Again with the "I don't own them stuff"... still a shame that. I know a few of us could do soooo much more with them.
Chapter 3
I was up bright and early the next morning and just finishing my coffee when the buzzer sounded and announced that Eff had arrived. I bounced downstairs. Damn I felt great today! I met Eff by the cars.
"Morning tiger, you ok?"
"Yeah, not too bad, managed to look like a complete twat yesterday, but hey what's new."
"Why what did you do now? Actually scratch that, tell me where you've been lurking the last couple of weeks first and we'll go from there" Eff tucked her arm through mine and we started the ten minute walk into town. It was a lovely spring morning, and there were blue skies, so why drive? I looked down at her arm, quite comfortably tucked into mine and laughed.
"You know, what would your husband say if he saw you all snugly with a big old dyke like me? I could get you a nice woman to look after you. You've only got to say the word"
"Freds' can get stuffed; he's terrified of you anyway. You're bigger than him, you carry a gun and you've threatened him on more than one occasion, and anyway, you're my big old dyke. It's not bad enough that Tony scares him. And it's going to have to be a special woman for you after the last one. She was a fucking bitch, and yes, I am swearing after promising not to. You're going to listen to me next time aren't you Nai? I hate seeing you hurt like that, and she took your tin can opener. What the hell was that about? Sick bitch"
I laughed, Eff was nothing if not consistent with her over protective nature, "It's ok babe really, it's been finished now for over a year. I'm over it honest. I was glad she buggered off, ok not with half my stuff, but that's easily replaced. Let it go now, I have. Now I need to tell you where I've been before we hit the crowds and people could overhear. I'm undercover at the minute in a hospital as a porter, but not yours so don't worry. No I can't tell you why before you ask. It's one of those jobs. So, if I'm a little sporadic in my contact, sorry, but hopefully it won't be too long a job."
I gave her a reassuring squeeze. Now you might think I'm taking risks telling a civilian this kind of incriminating information, but the truth of the matter is that I trust Eff with my life more than half of my work colleagues, and of course, her brother's my work partner. When Sue (my psycho ex from hell) left, Eff was the one who helped me get over it. (I mean it DID smart a little, she left me for a bloke for fucks sake.) It wasn't that that hurt, it was the fact she took my Tigger our Jack Russell dog, most of my c.d and DVD collection (now restored thanks to the lads from work) and, yes, the can opener. Eff was also the one who held me together when my parents died. I loved her to bits (platonically of course) and any woman who came into my life would probably have to face the Spanish Inquisition after the last one….
"I know you enjoy your job, and you're good at it,' she looked at me with an ultra serious look in her blue eyes, which, for her, was unusual. 'And you always play safe and all that jazz, but I wish you'd get a transfer to a safer division.' I felt my body tense, just a little. She noticed, a small shy smile creeping on her face. 'I do worry about you you know, you big lug. I know you've been thinking about giving it up too." She relented a little and changed the subject "So, you're in a hospital eh?' I gave her one of my 'looks' and her smile widened. 'Ok, not going to ask but promise you'll tell me all the juicy gossip when you're done with it? Met any tasty nurses yet?" The smile turned 'knowing' … crap … that woman knows me too well. She was like a fucking oracle. See all, know all. And once you got through that cool calm exterior there was a right chatter box waiting to get out.
"Well, there are some good lookers there that's for sure, but not a patch on the one I met yesterday."
"Ah, the looking like an twat situation?"
"Indeed" I told her all about the falling off the treadmill situation when seeing Emily for the first time. She pissed herself laughing... I took the laughing with good humour. I mean, what else could I do? It was funny I suppose, at my expense true, but, hey I'm easy going enough.
"Naom's, you're a lean, mean, arrest making machine. You work undercover; you've met and bettered some of the scariest people on this planet. But one little woman and you turn into an extra from Monty Python? If she's making eye contact with you and you caught her looking at you then that's not bad is it? And if she didn't slap you when you were looking her up and down, then that's really good. God almighty, you're not an ugly girl. Women would kill for your looks; it's even more attractive that you're not arrogant over it. What you going to do about it then super spy?"
