Me: BACK AGAIN! This chapp's kinda short, but oh well. The next one won't be!
Ichigo: Who cares? (whines) Awwww, my poor ASSSSS!
Me and Rukia: (dull tones) WHO CARES? (High-five)
Ichigo: (Grumble) ...Just get on with the fucking cakes.
Me: I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK! (Isshin tears of joy) KOOOOON!
Kon: (Wheels out Cake Number One) RIGHT HERE, MISTRESS MANDY!
Me: Ahhh, if only ALL the characters were this obedient. (Glares at Ichigo)
Ichigo: (Shrugs) I can't control Peyton any more than I can control the weather. Sorry.
Me: I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT- ...Ugh, nevermind.
(Cake Number One is from Ishihackaloogie (aka Erin with the Lemons XD). It's a cake with Peyton and Ichigo sticking their tongues out at each other and a waitress sweatdropping, and the waffles in front of the two idiots.)
Rukia: Wow, those look like real waffles!
Me and Ichigo: (Rejoicing) THEY ARE! WHOO-HOOOOOO! CAKE NUMBER TWO, KOOOOON!
Kon: AYE-AYE, MANDY! (Wheels out Cake Number Two, from maxride4life. Well, TECHNICALLY it's a giant cookie with "congratulations on 90 effing chapters" written on it in bright pink and neon green icing But it's awesomesauce enough to be considered an epic CAKE.)
Kon: (Tosses Ichigo a Peyton plushie that came with it) Here's your girlfriend, travel-sized for your convenience!
Ichigo: Why would i need that when i've got the real thing?
Kon: (Beams innocently)Does that mean i can have it?
Me and Rukia: (Sweatdrop as he drop-kicks Kon into a wall) ...Ummm...Who's gonna wheel out the cakes?
Me: (Looks at Rukia)
Rukia: (Looks at Ichigo)
Ichigo: (Looks at Carmen SanDiego)
Carmen: ...FINE, DAMMIT! I DIDN'T COME OUT FROM UNDER YUZU'S BED FOR THIS!
Me and Ichigo: ...So THAT'S where she was!
Rukia: (Sweatrops) Is this some kind of 90s Kid pop-culture reference of which i know nothing about?
Me and Ichigo: YEP! ^_^
Me: CARMEN, GET YOUR MYSTERIOUS ASS IN GEAR!
Carmen: Alright, al-RIGHT! (Stomps in and wheels in Cake Number 3. It's from Squee! It's a 90-story-high, blue, awesomesauce/chocolate cake that says 'HAPPY 90 CHAPTERS!' in green frosting.)
Ichigo: That looks SO yummy.
Me: Indeed. CAKE NUMBER FOUR!
Carmen: (Flinches at loudness level) NO NEED TO YELL, DAMMIT, I'M RIGHT HERE! (Goes to fetch Cake Number Four)
Me: (Stage-whispers to Ichigo) Whatever happened to the crappy puns from her games?
Ichigo: Who knows, Mandy? Who knows.
Carmen: (Wheels out Cake Number Four) HERE. Brats.
Me, Ichigo, and Rukia: I HEARD THAT!
(Cake Number Four is from Reason to Scatter. It's an angels' food cake(Yay, irony. XD) depicting Ichigo running down the sidewalk, tiny fire ants falling off him, and Peyton is keeled over laughing.)
Ichigo: ...This is a dark day in history...that will never stop haunting me.
Me: ...Oh SHUT UP.
Carmen: ...You got attacked by fire ants? How...whimpy.
Ichigo: HEY, WATCH IT! YOU MAY BE CARMEN SANDIEGO, BUT I WILL KICK YOUR ASS!
Carmen: (Pouts) ...I'll just go get the next cake then. (Wheels out Cake Number Five. It's from Mer. Actually, we lied. It's not a cake. It's...FOUR GIANT TWINKIES! One for Ichigo, one for Rukia, one for Kon, and one for MASTER MANDY! They all look like the person who each is for. Accompanied is a note: Enjoy eating each other's twinky heads off!)
Ichigo: (Looks around suspiciously before snatching Kon's and locking it in his safe with all the other Cake Stashes of his.)
Me: ...Oh, that's so evil. (Anime tears of joy) I'm s-s-so PROUD OF YOUUUU!
Ichigo: (Sweatdrops) ...Carmen, get some more cakes out here before she sobs all over me.
Carmen: There are none.
Ichigo: ...DAMMIT.
