERVERTED NOSEBLEEDS WILL COMMENCE! (Laughs) I mean, come on. It's like a RULE to make a perverted chapp for number 69. So get ready!
And, of course-
Rukia: (Bursts through the door and screams at the top of her lungs) ENJOOOOOYYYY!
Me: (eye-twitch) ...Yeah. That. AND...thanks for the money for my cake stash, "im a kitty that luvz sweets"!
HOURS LATER...
"Hey. You. Hey you. Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey-"
"WHAT ICHIGO, WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT?" She finally snapped, making her own head pound.
She was also pretty sure that her shouting had affected him in no way whatsoever. Fantastic.
Then she realized something, and lifted her head a tiny fraction to peer over at him. "...It's tommorow, isn't it."
"Yup. I fell asleep."
"Wow, so did I. What a coincidence, never knew we had so much in common! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna just do that some more. You know, the sleeping thing."
"You're NOT excused. It's Monday."
"That's just amazing. Nighty-night."
"We have to go to school in ten minutes."
"I can power-walk."
"But Peeeyton, our last detention's today! I really, really, REALLY don't want you to make us get some more from that stupid VP."
She smirked despite her grumpiness. "He won't give ME any, he loves me now. You, on the other hand..."
"Are about two times stronger than you, at least," he finished for her as he picked her up and set her down as far away from her bed as possible.
He then pointed at her dresser. "Get dressed. NOW."
She stomped over to the dresser and opened a drawer, scowling at her clothes. "Yes, MOTHER."
"Don't make me spank you," he replied in that slightly-smug tone of his as he left to do who-knows-what.
Peyton stuck her tongue out at his back in response.
NINE MINUTES AND THIRTY SECONDS LATER...
"C'MON ICHIGO, HAUL SOME ASS!"
"HEY, YOU GOT A FRICKING HEAD START!"
"KUROSAKI, NO RUNNING IN THE HALLS! ...Oh, good morning, Ms. Cullen."
"The HELL, man! BIASED!"
"Watch your LANGUAGE, Kurosaki! Have some respect for your vice principal!"
Ms. Ochi's class was full of sweatdrops and smirks, and everyone jumped as the door flew open and the two dove inside, sliding across the floor.
"WE'RE HERE, WE'RE NOT LATE!" They announced.
"...That's great, morons, now SIT THE HELL DOWN," Rukia growled. They were making her Slightly-Hangover-Induced Headache about ten times worse.
Their vice principal ran in, bracing himself against the door frame and panting. He pointed at Ichigo. "YOU, young man, are-" BRRRRRRIIIIIING!
He cut himself off as he nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise, clapping his hands over his ears.
Everyone stared expectantly at him, but he was scratching his head in thought. "...Gee, I forgot what I was gonna say..."
"You were just about to punish Ichigo for-"
"SHUT UP RENJI! You were just about to give Renji detention for three months as punishment for sneaking into the girls' bathroom on the second floor," Ichigo informed him without missing a beat.
All the girls gasped and looked all offended, and Renji's mouth was currently opening and closing like a fish.
The VP pointed enthusiastically at Ichigo. "Yes, yes, that's right! Thank you. REEEENJI!" He bellowed.
He pointed an ominous finger at Trimmed Pineapple Head, who was still trying to process what was happening. "...DETENTION. THREE MONTHS. NO EXCEPTIONS!"
Everyone clapped as if he had just done the most heroic thing ever, while Peyton and Ichigo slid into their seats stealthily before looking as innocent as possible.
Toshiro snuck them high-fives. The VP was busy trying to look modest, but then he cocked his head to the side to scrutinize Renji.
"...Mr. Abarai..What in the name of Sam Hill happened to your HAIR?"
A rather ominous aura surrounded Renji as he glared at Peyton. "...A demon."
She shrugged and blinked at everyone innocently. "It's my stepmom's puppy, not mine."
"A PUPPY?" The girls shrieked. "Yeah, it was a Christmas present. Isn't that CUTE?" Matsumoto explained with a giggle, smirking at Renji all the while.
"AWWW, THAT'S SO CUTE!"
Renji opened his mouth to say something, probably yell at Ichigo and somehow blame it all on him, but then he just sighed heavily in defeat and banged his head against the desk.
SEVEN HOURS LATER...
"But how do you KNOW there's no word that rhymes with orange?"
"Because everyone SAYS there's no word that rhymes with orange!"
"Yeah, and five hundred years ago, everyone said the world was square and there were tons of sea monsters that would eat you if you got too close."
"Well...They were idiots!"
"What if we're the idiots of THIS century because no one DARED to question if there was a word that rhymed with orange?"
"Peyton, there's no word that rhymes with orange. I promise."
"Promises mean NOTHING when it comes to serious dilemmas like this!"
"I pinky promise!" Ichigo declared before performing the sacred ritual that follows such a claim.
Her eyes widened at their linked pinkies. "...Really, Ichigo? You're willing to risk breaking a pinky promise?"
"I'm not BREAKING the pinky promise, because there IS no word that rhymes with goddamn orange!" He insisted.
The fellow detention-goers were watching with sweatdrops, and one girl whispered to her friend, "What's the POINT in this argument?"
One of the stoner dudes sweatdropped some more and rolled his eyes. "You must be new around here. This is daily routine."
"There HAS to be SOMETHING that rhymes with orange, because WHY ELSE would I put it as a line in this goddamn poem for Engish!"
