Me: AGH! I KNOW, I TOOK FOREVER! SORRY, I WAS WAITING FOR POLL RESULTS (It was a three-way tie for FOREVER), AND THEN MY SPACEBAR BROKE, AND THEN I GOT A STOMACH VIRUS (which I still have right now), AND- Okay, you know what? No more excuses. Shit happened, I finally got it done, YAY!
Ichigo: Yeah, yay, can we get on with it?
Me: (Sweatdrops) You ruin everything, you know that?
Ichigo: Yep!
Me: Whatever, ANYWAY, it was still a tie between Winter War Plus Peyton and Skipping to the End, with New Arc VERY close behind. So I compromised! She'll be involved in the Winter War, but she'll be left behind in the real Karakura Town, so it'll basically pick up where this one leaves off and then skip over to when she wakes up, along with Tatsuki and Keigo. And then later on in the sequel, I might make an arc where Ichigo gets amnesia. OK? OK.
Rukia: But we didn't say OK!
Me: That's OK, because I said OK.
Rukia/Carmen: OK. KOOOON, GIFTS AND CAKES NOW!
Kon: COMING, COMING!
Me: Yay. Alright, first up, some gifts from Just that American. ...Right?
Kon: (Peeks in cart) Right! (For Ichigo: the first 3 seasons of the Dukes of Hazzard, a General Lee model and all of this is sitting on a cake shaped like a confederate flag. For Rukia: a 100 USD gift card to official Chappy merchandise. Aaand for me, a Centennial cake. This monstrosity is 100 layers of every cake imaginable!)
Me: AH, THAT CAKE!
Ichigo: I-IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
Me/Ichigo: (Tears of joy) I CAN'T WAIT TO EAT THAT!
Me: ...But first...MORE STUFF! AND THEN THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING:
Everyone: YAAAY.
Kon: HERE, MISTRESS MANDY! (Cakes Numbers Two and Three are from ShatterTheHeavens: Cake Two depicts Ichigo running from Nanaw with chocolate fudge marble and ice cream filling, and Cake Three has Peyton shocking the hell out of Renji with Ichigo & Rukia laughing in the background, with strawberry-vanilla filling and confetti sprouting around Peyton.)
Me: Beautiful, beautiful.
Ichigo: I think that's...like...the proudest I've ever been to call Peyton my girlfriend...EVER.
Rukia: (Sweatdrop) I wouldn't tell Peyton that.
Me: Well, anyway, ON WITH THE STUFF!
Kon: INDEED! (Wheels in Cake Number Four and gifts from The Layman. The cake is an 18" by 8" red velvet cake with chocolate icing. On it is a picture of the ENTIRE cast of both stories so far. For me: an Xbox Achievement called "The Big 1 Double Oh" worth 100 gamerpoints. For Rukia: 100 assorted Chappy bobbleheads. For Carmen: Orlado Bloom's acting career (Note from Layman: "Hey, it had to be somewhere, right?"). For Kon: 10 coupons for a kiss from a beautiful girl. And for Ichigo: a piece of fan art depicting him as Bruce Lee. (Another note: "And yes, this image actually exists on the web. Feel free to search for it if you don't believe me.")
Ichigo: ...Challenge accepted. (Googles image)
Everyone: (Peers at computer) ...OH NO WAY! AHAHAHA!
Me: Wow, that's gonna stay with me forever. ...OH, RIGHT, ON WITH THE STUFF!
Carmen: (Is cuddling Orlando Bloom's acting career) You smell like Old Spice!
Everyone: (Steps away from Carmen slowly)
Kon: Uh...RIGHT! THE STUFF! (Wheels in a welcome home cake for Peyton and Ichigo and a trophy for me on completing 100 chapters from Morcelink)
Me: YAY! (Wears trophy)
Rukia: ...You make MY knowledge of the Human World look phenomenal. You don't wear those on your head, Mandy.
Me: Oh, I know, I just thought it looked like a Viking hat so I wanted to try it out.
Ichigo: (Facepalms) Let's just...keep going...
Me: RIGHT! KOOOON!
Kon: RIGHT HERE, MISTRESS MANDY! (Wheels in a big cup of pinacolada and a monkey Lala(Note: "its a really strong drink, and the cup is 1 feet big!") from Dgj212 and Cake Number Five from Namine1112. It's a five tier chocolate strawberry cake, and on top is Peyton with giant purple sparks coming from her hands and Renji & Ichigo cowering in fear. Inside the cake is a vanilla pudding filling and the cake is frosted in lilac, home-made, vanilla buttercream frosting)
Me/Ichigo: (Drooling) I can't take looking at any more cakes, is this the last one?
Kon: Uhhh...(Looks in cart) Actually, nope, one more.
Me/Ichigo: AW, DAMMIT!
Kon: (Presents Cake Number Six from Syco, it's a simple cake with a Renji figurine cowering in fear while Peyton's arm is spewing electricity, and holding a laser pointer giving off her evil look.)
