Me: Well, we're back!
Rukia: Me and Mandy, anyways. Ichigo's still recovering. That poor dumbass...He brought it upon himself... (suddenly cheerful) Well, anyways! I still have a nonexistent criminal record!
Me: How the hell did you manage that?
Rukia: Well...
-Flashback-
(Rukia is currently seated in an interrogation room, with a light that looks exactly like the one used in Seth and Mark's sadistic game show when testing Ichigo)
Officer: (Slides photos of poor Ichigo, beaten to a pulp) You were seen beating the crap outta this guy! That's tons of assault charges and legal fees right there! What do you have to say for yourself?
Rukia: (Cue the tears) Gee, I'm s-so sorry Mr. Officer! You see...My grandmother just passed on, and he just made my day even worse by showing me a story on Fan Fiction that questioned which way I swing! Do you know what that can DO to a young woman's self esteem? It was...(chokes out sob) It was TERRIBLE!
Officer: (Currently sobbing and blubbering like a baby) You...You poor thing! YOU'RE FREE TO GOOOOO! (Runs off sobbing)
-End Flashback-
Me: (Eye-twitch while eating taco cake) You...You're kidding me, right?
Rukia: Nope. It wasn't one of my best works, but I think I did pretty damn good!
Me: ...Whatever. ANYWAY. I would like to give props to two reviewers, Syco's Path and PenguinLuver, who happen to make an appearance in this chapp! Simply because their review just fit into the scene perfectly! And I'd also like to thank "rainbowdragongirl101" for the waffles and taco cake, and the BRILLIANT idea on who could make a guest appearance in the 69th chapp! AND "im a kitty that luvz sweets" for the 3 cakes I have yet to pick out that're her treat!
Rukia: Now remember, Mandy, I'm borrowing two of those cakes to take to Ichigo, so choose wisely.
Me: Lemme guess. He bribed you with cake in exchange for not pressing charges.
Rukia: Pretty much. Enjoy!
"...And thanks to Joey Tribbiani and his poet buddy Ross, Schmorange became a beloved soda and chewing gum franchise that had record-breaking sales throughout the early-to-mid-1900s," Peyton concluded.
Everyone watched tensely as Mr. Okiwura slowly took off his glasses, his face its usual stoic and cold self.
He stood, and slowly started clapping. The rest of the class clapped too, and Ichigo just shook his head in disbelief.
"Excellent look into American history! I never knew of such a tale!" Okiwura praised, which kind of made Peyton nervous, since he usually hated her guts. But who was she to not enjoy a lucky break, right?
"I call bullshit. There's NO WAY Schmorange exists!" Keigo declared, pouting in the corner since his essay that HE read aloud had gone without barely any clapping.
Probably because Keigo's essay was the most boring piece of homework Ichigo had ever heard in his life.
And he had heard Ishihackaloogie's on several occasions, so that was obviously SAYING something.
"How would you know? You haven't even been as far as Tokyo," Ichigo pointed out.
"Well how would YOU know, Ichigo?"
"Hmm, let's see. One, I've been to the US before, and TWO, I happen to be dating a hot American."
"I call double bullshit!"
Everyone looked at him, and he laughed nervously. "About the US part; you've only been to Florida, and it was barely for two weeks! Not the hot American thing. I don't want my ass kicked..."
"Good call," Chad commented from three rows back, making Keigo nearly jump out of his chair.
"Dude! You can't just sneak into a conversation like that!"
"Sure he can. He's a Convo Ninja," Peyton informed him before sliding into her seat, which was between Chad and Renji.
She was sure Okiwura did that on purpose.
Keigo sweatdropped as Chad held up a hand, and she stood up in her seat to high-five it while Okiwura was busy marking down her score.
"...Convo Ninja. Interesting. And what am I?" He asked.
Peyton smiled innocently. "Well, let's see...You're dating my sister, so I guess I have to be as nice and complimentary as possible. Keigo, have you ever seen 'She's Out of My League'?" Renji started laughing. "I was just thinking that!"
Me and Renji having the same thoughts? …That's truly terrifying.
HOURS LATER...
"It's kinda weird actually leaving school ON TIME," Peyton mused. Rukia smirked. "It wouldn't be if you and Ichigo could resist the urge to act like complete idiots."
She waved her off. "Psh, Rukia, it's not an URGE. It's a LIFESTYLE. Besides..." Peyton jerked her thumb behind her to point at Ichigo, who was currently debating with Keigo (STILL) on whether or not Schmorange was a word.
