Chapter 40

Helena awoke as the rays of the sun worked their way into the room through the drapes and hit her eyes. She blinked a couple times as her eyes adjusted to the light. She remained on her back as she rubbed her eyes with her left hand.

Helena was getting mentally restless as she had been hold up in this room for two days. She was in Clark's old room in his Smallville farmhouse. It remained unchanged from when he had used it as a teenager.

The room was full of his high school trophies as well as pictures from his school days. Over the past two days Helena had gotten to know every detail of the pictures and trophies. It was weird thinking the photos were all fifty years old, yet Clark looked like he had only aged ten since they were taken.

After Helena was revived, Superman had brought her here so she would be far away from everything. Lois was brought out soon after that. The Kent's were the only ones who knew she was here along with Rex, Maril, Olivia, and Richie. She knew a cover story had been constructed for the rest of the League, but had no idea what it was. She was happy to be out here where she would not have to face anyone.

While Hades had revived her, he did not exactly heal her. Lois had brought out the clay from Themyscira and for the last two days had been treating her. Most of her body healed up quickly. The one thing that proved difficult to treat was the metal beam that had melted to her skin. Lois had been applying the clay to the edges of where it had annealed to her arm. As the skin healed it pushed off the metal beam.

Helena rolled over and took a look at her right arm. The beam was still wrapped around it, but it didn't look or feel like it was still annealed to the skin. Helena grabbed it and worked it off her arm; it fell to the ground with a clang. She felt relieved that the last vestige of what happened to her was gone. She smiled for the first time since she had come out here.

She heard a knock on the door and knew it was Lois, despite the fact she did not announce herself. Lois had been the one taking care of her for the past two days. She had yet to see Clark since he had brought her here and she had told him how she came back. She had asked Lois why Clark was apparently avoiding her and she told her it was because they thought Helena needed her privacy as she healed.

"You can come in," she said to Lois. Lois opened the door and looked cheerful as always.

"How is your health today?" she asked.

"I actually feel fine today," she said to the old woman as she inspected her right arm. There were still marks where the metal had been attached to the skin, but it was nothing that couldn't heal on its own. Helena was getting tired of the smell and the feel of the damn clay.

"Do you want me to bring your breakfast up here?" she asked.

Helena had eaten all her meals in bed and really felt like being able to sit at a table and eat. She had no idea where Clark was, though, and didn't feel like talking to him at the moment. She thought about it for a second and wanted so much to get out of that bed she didn't care if she would have to see Clark after all.

"Yeah, I think I'll come down. I can't stand it up here any more."

Lois smiled at her, pleased the girl was feeling better. "Maril and Rex brought some clothes for you. They're just in the two suitcases in the corner." Helena looked in the direction Lois was pointing and finally noticed the two large pieces of luggage.

"I haven't cooked your breakfast yet," Lois told her. "So there's no rush to come down. I'll be sure to make a fresh pot of coffee for you." Lois left and closed the door behind her.

Helena threw the covers off of her and grabbed a suitcase and threw it on the bed. She opened it and smiled as she saw a pair of farmer overall's on the top of the suitcase. It was a good sign that Maril was still willing to have some fun with her.

She put the clothes on and headed downstairs. She braced herself for finding Clark down there, but he was nowhere to be seen when she reached the foot of the stairs. Lois noticed her as she worked over the stove.

"I got a mug out for you," she told her. "The coffee's ready."

Helena grabbed the mug and poured herself a cup. "Where's Superman?" she asked.

"He's out on the tractor plowing a couple of the far fields," she answered. "He wanted you to know he isn't doing anything critical. He has time to talk if you need to ask him anything."

"I didn't know he was interested in conversing with me," she said as she went to the dining room window to have a look out at the farm. It was unremarkable, the same way she remembered it from the few times her parents had drug her out here.

"I know it might seem like Clark was avoiding you, but he felt like you needed to heal physically. Now that your body is healed, there may be some other things you can patch up."

Helena had always seen herself as mentally strong, just like her father. She felt weak when Lois acknowledged she would need some help getting through this. It was almost worse that Lois seemed so perky when she talked.

