Me: Back again!
Rukia: Because we have no life.
Me: (Eye-twitch) Says you. Hey, wait, isn't that usually Ichigo's line?
Rukia: (shrugs) We're quite Ichigo-deprived lately.
Me: (currently eating cake, ice cream, and Llama Cake simultaneously) Thanks to you.
Rukia: (death-glare) ...ANYWAY. Someone's gotta say some pessimistic stuff around here.
Me: True, true. Oh, and I think my anonymous reviewer deserves a round of applause for their new name they chose: Ishihackaloogie! It put the hugest grin on my face, thanks for that! Y'all Enjoy!
Rukia: THAT'S MY LINE!
Me: Ya snooze ya lose!
Rukia: (screaming from random mountaintops) ENJOOOOOOOOYYY!
January went by more-or-less uneventful after that. Well, besides the normal insanity of Karakura Town and the Kurosaki household.
...And the Cullen household. Plus Nanaw.
Now that it was February, Miya and Lindsay were all excited because it meant they only had two more months until the wedding.
Not that Peyton wasn't happy for her and her dad. She just wasn't into weddings. But luckily, two months was forever in procrastinator time, so Peyton wasn't too worried over wedding stuff like her sister.
It had gotten to the point where she was doing wedding planning...AT SCHOOL.
"Like school in general isn't enough of a killjoy, you had to bring MORE WORK into it?" Peyton asked as Lindsay continued to scribble ideas down furiously.
Her older sister sighed and looked up at her with that "You naïve younger child" look of hers. Which was stupid, since she was only one whole year older.
"You don't get how much effort's put into weddings!" She slid the papers over to Peyton, who pretended to read them as Lindsay ranted.
"There's the cake, the dress, the bridesmaids' dresses, the bridesmaids themselves, the groomsmen, their tuxes, the maid of honor, the best man, the location of the ceremony, the location of the rehearsal dinner, the location of the reception, the food, the drinks, the minister, the rings, the flower girl, the ring bearer, and not to mention...not to MENTION the entertainment for the reception!"
Lindsay was about to continue, but Peyton waved her off. "Sis, take a breath, before you pass out from lack of oxygen. Can't...You know, the people getting MARRIED worry about that stuff?"
She sighed and shook her head. "Pey-TON, they're getting MARRIED! They shouldn't be worrying about their WEDDING!"
Peyton sweatdropped. "Obviously I'm missing something here, 'cause that concept makes absolutely no sense to me..."
Lindsay rolled her eyes and waved her off. "Go back to homeroom before you're late."
"Ma'am yes ma'am!"
TWO HOURS LATER...
"Whaddaya think he's doing?"
"Ichigo, if I knew that, I wouldn't have brought it up, WOULD I?"
"Jeez, no need to get snippy. Just a question!"
She sighed and shook her head. "We're not gonna find out what Uryu's doing THIS easy, we're not exactly his closest closest friends. We need someone who can get info from the inside, someone with the right amount of Ishihackaloogie's favor, someone with connections-"
"Hey guys!"
"Hey Orihi-WAIT a minute," Ichigo said before exchanging a look with Peyton. There might as well have been a huge neon sign with "CONNECTIONS" flashing right across her boobs!
Perhaps with a buzzing alarm, too.
Orihime sweatdropped as they both simultaneously broke into sneaky grins. "...Guys?"
TWO MINUTES LATER...
"He's been reading the same book every day lately, barely putting it down for ANYTHING," Orihime whispered.
They currently had their heads poking out from the doorway, looking into the room used by the Handicrafts Club.
Ichigo and Peyton had solemn, mysterious looks on their faces. In case anyone wondered what they were doing, at least they'd know it was something epic, as usual.
"What is it?"
"No one knows. He uses that book cover that looks like the back of a Yu-Gi-Oh trading card, and you'd have to be a true idiot to look over his shoulder to fi- Peyton, what're you doing?" Orihime hissed as Peyton casually strolled into the room.
She kept an eye on Uryu, who continued to read, as she did a Spy-Barrel-Roll across the floor to crouch behind him.
If I could just read an excerpt, maybe I could figure it out..
Right as she was about to read a couple sentences, Uryu stiffened and turned around. She ducked just in time, crawling away and asking, "Ichigooo, where the hell'd my earring bounce to?"
"How the hell should I know?"
"Because YOU were the one right beside me when it fell off!"
"It didn't FALL off, it BOUNCED off!"
"Does it matter?"
Uryu went back to reading once Ichigo and Orihime started helping her "look for her earring". Peyton winked at them and quickly took out her left earring, pretending to pick it off Ishihackaloogie's chair.
