The look of camouflage

On the ones who beg

The decider says I'm a fighter

But I can't feel my fucking legs

"Broken Arm"

-Winterpills

Chapter 8:

Is everyone crazy?

Everyone immediately started to freak out about Jacob. Would he actually go through with it? Would he succeed? Or would he just get ripped to pieces? Why wasn't Sam doing anything to help or stop him? Did he want Jacob to get killed?

Sam shot an evil look at me, Of course I don't want that. But what else am I supposed to do?

Well, you are the Alpha, I frowned. He was continuously reminding us of that. Do something Alpha-y. Was that even a word? Probably not.

You saw how well that worked. Sam lowered his eyes at me.

You should have tried harder.

What would you have me do, Leah? Attack him?

He would've healed, I shrugged. Besides, getting a few puncture wounds from Sam would be a hell of a lot better than being shred to pieces by vampires.

Jared finally phased. He'd missed pretty much everything. He heard all the confusion and anger in our thoughts. He immediately wanted to know what was going on. He came into one giant argument after another.

If he's going to the Cullens, shouldn't someone go to back him up? I frowned. Sam couldn't honestly let one of his pack member's die without trying to do anything about it, could he?

Jacob made a decision. He vented. A very stupid decision. And whatever happens is on him.

Oh come on, Sam, we can't let him die, Seth begged.

Wait, Jake's dying? Jared was still pretty out of the loop.

He went to fight the vampires, Paul snorted.

There was a pause and then Jared gave an approving howl, Bout damn time we kicked their asses. That's just completely awesome!

No, not really. He's going renegade. There's no evidence that the treaty has been broken. Quil sounded sad.

Well, I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to die. I refused. I stood up, ready to speed off into the forest.

I hadn't even gotten two feet before Sam stopped me, You will not disobey me, Leah.

Laying down the law, are we, Sam? I questioned, Maybe I should have let you do that in the bedroom more. Maybe that's why you dumped me. I always knew I was too strong of a woman… It was a low blow, but I didn't care.

Damn Leah, that was cold, Quil frowned.

Shut it, Dancing Queen. I quickly reminded him that I had not forgotten about his dress up incident.

Sam took a moment to recover from my ugly jab, and then he was back in the lead. No one is going anywhere. We're going to wait.

Wait on what? For Jake to get killed? Embry snarled. I'm with Leah: let's go help him. We aren't doing any good sitting around here.

I gave him an appreciative nod and smile. Sam faced Embry and me. I get that this is difficult for you. It is for me, too. But there are certain rules that must be abided by. We have to work together.

I grumbled. We weren't working together; we were working for Sam. Doing what he wanted. I hated not having the will to do what I wanted. If he didn't have his stupid hold over me, I would be racing towards saving Jacob's stupid ass. I know that Seth and Embry felt the same way.

Sam, please? Seth pleaded. He loved everyone in the pack, but he had gotten particularly close to Jacob. He was like the big brother he'd never had. Sometimes I felt bad for the kid. He had wanted a brother so bad. Instead, he had me.

Don't you start this too, Seth. Sam shook his head.

There has to be something we can do. He paused. Send me. Maybe I can cut him off. And the Cullens know me, so it's not like it would be a problem for me to be on their land.

I will not put you in that kind of danger. I don't want you in the middle of this, Sam refused.

Sam was right about that. Seth couldn't see what a risky situation this was. It would be stupid to put him in the middle of Jacob and Edward's battle.

I'll go too, Embry nodded eagerly. So Seth won't have to go alone.

I don't want to hear anymore arguments. No one is going anywhere. What I say, goes in this pack. Understand that. I don't particularly like to lay down the law with you guys, but so help me God, if one of you steps out of line, I will punish you, Sam said firmly.

He used the Alpha command. We had no choice but to listen to him. But that didn't mean we had to be happy about it. We were still very upset. Seth grumbled a few cuss words under his breath. Rarely did I ever hear him use that kind of language. I wish I could have fought back more. Or convinced the rest of the pack to rise up against Sam. But the others had accepted Sam's bullshit logic. The three of us continued grumbling quietly to ourselves as everyone else formed a plan.

Now, it's important to strategize a plan for each scenario. Sam walked the circle and looked at each of us. He paused to take a moment to recognize Jacob's empty spot. He just shook his head and continued.