For the past two days she had dreaded talking to anyone. She was afraid of being confronted in anger for what she did. In her mind, she saw everyone wanting to tear her apart for having the gall to plan what she did alone. Everyone was going to point out to her what they could have done if they had teamed together.

What she really feared was the blame she was going to receive for the loss of her parents. She knew she would get no explicit blame. After all, she had never thought they would do what they did. There was nothing anyone could say to her that would make her feel worse then she already was. She felt that with every look she would get there would be accusations of what she had cost the world.

"If you squeeze that mug any more, it's going to crack," she heard Lois say. Helena looked down and saw that she had been holding it so tightly she actually had put a tiny crack in it. It wasn't bad enough for anything to leak out, but Helena rushed to pour it in another mug before it could.

"Sorry," she said as she grabbed another mug out of the cupboard.

"It's just a mug," Lois reminded her.

Helena still felt guilty, though it had to do little with the mug. She had been prepared to die, but she hadn't been prepared to come back and have to live with the knowledge she had cost her parents their lives. Over the past few days she had started trembling whenever she thought about the situation too much. She found herself doing it again and put the coffee down and braced herself so she could get it better under control. She was starting to hyperventilate so she tried to get that under control as well.

"Just concentrate on breathing at a normal rate, everything else will take care of itself," she heard Lois say.

Helena did as Lois told her and instantly felt better. As Lois noticed the girl's improvement she explained why she knew what to do.

"I used to get panic attacks a lot when I first started at the Planet," she exclaimed. "Working on the deadlines I had was extremely stressful. I would hyperventilate a lot. I found if I just concentrated enough I could get everything under control."

"So once you got adjusted to the Planet the attacks stopped?"

"Mostly, I have to admit I had a few when Clark died."

Helena's mood wasn't helped by the mention of Clark's death. When Helena had heard the story of his death and how her mother couldn't help because of her birth, she had felt somewhat responsible. She had never told anyone, and was somewhat astonished no one had ever figured it out.

It suddenly hit Helena that Superman had been through some of the same things. He had died and come back as well. "Is that why you wanted me to talk to him, ask him about what it's like to come back from death?"

"Well, that was one thing," she said with a shrug. She laid on the table the eggs and bacon she had cooked for the girl. Helena saw her breakfast was done and sat down at the place that had been set for her.

Helena started playing around with the food instead of eating it. Lois started washing the dishes in the kitchen sink. "Maril has been sending a ton of messages over the last few days," she said. "There's a datapad on the table if you want to read any of them."

Helena looked up at the datapad and then right back at her uneaten breakfast. She had no idea what Maril would be saying to her and wasn't in a rush to find out as she was afraid it might be bad. She thought Maril couldn't be too upset with what she did if she brought some of her clothes over for her.

"So Rex and Maril came over here?" Helena asked Lois.

"Yes, they came over here to see how you were." She looked up from the dishes she was washing to talk to Helena. "When they saw you were asleep they just wanted to let you rest and they headed back to the Manor."

When Lois mentioned the Manor, Helena was reminded of how many injured were back there. She knew Maril was probably keeping vigil by her father's bedside. She also thought of Connor. She was wondering if he was conscious and if so, if he knew what was happening.

"How is everyone at the Manor, do you know?" she asked Lois.

"From what they said last night no one is getting worse. Dick has been awake for a day now. The twins won't leave him alone. Connor still hasn't woken, though. Maril made sure to single him out."

Helena started eating slowly as she thought about Connor. Since he was unconscious for this entire time there was a good chance that what happened would not have to change anything between them. He could be the one person she could pick right up with, but Helena knew things couldn't happen that way.

"They were hopeful you could come back to the Manor," Lois added. "They thought you might be more comfortable there. Clark thinks it might be best for you to stay out here, though. We think it would be better for you to stay away from everything for a while."

Helena knew her father had told Superman to take care of her before he took off for Tartus. She wondered how much they were keeping her around just because they felt they owed it to her parents. She was going to bring it up with Lois, but thought better of it.

