Me: (Wiping up several spots in which Volcanic Nosebleeds occured thanks to the last chapp) ...We're back.
Ichigo: (Holding Kleenex against nose) Yeah...DAMMIT, Mandy that was ALMOST as hot in writing as it was in person.
Kon: (Re-reading last chapp for the 69th time) Too bad you didn't pick up where they left off.
Me: (Temple throb) Gotta leave ya hanging, Kon, you pervert.
Rukia: (Drop-kicks him into wall) THANKS FOR RUINING IT FOR THE REST OF US PERVERTS!
Kon: RUKIAAAA, I'M SO-O-O-RRRYYYYY!
Ichigo: ...Well, I'll be damned. Rukia, i didn't know you liked it so much...
Rukia: (Waves off notion) PLEASE, you should've seen me after that YAOI I read about you!
Ichigo and Me: (Run to bathroom to barf) EWWWW! NOW ALL I CAN PICTURE IS PEYTON AS A DUDE WITH A MANLY VOICE!
Me: You too, Ichigo?
Ichigo: She IS my girlfried, dipshit!
Me: Yeah, but...Ew...Kinda curious though, who was he doing the deed with?
Rukia: Oddly enough, Renji. And cheating with Byakuya.
Me and Ichigo: THAT'S IT! (Retch into trash cans) ...FUCK! OH, GODDAMMIT!
Rukia: (Laughs nervously) Uhhh...ENJOY! And Mandy'd like to thank Ishihackaloogie (aka Erin) for NOT ONLY updating her story today, but for endorsing MANDY'S story in there as well! Much appreciated! And also, we LOVE the fic about you guys's perverted dialogues! And...uh...ENJOY! AGAIN!
The next morning found them laying on the wrong side of his bed, hair sticking out every possible way, clothes askew.
And Peyton didn't know about Ichigo, but she had never been happier about being insanely sore in her entire life.
Again, she somehow woke up before he did, but she guessed he was just exhausted after last night. So she just shrugged, kissed his neck gently, and tried to go back to sleep while finally finding her robe and pulling it up from where it had been pooled at her ankles.
So of course, WHO should show up but Rukia, pounding on the door. They had locked it after Kon decided to pay his little visit last night, and now they both groaned as they realized what a mistake THAT had been.
"ICHIGOOO, OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR! IF YOU'VE TOUCHED ONE HAIR ON HER HEAD, I SWEAR, I'M GONNA-"
"RUKIA, SHUT UP, HE'S ASLEEP!" Peyton shouted, making the knocks finally stop. Ichigo gave her a groggy thumbs-up before burying his face against the mattress, already falling back asleep.
Peyton sweatdropped and decided not to make the Soul Reaper wait much longer, and while trying to remember when Ichigo found his clothes last night, went to open the door.
Rukia stood there in her favorite Chappy shirt, tapping her foot anxiously. Peyton nearly facepalmed herself. Jeez, she couldn't even remember what people had been WEARING last night?
She really HAD had a good time...
"Uhhh...Hi."
Rukia marched right in, glared at the back of Ichigo's head, and stomped over to her closet. "Locking me out...the hell's goin' on in that head of his..?"
Peyton shuddered at the thought. "Some questions are better left unanswered, Rukia."
She made a face as Ichigo rolled over, a huge grin on his face. SOMEONE was having a good dream. "...Point taken."
And with that, she slid her closet door shut, and Peyton laid back down in her spot. She couldn't believe Rukia hadn't said anything about them sleeping on the wrong end.
Hey, when you drop, you drop. Right?
She sweatdropped as Ichigo turned over again, almost turning right on top of her, then slinked his arm across her stomach.
"...The human mind is a truly puzzling thing," she muttered as he suddenly said dreamily, "Poooop-Taaarts..."
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
Everyone was wearing their usual breakfast expressions; Isshin and Yuzu looked delighted, Karin looked bored, Rukia was playing up her Innocent Schoolgirl act, and...well, as for Peyton and Ichigo, they looked just plain tired.
Like they had just rolled out of bed. Which was true, since she and Rukia did in fact have to roll Ichigo onto the floor to wake him up.
So he was also pissy. Nel making his hair look like a duck's butt wasn't helping. "I found HER passed out on top of the heater this morning," Yuzu said, pointing at Nel.
