Me: Before I go any further, I would like to have a moment of silence for Erin (aka Ishihackaloogie)'s cousin, Adam, who passed away yesterday morning. I don't wanna give the details on his death without her permission, but I do know he died too soon and this is really hard for them at the moment.
-MOMENT OF SILENCE-
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...
Ichigo: (Stage-whispers) ...Are we done yet?
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Me: (Sighs) Yes, Ichigo, I guess that we are, thanks to your BIG-ASS MOUTH!
Ichigo: (Laughs nervously) Sorry.
Me: Whatever. Anyway, yeah, keep her in your thoughts, this can't be easy for her. She tells me it was her favorite cousin on top of that, and as mentioned in the chapp before last, she already has a bit going on lately. ANYWAY. On to less depressing things, since I doubt she wants me to restate things she already knows about, ON TO THE CAKES! ROOOOLLL 'EM IN!
Carmen: (Notices a note falling from the sky, picks it up and reads it) Ahem. 'Georgie Porgie was in an unfortunate accident, in which my mallet tragically collided with him multiple times. While he is recovering with Kon in the hospital, I would be HONORED to take his place in wheeling in cakes! -Sincerely, Mer'.
Everyone: (Mega Sweatdrops)
Me: O...Kay...MEEERRR, BRING IN CAKE NUMBER ONE!
Mer: (Zooms in in record time to present Cake Number One) AYE-AYE!
(Cake Number One is from Squee, for Chapp 92. It's a 92-story Awesomesauce Cake that has 'Tomfoolery' spelled in Fruit Loops)
Me: YAY! ...No...Dammit, now i want Fruit Loops!
Rukia: (Hands me bag of Fruit Loops) Here, I'm full.
Me: YAY AGAIN! CAKE NUMBER TWOOOO!
Mer: Right away! (Cake Number Two is from ShatterThe Heavens, who I was right about and IS a new reviewer, who tells me with my story it was "love at first sight". So thank you! Anyway, it's for Chapp 92, and it's a French Warm Chocolate cake with molten chocolate in the center, whipped marshmallow frosting, & raspberries on top)
Everyone: (Drooling)
Carmen: It's...beeeaauuuuuttiful!
Me: (Eyes her suspiciously) MINE.
Mer: (Holds up blue lightsaber ominously)
Carmen: (Gulps) O-On to Cake Number Three?
Me: Oh, right. CAKE NUMBER THREE!
Mer: (Puts away lightsaber) Damn. OKAY, YAY! (Cake Number Three is from...lied, AGAIN! It's a TROPHY, in amazing detail, from hollownature from Chapp 92. It's five feet and a few inches tall. the base is made of black marble 1 inch thick and 3 feet across with silver marbling and a beveled edge. in the corners facing out are four 6-inch-tall angels with wings spread up and behind them while holding a long sword in front of them both of their hands are aon the pommel with the tip resting in front of their feet. behind them 2 inches are four silver pillars 2 inches thick and 2 feet tall studded with round sapphires a half inch across set in a row around the pillar every 3 inches. on top of this is a 1 inch thick 3 feet across slab of turquoise. on this 2 inches from the beveled edge are four gold pillars with diamonds set in them the same distance and configuration as the sapphires. between the pillars is a large pile of authors who have tried and failed to ascertain your greatness. resting on top of the pillars is a slab of platinum one inch thick and 3 feet across with an alternating pattern of rubies and emeralds in concentric circles allthe way to the base of a single uadorned pillar of white marble one foot high and three inches thick on top of which is a 6 inch high lifelike statue of you in a supeman pose complete with cape. underneath you and wrapping around the pillar are the words "best author ever") thank you for all your hard work on this story, i really appreciate it. and for the rest of you i give these! (kon gets a get well card, ichigo gets the badass of the year award it is a 1 foot high statue with a black base and a small statue of a man holding a sword above his head on top of a plain gold pillar, rukia gets a white stuffed rabbit and everyone else gets a blue "thanks for trying" ribbon.)
Me: ...And that description was ENTIRELY written by hollownature, because there's no way in HELL i would re-write all that! Thank Holy Cupcake Jesus for copy & paste.
Everyone: (Nod reverently) Amen. ONTO CAKE NUMBER THREE, OR FOUR, OR WHATEVER!
Mer: INDEEEED! (Cake Number Three/Four/Whatever is from Mer, for chapp 92. It's square, light blue, and has a figure of a very upset Kon with an arm cast. On the side in white icing is inscribed, 'Why, Mandy? I thought you said I was IRREPLACABLE!' T_T)
Me: (Claps) Excellent.
Mer: (Bows) I try, Mandy, I try!
Ichigo: Ya know, the likeness is incredible. He really DOES look that snotty and pathetic when crying like a dumbass!
Rukia: In fact, i think he actually was sobbing about that when i saw him in the hospital the other day. Said something about posing for a cake...
