Me: BACK AGAIN! FINALLY!
Ichigo: Awesome. Splendid. Where the fuck's the cakes? We got a ton last chapp.
Me: (Glares toward other end of room) KOOOON, GET YOUR STUFFED ASS OUT HERE!
Kon: COOOOMIIIINGG! (Wheels out Cake Number One. It's from MangaMagic. It's a giant cake with a Cinderella-esque scene of Peyton and Ichigo, with Ichigo putting Peyton's slipper on her foot. There's a crown on his head and a tiara on hers. written on the side in cursive is: Dude, What's With the Robe: Cinderella Scene.)
Rukia: Awwwww!
Ichigo: (Sweatdrops) Trust me, there's plenty more, dude.
Me: OH! Before we continue, I'd like to also credit MangaMagic, because her review conversation and such inspired the whole Rukia-Peyton-Matsumoto-Ichigo scene in the first part of this. So thank her for the hilarity at poor Rukia's expense! ON TO CAKE NUMBER TWO!
Kon: Riiight!
(Cake Number Two is from KijoKuroi. It's a 6 layer white wedding cake. The 2 bottom layers are fancily decorated, The 3rd bottom layer has Lindsay saying to Keigo, "Awww, KEIGO! Look at what ICHIGO did, even though I threatened both of their lives if I saw those house shoes on her feet!". The layer above that one has Toshiro being suffocated by Matsumoto's boobs while dancing. The layer that's second to the top has Peyton dancing with Ichigo in her house slippers, and the top one has Mark and Miya kissing.)
Ichigo: ...I am pretty awesome, aren't i? Im like the best boyfriend ever.
Me: (Temple throb) Good to see the fluffiness of the last chapp didnt go to your head, Ichigo. ON TO CAKE NUMBER THREE!
Kon: INDEED, MISTRESS MANDY! (Cake Number Three is from Josie-Chan. It's a cake of Peyton and Ichigo sweatdropping while dancing. Why are they sweatdropping? Because Nel is saying "Awwww!" while taking pictures. She's also saying "Woowww, itsygo and itsygo's girlfriend aren't pwaying their vewy fwun 'game' or fighting wid eachoder?" Toshiro's already passed out because of lack of oxygen but Rangiku is still dancing with him, completely oblivious. Mark is dancing with miya (he heard nel's comment) and asks "does she mean THAT 'game'?The one we play at night? AM I GONNA BE A GRANDFATHER! AM I GONNA HAV 2 KILL THAT BOY?" Miya says "no sweety nel is talking about the game on the wii that they play...heh...now lets just enjoy our wedding and dont kill ichigo i mean he makes peyton very happy" Nanaw is in the background saying "yeah dont kill my hunk muffin!")
Ichigo: ...Im surprised that didnt happen, actually.
Me: Me too...DAMMIT, I SHOULD'VE PUT THAT IN THERE!
Rukia: THat would've ruined the fluff!
Me: Screw you, that would've been fucking HILARIOUS! Oh well. No use. ON TO CAKE NUMBER FOUR!
Kon: Aye-Aye! (Cake Number Four is from Mer. It's white and in the shape of a star. There are three couples dancing around the center of the star: Toushiro and Rangiku, Peyton and Ichigo, and Lindsay and Keigo. In the center is Mark and his new wife surrounded by the other couples and blue frosting that says, ' This Is Where It All Begins'.)
Rukia: AWWWWW!
Ichigo: SHUT UP, I WANNA FINISH THIS UP SO WE CAN EAT THE CAKES!
Me: (Temple throb, cue total sarcasm) Ichigo, you shouldnt be so sentimental, jeez. WHATEVER. CAKE NUMBER FIVE!
Kon: RIGHT! (Cake Number Five is from X-ParadeOfJoy-X. It's a 50 foot tall purple, white, and turquiose cake with the letters "SORRY FOR NOT REVEIWING FOR SO LONG!" across it with little dancing figurines showing Peyton and Ichigo doing the chicken dance, Keigo and Lindsay doing the fox-trot, Mark and Miya doing the waltz, and Orihime and Seth doing the macarana.)
