Me: We're back again!
Ichigo: (Currently doing Happy Dance) Peeerrr-vyyy chaaapter, peeerrr-vyyy chaaapter! HELL TO THE YEEEE-ESSS!
Rukia: (Sweatdrops) Mandy, do men ever evolve?
Me: (Bursts into laughter) BAHAHAHAHAHA! How cute! You think they EVOLVE? Rukia, dear, if anything, they fall FURTHER down the Evolved Scale.
Ichigo: She's absolutely right.
Rukia: (Scowls) Pervert.
Ichigo: BUT I'M A HAPPY ONE!
Me: So I can see.
Ichigo: (Throws gauntlet) SHUT UP, PERV!
Me: OW, DAMMIT!
Rukia: (Sweardrops, eye twitch)
Me: (Pauses battle) OH! Almost forgot the cakes! KOOOON!
Kon: HEEERE, MASTER MANDY! (Wheels out Cake from Josie-chan, which is a cake with Peyton and Ichigo laughing their asses off while Cabbage Boy is on the floor screaming "AH MY NUTS!")
Ichigo: Ahhhh, that was so damn satisfying.
Rukia: Freak.
Me: Rukia, the look on your face was one of PURE AMUSEMENT AND SATISFACTION!
Rukia: YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT!
Me and Ichigo: (Sweardrops)...
Me: OH! And for those who squirm under graphic-ness (like me, guilty as charged, no matter how much of a perv i am), i'll warn you when it might get graphic for ya. ALSO, I'd like to wish Dude a happy belated birthday. Glad i helped make it so AWESOMESAUCE! ...I hope it rained down booze and money where YOU are, 'cause it sure as hell didn't here... (Goes to the corner to sulk)
Rukia: ENJOY!
Ichigo: You already said that, moron.
Rukia: (Kicks him in the shin) I DON'T CARE!
"Itsygo?"
"Huh?"
"When'll it be Nel's turn to hitch a wide on Itsygo's back?" She asked from her perch on Matsumoto's head.
He glanced at Peyton, on his back and fast asleep. "In a little while. I'd kinda like to give Peyton a ride for a bit."
Nel huffed and pouted. "Fiiine...But ONLY BECAUSE Nel tinks Itsygo's girlfwiend earned it."
He and Rukia sweatdropped as she scrambled off Matsumoto's head as she went the opposite way, towards Orihime's house.
"WAIT FOR NEEEELLLLL!" She screeched, sobbing as if the world were ending, making Peyton jump awake with a hiss as she moved her wrist the wrong way.
Ichigo's temple throbbed as Nel hitched onto his leg happily. "...Way to go, dumbass."
"Tank you, Itsygo!"
Rukia sighed and shook her head, and Peyton laughed to herself before laying her head back down against his shoulder tiredly.
"You want me to take ya home?"
"Mmm...No...Not yet. I think I'll just chill at your house." In his head, he was already hearing Bown-chika-chika-BOWN-wow-wow playing over and over, but Rukia ruined THAT thought real quick as they entered his house.
Isshin and Yuzu immediately hugged Peyton as she clambered off his back, and while they were busy with their tearful and slightly-ridiculous-as-always reunion, Rukia dragged him towards her by his shirt.
"Ichigo Kurosaki, Peyton needs all the rest she can get after her ordeal and using all that spirit energy earlier today. If she comes down for breakfast tomorrow with ANY sort of afterglow, if I hear the SLIGHTEST noise of pleasure coming from your room, I WILL make you as anatomically impaired as a Ken Doll!"
He gulped and nodded quickly, laughing nervously. "I-I-I...I wouldn't dare do THAT when she's so exhausted, Rukia! Damn!"
...Of course, in his head he was pitching a mega bitch fit.
Especially after Peyton NOT ONLY smiled at him and kissed him all expert-like as usual, but decided to not even bother taking off her kimono and just plain climbed into his bed.
Which meant, due to those damn rips, he saw a flash of her underwear and EVERYTHING. And damn, the Iga Clan sure provided some nice underwear.