Collin and Quil will run the borders. Sam started handing out assignments. Brady and Jared need to follow. Embry, you, Leah, and Seth are with me. He was probably afraid that we would take off after Jake after we were separated from the pack. He wasn't wrong there. If he turned his back, I would have been so far gone…

I'll go to the Black's, Paul suggested.

That might not be a bad idea, Sam nodded in approval. If something happens and one of the vampires comes looking for revenge, it would be best to have Billy and Rachel protected.

Oh sure, Paul got to do what he wanted to do. Stupid Alpha's Pet.

If one of those parasites comes near Rachel, I'll rip their fucking head off, Paul growled through his teeth.

Focus on the matter at hand. Sam reminded Paul.

The matter at hand? That matter at hand was the fact that Sam was going to let Jacob die because he was too much of a coward to fight the vampires himself. He couldn't stand that Jacob had the balls to ignore him and do what needed to be done.

I shook my head. My feelings were bouncing back and forth. Jacob attacking the Cullens was stupid and irrational, yet Sam not attacking them could prove to be dangerous and catastrophic. I knew that Jacob wasn't thinking clearly, but I didn't think that Sam was either.

Right, sorry. Paul took off towards the Black's house.

Seth moaned, How come he gets to go where he wants to go?

Because he doesn't fight me every step of the way. Now fall in line, Seth, Sam growled.

I winced as my brother was forced under Sam's command. I could see how much Seth was resisting. I had more or less given up. What other choice did I have? Sam would always have a hold over me. In and out of pack life. I wondered if those vampires in Italy took suicide requests from werewolves.

This isn't fair, Seth whimpered.

Tell me about it. Just because I had given up fighting Sam didn't mean he wasn't still going to hear me bitch about how unhappy I was.

Well, you know what? Life isn't fair. It's full of disappointment. Get used to it, Sam snapped again. I could tell he was addressing this mostly to me. Stop bitching and get over it.

You know we're going to follow your lead whether we want to or not. You don't have to be such a dick about it, Embry snarled.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Had Embry Call just stood up to Sam Uley? When exactly had Embry become all macho and brave? Had I missed something? I had never seen him challenge Sam before. He was a lot like Seth, mellow and easy going. He just liked for people to get along. He rarely said anything in anger.

I could tell from his thoughts that Sam was just as startled as I was. He took a moment to think before he responded.

What? was all Sam managed to ask.

It's enough that she has to see and listen to you after the whole "imprinting" fiasco. I'm just saying that maybe you should cut her some slack.

I saw Seth's mouth hanging open stupidly. I'm sure mine was too. I was completely floored. I couldn't tell what was going on in Embry's brain. He was upset about Jacob, there was no doubt about that. But there were a bunch of other jumbled thoughts that I couldn't exactly pick through.

Uh…okay? Sam was still flabbergasted. He shook his head. Just…whatever…nose to the ground guys, he ordered.

We started our run. Oddly enough, no one in the pack said anything about Embry's strange outburst. I thought I heard Quil mumble some kind of approval to him, but I wasn't sure.

That was…nice. I looked to Embry who was running just a few feet beside me.

Just figured you could use some backup.

Thanks…I think. I wasn't sure what to think.

He sighed and then mumbled, Sure would be nice to give Jake some backup, too.

Embry… Sam growled a warning at him.

What, now we can't talk about how we're feeling? Embry questioned.

Keep the attitude to a minimum please. Sam wasn't very hasty with this request. It seemed to be more of a plead than a command.

Embry shut up after that. For almost an hour, we ran in silence except for a few more jabs I took at Quil about dressing up in women's clothing.

As time lingered on, we continued to wonder what had become of Jacob. He hadn't phased and obviously wasn't going to. He was avoiding the confrontation he was going to have with Sam…if he had lived through his visit to the vampire's place. Everyone waited in anticipation.

I could feel the wave of relief when we felt Jacob phase. Everyone started calling out to him, begging to know that he was okay. I wasn't about to say anything. I was pissed at him. How could he do something so stupid? I couldn't figure out if I was more upset that he had done it, or that he hadn't invited me to wreck some havoc with him. He knew I hated those damn vampires. Plus, I'd already told him I would fight with him. To hell with Sam's commands.

Through Paul's eyes, I could see the Black's house. He phased out. Must be updating Jacob's family, letting them know that he wasn't dead. Billy had to have been going crazy with concern.

Sam, of course, was extremely angry. He ordered Jacob back home. I couldn't imagine the lashing in store for Jacob. But, then something in Sam's mind changed. We all felt Jacob's shock and confusion. And it didn't take us long to catch up.

