Me: Well, I'm back!

Ichigo: WE'RE back.

Me: Oh, so NOW we're a 'we'.

Rukia: We've always been a 'we'.

Me: Nu-UHHH! There's hardly EVER a time when all 3 of us are here!

Ichigo: Here, have some cake (throws cake slice at my head). Please. Before your PMS makes you kill us all.

Me: (catches cake slice at EXACTLY the right moment) I'm not ON my period, thanks, or else you'd be dead by now! (Suddenly totally innocent-looking) But thanks so much for the cake, pal!

Ichigo: (nudges Rukia) ...She scares me sometimes.

Me: Heey, guess what you guys? We officially have 300 reviews! YAY!

Ichigo: Applause, applause!

Rukia: (eye-twitch) Considering we have over 60 chapps, i think we earned it.

Me: Don't be so negatory! I bet if we provided a challenge, our fans would be loyal enough to send a review.

Ichigo: Chyeah right. Okay. If we can get 315 reviews by the next chapp, I'll be a believer.

Me: AND you'll have to let me have unlimited access to your cake stash, which we should probably give to the reviewers if that actually happens!

Rukia: You KNOW...If everybody who read this one chapter reviewed, we'd have well into 390.

Me: ...R-REALLY?

Ichigo: (reads story stats) Well, yeah, because at least 90 people read each chapp lately.

Me: That'd be AWESOMESAUCE! ...But yall don't have to comply with these greedy Soul Reapers's wishes.

Rukia and Ichigo: YES THEY DO!

Me: (eye-twitch) ...You two aren't really people persons, are ya?

Rukia: Whatever. Enjoy!

At first, she thought she was dreaming, because there was no way it was real. But then she realized how perverted and/or random her dreams usually were, and felt like doing a happy dance.

Peyton Cullen had woken up before Ichigo Kurosaki. She had seriously DONE IT!

This was almost better than the look on Ichigo's face when she told him what he had missed out on last night.

She snorted a laugh at that one; that had been just PRICELESS.

Peyton sighed tiredly and stared at the ceiling, fanning herself. It was burning up in here. She glanced at Ichigo, who was still sprawled out with his head turned to the other side, then shrugged and slipped off her pajama pants.

Not like she didn't have any underwear on.

She tossed them away, grinning triumphantly as they landed perfectly on his desk chair. Less bending when she got up would be a good thing; that Wii Fit thing was a sadistic form of entertainment, for sure.

And she thought she was in shape!

Peyton closed her eyes and was JUST ABOUT to doze off when Ichigo rolled over. Normally this wouldn't be of any concern to her; she rolled around all the time in her sleep, and was used to him doing the same.

But considering one of his legs was stretched across both of hers, and one hand was plopped onto her stomach, it made her feel like giggling like crazy.

Maybe because it was so early in the morning? And people wondered why she slept in so late; if she woke up early, it was either like Armageddon and 2012 mushed together, or like she had drank 18 huge glasses of sweet tea.

Peyton shrugged and closed her eyes again, listening to the clangs that were usually associated with Yuzu in the kitchen.

Although she hated sleeping on her back.

About three minutes later, Ichigo started stirring. He didn't wake up, just decided NOW was a good time to stretch.

So NOT ONLY did his leg bend at the knee, which was a really bad idea at the moment, but his hand stretched up and outwards, so...

It's EXACTLY like what you're imagining right now.

Peyton felt her face heat up, wondering if she should just wait it out and risk erupting into nervous giggles or move his hand and face the wrath of Morning Ichigo.

She shuddered at the thought of the dark cloud that would be his mood, and decided to wait it out.

Only problem was that his leg moved back to its original spot, but his hand stayed RIGHT where it was.

"'But of COURSE," She hissed to herself as she tried to remove his hand. That only made him smack her hand away, muttering something about needing a fly swatter for all the mosquitos.

Great, her hand was now considered a mosquito?

That would do wonders for her self-esteem and weird imagination.

Almost as traumatizing as his HAND being RIGHT THERE.

"Ichigo."

"..."

"I-Ichigo."

"..."

"ICHIGO!"

That got a snore out of him, making her temple throb. She finally raised her hand, smacking the back of his head as hard as possible.

He promptly jerked his head up with an extra-loud snore, eyes still closed. "Mmm? What?"

She waited patiently (here meaning huffing loudly and glaring at him) as he blinked his eyes open, looking around groggily.

He then glared at Peyton. "The hell was that for?"

"I know this is hard for you, but take in your surroundings for a second. Try and figure out where all your body parts are."

He tried to figure out what she meant, and suddenly his eyes widened. "Holy crap!"