Nel shrugged. "Itsygo's girlfwiend let Nel sleep downstairs. In fact, Itsygo's girlfwiend ASKED Nel to sleep downstairs. Nel tinks Itsygo and his girlfwiend were pwaying a game, a weally active game."
Peyton's eyes darted down to her plate as she held her head up with one hand and a sigh. Ichigo nudged her foot as if to say "NICE one, moron".
Rukia's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What KIND of...'game', Nel?"
Nel squinted in thought. "Nel doesn't know! But Nel tinks it must've been fun, because they giggled a lot. Oh, and whatever it was, they're good at it, cuz Nel heard them saying "YES!" a lot, too. Maybe it was some weird Mawco Polo game, because they kept saying each other's names...They must've won a lot, it dwagged on for a LOOONG time..." She stared off into space thoughtfully.
Isshin looked like he was going to bear a litter of kittens any moment now. Rukia was glowering at them across the table.
Yuzu and Karin's forks had both dropped, jaws on the table, muttering incoherently. As for the partners in crime, they didn't look the least bit guilty.
Ichigo looked indifferent (though he was kicking the crap out of Peyton under the table), and Peyton was chugging her juice to keep from laughing hysterically (while kicking the crap out of HIM under the table).
"...Well, she's right, it WAS a fun game. All three times," he said simply. They then heard a resounding THUD under the table, Peyton's juice flew everywhere as she erupted into laughter at his statement, and Ichigo jumped about a foot.
"OW, RUKIAAA!"
"I TOLD YOU NO MESSING AROUND, ICHIGO, DAMMIT!"
"SHE SEDUCED ME!"
They all looked at Peyton, who blinked innocently, somehow managing to stop laughing. "Who, ME?"
Rukia resumed shouting at Ichigo, while Nel looked at Peyton eagerly. "Nel decides she wants Itsygo's girlfwiend to teach her this game!"
A third fork dropped to its plate as Isshin started laughing his ass off.
After breakfast (and having to make up an entirely different "game" from scratch and playing it with Nel and Peyton for three hours), Ichigo gave her a ride to her house.
"How can you still tolerate carrying me around?" Peyton asked curiously. "I mean, you've been carrying me, Nel, your fleas..."
Ichigo jostled her, making her giggle. "Don't make me drop you."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Oh really?"
"Nope, 'cause then you'd get no EFFING HOT HOT SEX."
He smirked. "Yeah, well, all I'd have to do is ignore you for a while, and maybe you'll seduce me again."
Peyton snorted a laugh. "I think Nanaw'll seduce you before I do it again!"
He shuddered at the thought. "Don't remind me. I only have weeks of freedom left before I get dragged into her...her..her room with the four-poster bed...and the DEATH TRAPS, COUGAR TRAPS, I SAY!"
"Ichigo, summer break is at least a month away, and I promise my great-grandmother isn't lethal."
"Exactly. WEEKS! And YOU PROMISE? She's the PURE DEFINITION of the ultimate cougar, and you know it!"
She rolled her eyes and messed up his hair, making him sweatdrop. "You honestly think my hair could look any worse?"
"Yeah. It could look like Renji's."
THAT got him laughing.
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
Almost as soon as Peyton bent over Ichigo's head all expert-like to knock on her door, it was flung open by Seth.
"Peyton?" He looked around spastically before finally noticing her, turning Ichigo around so he could bombard her with the full force of his hug. "IT IS YOU! PEYTON'S BACK!"
They heard lots of thuds and clatters as items were dropped, and tons of running. "PEYTON!"
"MY KID!"
"MY SISTER!"
"MY STEPDAUGHTER!"
"...DID YOU BRING MY HUNK MUFFIN?" Nanaw squealed as she shuffled out after them. Peyton wriggled her hand out of the Epic Four-Person Bear Hug she was currently being a victim of to wave Nanaw off.
"U-Uhhh, he's somewhere in here!"
"I, who is not Ichigo Kurosaki NOR anyone's Hunk Muffin, have no idea what Peyton's-"
"HUNK MUFFIN, HE'S RETURNED, HE'S COME BACK!" Nanaw shrieked, following his voice and joining the hugging session.