I looked at her. "Well, there is a chance that I overheard them arranging to meet at the same time next week, so I'll be in the gym for 6pm next Wednesday, planning on not falling on my arse this time though"
"Great, a plan, now stick to it, this is the first girl I've seen you interested in for a while. If you get stuck however I'm always available for advice and I could always do with a new trainer, so you can use and abuse me for purposes of getting your leg over! Now come on, we've got some shopping to do" And with that I was dragged around all the shops I hated. You know the type, all fluorescent lighting and arty positioning of two racks of over priced clothes. Still, time with my best mate was always time well spent in my book. I came home with bags of food (apparently I couldn't live on take away food forever), 2 new lamps for my bedroom (yes the originals were taken last year) and a new pair of jeans. Oh and the promise to text her every couple of days at least.
I was just reacquainting myself with why I don't cook more often… (Really it was the cookers fault. The instructions said cook at 190 degrees, I cook at 190 degrees, the food burns. So what's the fucking point?) And putting sauce on my burnt offerings when the phone went. I looked at my caller i.d, it was my partner Tony.
"Hey Lurch, whatcha up to?"
"I was just leaving the office, and thought I'd drop in and see you so we can catch up on what's going on? If you're not busy burning your tea or owt girl"
"Yeah yeah, shut the fuck up Jamie Oliver and get over here you twat, I've got a hot date tonight"
"Ok, I'll be five minutes, who's the date? Jodie or Angelina? Or Rosie Palm and her five friends?" he laughed as he put the phone down.
Fucker, he always had to have the last word. I pottered to the kitchen and put the kettle on in readiness. I managed a few mouthfuls of burnt food before throwing the rest in the bin. I don't know if you know much about British Bobbies and their love of cups of tea, but I swear (yeah a lot I know) that Tony keeps Tetley in business all by himself, now me, I'm more of a coffee fiend, but Tony's a traditional tea man. Has to be in a china mug too. Bloody poof.
The buzzer went and I padded over to the buzzer phone, "what do you want you fatso?"
"Shut up and buzz me in you miserable tart"
I laughed and pressed the entry button, sure enough there was a gentle knock on my front door a couple of minutes later, the door opened and Tony filled the door space. Really, he filled it. I'm tall, but he's a big fucker, six foot plus and solid muscle. I know it sounds like I'm slagging the guy, but trust me, Tony and I have known each other for years, he transferred to Customs at the same time, and we'd helped each other out of some scrapes over the years. Basically, if I went too nice on him, he'd think something was wrong, and Effy'd kill me.
He bounded over to me with his graceful walk and engulfed me in a hug. "Alright Naom's, missed you girl, you got the kettle on? Let's have a drink and get our obbo updated then" That's our Tony, priorities sorted out! But all things considered I did love the big lug.
I made Tony his tea (in a china mug don't forget) and we discussed what was going on.
"So, we know this was a rush job going in. I mean, we got the tip off on the Friday from those Crimestopper people" he rolled his eyes, his dislike of their 'total confidentiality' well known in our office. "But, we managed to frighten the hell out of the idiot management team in that place into putting you undercover by the Wednesday of the next week."
"Yup, and a total funfest it's been Tone, fun fun fun." I smiled quietly as I sat down on the couch with my coffee, and Tony claimed the other for his large form. The view of the Mersey and its ships caught my eye as I listened to Tony's gentle accent recapping our plan.
"Well, it's not a bad thing being there for a good period before he returned from his gallivanting, given you chance to suss out the natives."
"Aye, some nice looking natives there are too big man, you've missed out on this one" I smiled at him as he pulled tongues at me in return.
"So, how's that Spideysense of yours partner? Anything dodgy about your work colleagues you can smell?"
"Nah" I shrugged, "just the usual slightly dodgy dealing, like DVD, c.d and game copy lists going cheap. And the usual cheap knock off perfume and clothes. Worth noting, but no Mr Big's bringing in big cases of class A and dealing in the corridors. But then again I got a list left for me by an officer of the law not too far away" I shifted in my seat, slumping down on the sofa more. Tony just smiled in response, "Consider it our duty to recover your DVD loses my friend, anyway the guv'nor doesn't mind, he's bought some too."
I raised an eyebrow at him, "Jesus fucking Christ, it's a fucking good job no-one's investigating us! How would that look, 'Top investigation unit involved in pirate DVD scandal'." I laughed as Tony's booming laugh joined mine. "Anyway Richard Branson, How have the more in-depth checks gone?"