Everyone: (Looks at Mer, who's whistling innocently while inspecting lightsaber)
Mer: U-Uhhh, CAKE NUMBER FIVE, OR FOUR, OR WHATEVER! (Cake Number Five/Four/Whatever is from Josie-Chan, for Chapp 93. It's a lifesize cake of the Tokyo Tower and the White House.)
Ichigo: Whoooooahhh, that looks JUST like 'em!
Me: (Points to White House gleefully) It even has that dog peeing in the bushes on there!
Everyone: (Sweatdrops) Uhhh...On to the next cake.
Mer: ...Good call. ON WE GO! (Cake Number Whatever is from...NOBODY! MUAHAHA!)
Me: Just checking to see if you were awake, CARMEN!
Carmen: (Jumps out of sleep) Huh? What?
Ichigo: ...FAIL.
Me: Again, my heart goes out to Erin and her family. And thank ya'll for those who said stuff about my granddad, i appreciate it. Dion, thanks for the hug XD. NOW, to conclude the Author Note, a Moment of Silence for Erin's cousin- WITHOUT SOME STUPID JACKASS INTERRUPTING!
Mer: (Puts lightsaber almost against Ichigo's throat threateningly before taking off her hat respectively) Gotchya covered, Mandy.
-MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR ADAM-
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...
Karin stormed in, interrupting Rukia's epic beat-down towards Renji via Chappy Bat of Doom. "Daaaad? We need posterboard!"
Everyone turned to look at her. Karin had a marker in one hand and a ruler in the other, and Ichigo sweatdropped. "...FIGURES you'd get everything out before even realizing you don't have anything to measure and draw on."
Karin's temple throbbed. "Nel, would you please kick my brother? I'm too tired." Nel beamed innocently at her. "I would LOVE to, Kawin, but I don't wanna do Itsygo's girlfwiend's job!"
Ichigo's temple throbbed, and Peyton chuckled. "Well, she's not wrong."
Karin sighed and shrugged. "Whatever. ANYWAY, Dad, me and Yuzu need posterboard."
"It's Yuzu and I," Yuzu corrected as she ran in. Renji snickered. "Heh, Ichigo's not the only one that's been hangin' around Peyton and her Southern ways too long."
They expected Peyton to glare at him, but she just nodded. "You're probably right. I've picked up some dingy habits from ya'll too, Renji."
Karin sighed impatiently. "Can someone PLEASE just get me some posterboard so we can finish this stupid project? It's due tomorrow!"
Rukia cocked her head in interest. "What kind of assignment is it? Perhaps we could be of even more assistance."
Yuzu cleared her throat importantly, whipping out a random sheet of paper. "We're supposed to...uhhh...OH! We're supposed to make a timeline that provides insight on an event, a person, or period in history. Hmm, that's a bit redundant, isn't it? Event and period in history? Oh well, Ms. Aochi isn't perfect! ...Hmm...Should also provide facts and data."
Karin had been drooping with every word, and now she groaned miserably. "Great, we're NEVER gonna get this done!"
Isshin suddenly jumped up, waving his hand spastically, and his children sweatdropped. "...Yes, YOU over there!" Peyton finally declared, pointing at Isshin.
He stopped holding his hand up and going "Oooh, oooh, oooh!" with a sigh of relief. "Ah, thank you, my wonderfully insightful new daughter! At least ONE of my children care about the well-being of my arm! I KNOW THE PERFECT CHART YOU COULD USE, MY DEAR CHILDREN!"
And with that, he ran to his room to grab something. It took a few seconds, but then Ichigo and Peyton looked at each other in horror, finally realizing what he was getting.
They ran after him like wild things, making everyone sweatdrop. "NO NO NO, ISSHIN, NOT THAT KIND OF CHART! PLEEEASE!"
FIVE HOURS LATER...
"AAAAAAnd, done!" Matsumoto announced, patting the scrap of paper she had just glued down. Toshiro's temple throbbed.
"And yet you won't do your paperwork, which is five times easier than all this...this...ugh, PROJECTS, I hate them with a damn fiery passion!"
Karin nodded quickly in agreement, and Yuzu simply smiled. "I dunno, I thought it was fun!" Ichigo sweatdropped. "Of course you did, WE did all the work."
"We meaning ME," Rukia muttered. Matsumoto made an offended noise. "I helped too!" "Yeah, you helped make a new photo to post on Facebook!" Renji snickered, pointing at Toshiro.
Thanks to his lovely lieutenant, he had massive clumps of very feminine-looking glitter (as if there were a masculine kind) all over his skin and hair.
He wasn't the only one; in fact, Matsumoto was the only one that didn't look like she had gotten run over by a gay bus.
