Bend It Like Becker

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Chapter 35 - AFTER-ALTERCATION ANGST

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Becker yawned. It was no wonder he was tired, after the night he'd just spent.

Even now, his mind kept flashing back to Jess standing on the pitch, crying her eyes out. He knew it had all been an act, he knew she a despicable little cheater, but his deeply engrained feelings of chivalry still somehow felt bad for her. She'd looked so pathetic, like a wounded little child, that he'd been haunted by that image all evening.

He'd peeled out of the carpark without a glance back, wanting to get as far away from her as possible. She'd ruined his evening - hell, she'd ruined everything - and he'd simply wanted to put it all behind him. Yet everything he'd done all evening had reminded him of her. He'd grabbed some pizza on the way home, but the smell of the garlic made him think of her sleepy breaths. He'd gotten to his flat, and there was the couch, the one he'd been dreaming of snogging Jess upon ever since the film Monday last. He'd decided to play some video games for release, but he kept imagining her sitting at his side, making helpful comments. And seeing her pink toothbrush next to the sink had been the last straw - she certainly wouldn't be needing that again, now that he knew the truth about her. He'd angrily tossed it in the bin before heading to bed.

As expected, he had a hard time falling asleep. Last night he'd lain here, dreaming of his future with Jess. But now he knew that future was hopeless, that they'd never be together, that it had all been a giant lie. Yet the image of her weeping on the field kept floating through his mind - could she really be that good of an actress?

He'd spent a restless night and a fretful morning. Now, in less than four hours, he'd be at long last coaching this bloody football match. However, the Minister and his wager were the furthest things from his mind - instead, he was obsessing over the fact that he'd have to see Jess. He obviously didn't want to, but it never even occurred to him that he could bail, for he knew that the team was counting on him, and he wasn't one to shirk his duty, no matter how painful it might be.

His mobile suddenly went off, and Becker scowled as he glanced at the screen - he wasn't really up for a lecture from Abby this morning. However, it occurred to him that Abby wasn't the type to be put off, and she was liable to drive over to his flat to confront him in person if she couldn't get him on the phone, so he reluctantly picked up, snapping crossly, "What do you want, Abigail?"

There was a brief pause, followed by a mumbled, "And here I thought it'd put you in a better mood," before Abby asked, "Can you put Jess on, please?"

Becker was so stunned by the request that he merely repeated blankly, "Jess?"

"Yeah, put her on - I haven't been able to get through on her mobile all morning, so I figured I'd try yours instead."

"Jess isn't here," Becker barked. "Why would she be?"

"Didn't she sleep over last night?"

"No, of course not!"

"Oh. I just thought that, after your date, she might've-"

"We didn't go out on our 'date', Abigail," he said, disgusted at the very idea. How could he have taken her out to a romantic dinner after discovering she was nothing but a cheater?

Abby, however, merely laughed. "Never figured it out, huh? Becker, you should've just, I don't know, kissed her or something - she certainly would've gotten a clue then."

But kissing Jess was the furthest thing from his mind. Besides, Abby's earlier comment was finally sinking in. "Wait - are you saying Jess never came home last night?" Although he was still furious with the girl, he flashed once again on the last time he'd seen her, standing in the middle of the public park, crying. What if something had happened to her? What if someone had come along and preyed on her vulnerable state? What if...?

"I gotta ring someone," he said abruptly, ringing off before Abby could protest. He scrolled through his address book and savagely punched in the number.

"Morning," Ghani answered through a yawn.

Without preamble, Becker barked, "Do you know where Chas is?"

"Becker?"

"Do you know where Chas is?" he demanded impatiently.

"Uh, yes," she said. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm with him at his flat right now. Why?"

"We can't find Jess," he blurted out. "I wanted to know if Chas had...heard from her." Now was not the time to be blowing the whistle on the whole affair, but he needed to know that Jess was all right.

Becker heard Ghani's muffled voice saying, "It's Becker - he's looking for Jess."

A moment later Chas asked into the phone, "Hey, Beckham. Can't find Lil' Nosy?"

Becker clenched his jaw, wishing fisticuffs could be felt over the phone. "Did you see her last night?"

"No, not since practice."

"You mean not since in your car after practice," Becker snapped.

There was a brief pause, no doubt as Chas moved to another room. "Not so loud," he said in a hushed tone. "I don't want Neela hear."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Becker grumbled under his breath before asking, "So? Did you see her again? Did she come over?"

"No," Chas answered warily. "Neela and I just picked up some dinner and came back here."

Becker was starting to panic. While he hadn't wanted to envision Jess and Chas having some midnight rendezvous, at least it would've meant she was safe. "So you never heard from Jess? She didn't ring you?"

"No. Why? Is something wrong?"

Something was definitely wrong, and Becker had no intention of discussing it with Chas. He rung off without another word as he noticed another call from Abby coming through. He picked up and, before Abby could even speak, insisted, "We've got to go find her."

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Jess didn't awake until almost 10, clearly having needed the sleep. She was momentarily disorientated, and it took her a moment to remember where she was. Over the last fortnight she'd awoken in so many various locations - her own bed, her couch, Becker's bed, Becker's couch, and even here in the Quiet Room - that the initial sense of disorientation had become a bit of a routine.

