Regina
(For TheNextAlice)
I have a confession to make...
At least one day every month now, I make a big round of visits, just a few places. Sometimes Moe comes with me, and even Max comes occasionally even though I told him I wasn't ready to get married, to pick, not yet. Usually, though, I go alone. It doesn't matter where we are, who's around, or what's happening; I will always make this trip until I don't have to anymore.
First, I visit my grandmother, my mother's mother. We talk about when Mom was alive, and when she and Dad and I lived here, just after I was born, until I was four and old enough to travel with the circus. We talk about how cute a kid I was, and how lovely Mom was, and how proud she'd be of me. Then I go into her back room, where she keeps the pretty urn that holds Léon's ashes. We keep them here because I never wanted to take them travelling with me, scared in case I lost them. I know he'd be proud of me too.
Then I visit the graveyard, to the two plots side-by-side where Mom and Dad are buried. If Moe is with me, he sometimes cries a little then, but I don't. Moe doesn't get it, though he says that I'm the one who doesn't. But I do, I really do. Finally realising they were never coming back hurt more than anything has ever hurt me before. But I don't believe that means they're gone. Maybe I'll never see them again, but I still believe they're with me. Watching me, being proud. I don't tell Moe.
Third, the prison. This is the most difficult part. Max is always stiff and silent if he comes with me. He'll never really forgive Acro, I don't think. For wanting to hurt me. For hurting my dad. For framing Max. But I don't hate Acro. In fact, I kind of get him. We need to talk it out, I guess, so we can learn to forgive each other. He caused the death of my father, but it wasn't his intention, and it wasn't my intention to hurt Bat either, or to make it so Acro could never walk again, but it happened. So we talk. About Bat, about my father, about the circus. About how it'll be when he leaves prison, about the future and past of the circus.
Next, I go to the hospital, and sit next to Bat's bed for a few hours. He's so much better now, coming around sometimes. He can't speak yet, but he's opening his eyes and responding when I squeeze his hand and talk to him and promise that life is going to be fantastic as soon as he gets better. If Max is with me, he stays outside the hospital. Moe doesn't. Moe talks to Bat right along with me.
The last thing I do is return to the circus. At night, I creep out of my tent and lie on the grass, long after everyone else is asleep, and stare up at the stars. And although they're gone, I can see them. As I stare at the stars, I know. No matter what he says, Mom and Dad and Léon are all up there, watching and waving and helping me, helping Bat, helping Acro. Not part of our lives anymore, but making sure we live what we have to the fullest.
...I still believe they're with me.