Me/Ichigo: Okay, good, LET'S DO THIS! (Star nomming on cakes)
Me: OH, WAIT! THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING CHAPTER, I NEED TO MAKE AN EPIC LAST CHAPTER SPEECH!
Rukia: Great, this'll take forever...
Me: Shut up. Okay. YOU GUYS, I worked on this story for over a year, and I'm still working on it even after the last chapter's finished! What with the sequel, and occasionally I go and look at old chapters and edit them, you know, polishing them up for those who haven't read the story yet. I want to thank everyone who's stuck by the story, some of you since I posted my first two chapters, like ShadowGouf and Jennifurball. I want to thank those who have just started reading it, like Dreamerboy84. I want to thank those who have reviewed almost every chapter without fail, like ShatterTheHeavens, or Reason to Scatter, Namine112, people off the top of my head that I remember reading reviews from almost every chapter within a day or two of posting it. I wanna thank Erin, aka BleachedHime, for being an amazing Fanfic friend - and a strong one at that, considering everything you've been through since I started talking to you. We hold the record for most perverted dialogues of all time, I'm sure of it. I want to thank Jennifurball for being the one who first planted the seed of thought in my head for making Ichigo and Peyton a couple -
Ichigo: I THANK YOU TOO.
Me: ...Anyway. And for being a great friend on both DeviantArt and Fanfic. I want to thank ShadowGouf for being another great Fanfic friend and looking out for me. I want to thank everyone, even those I haven't named, from the bottom of my heart for reading this and laughing and loving it. Do you have any idea how unbelievably awesome it is to log on here every day and see over 600 reviews for this story, and looking at traffic and seeing it's still one of my most heavily-read stories? Even when I suck at updating? It's amazing. And I love the funny reviews you guys leave, especially when they're about how hard you laughed in study hall or while your parents were asleep as you started reading the story late at night and couldn't stop until you caught up. Or when you think about Peyton or other characters and the stupid shit they did when you go to Disney World. It's awesome. And that's why I do the story, not just because I love writing and writing about Peyton and her family, but because I love making you guys laugh and keep reading.
Rukia: So keep laughing, keep reading, and keep-
Ichigo: SENDING IN CAKES! OMNOMNOMNOM-
Me: (Hits Ichigo with a gauntlet) SHUT UP, THEY DON'T HAVE TO, YOU HAVE PLENTY OF CAKE YOU BASTARD!
Ichigo: ...Sorry...(continues eating cake innocently)
Me: ...(Sigh) Well, I better wrap this up before Fanfic cuts my author's note short. Again. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's been an awesome ride, and I can't wait to work on the sequel! So read...
Carmen/Ichigo: LEAVE SOME GREAT REVIEWS...
Rukia: AND ENJOOOOO-
Everyone: (Joins in) ENJOOOOOOOOOOOOY!
"I can't believe this," Renji growled, clenching and unclenching his hands and hissing in pain.
Isshin was trying not to laugh, much like everyone else in the room. Well, minus Yuzu, of course. "You're sure he'll be okay, Papa?" she asked, brows furrowed to the extreme.
"He'll be fine, the burns are only second-degree," Isshin replied, he and Yuzu continuing to cover Renji's burns with moist bandages and trying not to break the handful of blisters among the burns.
"How the hell will you sleep at night, knowing I have second-degree burns all over me thanks to you?" he demanded to know from Peyton, who was leaning against the wall on Ichigo's left.
"About as well as I usually do, I imagine," she replied simply, making Ichigo snicker and Rukia bite her lip to keep from giggling.
"It's not...that...that bad, Renji," Rukia managed to get out, making his eye twitch.
"'Not that bad'? NOT THAT BAD? I HAVE BURNS ON MY ASS!" he shouted, making the three laugh too hard to hold back any longer.
Yuzu shook her head at them, eyes flashing. "It's not funny, you three! If you had pointed your laser pointer at him any longer, Peyton, the damage could have been permanent!"
"That'd make a great story to tell your children and grandchildren, Renji," Karin snickered, making them all laugh even harder.
"Alright, alright, calm down," Isshin shouted over their laughter, looking to be on the brink of laughing himself. "Renji, be sure to keep your legs and arms elevated for the next twenty-four hours, and change the bandages regularly. Otherwise you'll be more prone to infection, plus you'll smell like shit – literally."
"Yeah, well, what about my ass?" Renji deadpanned, prompting everyone to glance at his still-steaming butt that was currently propped up on about ten pillows. It made him rather tall, much to Peyton's annoyance.
Man, I wish I was tall...but I guess having burns on your ass in order to get that tall's a bit of a drawback...
"Flip over," Isshin said simply, and Renji immediately did so.
"OWWWWWW, AH SHIT!" he screeched, and Yuzu and Karin's eyes grew wide at all the steam.
"Holy crap, she practically cooked him," Karin muttered.
Isshin waved everyone off. "I'll treat his butt by myself, you guys get outta here."
Karin and Yuzu happily complied, throwing off their nurse clothing and slamming the door behind them.
"Godspeed, Renji," Ichigo said solemnly, prompting the former to glare at the latter.