Me: (Wipes tears from my eyes with randomly-placed Kleenex) Oh well. Thanks so much for the reviews, and treats, and thanks to another new reviewer, hollownature. Apparently I'm one of the rare author who produces author notes that she takes time to read! Glad they entertain you, and I'm glad you like my fic! And thanks to reviewers I'm already familiar with, such as Liz (Who's gonna have to warn me 7 days beforehand so i can spam her story/stories XD), Erin (With whom i have too many perverted insiders to count at the moment, and still growing), Josie-chan (The Great Bendy Straw of the Mighty Google Clan XD), shadowgouf (who-.
Carmen: HURRY UP, DAMMIT, I'M INTERESTED IN THIS! (Scrolling down and reading fic)
Me: ...(Sweatdrops) And all of the people Carmen didn't let me have a chance to name.
Carmen: SHUT UP, I CAN'T READ AND LISTEN AT ONCE!
Ichigo: ...How ironic.
Rukia: ENJOOOOY!
"Ichigo?"
"WHAT."
"...You want some medical attention?" She offered.
He folded his arms across his chest moodily, glaring at the ground. "NO." "Fine." "Fine." "Fine."
"FINE."
Peyton rolled her eyes and patted his shoulder. "Ichigo Kurosaki, I think with time, and...a little counseling...you'll eventually be able to move on and bring yourself closure from your encounter with the Dreaded Karakura Fire Ants."
Ichigo's scowl deepened as she started giggling to herself. "Yeah, laugh it up all you can. I HAVE SO MANY BITES ON MY ASS RIGHT NOW, YOU JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW!"
She sweatdropped. "Nor do I want to, honestly. I don't think your ass is so hot anymore. It's just...mauled by tiny ant pinchers."
"How would you know? You haven't seen it in its current condition." He glanced at her innocently. "Any chance we'll be changing that?"
"Not on your damn LIFE. I'm on my period and you just got attacked by fire ants. The last thing EITHER of us need is more misery. And I hate to say it, but sex would DEFINITELY fall under the category of misery tonight."
"Irony at its best, huh, dumbass?" Hiyori called from nowhere, making them both jump. Lisa strolled into their line of vision, and they saw a flash of Hiyori's jumpsuit jacket as she hopped down from a random wall.
"What're you guys doing here?" Ichigo grumbled.
Peyton sweatdropped. "What, are Vizards not allowed to go wherever the hell they want?" Lisa eyed them strangely. "You know, usually when people put condiments on themselves, you're supposed to be naked unerneath it and lick it all off veeeerrryyy slowly..."
Ichigo turned red as Peyton snapped her fingers cheerfully. "Oh YEAH! You gave me that one, I think!"
"THE HELL? YOU ACTUALLY READ THE CRAP SHE GAVE YOU?"
"Yeeep. Remember Tuesday?"
"Which Tuesday?"
"THE Tuesday."
"What the hell does tha-..." He trailed off, staring into space thoughtfully before grinning like a perverted idiot.
"Oh. THAT Tuesday. I like Tuesdays."
Hiyori rolled her eyes, and Peyton pointed to Lisa. "Thank HER CRAP OFFERINGS for that." Lisa cleaned her glasses impatiently.
"I'm waiting. Obviously a thank-you's more than necessary. You might want to take a cold shower soon, Ichigo."
"I'M NOT EVEN-"
"No, I mean when she reads the chapter AFTER that. Because afterwards it's going to be all you can think about. I'll let your imagination wander," Lisa said simply.
Peyton and Hiyori sweatdropped as Ichigo shifted feet anxiously, angling his legs awkwardly. "...Great, THANKS Lisa, it's ALREADY all I can think about."
Peyton smiled innocently. "Oh, here's something to think about."
"What?"
"There's a few ants you didn't kill, and they're crawling into your hair right now."
"WHAT? WHERE, HELP ME GET 'EM OUT!"
"HOLD STILL THEN, DAMMIT!" She shouted back as he started running in tiny spastic circles, making it nearly impossible for her to try and get the ants out of his hair.
She laughed nervously. "Oh, my bad. No ants."
"What?"
"Just a cockroach."
"WHAAAAT? GRAB A SHOE AND KILL IT!"
"NO WAY! YOU KNOW I HATE COCKROACHES!"
"PEYTON, YOU'VE HAD A TARANTULA CRAWLING ON YOUR BACK, I THINK YOU CAN HANDLE A GODDAMN COCKROACH IN MY HAIR!"
"ARE YOU KIDDING? COCKROACHES NEVER DIE, ICHIGOOO!"
"GET. IT. OUT!"
The two Vizards watched them run around, Ichigo now chasing after Peyton where it had been the other way around just seconds ago.
