You and I have got a lot in common

We share all the same problems

Luck, love, and life aren't on our side

I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time

Always last one in a long line

Waiting for something to turn out right

"Just my Luck"

-McFly

Chapter 6:

I hate feelings

Mine and Jacob's newfound friendship lasted all of twelve hours. We were back to fighting as normal as the week wore on. But, at least now that I knew what was going on with him, I could phase and not have to worry about feeling the pain. The rest of the pack had yet to figure out that Jacob was just masking his anger with his new melancholy mood.

He had everyone fooled. Even his dad thought he was going to have to seek out a therapist to help Jake work through his "depression". I had been seeing a lot of Billy lately. I think he was using my house as an escape from Paul and Rachel's budding relationship. I knew it annoyed Jacob to no end. Billy probably felt the same way, but he knew that we had no control over our imprinting. That's probably the only thing that kept Billy from killing Paul.

Billy was talking to Seth about something tribal related. One of the old stories that we had heard a million times. Seth hung on his every word. My mom and I looked at each other. She smiled at me.

"Leah, you want to help me in the garden?" She planned our escape.

I grinned. I loved my mom. She always knew how to get out of a situation without looking like a bitch. Something I had apparently not inherited from her.

"God, yes." I literally leaped out of my chair and bolted for the door. Hell, I would have settled for "Leah, you're grounded. Go to your room" or "Leah, go clean the gutters." Anything to get me away from this male bonding junk.

We quickly slipped out of the house with Billy and Seth none the wiser. We ended up on the back porch. I sat down as my mother grabbed a watering can and started sprinkling the water over her window box full of wild flowers.

"There, now I don't feel like it was a complete lie," she smiled as she put the watering can back down. She sat down on the stoop next to me.

"Remind me to get you a really good mother's day gift for this," I chuckled.

"I don't think you can beat the macaroni picture you gave me when you were five."

"Oh, yeah. I remember that. The glue was sparkly. I ate it." I paused to pull one of the less painful childhood memories from my mind.

She could see that I was back in thought again. Silence overtook us for few minutes. Apparently, my mom didn't want to sit in silence.

"So, do you want to tell me why your walls look like Swiss cheese?" She had obviously uncovered my brilliant master plan to keep her from seeing the holes that had gradually filled up my bedroom walls.

"I'm having a bad week." She just stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "Okay, a bad month."

"And why is that?"

I bit my lip and grunted. I really didn't want to talk about Sam or how upset I was. I didn't want to open the floodgates, because I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't be able to get them closed again.

So, I lied about what was really bothering me. I lied through my teeth. And I chose the one subject that I knew she was sensitive about as well.

"I miss dad." I didn't feel terrible about this lie, because it was partly true. Though I missed my father terribly, that is not what had me so upset. But I knew that mom would probably go easy on me if she thought that was what was truly upsetting me.

"Oh." She looked down at her feet. I saw the pain in her eyes. She always tried to hide it around Seth and me.

"I found a picture of him a couple of weeks ago," I explained. I left out the part about Sam being in it. "It kind of set me off."

The more I spoke to her about this, the more I realized how close to the truth it actually was. I waited for her response. It took a moment for her to gather her emotions.

"I know you miss your dad, Leah," she said understandingly, "I miss him, too. I hate it for you and Seth, especially since he isn't around to help you two through this werewolf thing," she sighed. "And I understand it can be frustrating at times, but you can't take it out on the walls."

I snorted. It was better than taking it out on the person I wanted to take it out on. I know I wouldn't last two seconds against Sam in a fight, especially with his command. So, it was better to take it out on the wall. Yes, I decided, it was the wall's fault.

My mom had not missed my not-so-subtle reaction. "I know your dad's death isn't the only thing bothering you."

Damn it, she was too perceptive. This is why I didn't like to spend a lot of time alone with my mother. She picked up on things way too easily. I looked into my mother's eyes. I couldn't lie again.

"You ever wonder about love?" I questioned.

"What about it?"

"Do you think it really exists? And if it does, do you think we are capable of loving more than one person in our lifetime?"

I saw her ponder her response. "Before I met your father, I never knew what love was. He opened me up to it. I loved him more then anything in the world. He will always have my heart."

My heart sank. Great, I could forget me ever getting over Sam. "So, you think that we're meant for one person only, then?"

"I didn't say that." And from her expression, I could see that she was thinking about Charlie. "When you love someone, all you care about is their happiness. You want them to be happy." Okay, that sounded simple enough. "I loved your dad very much. And he loved me. He would want me to be happy…even if he isn't the one making me happy anymore." Okay, now I was lost. There was a pause. "I really like Charlie. And he makes me happy. I hope you understand that doesn't make me love your father any less."

I held my laughter in. She thought that I was upset over her flirting with Charlie? Ha! Sure, it was a little weird, and his eyebrows really freaked me out, but I didn't expect my mother to stay single for the rest of her life and grow old alone…like I probably would.

Still, her advice did mean something to me. It helped me understand why people like Jacob and I continued to torture ourselves with people we had no shot at being with. Seeing Sam happy with Emily is what gave me the strength to keep breathing. Much like Jacob seeing Bella happy with Edward is what drove him to be so tolerant of her. The similarities in our lives were downright spooky.