"Get outta here, Strawberry!"
"Happily, Pineapple Head!"
Rukia rolled her eyes and dragged Ichigo out with her and Peyton, who bit her lip as she glanced back at the clinic. "I can't help but feel a little guilty...I guess I got carried away..."
"Ya THINK?" everyone deadpanned, making her temple throb.
"I was pissed, okay! I can't help it that I have a short fuse!"
"AAAAHHH! DAMN YOU TO HELL, PEYTON!"
"Think he'll ever get over this?" she asked, eyes wide as there were more sounds of Renji screaming like a little girl and Isshin assuring him he'd be done soon.
"...Maybe," Rukia said slowly, eyes equally wide. "What on earth is Isshin doing to him?"
"I HOPE YOU GET AIDS!"
"He sounds really pissed," Ichigo commented, obviously highly amused.
"I HOPE YOU DIE IN A SEKKI-SEKKI PIT! NO, BETTER YET, A LIGHTNING STORM! HA! IRONY!"
"He's losing it," Peyton replied, shaking her head slowly.
"I HOPE YOU WIND UP IN THE KILLER CLOWN DIMENSION! I HOPE YOU AND ICHIGO HAVE STUPID CLUMSY BABIES!"
"SHUT UP, PINEAPPLE HEAD, OUR KIDS WOULD BE THE SMARTEST AND MOST BADASS KIDS ON THE PLANET!" Ichigo shouted, making Rukia facepalm and Peyton turn bright red.
"Ichigo, you idiot..."
"What? It's true."
"It should be illegal for the two of you to reproduce," Rukia replied, making both their temples throb.
"WHY THE HELL DO YOU SAY THAT?" they shouted, Peyton's embarrassment long forgotten.
"The last thing we need are kids running around that have insanely high spiritual pressures, can't mind their own business, could give people second-degree burns on their asses, manage to leave a trail of disaster everywhere they go, and have THE shortest fuses on the planet!"
"...What if both our sucky traits cancel each other out and we produce the awesomest, nicest, kindest, most badass kids on the planet?" Peyton pointed out, making Ichigo sweatdrop.
"So you agree with everything she said about us?"
"Well, it IS all kinda true."
"We're gonna have nieces and nephews?" Yuzu suddenly asked eagerly, making them both do Spazzy Wet Noodle Dances.
"WH-WHAT? NO ONE SAID THAT!"
"CAN I BE THE GODMOTHER OF THE FIRST CHILD?"
"Actually, I believe I already claimed that right," Rukia replied calmly, making Peyton sigh and turn even redder.
"No way, I did!" Lindsay suddenly exclaimed from right behind them, making them all jump with screams. "LINDSAY!"
"JEEZ, DON'T DO THAT!"
"THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Renji groaned, making them all sweatdrop.
"What's wrong with Renji?" Lindsay asked, her wide blue eyes glued to the door of the Kurosaki Clinic.
"N-Nothing!" Peyton and Ichigo shouted, the former laughing nervously as the latter avoided Lindsay's eye contact.
"...Oooo...kay...Well, anyway, you might wanna come home."
The two paled, and Ichigo gulped. "Does Dad know where we...where we were?" Peyton asked, pure horror written all over her face.
"No, he just thinks you were spending the night here last night and that was the only night you were gone. They just came back last night."
"It's a goddamn miracle they didn't see us at the airport, then," Ichigo mused, and Peyton nodded in agreement.
"Damn right it is!"
"I didn't know you even came home last night until Nanaw said she saw you and Ichigo on the porch!" Lindsay accused, and the two shivered.
"Don't remind me..." Ichigo grumbled.
"...I just won't even question it. Knowing Nanaw, the answer'd probably give me nightmares," Lindsay muttered, shivering as well before brightening. "So, how's everyone back in Tennessee?"
Peyton shrugged. "Healthy, happy cougars."
"That love shoving Southern food down my throat," Ichigo added with a shudder, making Lindsay and Rukia sweatdrop as Peyton just smiled at him apologetically.
"Hey, look on the bright side – that means they like you!"
"Yeah, your Aunt Lynn really likes me..."
"Don't remind me," Peyton grumbled, temple throbbing at the very mention. Rukia opened her mouth to comment, but Lindsay just shook her head.
"Enough said. Lynn's the reason half my old boyfriends ran off. You learn to just hide your boyfriends from her," she said wisely, earning a nod of agreement from Ichigo.
"I could live with that."
"Well, I could stand here and do this all day –"
"What, listen to Renji scream like a girl?" Peyton suggested, making her sister's temple throb.
"No, sis. ...Well, maybe, but still! We better get home 'fore Dad has a heart attack. ...Or brings out Old Winona, whichever comes first."
Peyton's brows furrowed. "Why would he do either?"
Lindsay shrugged, pulling her out the door. "Dunno, but he was pissed at you when I left. My guess is that it was 'cause you were at Ichigo's all night again. Bye Ichigo, Rukia, Karin, Yuzu! BYE MR. KUROSAKI AND RENJIIII!"