Ichigo: That's right, BE SORRY you didnt review for so-
Me: (Kicks him in the groin) STOP BEING A BITCH, OR YOU'LL NEVER GET LAID AGAIN!
Ichigo: (Groans and keels over) I JUST WANTED CAKE SOONER!
Me: WELL LOOK WHERE THAT GOT YOU!
Rukia: (Eye-twitch) ...If we missed any cakes, we humbly apologize, we get so many...BUT STILL! Let us know if we forgot any, we'll try and remember them next chapp. Review, and ENJOY! (Loads shotgun) DO I NEED TO SETTLE THIS THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY?
Me and Ichigo: AHHHHH!
Once the newlyweds had driven out of sight, towards the airport, Peyton stopped waving and sighed tiredly. "Ichigo, I'll love you forever if you carry me."
He sweatdropped. "You say that as if I never carry you."
She shrugged. "Better safe than sorry, right?"
"SPEAKING of safe, do you have any rubbers?" Seth asked Ichigo in a stage-whisper, Orihime looking all flushed and laughing nervously beside him.
Peyton covered her face with her hands, wailing dramatically, "My eyes. My EYES. MY EYYYYEEESSS! DAMMIT, SETH, MENTAL IMAGES!"
Ichigo sweatdropped. "How do you think HE feels, picturing us having sex? I mean, plus, we aren't exactly quiet, I'm sure he's heard us those times I've snuck in the window..."
Seth was the one covering his eyes this time. "DUDE, THAT WAS SO LONG AGO THAT I WASN'T EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT UNTIL YOU SAID IT!"
Ichigo sweatdropped again and quickly handed Seth a condom. Peyton watched with a sweatdrop. Did he honestly think he might need that while I'm on my period? HAHAHA! If he tried, he'd end up on the floor the whole night! Ahhhh, my boyfriend cracks me up... "If it helps, she forces me to wear 'em every time now," he said innocently.
Seth just groaned and snatched the piece of plastic, stomping off. "Ichigo, shut up before my brain's permanently fried."
He drooped as he watched Peyton's brother go. "Great, he's gonna kill me now for sure." His temple throbbed as she tried not to giggle. "Don't make me tickle you until you pass out, AGAIN."
She stopped giggling to glare at him. "That was ONE TIME, and it SUCKED! I had a black eye for weeks from knocking against that table, thanks to that, and the counselor was convinced you were abusing me!"
Ichigo wrapped an arm around her waist while making a thinking noise. "Ohhh yeahhhh, I remember that. I still don't get why they immediately assumed I beat you. Why not PARENTAL abuse?"
"Probably because you're an orange-headed deviant."
"Probably. I can't help it you have a thing for bad boys."
Peyton smirked. "I have a thing for bad boys, huh? THAT explains why chicks keep telling me I shouldn't be dating you!"
His temple throbbed, and she laughed. "Ichigo, just kiss me."
"Well, IF I MUST..."
Both their temples throbbed as Matsumoto and Rukia suddenly cooed "AWWWWW, how SWEET!".
Peyton huffed as Ichigo pulled away, not letting go of his neck as she turned to look at them. "...Thanks, for that. You morons."
Matsumoto smiled. "Sorry. But earlier, you two dancing...that was the most adorable thing I've ever seen!"
On the inside, Peyton totally agreed. Something along the lines of, I know! I should have glomped him right then and there!
But outwardly, she simply blinked. "...Oh. Really?"
Rukia nodded. "From what Matsumoto told me, it was. Ichigo, I never knew you had that big a heart!"
Ichigo shrugged. "Yeah, well I just – wait, what? What the hell do you mean by 'that big a heart?"
Rukia, Matsumoto, and even Peyton sweatdropped. "...Would've thought it was obvious," Rukia replied dully.
Ichigo sighed exasperatedly, then glared at Rukia, temple throbbing. "Yeah? Well, where the hell were YOU this whole time?"
A sly grin spread onto Peyton's face. "YOU KNOW...Renji wasn't there either. And then Rukia mysteriously disappeared...I wonder why...?"
Ichigo, Peyton, and Matsumoto looked pointedly at Rukia's askew updo (which was now in every direction BUT up) and dissheveled dress.
Ichigo started laughing, making Rukia's temple throb even more. "Holy CRAP! You two were off shagging somewhere, weren't you!
