Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
Chapter 16
Doubt
Rin nibbled on her lip nervously. Why was Sango looking at her like that? She didn't remember doing anything bad to her or to a loved one. And then she wanted to talk to her lord. She seemed to be angry at him too. Was it for taking her away so suddenly and she did nothing to stop him? No, that couldn't be. Sango was well aware of the war with the East. So what was she so angry about?
She could see Kagome fidgeting in front of her. Everyone had turned pretty silent after they had left. Even Inuyasha was now eating calmly but he seemed confused too. And Kagome's subtle guilty glances were making her uneasy.
She could not take this anymore!
She got up and pointed at Kagome.
-Can I talk to you for a moment, Kagome-chan?
Kagome bit her lip and looked down but nodded anyway. Inuyasha scoffed.
-What's with ya people today? All ya want to do is have a 'talk'.
Kagome glared at Inuyasha but he was already busy eating the rest of his food. She sighed and stood up.
Rin decided to lead her to her chambers and Kagome followed silently.
When they arrived, Rin opened the door and gently pulled her friend in. She made sure the door was closed and turned to the miko.
-Alright, Kagome-chan, what is going on?
Kagome didn't know what to say. This was all her fault. If she hadn't told Sango about Rin's love none of this would be happening. Rin would be so embarrassed and angry. Still, she knew she had to tell her.
-Hum…Sango-chan…I…
-Please, Kagome-chan, just spit it out!
-I told her you loved Sesshomaru!
Rin's eyes widened. Oh no. Was that what Sango was going to tell her lord?
She felt terrified. This was it. Just when those words left Sango's lips he would rush to her and ban her from his lands and him for the rest of her life. She didn't avoid the sob burning in her throat and felt the first tear sliding down her cheek.
There was only one question remaining.
Why?
Why would Sango do this? Rin thought the demon slayer cared for her. She should know this would upset Sesshomaru and make her miserable. Did Sango hate her that much?
Seeing Rin's reaction was breaking Kagome's heart. She felt like a fool and cursed Sango. She was being unfair! Sango still thought that Rin was a little girl who didn't know what was best for her. Sesshomaru might not be the perfect hero. Everybody knew he wasn't all sweet talk and selflessness. He was cruel and harsh. But Sesshomaru understood Rin and Rin understood Sesshomaru. They needed each other. Yet it was so hard to see it.
-W-why is she d-doing this, Kagome-chan? D-does S-Sango-chan hate me?
No, Sango didn't hate her. How could anyone hate Rin?
-Sango-chan never hated you, Rin, and she isn't going to now. She is just…confused.
Rin got up and wiped the tears from her eyes. Kagome looked up at her with apprehension.
-What are you doing?
Rin gulped.
-I can't let her do this. I have to stop her.
Before Kagome could stop her she rushed out of the room towards her lord.
It was like a staring contest. The silence was overwhelming but they only glared in each other's eyes fighting for dominance. Of course, Sesshomaru was getting annoyed since the slayer said they needed to talk about something that seemed important and she wasted his time glaring at him. He still held his ground. He wouldn't lower himself to the point of averting his gaze from her and prove her right.
Sango was sweating. His eyes were disturbing. So void of emotions. She imagined what it would be like to die in front of those eyes. She felt worthless looking at them.
She shivered and surrendered. She looked down at her hands and took a deep breath.
-There is something about your ward you should know.
Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow and waited patiently. Well, what little of 'patient' there was in him.
Sango nibbled on her lip.
On the other side, Rin was just about to open the door, crying in nervousness and despair. She stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the slayer say it.
-Rin is enamored with you.
Sesshomaru's eyes widened and he looked at the slayer like she was crazy.
-…what?
Rin closed her eyes and fell to her knees. She covered her mouth to muffle her scream.
Oh kami, oh kami…
The demon lord blinked and Sango let out a silent gasp when she saw confusion for the first time in his face. She gulped when his amber orbs burned with a restrained fire begging to be freed.
-What kind of sick joke is this? How dare you even think of saying such lies to this Sesshomaru?
She shook her head and felt insulted for being called a liar.
-I speak the truth.
He scoffed.
-She knows well the boundaries between ward and guardian and she respects them, slayer. This Sesshomaru will not tolerate any offense towards her.
Rin felt both relieved and heartbroken. Her lord wouldn't ban her and trusted her more than anyone yet he ruthlessly claimed that there could never be a chance for them.
She let the tears soak her hands. Why hold them? It didn't matter anymore. Her love was lost.
She had been such a fool.
Sango narrowed her eyes. She didn't think Sesshomaru was so blind towards the feelings of the people around him. Her more than needed affection for him was obvious to anyone.
She cleared her throat and he snarled warningly.
-Well since I'm such a swindler, why don't you ask her? Look in her eyes. Feel her skin heat. Admire her awe. She loves you in a way that would make the kami blush and you should be ashamed of that!