"...God...DAMMIT!"
She sweatdropped. "...Uhhh...You alright?"
Ichigo laughed nervously, still sulking in his mind as he clambered into bed after her. "Yeah, fine. Sorry. Tired."
"That's what sleeping's for," she muttered groggily before yawning and turning away from him, not bothering to use the sheets just yet and therefore allowing him to see her bare thigh due to the DAMN RIPS.
...Damn Yuma. Making Peyton tempt him like that. Good thing she was dead, or he would've pushed her in front of a speeding bus.
...A Greyhound. The big heavy ones. With lots of steel. And passengers. Fat passengers. Fat passengers ALONG with Oprah.
...Yeah, that sounded about right.
THE NEXT DAY...
The first thing Peyton thought when she woke up was, Well THAT sucked.
Not only did she get no action whatsoever last night, but Ichigo didn't even TOUCH HER at all. Not even his usual hand-around-her-waist thing!
Dammit. It was because of her head injury, wasn't it. She was sure there was still dried blood on it.
Or maybe her wrist? Orihime had managed to heal the bone, but it was still a bit sore, about like a sprain.
She had a bandage wrapped around it now, only for a few days or so.
Peyton sighed in disappointment, and heard movement behind her. "You alright?"
She huffed and crossed her arms. "Yeeeaaahhh..."
"Very convincing, way to go, Peyton."
"I got...cold...last night..."
That apparently just went RIGHT over his head, because he yawned and replied, "Well, that's what sheets are for."
Peyton huffed again and attempted to go back to sleep. "Nevermind, just forget it!"
"...Are you still PMS-ing?"
"NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO DO WITH PMS!" She shouted with a temple throb, huffing and hogging all his sheets as punishment.
She heard him mutter moodily, "Well THIS sucks." He could've EASILY made their situation ten times better.
But NOOOO.
Instead, she was forced to lay there for another eight minutes before Yuzu suddenly flung the door open and informed her there was a feast waiting downstairs.
She then proceeded to pig out for a good two hours, and probably gained more pounds than she lost while kidnapped.
HOURS LATER...
Peyton knew she was doing her habit again, tapping her finger and looking around the room impatiently, but how could she focus on a movie at a time like this?
When Ichigo was right next to her, and she was still in her ripped kimono, meaning it was bare skin against bare skin in some places.
And she was expected to focus on the movie. When she had suffered through lack of physical contact for so long?
HELL no.
She was only human, after all.
She glanced at Rukia and Renji, who were nearly on top of each other without even realizing it.
Guess what SHE thought of.
And matters were only made worse when it got to that scene on Scary Movie where everyone's making out in the car but Cindy and Bobby.
...Guess who SHE felt like.
Yeah.
She kept glancing at Ichigo with slightly-meaningful looks on her face, but he was either ignoring her or extremely interested in the movie.
Was this how they were supposed to act after the epic and heroic rescue mission? What about in all those movies, where they got Hot Hot Rescue Sex?
Dammit, if only Hollywood weren't full of glitter and lies.
Peyton sighed again and suffered through the rest of the movie, and of course, OF COURSE, Renji and Rukia left to investigate Renji's "serious roach problem".
And Isshin and the kids were fast asleep. They had all caught colds (that's right, they were all over Peyton last night, which SHOULD have been ICHIGO'S job, while they were SICK), so they were also all knocked out on Tylenol.
Which meant they were totally...completely...alone.
Except for Nel, who was busy coloring and watching The Hills Have Eyes anyways. Pretty much the only one doing so; Peyton could feel the sexual tension between her and Ichigo.
Right as she leaned towards him and was about to just flat-out whisper in his ear what they should be doing right now, he suddenly stood up and went upstairs.
Which made her fall face-first into the couch cushion. "I'll be right back, I left something...in my...room..." He said oh-so-smoothly.
Peyton huffed and stomped upstairs after him, going into the bathroom and starting the water for a bath.
