(Ichigo and I are currently floating around in our Chocolate Cake Fountain given to us by "im a kitty that luvz sweets". Floating on its own float is our Eiffel Tower Cake and Leaning Tower Of Pisa Cake given to us by "Ishihackaloogie".)
Me: (Eating a brownie from InugamiGod and reading a card that says "Good luck Ichi!") ...Dude, you're so fucked.
Ichigo: (Eating his strawberry shortcake and fiddling with Rukia's new Chappy phone charm, both of which are from SwirlzSmile) Shut up! ...I have the worst luck...in HISTORY.
Me: Pretty much. (Signs papers to deliver Shadowgouf's "Sucks to be you!" cake and xXSweetestXAngelXNightmareXx 's chocolate cake with chocolate mousse filling and strawberry frosting to Ichigo's house) Those are for you and Peyton when you get outta this mess.
Ichigo: (Temple throb) ...Thanks. (Looks around) Hey, where's Rukia?
Me: Well...
-Flashback-
Me: Rukia...What's with that bat behind your back?
Rukia: (Looks like a hit man) ...Oh this? (Waves Chappy bat) Nothing much, just...GETTING MY REVENGE FOR BLEACH THE BOTTLE!
(Senkaimon opens, revealing Mayuri and Nemu)
Mayuri: Are you ready, Volunteer?
Rukia: (Cracks knuckles, practice-swings bat and utterly destroys my tv set and fridge in the process) BORN ready.
Me: (Sweatdrops as she disappears into the senkaimon, shakes fist) YOU'RE PAYING FOR NEW APPLIANCES!
-End Flashback-
Ichigo: (Sweatdrop) ...Well, shit. Syco's a dead man.
Me: (Hangs head) May he rest in peace. Maybe we should have a moment of silence?
Ichigo: But THAT would mean we'd have to unplug the Chocolate Cake Fountain, since it's so noisy.
Me and Ichigo: (Look at each other, then the fountain, then wave each other off) Naaaah!
Me: (Beams before swan-diving into fountain) ENJOOOY!
They immediately sprung into action, slipping into their clothes (well, technically pajamas) in record time as they heard Seth raiding the fridge.
"Whadda we do, whadda we do?" Peyton wondered, walking in circles in her room spastically. Ichigo sweatdropped. "What's the worst that could happen, honestly?"
As if on cue, Seth called out from downstairs, "PEEEEEEYTON? YOU BETTER BE ALONE UP THERE, 'CAUSE I'VE HEARD SOME CRAAAZY THINGS FROM YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO! OLD WINONA'S STILL FULLY LOADED, BY THE WAY!"
They exchanged a look, and then Ichigo was the one running in spastic circles. "WHADDA WE DO, WHADDA WE DO?"
She smacked him upside the head, making him nearly faceplant. "Shut up before he hears you!" She hissed.
He nodded quickly. "Thanks, I needed that."
"Chyeah, no kidding." Peyton grabbed his arm and yanked him towards her door. They poked their heads outside of it, checking to see the coast was clear, and she pushed him into the hallway. "Go to the last room on the right. No one should be in there!"
And with that, she shut her door as quietly as possible and flew into her bed, trying to make the covers look less...romped-in.
She heard Seth clomping up the stairs. "Jeez, wish I coulda stayed home from school. That's SO not fair! ...I wonder where Nanaw is..."
Peyton paled. CRAP! NANAW!
Ichigo practically ran down the hall and wrenched the door open, sliding into the room and shutting the door as quietly as Peyton had.
He leaned against the door, bracing his forehead against it as he caught his breath. Damn, that was close. In more ways than one...SO CLOSE until Seth just HAD to show up.
"Well, I'll be damned. That's convenient."
He froze and gulped before slowly turning around. Nanaw was sitting on the edge of her bed, watching a tv show. It looked like Jackass.
Well, now she wasn't watching tv, she was looking at him with the biggest grin on her face. Ichigo laughed anxiously. "U-Uh...Hi."
"Why hell-lloo there," was her...ew...flirtatious reply.
She folded her arms across her chest importantly. "I heard some very interesting...noises from down the hall. Do you realize how thin these walls are?"
He was pretty sure he had already turned three different shades of red at this point. SHE HEARD?
Nanaw pointed at him. "Remember that next time. We don't all wanna hear everything Peyton's doing...or everyone," she added with a perverted laugh.
Holy crap. Now he knew where Peyton got her pervertedness from. Nanaw stood and shuffled over towards the door, pressing her ear against it before laughing again. "Sounds like Seth hasn't caught on. You got lucky, kid."
She looked him up and down before making a clicking noise with her tongue. "Young man. Young spry man. Ya know, my husband looked kinda like you. Just darker hair, and not as...fit. Mind if I poke you?"