"DAMMIT, PEYTON!"
"Keep in mind that I love you," she said innocently while thoroughly enjoying getting to hug her family again. "Oh dear GOD, your HAIR! It's so...so...SEXXXYYY! PEYTON, LEARN TO SHARE!"
"Peyton, HELP ME!"
"Sorry Ichigoooo, occupied!" she shouted above everyone else. Peyton felt a very deliberate smack on the ass, making her giggle. She knew THAT hand anywhere.
When they finally pulled away to let her breathe, she and Ichigo were the last to walk in. They both shuddered as they noticed Nanaw swaying her hips and humming some jazz song from the '40s.
"...She squeezed my ass, Peyton. She squeezed...my ASS."
"So? You just smacked mine, you pervert!"
"Perhaps you're not understanding. SHE SMACKED MY ASS!" Ichigo wailed.
Peyton couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably, and he huffed like a scolded toddler. "It's not funny!"
"It SO is!"
"You say that NOW, but you wait, one day you'll be downright scarred for LIFE when you see the way she looks at me when you're not looking!"
She rolled her eyes and stood on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. "Deal with it." He was about to reply, but Lindsay bounced over and grabbed her wrist, dragging her into the house.
"COME LOOK, COME LOOK, WE'VE MADE DECISIONS ABOUT THE WEDDING! FINAL DECISIONS!"
"OwowowowowOWWW, MY WRIST, GODDAMMIT LINDS!"
Ichigo grinned and shook his head as Peyton pretended to absorb every quick and spastic word Lindsay said.
She still had that "afterglow" thing Rukia had been talking about, and it made her look even more beautiful than usual.
And people wondered why guys like sex so much; they get to see their girls all happy like she was right now, and know that THEY did something to make them that way.
...Plus, sex itself is AWESOMESAUCE IN A BOX.
EIGHTEEN MINUTES LATER...
"Sooo, we REALIZED that the only color every bridesmaid looked good in was BLACK! And wearing black to a wedding would be totally ironic and bad-luck-ish, right?"
"Uh-huh."
"So we DECIDED-"
"Since we honestly don't care what the bridesmaids are wearing," Miya added.
"DECIDED that the bridesmaids could just wear whatever the hell kind of dress they want!" Lindsay concluded, rolling up her blueprints with satisfaction and tossing her pencil behind her, nearly poking Ichigo's eye out.
"Soo...does that mean...I CAN WEAR MY CONVERSE? Wait, no...HOUSE SHOES? MY MONKEY ONES?" Peyton said excitedly.
Everyone sweatdropped. "...NO."
Peyton snapped her fingers. "Drats. I love those slippers. Admit, I can wear them like NO ONE'S BUSINESS, right?"
Lindsay rolled her eyes. "However you can wear them, they're not what you wear to a damn WEDDING, ya igmo!"
"Igmo? The hell's an igmo?" Renji asked, having shown up to find Ichigo.
"Ignoramous, an ignorant turd," All the Cullens and Ichigo replied in unison. Renji sweatdropped, and Seth clapped Ichigo on the back.
"Well, lookee here, Kurosaki's already one of us!"
"Damn rednecks, can never get rid of 'em," Mark muttered, making everyone sweatdrop since he was drinking out of a Larry the Cable Guy mug with a Confederate flag as a backdrop.
Miya opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it and just shook her head before kissing her fiancee. "Nothing wrong with rednecks, hon."
Seth and Peyton exchanged a Finger-Down-The-Throat Gagging Gesture, while Lindsay smacked them both upside the head. "Chill out, they're getting MARRIED in three days!"
Peyton's jaw dropped. "THREE DAYS? WHEN'D WE DECIDE THAT?"
Lindsay's temple throbbed. "The only thing you got out of ALLLL my explaining was the part about choosing your own clothes, wasn't it?"
She ate her Pop-Tart innocently, batting her eyelashes at her older sister. "...I wouldn't say THAAAT..."
Linds facepalmed before smiling and ruffling Peyton's hair. "I missed your selective hearing, kid."
"HEY! …I missed you feeling false superiority."
"And I missed my favorite show, goddammit!" Seth wailed as they heard the credits rolling for Viva la Bam.
Dad and Miya sweatdropped. "...Sibling love."