She didn't feel like standing in a shower at the moment. That way, in a bath, she could pay extra attention to her shaving.
Peyton never thought she'd actually make this decision, but here it was. She was gonna have to SEDUCE Ichigo.
...Dammit.
Ichigo barely made it out of there alive. During the whole movie, all that flashed through his mind was "sexsexsexsexsexSEXsexsexsex".
And it didn't help that she was obviously liking sitting RIGHT THERE, RIGHT next to him, with her BARE SKIN.
Dammit. Why was she so effing hot?
He sighed in relief as he shut the door to his room, actually fanning himself as he heard bathwater start to run. And of COURSE she happened to walk in there all innocent-like.
She sweatdropped, looking pointedly at him as he suddenly jumped and ran around the room as if looking for something.
"...I'm not even gonna ask. But I DO have something ELSE to ask."
He eyed her warily. "What?"
Peyton turned around, moving aside her amazingly still intact braid to reveal her bare neck. "Could you unbutton this for me? Stupid buttons, they're in the back so I can't even frigging reach them..."
Ichigo gulped. Was she PURPOSELY trying to get him hot? But like hell he could say no, he JUST rescued her, he would look like an ass if he did that. "U-Uhhh...Sure..."
He took a couple deep breaths before fumbling with the first button. After the first three, it wasn't so hard to undo them.
No, what was hard was when each time he moved down to the next one, his fingers ran along her bare skin, which made her shiver.
He could feel it. He could also feel how soft her skin was, thanks to the...DAMN...NINJAS.
The buttons ended a little bit above her hips, and the whole thing almost slid off, but she caught it lazily.
She smiled at him, and this time he shivered at the tone she used. "Thanks. This thing's so dang tight..."
Trust me, I can see that. Unfortunately, I can see that. I can also picture everything it's outlining, too, goddammit Peyton!
But Rukia had threatened his manliness if he touched her in any sexual way. Apparently Rukia decided she needed three days worth of rest, as if SHE were the expert on medical matters.
When he tried to point this out, she just held up some surgical scissors from Dad's office and waved them around carelessly, so he really didn't have a choice in the matter.
Just like that, Peyton strolled right out, and he watched her leave. She lazily undid her braid as she went, running her hands through her now-unbelievably-wavy-and-sexy hair.
Damn, did she know how to leave a room.
He gulped again as he soon heard her sigh of pleasure as she slipped into her bath, picturing her sighing like that while doing something TOTALLY different. "...God...effing...DAMMIT, Peyton!" He muttered before sliding into bed, hoping that if he fell asleep before her, resisting temptation would be much easier.
Peyton laid back in the tub after finishing her near-hour-long shaving session in which she double and triple checked every square inch of her legs and such to make sure she got everything.
Eyes closed, she wondered how the hell she was gonna get herself some action tonight. It was then she hatched her diabolical plan.
It was time to pull out...The Robe.
After a few more minutes of soaking and such, she dried off and opened one of the cabinets, pulling everything out so she could get to the back. Against which was lying Matsumoto's provocative robe she had left the last time she bathed in the Kurosaki house.
Yuzu had asked Peyton to give it back to her, but she figured she'd keep it here, in case of emergencies.
And this...DEFINITELY counted as an emergency.
She slipped it on, lotioned her already-soft skin, ran her fingers through her hair anxiously, and crept into the hallway. The whole house was quiet.
Peyton inched downstairs, and Nel was nearly asleep standing up, trying to pin her artwork to the fridge.
"Usually Pops does this for me," Nel informed her without turning around. Isshin insisted he call her that, since she was "Ichigo and Peyton's practice lovechild". The very thought made Peyton grin and shake her head.
She walked over and pinned it up with a sushi magnet, and Nel beamed. "Tanks, Itsygo's-...Whoa, BABY! Itsygo's girlfwiend looks like a...a...total BABE!" Nel exclaimed giddily.
Peyton covered Nel's mouth, trying not to grin with pride. "Shhh, everyone's asleep! Nel, listen. Would you mind if I locked Ichigo's door? And I'll do whatever you want if you sleep down here and turn the volume up on the tv a little. Okay?"