She only had two streaks of colorful "spaaaarkly" glitter on her; right above her eyes, slashing over and to the side in such a stylish way that Lady Gaga would take one look at her and tell her stylist "I wanna look like that chick tonight!".
Karin yawned, and Yuzu stood with a cheerful smile. "So, who wants to help me get this onto a table?"
The room cleared out so fast that Ichigo barely had time to blink. His temple throbbed; like him, everyone must've been scared that all the decorations would fall off and they'd have to do it all over again.
And considering it was almost one-thirty on a Sunday night, that would NOT fly. The last thing he wanted was to be so pissy tomorrow that even PEYTON couldn't top his Pissyness Level.
Ichigo sighed and grabbed one end of the poster; Nel and Yuzu were solemnly gripping the other end.
After a ten-to-fourteen-minute procedure, it was finally on the table, and they all sighed with relief.
"Peyton, you want me to walk ya home?" He asked over his shoulder as he yawned and stretched.
No answer. He turned around and sweatdropped. She was currently sprawled out in the corner of Yuzu's room, glitter-glue and markers all over her skin and in her hair.
"...She's asleep?"
Karin sweatdropped. "Jeez, Ichigo, she's only been asleep for about two hours. Even I noticed!"
He shrugged and picked her up, and he just barely dodged a fist aiming towards his face that was followed by a cry of "NOOO, NANAW, THAT'S MYYYY MAC-AND-CHEESE!".
Ichigo sweatdropped. "...Wow, that incident must've actually scarred her for life." Yuzu opened her mouth to ask about it, and Karin just shook her head. "Don't. Some things are better left a mystery."
They both sweatdropped as Ichigo carried her out, and she nodded solemnly. "Agreed. THANKS ICHIGO!"
There was a very audible SMACK, followed by a groan and a "Holy crap, Ichigo, I'm so sorry!". Karin sweatdropped, and Yuzu laughed nervously.
"...My pleasure, Yuzu, my effing pleasure," Ichigo groaned as he went downstairs, still carrying Peyton as she apologized about eighty times.
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
Peyton smiled up at him apologetically as Ichigo rubbed his face for about the ninety-millionth time.
"I'm sorry!"
He rolled his eyes. "You can't help it that you're clutzy even in your sleep." "Hey, I'm not-" "Apology accepted." "But-" "Let it go." "BUT I'M NOT C-" He bent his head down and kissed her a couple times, and she didn't finish her sentence.
Instead, she bided her time. Less than three minutes later, she shouted "I'M NOT CLUTZY!" at the same time that HE shouted "YES YOU ARE!".
Peyton narrowed her eyes. "How the hell did you KNOW?" Ichigo smirked. "You had your 'Oh Yeah, I'm Badass, He'll Never See It Coming" look on your face."
She huffed. "I seriously need to work on that..." "I think it's cute." Peyton's temple throbbed. "Of course you do, it helps you WIN. Like you don't win ENOUGH!"
Ichigo sweatdropped. "Considering you had me tied to a chair with a grimy sock monkey stuffed down my throat and a sign that implied I was worse than a crack-addicted donkey baby-"
"Crack-addicted BABY DONKEY," She corrected, making his temple throb. "Same thing!"
"If they were the same, they wouldn't be two different phrases, WOULD THEY?"
"...They're NOT two different phrases. They're just the same phrase switched around." She pointed at him. "Exxx-ACTLY! So they're two different phrases!"
Ichigo stared at her for a second before shaking his head with a grin. "Your logic...It's just one of those things I guess I should just PRETEND to understand."
Peyton sweatdropped. "It took you this long to figure that one out, did it?"
His temple throbbed, and she was snickering when they reached her driveway. He put her down, and she grinned. "Aren't you gonnna come in? It's just Lindsay and Seth in there, and we're already past our bedtime as it is. Might as well enjoy it, right?"
"What about Nanaw?"
She waved him off. "Bahhh, Nanaw doesn't count. Once she takes her 8:30 meds, she could be in Oompa Loompa Land for all she knows." Peyton then smirked and pulled him towards the front door by his shirt. "So you coming?"
"We gotta go to school tomorrow," He said with a smirk, obviously trying to get her back for all the stuff she had done to him today.
Peyton rolled her eyes. "And that's stopped us before SO many times." She reached to open her door, but he grabbed her hand and kissed her. After a few kisses, he let her go and put about a five-foot distance between them.
His hands were in his pockets, and he was smirking. "Niiiight, Peyton." She narrowed her eyes at him, glaring. "Get your orange ass back here!"
Ichigo shrugged, his smirk getting even bigger and more smug. "Hey, I'm no better than a crack-addicted baby donkey. Once I get in there, I won't have enough of a brain to know what to do."
She folded her arms across her middle. "You seem to know EXACTLY what to do, if you ask me."
He cupped a hand to his ear. "I'm sorry, WHAT? YOU'VE LEFT ME SO TRAUMATIZED FROM SEEING SHINJI NAKED THAT IT'S IMPAIRED MY ABILITY TO HEAR!"