"Oh, THERE it is! Thanks, Uryu!" He snapped his book shut so fast, you would've thought a gun went off with the noise it made.
Peyton beamed innocently at him, putting the earring back in her ear, and Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Way to go, clutz."
"How am I a clutz? Am I the earring that decided to fall out? I don't THINK SO!" Of course, right after she said that, she tripped over her own shoelace and came THIS CLOSE to faceplanting.
Ichigo cracked up, and she glared at him as they left. "I didn't get a good look."
"Aw, DAMMIT!"
Orihime sighed from the doorway and smiled admiringly. "I'm sure whatever it is, it's something deep and meaningful. Something only a person with advanced intellect could comprehend!"
Peyton started laughing for whatever reason, while Ichigo looked at Ishihackaloogie. "...My money's on War and Peace."
As they left down the hall, Ichigo drooped. "Dammit, I thought for sure we'd find out something fricking hilarious!"
"Well, I didn't get enough time to read any of the book-"
"I know, no need to REMIND ME of our epic failure!" He wailed.
"HEY, I'M NOT DONE!" She shouted before clearing her throat and smiling innocently. "Thank you. I did see a certain fan button, though."
"What, 'I Heart Elton John'?"
"N- hahaha! No, it's even better," she said between laughs. "Team Jacob."
Ichigo froze mid-step to swivel to the right and look at her, eyes wide in amazement. "...No way."
"Way. This calls for special recon."
"Stalking from the shadows?"
"You know it!"
"Peyton?"
"What?"
"I am now obligated to say that not only do I love you, but you're the coolest girl on the planet as of now."
"Aw, well tha- Hey, wait, as of NOW? I've ALWAYS been the coolest girl on the planet!"
SIX HOURS LATER...
They slid along the wall stealthily, and Ichigo poked his head around the corner. "Target is in sight. I REPEAT, Captain Awesomesauce, target...is in sight," he whispered into his walkie-talkie.
Peyton made a static-y noise as she turned hers on. "Lieutenant Badass, you forgot to say OVER at the end, oooo-ver."
"My bad, Captain Awesomesauce. Oooo-ver."
"Apology accepted, Lieutenant Badass. Do you still have a visual, Lieutenant Badass? Oooo-ver."
"Affirmative, Captain Awesomesauce. Oooo-ver."
"I wanna see!" She whined, poking her head under his arm, which was braced against the brick wall, and squinting at Uryu in the distance.
He had his schoolbag in one hand, his book under his arm, and a bundle of supplies under his other arm.
"Lieutenant Badass, I spot suspicous cargo in the target's left arm, oooo-ver!"
"I see it too, Captain Awesomesauce!"
"Oooo-ver!"
"Oooo-ver."
"That's better, Lieutenant Badass. Oooo-ver."
"Should we proceed, Captain Awesomesauce? Oooo-ver."
"Of course, Lieutenant Badass! Jeez, what are you, an amateur? Have you never played GI Joe in the backyard or WHAT? This is why I'm ranked higher than you, this right here. Oooo-ver," she informed him, using her sweet and innocent voice on "Oooo-ver".
"Hey, watch it Captain, before I properly introduce myself to your great-grandma. Oooo-ver," he warned, mocking her sweet tone.
Peyton glared at him before using her walkie-talkie right by his ear, cranking the volume and causing a loud screech. "POINT TAKEN. OOOO-VER!"
He promptly covered his ears and jerked around spastically. "THE HELL WAS THAT, CAPTAIN AWESOMESAUCE?"
"YOU FORGOT THE OOOO-VER, OOOO-VER!"
His temple throbbed as he pushed the talk button on his walkie-talkie with a lot more force than necessary, then shouted into his walkie so loudly that it made wind blow in her face. "OOOO-VER, OOOO-VER, OOOO-FUCKING-VEEEERRRR!"
Peyton blinked real fast, blowing the hair out of her eyes. "...Much better, Lieutenant Baddass. OOOO-VER."
Luckily, Uryu was far enough away so that he didn't hear any of that. Ichigo was busy whining about his ear and how could her ears POSSIBLY tolerate him screaming with his badass voice, when Peyton suddenly got a brilliant idea.
She turned the volume back down on her walkie-talkie before smiling mischieviously at him. "Lieutenant Badass, I just got a truly awesomesauce idea. Oooo-ver."
"Oh REALLY, Captain? Oooo-ver."
She pointed wordlessly to the roof, and he shrugged. "Why not. I carry you around all the time anyways," he muttered as he stuck the walkie into his pocket.
She did the same before hopping on like a pro, which she was by this point. She pointed to the sky dramatically.
"To the roof, Lieutenant Badass!"
"You forgot the 'Oooo-ver'."
"OOOO-VER!"