Nel eyed her suspiciously. "...You mean...You'll play all the Eternal Tag I want?"
"Of course!"
"And could you get Itsygo to play, too?"
"I'm sure I can."
Nel beamed and hugged her around the waist before bouncing into the den to turn the tv up, at a volume much to Peyton's satisfaction. "Yay! Nel's so glad Itsygo's girlfwiend is so nice!"
She just smiled and waved goodnight before going upstairs.
When she opened the door to Ichigo's room, she nearly facepalmed herself.
He was fast asleep, the bastard. Then she realized he was laying on his back, giving her an idea, and grinned evilly. Now he won't be able to resist...She thought smugly as she stealthily slid to sit on top of him.
"Ichigo. Hey. Hey Ichigo. ICHIGO, GODDAMMIT!" She finally shouted, making him jump awake with a snore.
"Huh, what? ...Oh god, gimme strength," he muttered as his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Peyton glared at him, sliding against him so her face was inches away from his.
"Ichigo Kurosaki, I want action, and I want it NOW. I don't care WHO might hear us, or WHO walks in, or WHAT you say, I want it, and I want it now now NOW!" She growled, kissing him.
He pulled away spastically. "B-But you don't understand, Rukia's gonna-"
"Rukia's not here, now shut the hell up!" She nearly shouted as she kissed him some more. This time he returned the kisses and his hand moved to her hair before he pulled away again.
"Make up your mind, Ichigo," she muttered.
Ichigo groaned. "Aw...DAMMIT, why do you insist on torturing me, you damn sexy woman? Rukia's gonna kill me.."
"What she doesn't know won't hurt you," she insisted, kissing him again and tugging playfully on the slightly-longer-yet-amazingly-hotter ends of his hair.
"Oh...God...DAMMIT..." he muttered between kisses before finally giving in, slowly sitting up without breaking the kisses.
Me: Those who squirm with graphic-ness...be warned...here there be sexyness.
Kon: (Trying to open Ichigo's door) YESYESYESYESYES-
Me: (Drags him downstairs) DOWN BOY!
Ichigo's hand moved to the small of her back, the other still in her hair and running down her neck, while one of hers drifted to the side of his jaw, the other sliding under his shirt.
He soon started tugging on the tie of her robe, loosening it and eventually sliding it so it slid down her shoulders, almost completely off.
She couldn't help but moan a little as his kisses moved down her neck, her collarbone, her chest, lingering there.
She had a death grip on his shirt, bunching it up, and she was pretty sure her back was arched.
At this point, she couldn't even tell which way was left or right.
Peyton got his shirt off around the same time he managed to have her on her back underneath him, his fingers gliding along the entire length of her side and almost everything along the way, making her shiver.
The middle of her stomach felt weak and quivery, and her toes were tingling more and more the further his hands went.
"Nnnnhh...And you tried...mmm...to get out of doing this..." She breathed with a sort of half-laugh. "Only because I wanted to survive, Rukia'd kill me right now if she knew what we were doing..."
Peyton giggled as his hands stayed on her hips, making her wriggle a little underneath him. "If she knew what we were doing, I think she'd...keel over...with a nosebleed."
He laughed too as he slid down her underwear, making her moan again. "...Yeah, that too," he said a little breathlessly as she rubbed her leg against his. She was shivering with anticipation as he kissed her thigh, her knee.
She tugged at his boxers, moaning some more as he spread her legs, her toes already prepared to start curling and going numb.
"Oh GOD yes," A voice suddenly said, making their temples throb. "KON, GET OUT, GODDAMMIT!" They shouted.
They heard his tiny legs stomping off, and Ichigo's door open and shut. "FINE! You...damn...ASSES!"
They laughed in disbelief, her arms around his neck. He looked down at her, grinning. "Did I mention how much I missed you?"
Peyton laughed again and pulled his head down to her neck again. "Just shut up and keep going, you damn sexy kiss-ass."