Helena walked along the old dirt road that led out of Smallville. She was not worried about anyone recognizing her, as no one would expect an heiress like Helena Wayne to be out in the middle of nowhere like she was. Lois had said Clark was out on the edge of their property plowing the fields. She was on her way to talk to him.

After almost a mile she saw his tractor running over the dirt field. She called to him, knowing he would easily hear. He stopped the tractor and flew over to her. She knew no one else must have been around because Superman would only have done that if they were alone.

"Your wife said I should talk to you," Helena began.

"I hope you aren't out here just because she told you to come out here," he replied.

"No, I thought there might be some advice you could give me."

Clark lowered himself to the ground. "Do you mind walking a little?" he asked her.

"Uh, yeah, sure," she replied as she wondered where Clark might take her.

Clark started walking and Helena followed. They walked in silence until Clark said something.

"I feel nothing over Lash's death," he said. "I just wanted to start out with that. He was nothing to me. You did the right thing there. There was no other way to assure the universe would survive."

Helena was shocked he would start out like that, but it was welcome news to her. She hadn't really doubted he would be upset over the death of his son. He had made it clear before everything went down that what happened to Lash was of no concern of his. All that was even before Lash had tried to kill him.

There was more silence between them. "I take it you have more planned?" she asked him

Clark started talking without making any reference to her question. "When your parents found out what you had planned, they were distraught. Your father blamed himself, as he knew he was the one who had led you down the path to do what you did. You were always set to be a superhero given your lineage, but it was your father's tutelage which led you to take on your self-appointed mission practically alone. You took after your father when you planned your mission with no input from anyone."

"That's why I feel so responsible for what happened to them," she said as she choked up. "If I had been willing to trust others more we could have done something as a team. Maybe I wouldn't have had to sacrifice myself and then, of course, my parents wouldn't have had to make their sacrifice."

"You can't dwell on those kinds of things," he said. "You didn't mean for it to happen. You have to try and tell yourself that. If you're anything like me, it won't help much. I know that well. I was the one who killed my sister."
"But you were brainwashed," Helena reminded him.

"And you never intended your parents to exchange their lives for yours. You didn't even know they would be able to do that."

Superman didn't need to tell her any more to drive his point home further. He felt culpable for his sister's death no matter how much he didn't want it. It was the same thing with Helena.

"How long until you were able to convince yourself you were not responsible?" she asked him.

"I'll let you know when I reach that point," he replied. His answer was depressing, but she was thankful he was being honest with her.

"There was more to it then just the fact I killed her," he said without prompting. "I never really told too many people about my mother's death. You know a little about her, don't you?" he asked.

"I know she was suffering from parasites on Krypton and came here to gain strength so she might be able to live longer. She escaped Krypton just as it was destroyed and didn't know she was pregnant with you until she reached here. She settled down with your stepfather and married him, and then years later had your sister before she died."

"That's most of it," he said. "She died just a few days after giving birth to my sister. Right before she died, she told me to train my sister the way she had trained me. She made me promise to watch out for my sister and protect her. When I killed my sister I broke the promise I had made to my mother."

Helena was surprised she had never heard this. Superman had never been seen as the one to keep and hold secrets from everyone. She instantly felt like he had it much worse then she did.

"It wasn't just the promise I made that hurt. With my mother, the power she got from the sun here did much to cure her. She never had the power to be a superhero, but she could have lived a good, long life. Her pregnancy changed all that. Just like with humans, the pregnancy diminished her immune system. The parasite infection came back more intense then ever. My sister cost my mother her life, but she wouldn't have had it any other way. She loved her children so much she thought nothing of losing her life for them."

The two of them walked over the rare hill and Helena saw he had led them to a cemetery. He opened the gate and led her through the rows of tombstones. He stopped in front of the Kent plots. Helena looked at the tombstone and focused on the date of death for Laura Kent. It was a mere two days after the date of birth listed for Kara that was on the tombstone next to hers.

"Your parents are the same as my mother," Clark continued. "They would have thought nothing about giving their lives for yours. I'm sure your father preferred it to growing weak and withering away."