Several shouts of different variations of "BYE!" echoed out of the house before Lindsay shut the door, dragging Peyton all the way home as she rambled off about eighty thousand "What if dad...?" scenarios that mainly involved a painful end for Ichigo.
Sure enough, Dad was quiet when they got home. Terrible sign. Miya was sipping her coffee, and Peyton couldn't even make eye contact after what she'd seen last night. Partly out of the fact that she was still slightly jealous of her body, but mainly out of the trauma of seeing her...well, like that.
"Ah, look. I knew we had two daughters," Dad said simply, not taking his eyes off the newspaper.
Peyton decided to play the Cheerfully Naive Card, blinking down at him innocently. "Hiya guys! About time ya'll got home...How was Barbados?"
Miya seemed to forget her husband was angry, immediately brightening and using her Excited Giddy Schoolgirl tone. "Oh, it was AWESOME! The beach was even better than you guys said it was! We're going back as soon as we can, and this time you guys should come with us! I bet we could get Seth to come down...RIGHT, Mark?"
"Eh," he grumbled, flipping a page of the newspaper; Peyton gulped.
"So...Dad. What's the paper say?"
"The paper says it's really suspicious that my daughter spent the night at her boyfriend's house. Again. What exactly do ya'll do at night there once everyone else goes to sleep? Lord knows you stay up until the sun comes up during the summer," he questioned in a tone so casual that she feared for her life.
"W-We play Wii, that's why I'm so toned lately! Pffft, whadda you THINK we do, Dad?" she asked somewhat defensively.
"Honestly? I think ya'll do something you REALLY shouldn't be doing," he replied simply, making her turn bright red as Lindsay snorted a laugh and Miya chugged down her coffee.
"Ya know, Peyton, I'll find out if you're doing what I think you're doing – even if Seth ain't here anymore to poke into your business for me. So you might as well just tell me right now."
"Um," she squeaked, glancing at Miya for some kind of assistance.
"Um? Does um mean 'yes, I confess', or does um mean 'hold on, lemme figure a way out of this first'?"
"N-N-Neither!" she said defensively, hands on her hips. "It means 'lemme wrap my head around the fact that my dad thinks I'm having sex!'"
Now he was the flustered one. "I-I didn't say that!"
"'Something you REALLY shouldn't be doing'? I'M NOT STUPID!"
"WELL ARE YOU? ARE YOU AND YOUR DAMN BOYFRIEND ACTING STUPID?"
"...SO WHAT IF WE WERE?" she retorted, glaring over at him. "What would you do if I was doing what you seem to be hellbent on assuming I'm doing?" she asked with honest curiosity.
There was a long pause, and he finally looked up from his paper to stare her down. "Well, now, that depends. First, I'd ask WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"
Everyone in the room jumped, Peyton the hardest.
"Then," he continued calmly, "I'd ask if you were okay. Then I'd ask if you used protection, at least one of you. Then I'd demand to know how long you've been going over there and having sex right under my nose, and I'd mention your mother and ask how you think she would like the situation. ...And of course I'd tell you something along the lines of 'Never see that pervert again', but you wouldn't listen and you'd probably go off and get knocked up or something just to prove your point. So, knowing that in hindsight, I would probably just skip all of that, get up, grab Old Winona, and take care of it the old-fashioned way!" he said matter-of-factly, plopping the newspaper down on the table for emphasis as he cheerfully grinned up at her horrified expression.
She quickly wiped the expression off her face, however, smiling down at him just as cheerfully. "Aw. As much as I'd love for you to...murder my boyfriend, er, Ichigo and I aren't doing...that. We make out, I'll admit that much, but I'm still a virgin!" she lied cheerfully, making him cringe.
"Gah! I don't want to know the gory details of your relationship!" he exclaimed, standing up and taking his newspaper to the kitchen to read instead.
Lindsay sweatdropped. "So...he's cool with asking if you're sleeping around, but considers the thought of ya'll making out gory?"
Miya sighed deeply and shook her head. "My husband...he's so backwards."
Nanaw suddenly shuffled into the room, humming to herself. "Can't waaaaait...for my two hours in heaaaa-veeen...I've got – two-o tickets to paaaaradise! I've got – oh, wait...wrong song...Oh well."
Peyton grinned evilly, making Lindsay and Miya gulp on Ichigo's behalf. "Just the pick-me-up I need...Ichigo's suffering. Hey Naaaa-naw!"
MEANWHILE...
"Yo, Ichigo."
He resisted the urge to sigh, not looking in Renji's direction as he continued to watch tv. "What, Renji."
"How would you feel if I killed Peyton? You'd eventually get over it, right?" he asked, Ichigo turning to gawk at his dead serious expression.
"WH-WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?" he shouted, throwing the remote across the room during his mini-spazz-attack.
"Tch. A damn good one! If I unleashed Zabimaru on her and won, you'd eventually get over her death, right?"
"You jackass, that would be like me using bankai on Rukia!"