Well, it started out that way, anyways. Now they were arguing over the proper amount of pickles on one's hamburger with Ishihackaloogie.
"...I think you and I both know who the bigger idiot is here."
Rukia nodded. "Yeah, the one dumb enough to date him." She laughed nervously as Peyton's temple throbbed.
"...Was that not what you were getting at?" She asked innocently.
"Ruki-AAAA! I'm not an idiot!"
"Much."
"AT ALL! I invented a WORD, dammit! How could I be an idiot, that has GOT to count for something!"
"That just means you're a convincing idiot," Ichigo called out from way behind, making her temple throb some more.
"...You DO KNOW she's calling me an idiot because I'm stupid enough to date you, right?"
"...Ohhhh! ..I knew that."
Peyton shook her head with a sigh, then jumped with a yell as he was suddenly right between her and Rukia. He rested his elbow on her head, purposely messing up her hair even more so than it usually was. "Well, Rukia's right. You ARE stupid enough to date me."
She glared up at him, looking just plain funny since her hair was currently sticking out at every angle imaginable. "Don't make me get smart," she warned, blowing the bangs out of her face.
Ichigo just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."
"What makes you so confident, Kurosaki?" Keigo asked as he caught up with them, to which Uryu nodded. "Indeed, I was wondering that myself."
"Because I have a hot bod, badass voice, and sexy orange hair," he replied as if it were obvious.
Everyone looked at Peyton, and sweatdropped as she simply shrugged. "He has a point."
Keigo pointed at Ichigo accusingly. "LIAR!"
"You wanna see if the carpets match the drapes?"
"Never mind," he said quickly, drooping in defeat, and everyone started flat-out laughing.
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
Peyton and Ichigo were the only ones left, since Rukia had realized how ticked Renji would be after detention today and decided to wait for him.
"To make sure he wouldn't hunt you down, Ichigo," was her excuse, which was a flat-out lie.
Everyone knew it would make Rukia's day if Ichigo got the crap beat out of him, cast or no cast.
"I still can't believe we made it to school on time yesterday," Ichigo said out of nowhere. "Y'know, considering you're the worst morning person and heaviest sleeper IN THE WORLD."
She rolled her eyes. "Like YOU'RE one to talk! I distinctly remember on one occasion that nothing short of a girl falling in your lap and a foghorn blasting you both in the ears could wake you up."
"That was ONE TIME!"
"One is all it takes, Ichigo. Then you're forever known as the heavy sleeper."
He sighed dramatically. "Well, at least I still have my epicness going for me."
"If you're lucky."
"Hey!"
"Hi there. What's up?"
"Nothin' much. Just chillin, arguing with Peyton. You know, the usual."
"Sounds epic."
"Isn't it always?"
"Ichigo, we've been standing here for a good seven minutes," she informed him, pointing at the driveway under her feet.
"You doin' anything later?"
"Weeeellll...I'm probably gonna do something with my boyfriend, so I might have to make a rain check."
"Aw, c'mon, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." He pulled her closer, making her laugh and shrug. "Ah, what the hell. Why not have a man on the side?"
"Not just a man...a MANLY MAN!"
"Whatever you say, Kurosaki."
Mid-kissing-session, Ichigo slowly turned his head to the left, pulling away. "...Peyton?"
"What?" She muttered with a huff, licking her lips and glaring at him.
He sweatdropped. "She's watching us."
"Who?"
"Your great-grandmother."
Peyton gave him a weird look before tightening her grip around his neck. "Impossible, she's in Tennessee. Nice try though," she replied before kissing him some more.
Five kisses later, he finally just started laughing and pulled away, pointing to a window. "No, seriously, look...It's creepy, I can feel her eyeballing me!"
Peyton sighed in disappointment and turned to look...only to see none other than her great-grandma staring at them through the living room window.
"Holy fricking CRAP! WHEN THE HELL DID SHE GET HERE?"
Ichigo sweatdropped. "She's been here for about two days and you STILL haven't noticed her?"
"Well, IF YOU MUST KNOW, I haven't exactly been the most...AWARE person these past couple of days. I'm still trying to get back all the sleep I missed out on!" She said defensively.
"I hate to break it to ya, but you're NEVER the most aware person. In fact, you probably set the lowest bar for awareness since...forever."