Mom glanced in the house and changed the topic. "You think Seth and Billy are still talking about guy stuff?"

They're probably plotting a way to get you and Charlie together. I contained my urge to say that thought out loud. I just answered with a sigh and shrugged, "Who knew that boys liked to gossip?" I rolled my eyes. "Pansies…"

My mom laughed and lovingly put her arms around my shoulders. She embraced me with a hug and kissed my forehead.

"You don't have to be so tough all the time," she advised me.

I laughed, "Look who's talking!"

She was definitely one of the toughest people I knew. After my dad's heart attack, she held my family together. Rarely did I see her in a position of vulnerability. I admired her for that.

It felt good to just let loose and chat with my mom. And now that we had gotten the harder stuff out of the way, it was time for the small talk.

"So how's pack life?"

Or, maybe the difficult subjects were just beginning. I cringed. Out of all the different topics she could have chosen, she chose that?

Annoying as hell. Held that thought in, too. "Well, it's…pack life. Doesn't really change that often."

"Is there anything exciting going on?"

"That depends, are you asking as my mother, or as a council member?"

When dad passed, mom had taken his spot on the council. I was guessing since Jacob wasn't talking to Billy, they were lacking information about what was going on. I wasn't going to be the one to piss the pack off by involving the council. That was Sam's job. And if they didn't know anything, it's because Sam wanted to handle it himself.

"Ah ha, saw through my clever façade, did you?" At least she didn't lie to me. "They are just concerned about what's going on. Especially Billy. He's really worried about Jacob."

"Trust me, Jacob is fine." I nodded.

"Well, Billy will be glad to hear that," she smiled.

"Tell Billy to stop using my mother to spy on the pack," I joked.

"I'll relay the message," she quipped back. "So, now that I've tortured you for information, how about we gossip for real? I want all the juicy stuff."

I giggled, "What do you want to know?"

"Anything. How are the new kids doing? Are they fitting in okay? Is Seth behaving himself?"

"Collin and Brady are doing quite well. They both seem to have better control of their tempers than I ever will…"

"Oh, don't beat yourself up about that, honey. All women are irrational."

She had that right. Women as a whole were so complex. From the day we were born to the day we died, we were a continuous emotional rollercoaster ride of crazy hormones begetting outrageous behavior. We were lunatics.

"And Seth?" Mom brought me back into the conversation before the ranting in my head could go too far.

"Oh, he's great when he's not off on an underage drinking binge and doing drugs," I smiled so she knew that I was joking.

Of course I was joking. Seth never stepped foot out of line. He was a good kid. A little too good. He made it really hard for me to do anything remotely fun. I would always pale in comparison to him.

"It's hard to believe he's a teenager now. You're both so grown up." She swallowed a knot in her throat.

Yeah, I was grown up alright. I scoffed. I was a twenty-year-old werewolf who still lived at home with mommy. Outside of running with the pack, I had no job, no friends; I wasn't in school. I had virtually no luck, no love, and no life. If you had asked me five years ago what I envisioned my life to be like, this would not have been what I'd pictured.

"I see all the kids from the Reservation growing up and falling in love. It makes me feel so old," she sighed. "Time really flies." She paused. "Since Paul imprinted, you and Seth are pretty much the only single ones left…"

She probably didn't realize it, but every word in that last sentence was like a dagger in my gut, twisting and turning and causing all kinds of damage. Imprinting. The last thing I wanted to talk about. Seth was in no hurry to imprint. He was more the "take life as it comes" kind of guy. Collin and Brady were new to the pack, so they were pretty much focused on learning how to fight and how to control their emotions. Jacob would probably be stuck on Bella for a while. That just left me.

Well, there was one other person.

"Embry hasn't imprinted either," I corrected my mom. I had almost forgotten that Embry hadn't found anyone yet. I was reminded of his ridiculous promise that he would be with me if I didn't find anyone else. It really irritated me. I didn't need pity.

As I felt my hands start to tremor slightly, I stood up. It was probably best to get out my emotions before I punched any more holes in walls.

"I'm going to go for a run to clear my head."

She smiled sadly, "Your dad used to do that when he was upset, too." I could see how much she missed him. "Every year for his birthday I would get him a new jogging outfit."

Too bad he didn't use them as he got older. I frowned to myself. There were times I was mad at my father for not exercising and eating right. If he had taken more measures to care for himself, he might still be with us.

"I'll try not to be too late." I waved to my mother.

I heard the phone ringing as I jogged away from my house. Whoever was calling, I was thankful for the timing. Maybe it was one of her friends. With me out running around and Seth and Billy investing in their "guy" time, my mom could use a friendly ear.

I flew towards the woods, stripping out of my clothes. I took the time to appreciate the fact that I didn't have neighbors for miles. I could just imagine some sweet, church-going old man glancing out his window at the wrong time and getting a full view of a crazy woman running nude in forty degree weather.

Then I thought about the conversation my mother and I had just had about love. And I wondered if my imaginary church-going old Grandpa would have an imaginary sweet little old woman for a wife who smacked him upside the head for telling lies about a naked woman outside their house.

When my paws hit the ground, I had a roaring fit of laughter.