Yay, im back!
Well, i got visited by Mother Nature today (sigh), and i was half-asleep when this idea just suddenly hit me!
Hahaha enjoy :)
The next morning, Luna jerked upright after a loud zipping noise interrupted her nightmare. She glanced around to see Naruto bent over her bag.
"Naruto?"
He jumped and gave her a glance before returning to her bag. "Oh. You're alive."
"Very much so. What're you doing?"
"Noooothiiinngg...!"
Luna ran a hand through her hair, then cocked her head in interest as his hand suddenly stopped groping the inside of her bag. He ceased all movement, then seemed to be inspecting something.
She sweatdropped. "Uh..Did you find whatever you were so hellbent on searching for?"
He slowly held up an object that made her turn dangerously red. "What's this?"
Her temple throbbed. "You know damn well what that is, now put it back!"
Naruto cocked his head, looking from the object to her. "No, seriously, I don't. What is it?"
What.
The.
FUCK?
Luna sweatdropped. "Oh good God...You're serious, aren't you!"
"Duh."
"Naruto...That's a tampon."
He continued to give her a blank stare, and she turned even redder. "You know...A tampon? Have you not seen those Tampax commercials?"
"I never watch commercials, I just change channels until they're over, you know that!"
She now looked so red that Naruto eyed her strangely. "Wow, you look like a lobster!"
Luna sweatdropped. "Thanks.."
"Well, anyway. Sooo, what's a tampon?"
She turned red again, and he stood up. Luna sweatdropped as he peered down at her before resting a hand against her forehead. "Are you sick or somethin'?"
Her temple throbbed. "Not with an illness. Although, I AM sick of someone...Please get your hand off of my forehead, NOW," she growled.
Naruto rolled his eyes, flinging the tampon around carelessly by its string as he talked. Apparently he had taken off the plastic part, leaving nothing but the actual cotton-y tampon (A/N: Speaking of which, what the hell ARE tampons made out of? Oh well.). "Jeez, overreact much? Will you just tell me what a damn tampon is?"
Luna shook her head slowly. "You honestly haven't been given The Talk before?"
"Well, gee, in case you didn't notice, I don't really have anyone around to give it to me! Well, except for Iruka-Sensei..."
She threw a hand up in the air. "Well, why not ask him?"
He tapped his chin thoughtfully with the tampon, and she burst into silent laughter, not wanting to interrupt this perfect moment. "Well...I think I asked him about Adult Wrestling once, because that's what Shikamaru's dad told him it was, and I wanted to know what his dad meant...but I figured that one out on my own, Iruka somehow changed the subject so he wouldn't have to tell me," he explained thoughtfully.
THUD.
Naruto sweatdropped at Luna, who had fallen off the window seat and was literally rolling with laughter on the ground.
"Luna...You're starting to freak me out.."
She calmed herself as best as possible, trying not to look at the tampon he was still holding. "Well, um...How about Iruka tells you now? I'll go with you!"
"Well...I dunno where he is..."
"Sakura should know. C'mon, hurry up, bring the tampon!" She said excitedly as she more-or-less dragged him outside. He wiggled out of her grip to walk beside her, and he grinned.
"Wow, Luna. I think you're starting to like me a little more."
She beamed innocently. If by 'like me a little more', you mean 'REVENGE, OH SWEET REVENGE!' …..Then yes, Naruto.
TWENTY-SIX MINUTES LATER...
Luna hoped he would leave it in his hand when they found Sakura, but he had stuffed it in his pocket to "Keep the lesser villagers from seeing the confidential item formally known as a tampon."
He had tried to word it like Luna, to make fun of her way of speaking, but she was the one still laughing over him rubbing a tampon against his chin a while back.
"Oh, Iruka? He's up at the hospital," Sakura said casually, jerking her thumb in Konoha Hospital's general direction.
Both girls sweatdropped as Naruto spazzed out and started pacing/running around.
"WHAT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW TELLING ME?"
"I thought you already knew, Naruto!" Sakura yelled defensively. Luna just shook her head. "It's best to just let him get all the Spazz out of his system."
"OH MY GOD! IS HE DYING? HE COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW, AND HE COULD BE SAYING WITH HIS LAST BREATH 'DAMMIT, I WISH NARUTO HAD BEEN HERE WHILE I DIED,' AND THEN HE'LL BE COUGHING RATHER DRAMATICALLY LIKE IN THOSE CHEESY WESTERN MOVIES, AND ME AND LUNA WILL GET THERE RIGHT AFTER HE FALLS BACK AGAINST THE PILLOWS, AND I'LL SCREAM 'NOOOOOOO!' IN AGONY, AND LUNA WILL CRY, AND WE'LL ALL HAVE A FUNERAL, AND IT'LL BE ALL SAKURA'S FAULT!" He wailed rather seriously, running in circles by this point.
Luna sweatdropped. "Naruto...Naruto isn't very good with emergencies, is he?"
"Not really."
"How can he be a successful ninja if he can't roll with the punches?" Luna asked curiously as he continued to rant.