"DON'T drag me into this stupid conversation!" the tiny Soul Reaper exclaimed, Chappy marker poised above her paper as she glared at them from the floor.
"Yeah, this ain't about Rukia! Your girlfriend's the reason I have to change bandages on my ASS! MY BURNT ASS!"
"That sounds like a personal problem, Renji. Besides, it's your fault for pissing her off. I get pummeled if I piss her off enough or on the wrong day, why shouldn't you?"
"'Cause I ain't dating her, for one thing, meaning I'm not WHIPPED!" he shot back, imitating a whip once again and making Ichigo's eye twitch.
Before anything else could be said, though, their Soul Reaper phones went off. They all groaned, and Renji waved Ichigo off. "Go take care of that, Kurosaki."
"WHAT?"
"C'mooon, you're capable! Be a team player, would ya?"
"Renji, it's our duty as Soul Reapers to take care of it as well!"
"You gonna stop coloring to do it, Rukia?"
"...Ichigo, you're capable!"
"GODDAMMIT!" Ichigo shouted, getting up off the couch and plucking Kon off the floor as he ran towards him. "Oh, perfect timing."
"Perfect timing for what? I CAME TO DEFEND PEYTON FROM THAT PINEAPPLE-HEADED MORON!"
"Good, I need you in my body for a little bit." The last thing he needed was for his dad and Yuzu to complain about him sleeping on the couch while they tried to watch Glee – heaven forbid he take up their space and not even watch the show.
Ichigo went Soul Reaper and dashed off behind his house; the Hollow was in the exact opposite direction of Peyton's house, from which she was practically sprinting to get to Ichigo's house.
When she flung the door open, she made a beeline for Kon with a grin on her face so maniacal that even Renji gulped and sunk lower into the couch. "Hey Ichigo. It's time for your two hours in heaven!" she chirped happily, grabbing him by the shirt and dragging him out the door.
Kon started to protest, but then he processed what she'd said. "T-Two hours in...in heaven?" he asked with near-giddy excitement. He quickly replaced it with a scowl when Peyton eyed him suspiciously. "...Why're you so excited?"
"I-I'm not, I'm miserable just thinking about it," he stated in the best Ichigo Tone he could manage, scowl deepening. Peyton seemed convinced, turning back around and humming something as she dragged him to her house.
Of course, in Kon's mind he was seeing Rangiku and Orihime mud-wrestling in bikinis two sizes too small, Nee-san declaring her undying love for him, and all three girls having a pillow fight with Peyton.
Oh yeah. It took all he had to keep the grin off his face and his pants from becoming noticeably tight as she continued to drag him, laughing to herself.
Finally they reached her house, and she dragged him upstairs. For a split second, he was both terrified and excited with the thought crossing his mind that he was about to see first-hand what she and Ichigo did at night.
Or the afternoon.
Pretty much any time of day when they thought no one was around.
Either way, he was beyond confused when they went past her room and to some other room upstairs that smelled like Victoria's Secret and old people.
...Not a good combination, by the way.
Peyton gave him one of the most evil smirks he'd seen her wear, making him gulp. "P-Peyton, I got a confession, I'm not –"
"It can wait," she said simply, opening the door and shoving him inside. He whirled around to try and open it again, but some old lady was already in front of the door locking it. Kon slowly put two and two together, eyes wide with terror.
"Oh...Oh no..."
"Oh yes! Your long wait's finally over, Hunk Muffin, LET'S BEGIN!" she exclaimed, turning her light to a lower setting and kicking off her house shoes.
"...P...P...PEEEEEEEYYYTOOOOOOOOON!"
Peyton stopped halfway down the stairs, cocking her head. "That sounded kinda weird for Ichigo's voice...Oh. Wait. He's suffering at the hands of Nanaw. ...No wonder," she muttered with a chuckle as she sat down on the couch between Lindsay and Dad.
"Peyton?"
"Yeah, Dad?" she asked warily, wondering if he was still suspicious. All he did was smirk as he set his paper down oh so slowly...and then he jumped up and gave her two big thumbs up.
"GOOD JOB, HON! THROWING ICHIGO IN THERE WITH NANAW WAS BRILLIANT! WELL-EXECUTED! MY FAITH IN YOU IS RESTORED ONCE MORE!"
Lindsay sweatdropped as Dad promptly swooped Peyton into a huge hug, spinning her around as she shouted in protest. "I LOVE YOU, YOUNGEST DAUGHTER OF MINE!"
"THAT'S GREAT, PUT ME DOWN!"
"I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE NOT SCREWING AROUND WITH THAT DUMBASS, IF YOU WERE YOU FOR SURE WOULDN'T HAVE HANDED HIM OFF TO NANAW LIKE THAT!"
"Y-Y-YEAH, OF COURSE! NO-NO SCREWING AROUND GOING ON HERE! AHAHA!"
"WHY CAN'T ALL TEENAGE GIRLS BE LIKE YOU?"
"ARE YOU GUILT-TRIPPING ME?"
"WHAT?"
"NOTHING, I LOVE YOU!"