"Meanie. See if I go anywhere with YOU later!"
"You will."
"Yeah, I know. I guess I better...You know, socialize with her?"
"Why're you asking me, she's your damn relative!"
Peyton rolled her eyes and gave him a little shove. "Speaking of relatives, I'm sure Isshin's perched near the door just WAITING for you to come home."
"Unfortunately."
"Try not to get ANOTHER cast, alright?"
"Oh, ha ha HA. How fricking hilarious. That was ONE DAMN TIME!"
"Ichigo, we've been over this. One's all it takes, remember?" She said in a sweet sing-song tone.
He just huffed moodily.
Peyton kicked off her shoes, which the puppy seemed to appreciate as he dragged them off to his lair to chew to death.
"Hi, Nanaw."
She tore her eyes away from the window to look at her great-granddaughter. "Oh, so you finally realized I was here?"
She laughed anxiously, waving her off. "I, uh...heheheh...I knew you were here!"
"Oh, hush. I know damn well you didn't, but that's fine, 'cause you're the least annoying of my great-grandchildren."
"...I am?"
"Damn straight. You leave me alone when I want to be left alone," she replied matter-of-factly. Peyton couldn't help but grin; and people said she wasn't tolerable!
She sweatdropped as Nanaw flipped her white-streaked, long gray hair. Just like Lindsay did.
Creepy.
"So...That hunk muffin out there...That's Ichigo, right?"
THAT threw her for a loop. She sweatdropped. "Did you just call him a...HUNK MUFFIN?"
She laughed. "Well, he is! I remember when your great-grandaddy was that young and spry, bless his soul...Although I must say, he never had an ass THAT good."
Peyton promptly did her own Spazzy Wet Noodle Dance. "YOU WERE CHECKING HIM OOOOUT? THE HELL, NANAW! MENTAL IMAGES, WHAT THE SHIT!"
"Oh, PLEASE, I saw the way your hands were running over him!"
"N-Nanaw!"
"And with the way YOU TWO were kissing, I'm sure y'all are thinking about the same exact things. What I would give to have me a hot young thing like that..." She said with a disappointed sigh.
"SHUT THE HELL UP, ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? OHHH MYYY GOOODDDD!"
Nanaw simply pouted before turning in her chair to turn up the tv. "You're no fun today."
Peyton just sweatdropped and went to grab a slice of the cake she stole from Ichigo's house the other day. Lately, he was coming into a lot of cake from some unknown source..Maybe she'd ask him about that someday...
THREE HOURS LATER...
Her temple throbbed as he continued to laugh uncontrollably, and seriously considered pushing him right into the river.
He noticed the look on her face, and just laughed even harder. "Oh, c'mon Peyton, you know it's funny. She said I had a hot ass?"
"Well, those weren't her EXACT words, but...I'm sure that's what she was thinking. Among other things..." She said with a shudder at the thought.
"I like her already."
Peyton sweatdropped. "Glad you find my mental scarring so damn funny."
"It couldn't have been THAT BAD."
"Ichigooo, you KNOW how my mind works. I had so many disturbing mental images that I think I might've thrown up a little for a second there. I mean, it was like...Gah!"
"...Gah."
"Yes, gah."
Peyton then sighed and shook her head. "I should've known it was coming. I mean, the way she was staring at us and all. Besides, ANY conversation with my Nanaw is like...like...'Hey, Peyton, how about a nice cup of BRAIN RAPE?' 'SURE!'" She exclaimed, throwing a hand up for emphasis.
Ichigo caught her hand and laced his fingers through hers, rolling his eyes. "You're so damn dramatic, I think it might be a hazard to your mental health."
She scoffed. "WHAT mental health? What little sanity I might've had before was gone the MINUTE I officially met you, Ichigo Kurosaki."
As if on cue, they suddenly saw two people, a guy and girl, chasing after Kon and shouting.
"YOU PERVERT! YOU SHOULD'VE GOTTEN OUT OF MY DAMN HOUSE WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE!" The guy shouted as the girl stopped to pick up some little toy Kon dropped, stuffing it into her pocket before resuming the chase.
"C'MON, CAN'T WE TALK THIS OVER? ONE PICTURE, JUST ONE!"
"NOT A CHANCE!" The girl screeched, swinging her metal bat ominously.
Kon screamed like a little girl and kept running. Peyton and Ichigo watched them run out of sight with lots of sweatdrops.
"Point taken, Peyton."