Sakura smiled a little. "Well, you've never seen him in action, I assume." Luna shook her head.
"Naruto only spazzes when it concerns people he loves. Well, I take that back. He cares for Sasuke, but if something happened to him, he'd laugh his ass off for a good five minutes."
Luna nodded, having already picked up on that, and Sakura laughed. "But when it concerns people he loves and holds close...Anything could happen. He could get destructive, he could spazz and run in circles, he could...Anything," she said again.
Luna watched him a little longer before sighing, running beside him and grabbing him by the arm.
"Naruto, that MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN...IF you don't hurry up and get there! If we hurry, we might be able to alter this horrifying fate of Iruka's! Thanks, Sakura!" She called out to the pink-haired kunoichi as he practically dragged her along.
Finally, he sighed impatiently. "Luna, you're not going fast enough!" He picked her up by the waist and slung her over his shoulder, carrying her Sack-Of-Potatoes-Style.
"IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY?" She shrieked.
"A MAN'S LIFE IS AT STAKE, LUNA! IT'S NECESSARY!"
She saw Sakura smiling at them, and gave her a "What Can I Say?" kind of look as other villagers pointed at the spazzy Naruto hauling his "girlfriend" across Konoha.
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
"WHICH ROOM IS IRUKA IN?" Naruto asked no one in general. Everyone in the waiting room (Luna included) clapped their hands over their ears, and a nurse pointed to a hallway.
"Room 1408," she said with a glare at the two.
Naruto groaned as he went down the hallway. "Dammit, he even has a cursed hospital room! Great, he's dead, I KNEW it!"
Luna sighed and rolled her eyes. "Naruto, I assure you, he's not dead. Now, can you put me down?"
"As soon as we get to the room."
She sighed impatiently and attempted to wriggle out of his grip. Five head-bonks and a little scratching later, she fell to the ground with an echoing THUD.
Luna glared up at him before standing and rubbing her middle absently. "Great. All your damn spinning has officially made me nauseous. Way to go, Naruto!"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I assure you, you won't die," he replied with a smirk before opening the door to Iruka's room.
Luna bit back a gasp; he was much older now, but that was most definitely the little boy from her visions.
Iruka grinned at Naruto. "I figured you were here. I heard yelling and a thud right outside, so you were the only one it could've been."
"Actually, the thud was her," Naruto replied, pointing at Luna.
He studied her much like she had been studying him. "Who's this?"
"Oh, Luna. My girlfriend," he informed him smugly. The two guys pounded fists, but Iruka continued staring at her as she and Naruto sat in a couple of randomly-placed chairs.
"So what happened?"
"Mission gone bad. Long story short, I fell down a rocky hill," Iruka explained.
Now his staring was starting to make her uneasy.
"I know I've seen you before," Iruka finally said, pointing to Luna. Naruto sweatdropped, realizing he had basically been talking to himself since neither Luna nor Iruka even knew he had been speaking in the first place.
"I don't live in Konoha."
"But I've seen you. I know I have."
"Maybe you've mistaken me for someone else. Like Kira?"
Naruto watched them go back and forth like it were a ping-pong match, and Iruka's eyes widened a fraction at the name.
"Of course. You're her!"
"Me? Kira? No, I'm Luna."
"No no no, I know that. You're her daughter!" He exclaimed, pointing at her.
Naruto's eyes widened this time; Luna was too shocked to speak, and just stared at his index finger.
"I...That's not possible."
"How come? You don't even know your parents, remember?" Naruto interjected. It took all her self-control not to stomp on his foot, and she stayed silent.
Iruka nodded slowly, a grin forming on his face. "How come I didn't see it before? You're the spitting image of her! Well, except for your eyes. You have your dad's eyes."
Naruto seemed more excited than Luna was. "Where are they now, Iruka-Sensei?" He asked, practically bouncing in his seat.
Iruka's face fell, and Luna sighed. "Thought so. They're dead, aren't they?"
"When the Nine-Tailed Fox invaded Konoha, many ninja were killed in battle. It was assumed your dad, Mitsuru, was one of them."
"Assumed?"
"A lot of people are still missing today, and some bodies couldn't be identified," Iruka explained quietly.
A shudder passed through all three occupants of the hospital room.
"What about Kira?" Luna and Naruto asked in unison, exchanging a glance before turning back to Iruka.
He shook his head sadly. "No one knows. She disappeared when you were seven. I still can't believe I didn't recognize you.."
There was a long silence, and then Naruto rifled through his jacket pocket.
"Oh, right. Luna, you let me almost forget! Iruka?"
"Yes, Naru-" He trailed off with a "Doo-Oh!" kind of noise as Naruto swung the tampon to and fro by the string, which was now frayed and splitting off in random places like a poorly-made braid.
"How come I never get any of these for my birthday?"
Bwahahahaha! I dunno how the hell Iruka's gonna handle this one...They should seriously teach Sex Ed at the Ninja Academy!
ANYWAY. Reviews please!
Reviews=YAY, MORE CRACK!
:)