The tiny Soul Reaper immediately got flustered. "We did no such thing! I-I just tripped on something, that's all!"
Her busty fellow Soul Reaper cocked an eyebrow. "Oh REALLY?"
Peyton couldn't help it, she smirked and nodded. "Yeah, on Renji's pants!" She and her boyfriend started laughing and exchanged a fist-bump, making Rukia's temple throb even more as she tried to kick Ichigo.
He dodged it just in time. Him and Peyton gulped as she started advancing towards them, and he picked her up and started running. "TIME TO GO, TIME TO GO, WE PISSED HER OFF!"
"ROYALLY!" Peyton agreed, taking off her house shoes and setting them on her stomach.
Rukia wasn't too far behind, dress hitched up nearly to her hips and looking...well, royally pissed.
"YOU TWO'RE GONNA BE DEADER THAN ROADKILL WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOUUUU!" She bellowed.
"That sounds like something a Southerner would say," Peyton mumbled. Ichigo sweatdropped. "You know, I think you actually might've said that to me before!"
"That's great, fantastic, splendid, PLEASE FOCUS ON OUTRUNNING THE PSYCHOTIC SOUL REAPER BEHIND US!"
"SORRY!"
THREE HOURS LATER...
"Ichigo?"
"Huh?"
"Is she gone, you think?" Peyton whispered. He shrugged, and they both poked their heads out from beneath the leaves of the tree, looking all around.
"Looks like it."
He reluctantly jumped down, Peyton still in his arms, and they sighed in relief when no murderous midgets in borrowed dresses lunged for them from within the shadows.
"We should DO SOMETHING," She declared with a yawn. "Besides sleep?" Ichigo clarified with a sweatdrop.
"Besides sleep."
"Like what?"
"I dunno! Let's just do SOMETHING. ...BESIDES sex, too," she said as a hopeful look crossed his face, making him droop.
"Still on your period, huh."
"Unfortunately. But even if I WASN'T, sex leads to sleep, and I don't wanna sleep yet," she whined.
"Not always. It usually leads to a pause, then a second time, maybe another time AFTER THAT, and-"
Peyton held up her hand as a signal for him to just stop talking. "...It eventually leads to sleep, let's just leave it at that," she said with a sweatdrop.
He shrugged and walked down the street. "Guess we just roam around until we pass out?" She grinned. "We should roam around somewhere with WAFFLES."
Ichigo sweatdropped. "...Peyton, it's not even midnight yet."
"It'ssssss..." She whipped out her cell phone, making him sweatdrop even more. "Okay, I'm sorry, but where the HELL were you storing that?"
Peyton's temple throbbed, and she smacked him upside the head. "PERVERT! NOWHERE YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT!"
She then calmly checked the time. "It's eleven forty."
"Still not midnight, though. IS it?"
"It's CLOSE ENOUGH."
"Well you don't eat waffles at midnight anyways, so NEH." Peyton batted her eyelashes at him. "Considering I'm the one who screws you, I can eat waffles whenever the hell I feel like it, IIIII-chigoooo."
He opened his mouth to retaliate, but nodded instead after a few seconds. "Yep, you got me there. Waffles it is."
"And you're paying?"
"Don't I always?"
"YAY!"
"The things I do..."
"It's out of love, don't act so miserable," she said simply. He just grinned and shook his head. "You're gonna be the envy of the entire Waffle House with that dress on."
"Crap, I'm so underdressed, thanks for reminding me!"
"Sorry, I would've told you to dress up if I knew we were going to Waffle House!"
She sighed dramatically. "Guess I'll have to sit somewhere in the back of the joint so I don't look like a total Sloppy Jolene."
"...Sloppy Jolene?" He wondered to himself.
Peyton waved him off. "It's something my momma used to say whenever I had to wake up early to get ready for church. Before she started being a flight attendant, that is; we didn't usually go to church after that. But whenever I'd whine about having to dress up, she insisted 'Jesus won't be too dang pleased if you show up lookin' like a Sloppy Jolene just 'cause you wanted to sleep in on a Sunday!'" She explained, mocking her mom's voice perfectly.