"MIGHTY BIG VOCABULARY FOR SOMEONE WORSE THAN A CRACK-ADDICTED BABY DONKEY!"
"I LOVE YOU!"
"THEN GET YOUR ASS IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW!"
"I'm sorry, WHAT?"
"ICHIGO, YOU-"
"WHAAAAT?"
"Ah, DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! DON'T MAKE ME PULL OUT OLD WINONA ON YOU!"
"WHAAAT?"
"ICHIGOOOO!"
"Byeeeeee, Peeeytoooon," He teased in a sing-song voice, strolling leisurely back towards his house.
Peyton watched him go, the ultimate pout on her face, before sighing. "...Well, at least I have ice cream."
When she shut the door, Nanaw scared the SHIT out of her by whirling around to face her on the couch. "Was that a fight I just heard? Are you and Hunk Muffin no longer? IS HE SINGLE AND LOOKING?"
Peyton's right eye twitched menacingly. "...Nanaw, go take your pills and head off to Oompa Loompa Land before I "accidentally" up your dosage!"
THE NEXT DAY...
Ichigo and Karin exchanged an eye-roll as Isshin sighed dramatically for the fiftieth time during breakfast.
"Gah! This is the second morning in a row my new daughter hasn't joined us for breakfast! And the first time was because my selfish only son was hogging her to himself!"
Ichigo sweatdropped. "Dad, I'm right here."
"BUT YOUR WIFE-TO-BE ISN'T!" He wailed, sobbing dramatically. Yuzu carefully plopped some pancakes in front of him, and he brightened like a kid on Christmas. "OOOOOH, PANCAKES! WHAT A LOVELY SURPRISE, MY DARLING DAUGHTER!"
Dad took a few bites before pointing his fork at Ichigo. "I'm sure my darling new daughter can cook pancakes this good, too. And it's your job to make sure your children inherit that trait!"
Ichigo snorted a laugh, nearly choking on his cereal. "The day Peyton successfully cooks something that isn't pre-made is the day I tell Karin 'You look beautiful today!'."
Yuzu's jaw dropped. "Ichigo, that's so MEAN!"
Karin shuddered. "Ugh, the very THOUGHT of that day coming..." Nel sweatdropped. "Yuzu, I thought you said giwls are vewy dewicate cweatures who liked compliments most of all!"
"Karin doesn't count," All three Kurosaki children replied. Ichigo looked at Karin with a sweatdrop. "And for whatever reason, you talking in thid person surprises me...?"
Dad sighed. "No matter." He continued to point at Ichigo, stabbing the air with his fork for emphasis. "Then you better cook for your wonderful future-wife! For putting up with your ass, she sure as hell deserves it!"
"True that," Everyone at the table agreed with nods, Ichigo included. He sweatdropped and polished off the rest of his breakfast, standing and grabbing his bag. "Well, guess I'm off."
"Where's Rukia, my OTHER darling daughter?" Dad asked, looking around spastically. Karin sweatdropped. "She skipped breakfast. Said she was too excited to eat. Jeez, dad, some daughter you think SHE is if you don't remember her saying bye to us!"
Dad's lower lip trembled, and his head hit the table. "I...AM THE WORLD'S WORST FA-A-ATHERRR!"
Yuzu stood to comfort her father, making a rolled-up posterboard of a DIFFERENT color than the one Ichigo and the others were first to stare at for HOURS ON END last night fall out of her bag.
She and her sister gulped as Ichigo picked it up and unrolled it, and they inched nervously towards the door.
"...DAAAAD, WHY DO THEY HAVE THE BABY-MAKING CHART?" Ichigo bellowed.
"IT'S THE BOW-CHIKA-WOW-WOW METER!" The twins corrected, pointing to a new neon-glitter-glued title on the top before running for cover.
"IT WAS ALL THEM!" Dad insisted as Ichigo ran after them.
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...
"ICHIGO KUROSAKI, I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WI- ...What the hell happened to you?" Peyton asked with a hint of a laugh in her voice as she fell into step with him in the hallway.
Ichigo looked like he had just ate a really hot pepper, so he was either embarrassed or angry. Or both.
He just sighed and shook his head. "...Don't ask. Please." She smirked and was about to reply when they reached homeroom and Rukia made a beeline for them.
"GUYS, GUESS WHAT?"
"...What?" They asked warily. Peyton inched closer to Ichigo a bit fearfully; there were very few things Rukia got THIS excited about.
Actually, mainly one thing. Chappy.
"CHAPPY'S TEACHING A SEXUAL EDUCATION CLASS TODAY!" She squealed. Ichigo looked at Peyton, who had paled dangerously and was laughing nervously.
"Ehehehe...he...he...Uhhh..." THUD.