She didn't wait for an answer, and poked his chest before giggling and running her hand up and down his arms. "Oooh, you're even hotter than you look from a distance!"
Holy crap. She IS a cougar! COUGAR! COUGAAAAAR!
Seth walked in and started poking Peyton's shoulder. "Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP! EEEAARRRTTHHHH TOOOO PEEEEEEYTON!"
"WHAT?" She snapped, nearly punching him in the nose as she stretched. He jumped back and glared at her. "You brat. Getting to sleep in on a school day. Just thought I'd make sure you're not doing anything illegal."
Peyton smiled weakly at him, trying not to show how out of breath she was. Damn, that was close.
"Nope. Nothing illegal. Just chilling."
He gave her a weird look and felt her forehead. "Jeez, P, you're burning up." Did I really get that nervous about him catching me, or what?
She waved him off. "I'm fine, really. Go back to school, before I call the truancy officer."
"I could just call them on YOU!" He replied, pointing at her accusingly.
Peyton rolled her eyes and flopped back down against her pillow. "Depending on the officer, I could just bring up the YouTube video and be let off scott-free."
Seth glared at her again before leaving her room. "Get some sleep, you look like you're about to throw up or somethin'!"
As soon as he got downstairs, Peyton let out a sigh of relief. "Ugh, you have NO IDEA, Seth."
He took his sweet time raiding the fridge some more, and as soon as the front door shut, she groaned and stood.
Unfortunately, she also tripped over her own foot and hit the floor a lot harder than usual.
Great. Now she was even more sore than before.
Peyton cursed under her breath before opening her door and heading for Nanaw's room while rubbing the side of her face...and sweatdropped as she swung the door open.
Nanaw was literally chasing Ichigo around the room, and he looked genuinely intimidated. "C'mon, just lemme feel your muscles some more, I'm so bored around here! What Peyton doesn't know won't hurt her! Please please PLEEEEASE?"
"NANAW!" Peyton screeched, doing a Spazzy Wet Noodle Dance. Nanaw had a hold of his shirt and was trying to lift it up so she could poke his abs.
She calmly stopped struggling with him and let go of his shirt. Ichigo spastically flailed in mid-air before falling to the floor.
He crawled towards Peyton, holding onto her legs for dear life, as Nanaw winked at him. Peyton's right eye twitched menacingly.
"Nanaw, c'mon now! He's MY boyfriend, I'LL do the muscle-poking from here on out, got it?"
She huffed and played with her faded blonde hair flirtatiously. "C'mon...I'm old, I could die any minute! At least lemme die happy!"
Peyton looked from her, to Ichigo around her legs, and back to her. "...Alright, how about this. If you're REALLY good, and don't try to seduce him from here on out...then I MIGHT let you have Thirty Minutes In Heaven with him sometime this summer."
"WHAT?" They both shouted. Ichigo sounded terrified, and Nanaw sounded downright giddy.
Peyton nodded brightly. "Yep! But you have to be GOOD. No more seduction attempts until then, and PLEASE, don't talk about how hot his ass is until then, alright? I already know how hot it is, and having you tell me so is downright creepy. Got it?"
Nanaw nodded cheerfully. "Got it!" She winked at Ichigo as Peyton dragged him out. "See ya around, young man," she purred.
As soon as they were down the hall, Peyton started laughing uncontrollably, making Ichigo stand up and glare at her.
"It's not funny! She scared the hell outta me, I thought I was a goner!"
"Ichigo, she's in her eighties. I highly doubt she could be that intimidating."
He adjusted his shirt and pants, making her stifle a giggle. "Now I know where you get your wily charms from..."
Peyton raised her eyebrows. "Wily charms, eh? Hey, I warned you, my family's nothing but cougars."
Ichigo stared off into space for a second. "...I was THIS CLOSE to getting thrown onto her bed and...her doing who knows what to me...and..." He shuddered, then shrugged and slung her over his shoulder.
"Where're we going?" She asked between laughs.
"I'm hungry!" Was his reply as he thumped down the stairs.
THREE HOURS LATER...
"Best...Monday...Ever," Peyton muttered groggily.
"Yeeeep," he replied just as tiredly.
"I'm so...so...tiiiired..."
"Yeeeep. I know. Chinese takeout and zombies always do this to me," he said with a yawn.
She nodded. "Doesn't help that this couch has the magical ability to put anyone and everyone asleep in under fifteen minutes."
Ichigo looked at the clock on top of the tv and grinned smugly. "Well, we've lasted forty-five minutes so far, so I guess our awesomesaucenesses are still working pretty good."
"Well of course it is! Awesomesaucenesses like ours don't just run out, Ichigo. Jeez."
Out of nowhere, her front door flew open. Matsumoto and Rukia stomped in, Lindsay in tow behind them.
They were about to yell at them, but then Lindsay said "Awwww!", making Peyton and Ichigo sweatdrop.