What Superman was saying was actually making her feel better. She knew shee may never get over the guilt that if she had done things differently her parents would still be alive. What Clark told her reminded her of the choices they all made as superheroes and the choices her mom and dad made as parents. The sacrifice they made for her was something they did willingly, and it was a choice they most likely gladly undertook.

When Helena made it back to the house she found Maril talking to Lois. They both stopped talking when Helena entered the house. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything," she said as she entered.

"I was just telling Lois some of the antics the twins have been up to the last few days. With their parents preoccupied they think they can get away with anything. Richie and Olivia are trying to keep them in line and are failing miserably. The twins have no idea what they're in for when my father is well enough to discipline them."

Helena was glad to see Maril was jovial. It meant there was no bad news from the Manor she was bringing. It also meant she couldn't have been too mad at Helena over everything.

"I'll leave the two of you alone to talk," Lois said as she moved to head upstairs.

"Don't worry about it," Helena interjected. "We can talk outside. I would prefer it."

Maril followed Helena outside and the two walked in silence for a while before either one of them spoke. "I'm sorry," Helena began.

"About what?" Maril asked. She sounded truly surprised that Helena had anything to apologize about.

"Keeping from you what I had planned. Not having enough faith in you to do anything more then what I told you."

Maril was truly amused by what Helena told her. "You didn't do anything that I wouldn't do. You should see sometime how I make decisions as a queen. I packed up the army and came here without consulting anyone."

In an instant any fears Helena had that there relationship was going to be different were erased. The two of them had a bond that could withstand almost anything. It would take a lot to disrupt that.

"Have the Gordanians done anything?" Helena asked.

"They rushed a force to Thanagar to try and take advantage, but they got their asses handed to them by Shayera and John."

Helena was glad to hear the two old warriors still had some fight left in them. "What about the Manor?" Helena asked. "How is everyone doing there?"
"Most of the people have been moved out of there. We are trying to clear it out so you can go back there soon. We haven't rushed anyone out, though. I know you are mainly asking about Connor, and he woke up last night. He is in good condition and has been asking about you. We told him everything as none of us wanted to lie to him. I hope you don't mind."

"I'm not exactly in any condition to complain about not being consulted on something."

Maril stopped as she noticed something in Helena's voice. "You don't sound like you are in a rush to see him."

Helena found it difficult to look at Maril. "I know the timing might be horrible, but in my death I realized I don't love Connor like I should. I can't marry him."

"Connor will understand," Maril said. "He's tough. We're all tough."

The two of them had been walking aimlessly. They found themselves in front of an Oak tree that was familiar. "This looks a lot like that old Oak tree we used to play on that was by the Metrotower. It's not on a hill, of course," Maril pointed out.

The two of them stared at it, mesmerized. "Back then we thought everything was going to be so easy. I wonder what we would have thought about our future if we had known how hard everything would be."

"We haven't shied away from anything difficult as we've grown. I don't think our attitude as children would have been any different."

"I think you're right," Helena paused for a moment as she thought about the lives they had envisioned for themselves as children. "I remember we always saw ourselves fighting alongside our parents. I never thought we would be on our own so early in our careers."

"I think this battle has finally pushed my father into permanent retirement," Maril said.

"There is no such thing as retirement for superheroes," Helena reminded her.

"He wants you to know you can talk to him about your father anytime you want," Maril told her.

"I think going back to the Manor might do some good," Helena said. "I don't want the Kents to think I'm taking off on them too quickly. I'll head back first thing tomorrow."

"I will go back and start preparing the place for your return," Maril informed her. They embraced and then Maril flew off.

Helena flew back to the Manor in the invisible jet with Maril flying it. She insisted on flying her back as she wanted Helena to do as little as possible. She wouldn't even let Helena carry her suitcases inside when they reached the Manor.

She opened the door to find all her friends gathered in the foyer to welcome her. A large 'Welcome Home" banner hung across the stairs. She looked over everyone gathered: Richie, Olivia, Rex, Connor, Theodore, Dick, Barbara, and the twins.