Ichigo grinned. "Huh. Sloppy Jolene. Yuzu's gonna love calling Karin that in the morning..." She smiled, swinging her legs happily and pointing ahead dramatically.
"ONWARD! TALLY HO, ICHIGOOOO!"
"Hey, that rhymes!"
She laughed excitedly. "Holy crap, it does! Good call! ...WATCH OUT!" She said suddenly. Ichigo, thinking there was a Hollow or something, stopped dead in his tracks and looked around spastically. "WHAT, WHAT?"
"YOU ALMOST STEPPED ON THAT BANANA PEEL!"
His temple throbbed, and he stared down at her. "...Are you drunk? High?"
"NO, I've never been drunk or high, THANK YOU. EVERYONE KNOWS when you step on a banana peel, you'll trip, and you might DIE."
He sweatdropped and shook his head. "...I'll keep that in mind."
She huffed. "No you won't. You used that same tone when I mentioned letting me be on top for once, and we know how THAT ONE always works out."
"It's DEGRADING!"
"Puh-LEASE, once you try it, I bet you'll like it. Besides, how do ya think I FEEL! JUST BECAUSE I'm a woman..."
"Oh, don't play THAT CARD!"
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
"Waffles, waffles, waffles, waffles, waaaaa-fles," Peyton sang to herself, practically bouncing in her chair.
Ichigo sweatdropped. "...I think she wants the, uh, waffles? Lots of them," he informed the waitress, who sweatdropped as well.
"Waffles it is." She shook her head as she scribbled something down and headed for the kitchen, while Peyton eyed her curiously.
"Pssst, Ichigo."
Ichigo glanced around the basically empty Waffle House suspiciously as if his reply was confidential information before leaning towards her. "Yeeees, Peyton?"
"Why does she need to write down 'Lots of waffles'?"
"So she remembers, idiot."
"But we're the only ones in here, besides THAT GUY," Peyton replied, pointing to a fat guy a few booths down.
He was fast asleep, and it looked like his glasses were going to fall in his coffee any second now. They both sweatdropped, and Ichigo shrugged. "Maybe she was writing it so...sooo..."
He smirked. "She was probably writing down whether or not they should spit on your food or something."
Peyton folded her arms with a huff. "Great, thanks for that. I'm never eating waffles made by other people ever again."
Ichigo waved her off. "Oh, please. I'm sure they won't spit on your waffles. They probably think you're rich and would sue 'em for all they have. Or for all the syrup and coffee creamers they have! And THEN where will Waffle House be?"
He pointed a fork at her ominously. "WHERE...will they BE?"
She sweatdropped. "...Where do you get all this from?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. Probably prolonged exposure to you." She nodded thoughtfully, trying to craft her straw wrapper into a sword with actual weight. "Probably."
Ichigo noticed her distraction and immediately picked up his straw wrapper, trying to make it better than hers before she was done.
Peyton stuck out her tongue at him after holding up her weapon triumphantly. Ichigo's temple throbbed, and he was done three seconds later.
"Peyton, I believe that tongue-sticking-outing is considered a CHALLENGE!"
"INDEED, YOU PERCIEVE CORRECTLY GOOD SIR!"
"EN GARDE!"
"EN GARDE, INDEED!"
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
Peyton just barely dodged his straw wrapper by hopping onto the other table, and he flipped onto the one opposite her.
They launched a flurry of strikes against each other, the other person always able to block and parry it.
The waitress and busboy on duty were watching from the sidelines with tons of sweatdrops, sweatdropping even more when Ichigo backed up into Fat Man and made his glasses FINALLY slide into his coffee.
Fat Man didn't stir, and Peyton hopped onto the bar, pointing her "sword" ominously. "Surrender now, or get your ass WHOOPED!"
He scoffed. "Tch. If anyone should surrender here, it's you. I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"
"A BIG FAT BENJAMIN FRANKLIN SAYS YOU WON'T!"
"YOU'RE ON!" Ichigo shouted in reply as she just barely dodged his sword, sliding across the bar.
He used a napkin as a decoy, but she just blocked it with her sword. He hopped onto the bar stools, nearly falling off, while dodging her OWN decoy.