"Yes, THAT was the reaction I was looking fo-"

"Your dad actually SHOT ME?"

Her temple throbbed and she breathed in deeply, trying to resist the strong urge to strangle him with her bare hands.

Is this how SHE was in the morning?

"Hand. Remove it. As in NOW."

Ichigo squinted his eyes, making his Morning Thinking Face, tapping his finger in thought. Peyton turned even redder, prying his hand off her chest, and he spazzed out so bad he almost fell off his bed.

"HOLY CRAP! I HONESTLY HAD NO IDEA! KON DID IT, I SWEAR!"

Peyton just rolled her eyes and flipped over, glaring at the wall. "Sure. Blame it on the pervy lion. ...Jeez! Tapping my boob. The hell's WRONG with you?"

"I DIDN'T KNOW!"

"KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN BEFORE YOU WAKE EVERYONE UP!"

There was silence, and Peyton closed her eyes. She was in that blissful state where you're not yet asleep, but not awake, when his arm wound its way around her waist, making her jump in surprise.

"Dammit, Ichigo! I was almost asleep!"

"Yeah, well, maybe you should've thought about your need for sleep BEFORE you smacked me upside the head so hard."

She huffed, then felt her face heat up as his leg brushed against her bare one. "Weren't you wearing pants before?" He asked thoughtfully, running his hand along her leg.

"Y-Yeah, I just got hot." Thank GOD she shaved last night.

"Ohhhh." Then it got so quiet, that Peyton just KNEW he was formulating a plan. Sure enough, he sat up for a second, smirking.

"YOU KNOW...I'm hot too," He informed her as he slipped off his shirt.

God...DAMMIT!

Peyton actually had to turn away, before she did something stupid. "What's your point?"

"Oh, just thought I'd tell you," he replied casually, his voice still smug. He plopped back down, getting as close to her as possible, and quite honestly she wanted to make him pay for it.

He was MESSING with her! He, Ichigo Kurosaki, had the NERVE to mess with Peyton, the Queen of Messing With His Head!

How DARE he!

She would just have to mess right back. And she knew just the way to do that.

Peyton flipped over to look at him, completely avoiding looking anywhere near his chest. "Y'know, I'm still hot," she informed him calmly.

"Really now?"

"Yup. I should really fix that."

"Go right ahead."

Peyton pouted. "But I dunno what to do! I've already thrown off the covers, my pants are off, what else is left?"

And then, as if the idea hadn't been part of her master plan, she held up a finger. "Ah-HA! I'll just slip my shirt off!"

He promptly spazzed out as she sat up and fingered the hem of her shirt. "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY DOING IT? YOU'RE TAKING YOUR SHIRT OFF?"

"You see me lifting it?" She replied as she...well, lifted it, of course.

The look on his face was totally priceless; she was pretty sure he was sweating. Of course, then he saw she had a bra on, and his face fell a little.

Peyton flopped back against her pillow and sighed contentedly. "Ahhhh. Much better."

He stayed upright, as if frozen in place. She smiled at him. "Oh, what, you're getting up?"

He shook himself quickly before laying back down. "Not. A. Chance. You are NOT gonna win this, Peyton! I WILL mess with your head for ONCE!"

"Oh, THAT'S what we were doing?" She asked innocently, tracing one of his scars. She heard him gulp before regaining composure.

"...That...Is most DEFINITELY what we're doing."

"Oh. Well then, let's get to it."

Ichigo made a thinking face, playing with her bra strap thoughtfully. Now SHE was the one gulping. "Hmm...I wonder what I could do to make Peyton cave..."

He left her strap alone for the time being, instead lightly tracing patterns on her stomach. Holy crap, he was gonna make her die.

He was gonna make her DIE!

She couldn't take it, she couldn't take it, she couldn't even think of what she could possibly do to top that.

Actually, she couldn't really think at all. Funny how she was so hot, yet she had shivers running up and down her spine. All she could do was feel herself getting hotter and hotter, until she wondered if maybe her skin would burn him and she could win by default.

"Chyeah right, like I'm that lucky," she blurted out, making Ichigo laugh. "What the hell does THAT mean?"

Peyton turned a little red. "Oh, did I say that out loud?"

"A bit, yeah."

"Dammit. Fine, you win!"

"Awesomesauce!"

She waited a few moments, then looked up at him. "...Well? You can stop now, you won."

He smirked. "Why would I stop when I'm having so much fun?"

"Because Old Winona's still downstairs," she threatened with a glare.

Ichigo's smirk just grew. "You can't get to it if I keep you occupied up here, now, can you?"

"You WOULDN'T."

"Oh, I WOULD."