"I LOVE YOU TOO!"
"AHAHAHAHAHA!"
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"...You guys are ON something," Lindsay stated with an exaggerated nod as she changed the channel to some reality show and tried to watch it despite Dad flinging Peyton every which way.
Miya chose that moment to practically fly down the stairs, eyes wide. "Somethin' wrong?" Lindsay asked, only half-interested and already absorbed in the tv.
"I heard girlish screams and snapping dentures coming from Nanaw's room. What poor creature did you leave unattended up there?"
"I think Peyton stuck Ichigo up there..."
"No, there's no way THAT was Ichigo...How could he go through all he went through trying to get Peyton back and be terrified of Nanaw?" Miya wondered, sitting down next to Lindsay and offering her some popcorn.
Lindsay snorted a laugh as she took a handful, shaking her head. "Miya, I love you, I really do, but have you not paid attention since you moved in here? Nanaw's, like, the biggest cougar in the world. And she totally has the hots for Ichigo."
"Who says 'the hots' anymore?" Peyton and Dad wondered in unison, still spinning around.
"I DO!" Lindsay exclaimed, temple throbbing.
"WHAAAAAAT-EVER!" they shouted, spinning faster and laughing like morons.
"...Are they on something?" Miya asked, eyeing her husband worriedly.
Lindsay shook her head, watching the tv again. "Who knows. Whooooo knoooows..."
Kon dove under the bed only to be pulled back out again by his ankles and lifted upside-down so that he was face-to-saggy-boobs with the old lady.
"Wait...how the hell can you lift me up like that?" Kon practically squeaked.
"I do Zumba!" she exclaimed proudly, throwing him on the bed.
"H-H-HOLY SHIT!" Kon shouted, rolling off the bed and just barely avoiding her long nails clawing for his shirt.
It was about that time he remembered that he had the best jumping skills in Karakura – no, the WORLD...which Nee-san should totally be impressed by, Ichigo just has that giant sword and without it he'd be –
"GOTCHYA!" she shouted, grabbing his ass and yanking him back by the shirt at the same time.
"OH GOD NO!" Kon screeched as she pinned him against the wall.
"NOW. We're gonna see just how good you are at pleasing a woman, Hunk Muffin, instead of an inexperienced child! First, rub my feet!" she said cheerfully, pulling him onto the bed and wiggling her feet in the air.
Kon nearly keeled over right then and there, both the sight and smell nauseating. That's it, that's it, THAT'S IT!
"THAT DOOR'S COMING DOWN!" Kon shouted, pointing an accusing finger at her bedroom door.
Right when Peyton was starting to feel overwhelmingly dizzy, the front door burst open to reveal Renji and Rukia, eyes wide. "WE HEARD SCREAMING!" they shouted, sweatdropping as Dad and Peyton promptly crashed into a bunch of cardboard boxes they'd never put up from when Miya moved in.
"Owww..."
"That's karma for never taking those to the street," Miya said sweetly, kissing her husband on the forehead and strolling to the kitchen as if nothing odd had happened.
"Oh, bite me!"
"Love you too, sweetie."
"...Miya, hon, can you fix me a sandwich?"
"Once you take the boxes to the street."
"...Peyton, get up, you're on top of the boxes."
"WHAT THE HELL, DAD, YOU DROPPED ME, GIMME A SECOND TO RELOCATE MY LIMBS FIRST!"
Lindsay shook her head as she took Miya's popcorn bowl that she'd left on the couch. "Huh, maybe she HAS gotten used to things around here. Scarily used to it. ...Oh, hi Renji! Are you alright, I heard you screaming bloody murder when I showed up to get Peyton!" she said cheerfully, standing up with the popcorn bowl still in one hand.
Rukia laughed nervously with a sweatdrop as Renji's eye twitched at the very mention. "Eheheh...he's fine...!"
Lindsay shrugged as Peyton finally stood up and brushed herself off. "If ya say so. Popcorn?"
Renji reached for some before yelping and grabbing his shoulder, and Peyton gulped and took off running before he even had a chance to grab her. "PEYTON, GODDAMN YOU, I CAN'T EVEN REACH FOR POPCORN! I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO USE ZABIMARU ON YOU, BUT I CAN KICK YOUR ASS ANY DAY!"
"NOT IF YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!"
"AGH!"
She was about midway up the stairs when Nanaw's door was kicked across the hallway and Ichigo ran out, practically tackling her in his hurry and sending them both tumbling down the stairs.
Which, of course, caused them to take Renji down the stairs with them.
"OWWWWW, MY ASS! PEYTON, YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"
"RENJI, I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING, CAN WE CALL IT EVEN?"
"HELL NO!"
Isshin then practically pranced through the front door, Karin and Yuzu in tow. "Rukia, Renji, why'd you leave? IT'S NOT OVER YET!" he exclaimed, tears in his and Yuzu's eyes.
Karin rolled her eyes and crouched down in front of Akuma, rubbing his belly once he rolled over.