She hugged everyone while Connor stayed back. They all quickly found an excuse to take them away so Connor could be left alone with Helena. He looked to be in good shape and the minute they were alone he rushed up and kissed her. Helena kissed him back as she didn't know what else to do.

"I can't believe what happened," he said. "How are you doing?" he asked.

"Okay," she replied. She started feeling horrible as she thought about what she had to tell him.

From the way Connor acted he had picked up on this. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

She turned her back to him as she couldn't bear to face him. She knew the best thing to do was to say what was on her mind and get everything over as plainly and as simply as possible. "I don't love you like I should," she told him.

She couldn't see the expression on his face and was wondering what he was thinking. "What do you mean by that?" he asked her.

She decided to just go ahead and tell him the whole story. "When I died, I had a million thoughts about everything I was going to miss about my life. I thought about my parents and how they would have to live without me. I thought about Rex and Maril and how I was not going to live to see their children. I thought little of you, though. I thought little about the life I would miss out by not marrying you."

Helena could feel the emotions practically emanating from Connor. "I guess you knew that before you left and that's why you gave me the ring back," he said, the anger in his voice was obvious. "Thanks for letting me know you don't care about me," he said as she heard him walk away. Helena cried silently to herself for several minutes before she headed to her room.

Helena grew restless in her room and walked out to look around the Manor some. The upper floors of the Manor were abandoned, so she had peace and quiet. She headed down to the second floor and walked into her parents' room. She looked around and ruffled through their stuff. They had just gotten back together recently and were supposed to spend the last years of her father's life with each other. There was so much they were supposed to do that they were never going to get to do.

Helena couldn't take being in their room anymore and walked out. She saw Dick at the end of the hallway taking down the 'Welcome Home' banner and decided to talk to him. As she walked up to him she noticed for the first time how old the banner looked.

"That thing looks ancient," she said to him.

"It is ancient," Dick replied. "Bruce had this out for me the first time I came to the Manor."

"That was decades ago," Helena exclaimed. "And I can't believe he didn't just simply meet you with a handshake."

Dick had a laugh over her joke. "Your father wasn't quite the social know-nothing you might believe he was. He studied human behavior and at least knew the protocols for most situations, even if he didn't feel anything."

Helena smiled weakly. She was glad Dick had no ill feelings towards her. She was wondering what he was thinking at the moment.

Dick picked up on her feelings and answered them. "Its no secret he took me in because he had the desire for a child," Dick said. "You may not know he thought he would never have his own. He was always convinced he would die before he got the chance or he would never find anyone who could put up with him."

"My mother certainly had her troubles putting up with him, even though she did marry him."

"You were always the greatest and most unexpected thing to happen to him," Dick told her. "I think he always knew he was going to sacrifice himself for you, one way or another. Don't feel guilty about what happened. Your father would not have wanted to go out any other way."

Everyone else had been telling her the same thing, but coming from her surrogate brother it carried more meaning. Helena embraced him. "Thanks, I needed that," she told him.

Helena didn't do much the rest of the day. She ate by herself and continued to look through her parents' stuff, wondering what she was going to do with it. When she finally went to bed she found herself unable to sleep. She couldn't help thinking about having to go on with her life without her parents.

Helena never heard Maril come into her bedroom; she just felt her crawl into bed with her. Maril put her arms around Helena and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, Helena," she said to the girl. "I will be here for you, always."

Maril provided Helena with the comfort she needed to finally fall asleep.

Helena flew out to Themyscira when she knew it would be night. She didn't want too many of the Amazons to be awake when she talked to her grandmother. She knew her grandmother was a night owl and would likely still be up.

Helena landed the invisible jet by the palace. She hesitantly walked into the palace and looked for the queen. She couldn't find her in her study or bedroom. Helena had a thought and headed to her mother's bedroom.

She found the queen lying on Diana's bed. Helena couldn't tell if she was awake or asleep. She suddenly became too fearful to talk to the queen and started to walk away.

"Helena?" she heard her grandmother yell from the room. Helena stopped in her tracks and looked back. When she turned around her grandmother rushed towards her and embraced her.