"KI-YAA! MUSTARD BEAMS OF DEATH!" She shouted as mustard flew everywhere. He sprayed ketchup at her, getting all over her and everything within three feet of them.
They lunged for each other, ending up crossing blades, and they both pushed back against the other wrapper as hard as they could to see whose broke first.
However, Ichigo made his fatal mistake by backing up, slipping on a banana peel, and falling on his back in a pool of ketchup.
Peyton planted a bare foot against his chest, striking a Captain Morgan Pose. "How ironic. PEYTON WINS BY WAY OF KARMA IN THE FORM OF A LETHAL BANANA PEEL! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! AAHHHHH!" She announced triumphantly, making hissing noises to sound like they were at a concert or something.
Ichigo's temple throbbed, and he pulled her down with him as they both started laughing uncontrollably.
After a few minutes, he helped her up and they ran out of the restaurant. The waitress sweatdropped and went to throw away the waffles Peyton never ate. "Have fun cleaning that up, Joe."
"Awww, DAMMIT!" The busboy shouted as he grabbed a broom and wet rag. Suddenly, the door flew back open, and they came running back in.
Peyton took the plate of waffles delicately out of the waitress' hands, smiling innocently. "I'll bring this plate back, I promise."
Ichigo grabbed some syrup, she got some packets of butter, and they were about to head for the door when the busboy shoved the broom and rag towards them. "YOU clean up your OWN damn mess!"
Peyton sweatdropped. "...Aren't you PAID to clean up our messes?"
"NOT MESSES LIKE THAT, IDIOT!"
"Hey, I'M the only one who gets away with calling her an idiot!" Ichigo shouted back, making Peyton beam.
The couple exchanged a look, grinned, made faces at the busboy, and dashed out of the Waffle House, just barely dodging him as he tried to grab them.
They didn't stop running until they were a block away, and then they started laughing so hard they fell onto the sidewalk in a heap. They got a lot of weird looks, since they were covered in condiments and Peyton had monkey house shoes in her mouth due to her hands being full.
Now the monkeys were discarded on the sidewalk near her as she plopped the plate of waffles into her lap and drowned them in syrup.
Ichigo stabbed one of them with a fork, and she chopped it into just a measly chunk before he could eat it, making his temple throb. "...I miss the days when I was a badass Soul Reaper and you were just The Yankee Kid."
"Now I'm the BADASS Yankee Kid who can catch up to her Badass Soul Reaper boyfriend whenever she pleases," she announced proudly, getting her fork and driving it into the rest of the waffle she had just chopped.
"That was the most epic straw fight in history."
"Of course it was, it was OUR straw fight."
"Indeed."
Peyton made a noise of contentment as she ate some more of the waffles. "Mmm. This is, like...better than sex."
Ichigo sweatdropped. "I dunno whether to be amused or extremely offended."
"Amused. Sex is good, too."
"Sex is great."
"AWESOMESAUCE."
"Yes, awesomesauce, definitely."
"Why thank you!"
"HEY! Sex is a teamwork kinda thing, don't take all the credit!" He said defensively, making her giggle. "That actually makes sense. THAT'S why they refer to it as 'scoring'!"
Ichigo laughed too, and she smirked. "Now, just because you referred to it as teamwork, every time we finish and we lay there, I'm gonna pat you on the back and say 'Good job, team' or 'Better luck next time'."
"It'll ALWAYS be 'Good job, team,' Peyton, what're you talking about? I am the King Stud, after all, you'll never be unsatisfied. Guaranteed."
"Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that."
"HEY!"
Peyton just hopped up, slipped on her shoes, and ate some more waffles. "C'mon, King Stud, we better get off the sidewalk."
He sweatdropped. "Peyton, you're covered in mustard and ketchup. I highly doubt getting your dress dirty should be your main concern at this point."
"Oh, it's not thaaaat," she drawled as she strolled ahead of him.
"Then what is it? I just sat doooown," he whined as he continued to sit on the sidewalk defiantly.
"Because there's a colony of fire ants right by your hot orange ass."
"WHAT? Oh, chyeah right, like I'm falling for- ...Ow...Ow...OWOWOWOWOW! PEEEYTOOOON!"
"TOLD YA, KING STUD!"
"STOP LAUGHING, DAMMIT, THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"