"Oh, Mr. Kurosaki, I'm soooo sorry! I hope we didn't upset you! I was just concerned about all the screaming!" Rukia exclaimed, widening her violet eyes innocently as she played up her Schoolgirl Act once more.
"What's not over yet?" Dad asked, shaking Isshin's hand.
"GLEE!"
"...GLEE'S ON?" Lindsay and Miya exclaimed, Miya practically running out of the kitchen and diving onto the couch. "OHMIGOD, LINDSAY, CHANGE THE CHANNEL!"
"I AM, I AM!"
Isshin and Yuzu dove onto the couch as well, and Dad stared at them all as they changed the channel in the middle of some musical number.
"...What in the name of Sam Hill is Glee?"
"Honey, I only talk about it all the time! Sit down, you might like it!" Miya said cheerfully, patting the empty cushion next to her. He did so, grumbling to himself, but did it nonetheless.
Keigo chose that moment to burst through the door next, looking around. "I HEARD SCREAMING AND SAW EVERYONE COMING HERE, SO EITHER SOMEONE DIED OR THERE'S A KILLER PARTY! OH GOOD, LINDSAY, YOU'RE ALIVE! AND PEYTON TOO! AND EVERYONE ELSE! SO WE MUST BE HAVING A PAAAAART-"
Everyone on the couch turned towards him with rather demonic auras and twitching eyes. "SHHHHH!"
He sunk to the floor like some demented form of the Spazzy Wet Noodle Dance, hands on the sides of his face. "O-Okaaaaay!"
And that's when the real Ichigo burst through the door in his Soul Reaper form, eyes wide. "PEYTON, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?" he shouted, looking around and quickly sweatdropping at the sight of everyone crowded on one couch watching the one show he hated, minus Keigo sobbing on the floor about how no one appreciated his "wicked party animal spirit", Karin playing with the dog, Kon sitting in the fetal position and rocking back-and-forth by the foot of the stairs, and Peyton and Renji pretty much wrestling each other across the floor- Wait, WHAT?
"HEY, JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU DAMN PINEAPPLE HEAD?" he demanded, stomping over as they both abruptly stopped fighting.
"Kicking your girlfriend's ass, what does it look like I'm doing?" Renji said matter-of-factly, a scowl on his face.
Peyton huffed. "Funny, I thought I was kicking your ass."
"Oh? Then why am I the one on to-" Renji was cut off as she flipped them so she was on top of him, scowling at him.
"Want me to give you more burns or what?"
"...I'll get you back. One day, faaar away from today, when you least expect it, YOUR ASS IS MINE!"
"I think Ichigo would have a thing or two to say about that," Keigo snickered from the floor, making Renji's eye twitch.
"Did you say somethin', Asano?" he asked, slowly turning his head to flash Keigo a face worthy of Ikkaku's scariest.
"N-NO, NOT A THING, NOTHING AT –"
"KEIGO, BE QUIET!" Lindsay shouted, making him immediately shut up.
"...I love you?"
"Yeah," was her thoughtful reply, already back into the show. Keigo drooped by epic proportions, and that's when Peyton finally realized Ichigo wasn't in his body.
"Wait...if you were off fighting Hollows this whole time...that means...Holy crap, Kon, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet and running to crouch next to Kon, the nervous wreck in the corner.
"She kissed me. SHE KISSED ME. SHE GRABBED MY ASS. THAT WAS NOT HOW I IMAGINED IT WOULD BE. WHY WOULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH THAT HELL? WHY-Y-Y-YYYY? I'M SO MISTREATED! NO ONE APPRECIATES KON EVER! ...I'm talking in third person. I'M TALKING IN THIRD PER-ER-SOOOOON!" he practically sobbed, burying his face in her boobs.
Ichigo's eye twitched, but she gave him a glare that stopped him dead in his tracks. "Don't even. This is totally your fault."
"My fault? I don't even know what the hell's going on!"
"I DRAGGED YOUR ASS OVER FOR YOUR TWO HOURS IN HEAVEN, ONLY IT WASN'T YOUR ASS, APPARENTLY!"
"Heaven? That's a lie! A LIE!" Kon sobbed, and Peyton patted his back sympathetically.
Ichigo gawked at them for a second, then he started laughing. "A-Are you serious? KON TOOK THE TWO HOURS IN HEAVEN INSTEAD OF ME? AHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Renji?"
"Whadda you want."
"Hit Ichigo for me."
"That I'll do."
BAM!
"What the hell, Renji, that hurt!"
"So? Take it like a man, Strawberry, you're too whipped for your own good!"
"For the last time, I'm not whipped!"
"Oh REALLY?"
"REALLY!"
"WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, THEN?"
"YOU BET YOUR PINEAPPLE ASS I DO!"
"Renji, would you PLEASE stop shouting at air while we're trying to watch Glee?" Lindsay asked in a voice so polite that it was nearly terrifying, making Renji gulp as Ichigo snickered and slipped back into his body.
"S-Sorry!"
"Thank you!"
"...How come you're so much nicer to him?"
"CAN IT, KEIGO!"