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

"CRAP," she hissed.

"What?"

"I have to pee."

"Well, doesn't THAT sound familiar?" He grumbled, reluctantly letting go of her. She rolled her eyes and kissed his neck one more time. "You'll live without me for a second. My bladder, however, is another matter entirely."

"You might wanna at least put your shirt on," he pointed out as she was about to unlock his door.

Peyton nodded. "Right, right." She unlocked the door before walking to grab her shirt, and who should barge in but Matsumoto and Kon.

"Holy CRAP!" They shouted at the sight of them. They both turned bright red and started spazzing out. "I-IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!"

Kon grinned triumphantly. "I TOLD YOU he was hittin' that! All we needed was a little push to get our proof."

Matsumoto cocked a perfectly-plucked eyebrow skeptically. "And by 'a little push', you mean setting the thermostat on high heat?"

"You did WHAT?" Ichigo shouted, already advancing towards him. Kon gulped, his paw flying up to his own neck fearfully before running out.

"PLEASE, ICHIGO, SPARE MEEEHEEHEEEEE!"

"NOT A DAMN CHANCE, YOU SNEAKY LITTLE PERVERT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S GONNA DO TO OUR BILLS?"

Peyton sighed, shook her head, and slipped her pajamas back on. "...So THAT'S why I was in my bra and undies."

Matsumoto just about rolled on the floor with laughter, while Peyton tried to land some kicks on her.

THE NEXT DAY...

"...So NOT ONLY am I sore, but I missed out on hot hot sex! TWICE!" Ichigo whined.

Toshiro sweatdropped. "By hot hot sex, you DO mean engaging in-"

"YES, AND I DIDN'T GET TO! IT SU-U-UCKSSS!" He declared, banging his head against the desk repeatedly.

Renji patted his shoulder, nodding sympathetically. "That's it. Let it all out, dude."

Toshiro sighed and shook his head. "I fail to see why this should cause you so much inner pain, Ichigo."

Ichigo was about to explain, but Renji held up a hand. "I've got this."

"Thanks, I would rather wallow in self-pity," Ichigo wailed before resuming his face-desking.

Renji looked at Toshiro as if he were an idiot. "Do you not realize how...let's be honest...HOT Peyton is?"

"Of course I have."

"Alright, now imagine you're DATING her- wait, no...that's too weird. Alright, imagine you're dating Matsumoto, WHICH WE ALL KNOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO IN A MILLION YEARS, WE KNOW!" Renji added as Toshiro was about to say something along those lines.

Toshiro nodded his approval and let Renji continue.

"Alright. You spend an hour or so playing a really tiring game, like...soccer! Yes, soccer. And then you ask her what she had ORIGINALLY planned on doing, and it turns out to be the greatest pastime in the WORLD: getting laid. Now, how would you feel?"

Toshiro was about to reply, and Renji held up a hand. "Hold onto that feeling. Now, it's the next morning, and Matsumoto decides it's too hot for clothes. She strips down into her bra and underwear. You two start making out, and SUDDENLY...she has to pee. And then two IDIOTS barge in and interrupt, eradicating ANY CHANCE you might've had of going all the way for the day. ...Now, how do you feel?"

There was a pause as he stared into space thoughtfully, when suddenly Toshiro's lower lip started trembling. He then proceeded to wail "ICHIGO, I NOW UNDERSTAND YOUUUU!" before flopping down against his desk and sobbing dramatically.

Keigo walked over with a fresh sweatdrop, pointing to the two inconsolable dudes. "What the hell happened to them?"

Renji hesitated, then started tearing up. "...Awful. JUST AWFUL! NO MAN SHOULD HAVE HIS MANLY NEEDS PLAYED WITH LIKE THAAAAT!"

AAAAnd THAT'S when Peyton, Orihime, and Rukia walked in.

Peyton looked at the three guys, and Keigo sweatdropped some more. Matsumoto bounded in, totally oblivious, and walked up to them.

"...Guys? Are you alright?"

"HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING TO MY MANLY NEEDS?" Toshiro demanded, lifting his head up for a moment before returning to wallowing in self-pity.

Matsumoto started trying to comfort her Captain. "Whatever I did, I humbly apologize, Captain! Please don't make me finish my paperwork!"

"DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE KIND OF PAIN A MANLY MAN IS IN WHEN HE'S DENIED HIS NEEDS?" Ichigo and Renji shouted, to which Toshiro choked out, "It didn't even happen to me, yet...yet..I FEEL SO BA-A-A-AAAAD!"

Keigo patted Peyton's shoulder sympathetically as she stared at Ichigo, The Wallowing Mess. "You're gonna have a LONG day."