"Much better, Captain."
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
"Ichigo, if you're going to stalk someone, at least turn your phone off."
"I, who is not Ichigo Kurosaki, have no idea what you're talking abo-"
Uryu held up his cell phone as Ichigo's rang.
"Ringidy ding ding dingy dong! Ringidy dong ding ding-" Ichigo snapped his phone open and closed before simply saying, "Dammit."
He stomped out from behind the wall, while Peyton stayed crouched, congratulating herself on her epic awesomesauceness-
"Loosen up my buttons, babe, UH-HUH!-" She silenced it before any more could play, turning redder by the second at the expression on Ichigo's face as Uryu held up his phone triumphantly.
"You too, Peyton. You honestly think I'm dumb enough to not expect you to be SOMEWHERE nearby?"
"Yes," she muttered.
"Buttons? The Pussycat Dolls?" Ichigo asked under his breath, obviously on the brink of rolling on the ground laughing.
"YES, because Uryu hates buttons and it's a very feminine song, so that's what instantly came to mind for his ringtone," she hissed back.
"Uh-huh. Suuuure."
There was a silence as Uryu tried to stare them down, which Ichigo broke by muttering, "Closet-Pussycat-Doll-Lover."
BAM!
"Ow! God DAMMIT!"
"I AM NOT A CLOSET PUSSYCAT DOLL LOVER!"
"OH, SUUUURE!"
"YOU'VE SEEN MY IPOD, THERE'S NOT A TRACE OF PUSSYCAT DOLLS ON THERE! AND ANYWAY, WHAT ABOUT YOURS? AT LEAST THAT GUY ON THE GEICO COMMERCIAL WAS ALREADY AN OLD SQUARE, HE HAD AN EXCUSE, BUT YOU-"
"IT'S MY SPECIFIC RINGTONE FOR ISHIHACKALOOGIE, AND YOU KNOW IT! ...AND BESIDES...'OLD SQUARE'? WHO THE HELL SAYS OLD SQUARE ANYMORE?"
"ICHIGO, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS ABOUT BURGLARS ALREADY! NEED WE DO IT AGAIN ABOUT OLD SQUARE?"
"WILL YOU TWO JUST PLEASE START- ...Calm, Ishida, calm..." He took a deep breath and pushed the glasses back up on the bridge of his nose. "Start explaining."
"We weren't FOLLOWING YOU," Peyton insisted.
Ichigo nodded. "Yeah, what she said."
Uryu sweatdropped. "How much of a dumbass do you take me for?"
"We weren't, honest!"
"Yeah, we were looking for somewhere else to make out," Ichigo informed him.
Peyton fought the blush threatening to rise in her cheeks and nodded in agreement.
Uryu eyed them suspiciously. "Why not your house?"
"Are you kidding? You DO remember my family, don't you?"
"Her house."
"Nope. Her Nanaw wants me for my body." Peyton's temple throbbed at that, and he just smirked. "It's true!" "Don't REMIND me, Ichigo!"
"...Wait, what? What on Earth is a 'Nanaw'?"
"My great-grandma, jerkface!" Peyton snapped.
"Well, how was I supposed to know? I'm still trying to get used to your Southern dialect!" Uryu said defensively.
Peyton huffed and folded her arms across her middle moodily. "It doesn't help that Ichigo said it, I guess...If you tried to speak like that in the Tennessee backwoods, you'd be eaten alive."
Uryu's temple throbbed as they went back and forth about it for another five minutes before finally shouting, "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, FOR THE LOVE OF CROSS-STICHING, LET IT GO!"
They both instantly shut up, eyeing him weird as he panted angrily for a second. Ichigo sweatdropped. "...Jeez, Ishida, remember to breathe."
"Hey, now that we're on the subject, what's with the bundle?" Peyton asked, pointing at it.
Uryu hid it behind his back reflexively. "Nothing you need to know about."
"Aw, pleeease? You SO owe me for the Nanaw thing."
He sighed heavily. "All I will tell you...Is that if you're a true fan, you'll find out around Valentine's Day."
The two pondered on that, and then Ichigo scratched his head in confusion. "...Fan of what?"
"Only the most greatest contribution to literature of the decade!"
They both scratched their heads on that one. "...Um..."
Ishida sighed exasperatedly. "My point exactly! I bid you two good night, and good luck finding a new makeout spot."
And with that, he turned on his heel and left.
They both sweatdropped a good three times each.
"...Well, that was odd."
Ichigo smirked and pointed to the dark alley to their left. "Well, now that he mentions it...While we're here..."
Peyton glared at him before finally sighing and holding out her arm, letting him drag her along to the aforementioned dark alley.
Three guesses on what HE was aiming at.