"I'M SORRY, BABY, I LOVE YOU!"
"SH!"
"OKAY, OKAY!"
Peyton sighed and went to the kitchen, shaking her head. "I need some meds now, you people make my head want to explode."
She heard the door open once again and walked even faster to the kitchen, not wanting to see what kind of chaos was going to ensue from their arrival. She'd had an ominous feeling from the start of the day, and her feelings were never wrong. Hence why she'd been less-than-tolerant of everything. She was NOT looking forward to seeing how things would play out.
As if on cue, she had just taken a couple pills and finished her water when she glanced out the window and noticed Kisuke outside talking to Ichigo, Rukia, and Renji.
Knowing it was a long shot, Peyton opened the window and was still a little disappointed that she couldn't hear them. She quietly slid the window open a little further, bent her aura to some random wave, and crept through the window to stand a little ways to the right of Ichigo.
Habit.
"...finally here. Yoruichi and I have been monitoring it very carefully, and it looks like Aizen's finally on the move, just like we expected. Gotei 13's already been notified, and they're preparing to be able to head out on a moment's notice."
Wait, what?
"Aizen..." Renji muttered, shaking his head.
"Like we didn't know this was coming," Ichigo grumbled. "It's what we've been waiting for for a little over a year now."
"Are the Pillars ready then?" Rukia asked, making Ichigo's brows furrow.
"Pillars?"
Kisuke opened his fan and waved it lazily. "The Four Pillars. When they're completely assembled, it'll make the switch."
"What switch?"
Renji's temple throbbed. "You honestly think we'd send the Gotei 13 in here? There'd be nothing left of Karakura Town!"
Nothing left?
"So I invented the Four Pillars. They'll replace Karakura Town with an exact copy of the town, just without the people. The real Karakura Town'll be in the Soul Society. Switching them back would be moderately easy, so long as the Pillars remain intact and all that," Kisuke elaborated.
"So...Everyone else'll be fine. It'll just be Aizen and his Espada against us," Ichigo stated, though it sounded more like a question.
Kisuke nodded, eyes shifting over to lock on Peyton's, making her shiver. Dammit, he always knows. "That's right! Everyone else will be just fine." His gaze wandered over the other three swiftly, still smiling behind his fan.
"When is Aizen suspected to arrive? How long do we have?" Rukia asked, her tone so serious it made Peyton's stomach twist into knots.
"That's the hard part. He could show up in three days, he could show up in three weeks, or anywhere inbetween. Which is why the Pillars will need to be activated as soon as possible. I'll probably run some final checks on them tonight – the citizens of Karakura Town should all be asleep and the Pillars activated by tomorrow afternoon."
"Asleep?" Ichigo repeated.
"Yes, you're listening, that's good!" Kisuke exclaimed, making Ichigo's eye twitch.
"...Just explain already."
"Everyone'll be put to sleep – they'll just drop in the middle of whatever they're doing, I presume. Can't have them waking up and noticing Soul Society on the outskirts of their town, now, can we? I imagine that would freak people out."
"...Point taken."
"Just act normal, we don't want to cause people to worry before we head off to battle."
Battle...
Kisuke closed his fan, face completely serious now. "And get some rest, Ichigo. We're counting heavily on you. You've spent about a year getting ready for when Aizen sets foot on the world of the living, you've done all you can do..."
He paused, making even Peyton lean forward to see what he was going to say, and he suddenly smirked. "So hold off on sex until this blows over, you'll need all the strength you can get and I don't need your girlfriend wearing you out."
Ichigo immediately turned bright red despite his major temple throb, eye twitching more than ever. "WH-WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? YOU PERVERT!"
Kisuke whipped his fan back open, turning to take his leave. "I meeean it, Ichigo," he practically giggled, strolling casually down the road.
As Rukia sweatdropped, Renji snickered, and Ichigo continued to shout after Urahara, Peyton stood there with her eyes wide and jaw slack.
She'd been stuck that way since she first overheard the conversation. She was already starting to regret knowing anything at all. Peyton had heard bits and pieces about Sosuke Aizen since she'd found out about Soul Reapers; she knew he was a traitor of Soul Society, and she knew he had kidnapped Orihime.
...But that was all over a year ago, like they said. Why was he being brought back up again? Why was Karakura Town being moved? And why was Gotei 13 coming? Surely there wasn't going to be some huge all-out war because of this one guy...right?
Once Ichigo gave up on shouting at Kisuke, Renji sighed. "Y'know...I was expecting it to happen soon, but at the back of my mind, I was still hoping he'd just give up or get killed in Las Noches by his own Espada...something."
Rukia frowned. "I think we all hoped that. But we all knew it would be up to us...and ultimately, up to you," she added, looking at Ichigo.
"I knew something bad was gonna happen today," Ichigo grumbled, and the other two nodded before heading inside.
Peyton smiled a little at that, somehow feeling a little better knowing she wasn't the only one who felt it. The smile was wiped right off her face when he sighed again and commented once the other two were inside, "You can bend your aura back now, I know you're there."
Well, dammit.