Without letting him have a chance to riposte she got up and left.
Sango paid no mind in the devastated Rin on the floor in her anger.
She paid no mind in the beautiful relationship she just ruined.
That wench…
Sesshomaru was on the verge of killing someone. She dares to speak of him of shame? Of guilt?
Rin didn't love him!
Other self…
The demon lord growled and brushed his hair in frustration. This was the last thing he needed.
This Sesshomaru is not in the mood.
Hear me.
Hn.
The beautiful maiden loves you. Only you. Isn't that what you have yearned all your life? What we yearned?
You speak nonsense. This Sesshomaru never cared for such foolishness as love.
You're acting like a pup. I'm you. Your most deep and bare desires. We can have her!
This Sesshomaru does NOT want her! She's human! I'll not be like my father!
This isn't about our father's unfortunate fate. This is about ours! We write our fates and you choose a lonely and miserable path when there's everything you ever wanted right in front of your eyes!
Enough! This Sesshomaru feels pathetic to be discussing this with you.
Growl.
Silence.
Unbearable, lonely silence.
Just like he is used to.
-Wow, did ya hear that?
Miroku blinked.
-It seemed like Sango was yelling at Sesshomaru…
Inuyasha twitched his nose.
-What did that bastard do this time?
The monk frowned. Why would Sango be mad at Sesshomaru? She never had any business with him. She barely spoke with him.
The door opened and Sango got in the dining room. She sat down next to her husband with an angry huff.
Miroku was pondering if it was safe to talk to her right now but Inuyasha beat him to it.
-Oi! Sango! What the hell happened?
She glared at him and gritted her teeth.
-Demon lords always irritated me beyond reason.
-Pff! Sesshomaru doesn't need to be a demon lord to be irritating! Now spit it out.
She crossed her arms.
-It has already been taken care of.
The hanyou growled. What was with people today?
The door opened and there came Kagome and Rin. Inuyasha frowned not liking at all the miserable state Rin was. He stood up and walked towards her with his ears flat down in his skull.
-Rin…what happened?
Her forced smile broke his heart.
-It's nothing, Inuyasha-kun.
He looked at his mate in search for anything but she looked miserable too. He growled.
-It's because of that brother of mine isn't it? What the hell happened? Please, tell me, Rin.
She looked at him then at Sango who was still fuming and the tears threatened to fall once again. She held them. She would not cry in front of anyone anymore!
-I'll be in my bedroom.
She left.
Kagome glared at Sango who seemed to finally snap out of her childish fit and was looking at the door confused.
-Do you realize what you have done?
The slayer looked at the miko with her jaw tightened.
-It is for the best. She would never find happiness.
-You broke her fucking heart!
Everything turned silent in the palace. They all looked at Sango in a new light.
Kagome gave a frustrated scream and headed for Rin's bedroom in hopes of comforting her a little.
It was soft. Soft and fluffy. But it could never comfort her. She allowed herself to rub her tear stained face in the pillow.
I should have known…
She had been stubborn. She knew there could never be an 'us'.
In a way, she should be thankful to Sango. She would still be blind with hope. She would feel pathetic when she decided to confess. The slayer spared her suffering.
It still hurts.
What to do now? What to say? How could she look at him without the urge to fall to her knees and weep? She was tired of being weak.
A weak human.
That was what she was. Her lord was right. She should feel grateful that he even spared her a glance.
She was lucky to be in this castle and have his attention.
There was a knock but she didn't bother to answer. The door was unlocked and if it was important enough whoever it was would come in.
Soon enough the sound of footsteps echoed and she raised her bloodshot eyes. Kagome looked at her with sympathy and pity.
She didn't want it!
-Leave me alone, Kagome-chan. Please…
The miko shook her head and caressed Rin's hair.
-You can't just give up.
She sniffled.
-I heard him. He clearly said there could never be a chance for us. He didn't even believe that I was in love with him.
Kagome smiled bitterly.
-The love of a demon is the hardest accomplishment. But when you have it…it'll last forever. Don't you want that, Rin-chan?
Rin grunted.
-It is what I always wished. From him.
She sat up and held her friend's hands.
-I don't have anything to believe in anymore.
Kagome kissed Rin's hands.
-That doesn't mean you have to give up.
Rin gulped. Would she do it? Chase what was already lost?
Heh…
-I have nothing to lose.
-When will you tell me the reason for such tension, my son?
He didn't look at her.
-This Sesshomaru doesn't know what you're talking about.
Lady Mother put the scroll down and flicked mockingly his nose. He grunted and put down his scroll too.
-I can smell her tears.
He growled.
-Talk to her then.
She frowned.
-What happened?
His fist tightened.
-I don't know, mother.
I really don't know.
Author's Note: Writer's block is a bitch. I'm sorry if this chapter sucked but the suffering had to return. *sniff* I'm an evil person…