It was all like a really horrible slow motion picture show. The part where he ripped Billy's phone out of the wall amused me a little. Looks like I wasn't the only wolf who created craters in walls.

But it all went downhill from there.

Jacob had run off to the Cullen's place. He had every intention of attacking Edward, but what he found when he arrived had changed his mind.

Carlisle Cullen had been the one who answered the door when Jacob arrived. That was probably a good thing, too, because had it been any of the others, Jacob might have attacked right then. Carlisle was hard to hate, plus he had treated Jacob's injuries when he was hurt in battle last year. I think Jake had a sort of respect for the guy.

I saw Edward's face and instinctively growled, but something in his eyes made me stop the rumbling in my throat. He almost looked...pained. That pleased me. But it also shocked me. Was it possible for a vampire to feel pain? Because Edward looked like the epitome of pain in this memory.

Nothing could have prepared us for what happened next. A flash of Bella appeared in Jacob's mind. And she looked sick. Really sick. She was obviously not a vampire yet. Bella's face matched that of the white sofa she was resting on. The skin on her face was hanging off of her bones.

The stupid blonde vampire, Rosalie I believe was her name, huddled over Bella. As if she needed any more protection. They had to know by now that Jacob would never hurt Bella. A thought then occurred to me. From what I could recall, Rosalie had always been indifferent to Bella. Why was she protecting someone she didn't care about?

Then it was a flash of little things. Bella vomiting. Edward trying to get near her only to be stopped by the blonde bimbo. Bella comforting Edward? Rosalie being a bitch. And then…the blanket that was covering Bella came off as she stood up.

In Jacob's mind, it looked like he might vomit. I thought I might, too. His thoughts started flashing even faster. Edward begged Jacob to convince Bella that she was going to get herself killed. He knew that this was his fault. I snorted. Looks like he should have used more than 150 condoms after all.

Edward explained that they couldn't convince Bella to get rid of the thing inside of her. She was a bigger idiot than I thought. When Jacob suggested taking it by force, I understood what the blonde leech was doing all huddled and protective of her. So, she was helping Bella die all because she had missed out on some mommy time? God, what a selfish bitch.

Bella was right up there with that wannabe surrogate mom in the selfishness department. If she loved Edward, why the hell would she put him through this? Not that I cared about Edward's feelings. I was just starting to see a pattern with her. Use a man to get what you want, and then to hell with them afterwards. Yeah, that's healthy.

Edward brought on the self-hate pretty heavily. I don't think even I hated myself as much as Edward appeared to loathe his existence. He begged Jacob to talk some sense into her. I bet Jacob was starting to get accustomed to being used. Edward seemed to be of the mindset that if Bella died, he wanted Jacob to kill him. Freaking suicidal vampire. I certainly wouldn't have a problem helping him die.

Then there was more of Rosalie being a crazy psycho. Jacob and Bella talking. She didn't listen. There's a surprise. Then Bella started babbling some nonsense about imprinting and how she understood it. I scoffed. We barely understood it. There was no way that she knew how it worked. More of Bella and Jacob arguing. Stupid girl probably thought she was being tough with the thing inside killing her.

As it was, the thing was already bruising her from the inside out. I saw her mangled body through Jacob's eyes. It was just very disturbing. And when Jacob started begging for Edward, I could taste the venom in my mouth. Jacob did everything humanly possible to try and help Bella out of the situation. Now, there was only one thing left to do. Sit back and wait for her to die.

No one in the pack could form a complete sentence. I thought I heard Seth stutter out a Huh?

Embry forced out, How?

No one else spoke after that. We were all just in too much shock. It was a lot of information to take in. Sam didn't have to tell us to do anything. We were already on our feet, racing to meet Jacob.

Much like the rest of the pack, my thoughts stayed completely silent. I tried to understand what I had seen in Jacob's head. It took a moment for it to sink in. Though she was clearly not in this state two weeks ago, there was something inside of her that was growing at an enormous rate. I don't know how it had happened, but…she was pregnant.

I huffed angrily. The bitch was pregnant? I somehow snorted out a callous laugh. Here I was, a mutated genetic dead end. Having kids for me was completely out of the question. And this leech loving whiny ass vampire wannabe was going to have a kid!

How is it that some people get everything they want in life?

Sam was right. Life is completely and utterly unfair.