Helena started crying into her shoulder as she apologized to her. "I'm sorry," she said to her.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Hippolyta said to her. "She died in order to save you, it was a proud death."

"But I cost you-"

"I got to spend more time with my daughter then anyone else," she reminded her granddaughter. "I don't want to waste any time I'm going to get with you."

The two of them stood in their embrace for a long time. Helena could feel someone else walk in on them, but they didn't say anything. Hippolyta finally noticed them.

"I think you have someone else who wants to talk to you," she said as they broke their embrace. Helena turned to see Artemis waiting to talk to her. Hippolyta left them alone.

"I suppose you came to tell me how much I cost you guys. Or have you come to tell me you will never accept me as your heir."

"I have come to do the exact opposite," Artemis said, to her surprise. "You have to remember that all the Amazons here forged a bond that came from fighting alongside each other. It was hard for us to accept you when you had never been baptized by fire like we had. That has all changed with what you did. You have shown a type of bravery that few of us possess. I am here to tell you that if the situation arises, we would all be proud to have you as our queen, your highness."

Artemis ended her statement with a kneeling bow before Helena. Helena was so moved by what the Amazon said she was trembling.

The funerals for Batman and Wonder Woman were very moving for Helena. An empty casket for her father had been led in procession through Gotham before it was flown to the Circle of the Fallen in Metropolis. Wonder Woman was given a procession through Metropolis as that was the de-facto superhero capital.

The public had never been told the way the two of them died. Knowing they had fallen defending the world during the invasion was enough for everyone. Helena knew they would be remembered as heroes no matter what.

Clark had demanded that the shrines for Batman and Wonder Woman be built in the center of the circle. He felt it was the only way to honor the special place they occupied among the League. No one even thought about objecting to it.

To Helena, it seemed as though the whole world came out for their funerals. She knew if her parents could see their funerals, they would feel honored by the adoration the public gave them.

In contrast to the funerals for their superhero personas, Bruce Wayne and Diana Prince were buried in a single, small ceremony. For once, the paparazzi showed some class by avoiding the funeral of one of the world's wealthiest and most notorious playboys. Helena had a tombstone constructed that was nearly identical to the one for her grandparents that was adjacent to it.

When all the funerals and memorials were over, Rex and Maril decided they would have to head back to Tamaran. A royal transport landed outside the Manor to take them home.

"You are going to have to visit us often on Tamaran," Maril said to Helena as they embraced for the last good-bye. "I want my child to get to know his Aunt Helena."

"I was wondering when you were going to tell me," Helena said to her.

"Damn," Maril said as she broke the embrace. "I thought I had come up with the perfect way to surprise you. I should have known there was nothing I could keep from the World's Greatest Detective."

Helena thought nothing of the promotion Maril had given her. It was a good sign she was accepting her parent's death. Maril and Rex said their final good-bye's to the Grayson's before they entered their ship and took off.

"I didn't want to say this in front of Maril," Dick began as he took her aside. "If you ever want to visit her don't hesitate to contact me and have me fill in for you. I don't have to give up the superhero life entirely."

"Actually you should," Richie said after overhearing everything. "Let us know and Olivia and I will pull double duty for a week or so."

"You're worse then my father was," she told Dick with a laugh.

The Batcave felt eerily quiet as Helena put on her suit. She paused as she grabbed her helmet and inspected it. The Amazons had made a new one that was identical to the old one.

As Helena held it in her hands and inspected it, she thought back to the night she had received the original from her parents. Instead of crying over their loss, she smiled as she remembered that night and how proud of her they had been. She put the helmet on headed for the Batwing.

Helena stood on the top of Wayne Tower and overlooked Gotham. The city was her sole responsibility now. She owed it to her father to carry on the promise he made to her grandparents. She only hoped her father would be remembered, as he was the one who had done so much to keep Gotham from falling apart.

Helena saw the Batsignal shining in the sky and smiled. As long as symbols like that stayed around Batman would always be remembered. She called on the Batwing so she could fly over and answer the call.

The End