Another part of her routine was to automatically reach for her mobile to check for any texts. She realised, however, with some dismay that she didn't have it with her. Hoping she'd merely left it in her car and not back at the park, she sat up and started to tie on her trainers, suddenly realising how hungry she was. She glanced at the side table, where her "gourmet" dinner from last night still sat, uneaten. The yoghurt was probably no longer good, and the crisps weren't exactly breakfast fare, so she grabbed the apple and crunched into it, savouring its juiciness, before standing up and heading for the underground carpark.

She was relieved to find her mobile still on the front seat. However, as she picked it up, she realised it was dead. She knew from experience there was no cell reception down here, so it had probably worn down the battery trying to search for a connection all night. Oh well, Jess thought, it's not like I'm expecting Becker to ring me.

And that's when it all came flooding back to her. All the mean things Becker had said to her echoed through her head, and she practically had to hold onto the car for support. Yet no tears came - apparently she was all cried-out. What was the point in crying anyway - it's not like it fixed anything. Becker still thought she was a cheat and a liar, and she doubted there was much she could do to change his mind. However, she knew he'd still be at the match today because that's the sort he was - he'd still coach and play alongside her, no matter what he thought her capable of, because duty came first.

So simply to prove that she was just as dedicated, she decided to do the same thing: she'd suck it up and go to the match as if nothing had happened.

But what to do until then? She was certain Abby and Connor would ask her about her dinner, and she knew she'd crumble under their friendly interrogation. No, she'd simply stay here until the match - she could certainly find some work that would keep her occupied until she had to leave. It was simple avoidance, and she knew she was merely delaying the inevitable, but at present she didn't feel up for anything more.

Though first she'd need more food to soothe her grumbling stomach, so she went back upstairs and headed straight for the canteen.

"Hey, Jess," Ravi said as she entered. "What are you doing here on a Saturday?"

She shrugged, thinking fast on her feet. "Uh, well, since I missed Thursday, I thought I'd come in and make up some of my time. Would you, perhaps, like me to watch the hub for a few hours?"

Ravi smiled. "If you're offering, sure!"

Jess nodded. "Absolutely. I'll go there straightaway after I get my coffee."

"Oh, the coffee machine's down," he said, pointing to the "Out of Order" sign someone had taped over it - she hadn't even noticed it last night.

Jess sighed, disappointed - it wasn't like she needed the coffee, after getting so much sleep, but it would've been soothing to sit at the hub nursing the hot, comfy beverage. Instead she got some biscuits from the vending machine as a makeshift breakfast and headed for the hub. Sitting down in her chair, she heaved a sigh, thankful to have something to pass the time. Within a few minutes she was completely absorbed in her work, all thoughts of Becker far from her mind, and several hours passed without her noticing.

"Parker?"

Jess jumped at the sound of Lester's voice. She spun around in her chair to see him exiting his office, a bottle in hand.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, crossing to the hub. "It's almost matchtime - shouldn't you be off strategising with Coach Becker or something?"

Jess swallowed hard at the sound of Becker's name but then put on a cheery smile. "I just thought I'd come in and make up some of the work I missed on Thursday. As you know, Ravi doesn't always..." She faded off, not wanting to specifically spell out all her coworker's deficiencies.

Lester, however, was well-aware of the back-up coordinator's incompetence and rolled his eyes. "Well, I appreciate your efforts to keep everything running smoothly."

Jess smiled - it was nice to have someone recognise that her hard work wasn't just an act.

"So what about you?" Jess asked, noticing how out-of-place he looked standing there in Ops in his red "Woolly Mammoths" t-shirt. "What are you doing here?"

"I, uh, just stopped by for something on the way out to the park," he said, not-so-subtly attempting to hide the bottle behind his back. Jess had already seen it, though, and gave a disapproving nod. He reluctantly brought it out, saying, "I know you said no more whiskey anywhere near Becker, but I figured the rest of us could probably use some after the match, no matter what the final score. And you shan't mind, certainly, since you'll be there to make sure the man doesn't 'overdue'."

She could tell by the look of shock and horror on Lester's face that he was just as surprised as she at her spontaneously bursting into tears. Her guv'nor's offhand comment had triggered a cascade of thoughts - that she'd never again be able to protect and look after Becker as she had the other night at her flat, that he'd never again even want to come near her flat, even that she'd never again have to wash his vomit from her hair - and for some reason the floodgates that she'd kept closed so tightly all morning spilt over uncontrollably.

"But we can tee-total, if you'd prefer," Lester offered quickly, his eyes open wide in discomfort.

But Jess couldn't stop. All she could think of was everything she'd lost in that one simple moment of misunderstanding - she hadn't just lost a potential boyfriend, she'd lost a close friend - her best friend, in fact - and she simply didn't know how she could go on.

She eventually noticed that Lester was reluctantly offering her his handkerchief. As she took it, he awkwardly patted her shoulder with an awkward "there, there."

Although she was well familiar with Lester's policies on open displays of emotion, his kindly gesture unleashed a fresh torrent of sobs, and Jess leant forward in her chair and laid her head upon his chest as she wept.

After several minutes - Jess had no real concept of how long - Lester carefully pushed her away with a simple, "It's getting late. We've, uh, got to get us both to the match."

Jess nodded and, without a word, obediently followed him down to his car, still sniffling into his linen hankie.

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to be continued