Rukia sweatdropped as well as Matsumoto and Lindsay peered down at them, the couple trying to ignore them with temple throbs.
"...Only you two could be cuddling on the couch while one zombie's eating a guy's face while his zombie friend's ripping the other guy's heart out."
"We are not CUDDLING!" They shouted defensively.
Matsumoto sweatdropped. "Then what the hell do YOU call that?"
"I call it laying on Ichigo."
"I call it letting her lay on me 'cause I'm freezing and she's warm. Also, I call this having my arm around her."
"NOT CUDDLING!" They shouted in unison.
Lindsay shrugged and grabbed what was left of Peyton's Chinese, while Matsumoto jumped onto the couch, deliberately making them fly to opposite ends.
They both glared at her, while she giggled innocently. "What? I need room, don't I?"
"Sometimes, I have daydreams about strangling you," Ichigo informed her.
Peyton grinned and nodded. "Me too! Although sometimes I imagine her getting flattened by a fridge instead, and her boobs pop and deflate like balloons."
Everyone sweatdropped, and Ichigo laughed and shook his head. "I love you sometimes."
"I know."
Matsumoto rolled her eyes, then grinned and swiveled to face Peyton. "So. You got laid, right?"
Ichigo immediately stood up as Peyton opened her mouth to answer, running up the stairs. "Aaaand THIS is where I LEAVE THE CONVERSATION."
The girls laughed, while Peyton just shrugged. "Yeeeep."
Not expecting her to actually say yes, Rukia nearly keeled over while Lindsay spit out the noodle she had been trying to slurp.
"WHAAAAT? SHINJI WAS RIGHT?"
"Yeeeep."
They all piled up onto the couch and looked at her excitedly. "Was it good?"
"Yeeeep."
"STOP SAYING THAT!" Rukia demanded, and Peyton held up her hands in surrender.
"How many times?" Matsumoto asked eagerly.
"Hmm...three so far, I think."
"You THINK?"
"Okay, fine, three and one-fourth! ...Seth almost caught us, we had to make a rain check on the last one," she muttered.
Peyton figured honesty was the best policy in this case, because they'd eventually figure it out in a much more embarrassing way if she didn't tell them the whole truth.
Which sucked.
"Did it...y'know, hurt?"
She shrugged. "It did a little the first time. It hurts afterward the most, to be honest. I'm so sore," she whined.
"PLEASE tell me you used protection," Lindsay threatened.
Peyton laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. "W-Well, uhhh..."
"PEYTON!" They all shrieked, making her jump back and whimper like a scorned puppy.
Rukia cracked her knuckles ominously. "When I get my hands on that giant, I swear, I'll-"
"Peyton, you could be PREGNANT!" Lindsay fumed.
Matsumoto squealed and clapped her hands. "Oh, hell yes! I call dibs on godmother!"
"NO, I'M GODMOTHER!"
"NO WAY, RUKIA, YOU THREATENED TO KILL THE FATHER!"
"I NEVER SAID KILL, I JUST WANTED TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM A LITTLE!"
"HOW WILL YOU TELL THEIR UNBORN CHILD THAT? 'Oh, I like to nearly kill your father for fun'."
"Peyton would have to tell the kid the same thing!"
"Yeah, but she's the mom, she's ALLOWED to nearly kill the father whenever she likes!"
Lindsay's eyes widened as she tapped Peyton's shoulder spastically. "Ohmigod, you're gonna get HUGE, and your boobs are gonna grow, and then you're gonna LET YOURSELF GO, and NOT TO MENTION-"
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Peyton screeched.
They all instantly quieted down, blinking at her innocently.
She huffed. "I just started, like, three hours ago."
"You did?"
"There's blood on the pad on my undies as we speak."
They all sighed in relief, while Ichigo whined from upstairs. "YOU GUYS! YOUR CONVERSATIONS ARE SCARRING ME FOR LIFE AND STUNTING MY EMOTIONAL GROWTH!"
Rukia shoved up her sleeves and stomped up the stairs. "No...PROTECTION...ICHIGO KUROSAKI, YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD!"
"PEYTON, HELP MEEE!"
"RUKIAAAA, DON'T KILL HIM, I'M A BIT HORNY AND STILL POTENTIALLY INTERESTED IN TAPPING THAT LATER TODAY!" Peyton whined as she bounded up the stairs after them.
Lindsay covered her mouth as she giggled, while Renji and Toshiro, who had just opened the front door, keeled over with perverted nosebleeds.
"Oh HELL YES!" Ichigo shouted from upstairs, making Rukia growl some more. "NO NO NO, RUKIAAA!" They both shrieked.
Matsumoto sighed happily. "Ahhh, I love those kids."
"AAHHHHH! RUKIA, PUT THE BAT DOWN!"