Finally, Hiyori shoved the sleeves of her jacket up before whipping off her sandal and smacking the back of Ichigo's head with as much force as possible.
Peyton winced sympathetically as he skidded into a rather thick and old tree, shaking her head slowly as the trunk shuddered and leaned further to the right. "...Lisa?"
"Yes?"
"I don't think he'll find out about the secrets in that next chapter you mentioned tonight," she said woefully as he started groaning.
"Dammit, Hiyori, THAT EFFING HURT! ...And Peyton, you're on your period ANYWAYS, so I was already screwed!"
"So WHAT if I'm on my period? That just means no outright SEX, it doesn't mean I can't TURN YOU ON!"
"...True."
"Mm-hmm."
"...Peyton?"
"Yeah?"
"I think I'll take that medical attention now."
"I'm tired."
"I'M INJURED! WHAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND ARE YOU?"
Peyton's temple throbbed, and she looked to Hiyori. She stared at the redheaded human for a real long time before grinning evilly and handing her the sandal. "I hope you know how much of a priviledge this is. I don't hand over my sandal to JUST ANYBODY."
Ichigo staggered backward, turning dangerously pale. "No...No...NOOOO, NOT THE SANDAL!"
"Really didn't think it through, DIDYA ICHIGOOO?"
"I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!"
"Oh, I do. Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you!" She said as she tackled him to the ground and raised the sandal.
She paused and laughed maniacally. "Well, no, it's gonna hurt you a HELLUVA lot more!"
"NAAAAOOOO!"
Hiyori and Lisa sweatdropped. "...What the hell is 'nao'?"
"It's a cry of despair, that's what."
"...Ah. Indeed."
"How did the cockroach even GET THERE?" Hiyori wondered thoughtfully as they continued to watch Ichigo get owned by Peyton and The Sandal of Doom.
Lisa shrugged. "Who knows?"
AN HOUR LATER...
"Ichigooo?"
"YES, Peyton?"
"Are you still mad?"
"I was never MAD at you, how could I get mad at YOU?" Peyton beamed. "Mad is too calm compared to the kind of pissing off YOU do to me sometimes."
Her face fell into a glare, making him smirk, and she put five extra pumps of peroxide on his rag when he wasn't looking. "Heeere, lemme HELP YOU."
THWACK!
"OW! DAMMIT, I NEED MY ASS!"
"Ooops, sorry, guess you put too much peroxide on here! How clumsy of you. It must be because you're so tall. Scientific studies have shown that giants are clumsier."
"Obviously those scientific studies didn't factor in redhead American girls. Tell me, are all American redheads as clumsy as you, or is it just a Peyton Cullen Thing?"
Her eye twitched menacingly. "...It's a Peyton Cullen Thing. Kinda like you being an IDIOTIC OAF is an ICHIGO KUROSAKI THING!"
"That's redundant, y'know. Idiotic oaf."
She huffed and continued to sit on the counter and wait as he tended to his poor ant-bite-covered ass. "I KNEW I shouldn't have helped you in English with all that grammar stuff."
"Peyton?"
"WHAT."
"Guess what?"
"What."
"I love you, even though you torture me so much."
"I love you too, even though you torture ME so much," she replied grudgingly. He kissed the place where her neck and jaw met, making her stomach flip as usual, and she closed her eyes briefly.
"Oh yeah, I'm pure torture. 'Cause I'm just THAT SEXY."
"No, you're tending to your ant-bite-covered ass while I'm like two feet away from you. THAT'S the true meaning of torture, I just ate waffles about an hour ago," she replied dully, making him sweatdrop.
"...Whatever happened to 'Ichigo, we've seen each other naked, not very much to be shy about after THAT'?"
"Oh, I'm not shy, I'm just SO not tapping that any time soon."
Ichigo rolled his eyes and waved her off. "Go to bed, it's past your bedtime."
"Yes, MOM," she muttered with a yawn as she hopped off the bathroom sink and trudged off. He smacked her ass, and she barely bit back a giggle. "Would your mom do THAT, Peyton?"
"...You know, I can honestly say no, I don't think she would."
"AWESOMESAUCE."
She rolled her eyes, and it wasn't until after she was drifting off to sleep that she realized she had probably got ketchup and mustard EVERYWHERE by this point.
Peyton shrugged and rolled over. "Noooot myyyy problem," she said in a sing-song voice.
"What?"
"NOTHING, just...I LOVE YOU!"
Her temple throbbed as she heard a clatter and him muttering frantically, "Oh shit, what'd she do NOW?"