"No there DOESN'T, you just WANT a word that rhymes with orange to justify your dumbass-ness!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Well, what about...what about...ummm...What about s-...wait, no, that rhymes with banana...No no NO, stop laughing, I've got this! ...WHAT ABOUT...Schmorange!"
The sweatdrops increased by about five, and Ichigo was one of them. "...Schmorange is SO not a word."
"Yes it is!"
"No it's not!"
"You can't prove that it isn't!"
"You can't prove that it IS, either!"
"Yes I can!"
"How?"
"'Cause I'm AWESOME." She was careful not to use "awesomesauce" around the underclassmen, because there were so many groupies in detention that it wasn't even funny. And she would NOT allow her amazing invention of a word to become GROUPIE-USED.
EVER.
Ichigo crossed his arms and smirked. "If it's a word, explain to us what it means."
She crossed her arms as well and leaned back in her chair. "Why, of course, ICHIGO. Schmorange is a word that originated in 1900s Boston. One blistery winter evening, a writer named, uh...Joey Tribbiani! Yes, Joey Tribbiani, he was having trouble wth business. He decided to enlist the help of his poet friend...Ross! Yeah, Ross. They sat down and tried to think of a nice poem as the intro to his book. BUT..."
She paused for dramatic effect, and Ichigo sweatdropped as everybody leaned towards her, anxiously awaiting the next part of her story.
"They made a near-fatal mistake."
"What was their near-fatal mistake?" One of the freshman girls asked, eyes wide. Peyton shook her head uncertainly. "I don't know if I should tell you. It was quite terrifying."
"TELL US TELL US TELL US!" Renji and Chizuru chimed, bouncing in their seats. (Chizuru was apparently in detention for "attempting to convert a classmate to swing a different way," as Rukia so poetically put it.)
"...I GUESS you guys can handle it. You SEE, they ended the next to last line...with ORANGE."
Horrified gasps filled the room, and Renji snapped his fingers triumphantly. "I knew it!"
Ichigo sighed and shook his head, sweatdropping so much that Peyton wondered how much sweat he had left.
"You see, it was so near-fatal because it was about one in the morning, and his book was due in three hours at the printing press, and all he had left to do was that one...opening...poem," she informed them dramatically, slapping the desk for emphasis.
They all jumped with each smack, and one of the stoners passing a blunt around coughed and laughed a rather stoner-ish laugh. "Dude, this story kicks ASS compared to that Shakespeare crap Mr. Okiwura's making us read."
Peyton beamed, then turned back into an ominous storyteller with an important clear of the throat.
"...Well, anyway. So they sat there, for two hours and thirty minutes, wondering what they could possibly do to fix their error. They wrote it in ink, so they couldn't erase it. They didn't have white-out handy. They had thirty minutes left, and it would take fifteen to get to the printing press. So THEN, Joey had a wonderful idea. He made up a new word, 'Schmorange'! So now the poem's last two lines read..."
"Read WHAT?" Several people asked.
"Ahem. 'I hope for Christmas, you get a bright, shining orange. Or better yet, make it a multicolored Schmorange'," she recited as if it were the greatest poetry in the world.
Ichigo looked at the detention teacher in disbelief as he stood up and clapped. "Cullen, that was wonderful! I never knew America had such amazing stories behind their odd vocabulary!"
Everyone else started clapping too, and a few of the groupies actually had tears brimming their eyes.
Peyton grinned rather smugly at Ichigo, who looked like he was conjuring up really creative ways to kill her. "...I believe that pinky promise is officially broken, Kurosaki."
The detention bell rang, and they were the first two to leave. But before they went through the door, she bowed dramatically, and the others clapped a bit more.
Ichigo rolled his eyes and shut the door, and she slid through it right before it smacked her in the ass.
Peyton just laughed at the obvious moping he was doing in his head. The pout was written all over his face, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. "...SOMEONE'S in a grumpy mood today. I think I was pretty damn awesomesauce in there."
He eventually sighed in defeat. "...Okay, maybe a little."
"More than a LITTLE! That was pure genius, admit it!"
"Okay, yes, you were good." She kissed his cheek, and he grinned. "Did I say good? I meant fantastic."
She rolled her eyes and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'm sure your motives are totally selfless."
"More than fantastic, you were just plain AWESOMESAUCE! The Friends characters were a nice touch."
This time, Peyton just laughed and ruffled his hair. "Nice try."
"Is this for breaking the pinky promise?"
"No, but I'm sure I'll let you have the honor of making it up to me soon."
"Because teasing me just isn't enough!" He whined, and she shook her head cheerfully. "Nope! But it's pretty fun."
Ichigo huffed and stomped off dramatically, to which she easily caught up with him and jumped onto his back.
"Ahhhhh, DAMMIT! I thought I was a lot faster when making a dramatic exit," he whined.
"You are, I'm just ninja enough to catch up!"
"That's even worse!"
"So is breaking a pinky promise! You monster!" She wailed dramatically.
He scowled, but it was one of his scowls that he used when trying not to laugh. "If I'm such a monster, why do you INSIST on latching yourself onto my goddamn back?"
"Because you're the monster that I just looooove to piss off," she replied while messing up his hair, making him spin as fast as possible to get her to stop.
"Ichigooooo, stop, you're gonna make me hurl!"
"That's the point! Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll hurl you OFF!" To his dismay, she just started laughing like a little kid.
"Hehehehe, this is better than that game where you wind up a tire swing and spin really really fast!" She informed him.
He sighed, and even though she was currently seeing everything at warp-speed, she could still see the grin on his face.
"...Yeah, I'm one terrifying monster."