Chapter 5

4.30a.m. fucking marvellous. I looked at the red numbers on my clock and winced. 4.31….4.32….Even when I was on my regular duty shifts I never had to be up this early. 5.30, yeah, maybe somtimes. Amazing how much of a difference those 60 minutes made!

I psyched myself up, and heaved myself out of bed. So, after a coolish shower (according to Eff, it's good for the condition of my skin, which as I'm a big dyke I ignore) here I am driving to work for the early shift. God, I hated split days off. Thanks to my best mate John '2 twatting families' Bennett deciding that I needed to do that this week. Fucker. One more reason to hate him. Like I needed any other reason. I pulled up in the works car park and grabbed my bag from the boot of the car.

I felt his presence even before he spoke.

"So tell me then gorgeous, how'd a babe like you end up working in a place like this?"

The Wanker. Thank you God. I counted to ten in English and Welsh, both forward and backward. Nope. No good. I was still regretting my decision not be armed on this job.

I turned around and put on my best 'eat shit and die' grin. Grimace was probably closer to the truth.

"Alright Jim," I nodded my head slightly in acknowledgement of his existence "just born lucky I guess"

He looked mildly disappointed, as if I was supposed to swoon over his pathetic lines. I don't know if you've figured this out yet, but I'm not usually a 'swooning' kinda girl. Especially for arrogant bastards like this.

"Oh" a pause, I walked towards the staff entrance of the hospital. "So, what's in the bag then?" the Wanker jogged to catch me up. He couldn't see me smile as he said it. Nosy bastard. The bait was already taken, now just to start reeling him in.

"Ah, well, can you keep things quiet Jimmy boy?" I looked at him, projecting what charm I could muster. "I had to leave my last job cause of this, don't wanna piss the knobs in their ivory towers off, if you catch my drift?" he nodded his head "well I have this little business on the side with knock off games, DVD's and albums. I mentioned it to Andy and Pete the other day and they asked me bring some of the merchandise in to see. The stuff you guys get isn't up to much they said"

His beady little eyes lit up, "Cool, any chance I can have an advance screening of them? I'm not too sure if I can get to see them on my break. I'm always interested in getting stuff cheaper."

I smiled at him, "Sure, here ya go" I opened my sports bag and handed him one of the DVD's I'd got off JJ, swanky cover and all. He looked at the disc and then at me.

"Any chance I can borrow this for the day? I wanna see what it plays like on the player in the staff room; check out if it's as good as the cover." I shrugged, "Sure, no worries, if you like the merchandise, I've got a list"

He stepped into my personal space making eye contact; why the fuck did this guy think he was God's gift? And why did he think I might be remotely interested? It's no wonder I'd not been laid for a while…I must've been giving the wrong vibes out…

"Don't suppose you're on that list of merchandise are you babe?" I felt a hand run up my arm and seriously bit down on the desire to rip his arms off and beat him to death with them. Imagining the paperwork I'd have to fill stopped me…..just.

"'Fraid not Jim, DVD'S only" I kept my face neutral as I tried to keep him onside but tell him to piss off at the same time. "I don't get involved with fellow work mates messes up everything if it all goes tits up. And that's the other thing mate, I like tits too much." I watched his face as the realisation of what I was not so subtly telling him hit home. He leered in a sly way.

"Shame. Oh, well, in that case we'll have to see what kind of bird you pull then eh? Talk later" and off he strolled, leaving me to walk into the porters office a bit bemused as to his reaction. I had expected him to bit a bit, I dunno, snide? Sly? Off? Nasty? Probably all the above to be honest. I had to keep an eye on the fucker. Good job that's what I was really there for then.

To be honest with you, the work day was a total bust. I actually had to work which was fucking annoying! As I've told you, portering ain't my thing, being a copper is. Still, needs must, I didn't even get chance to get that disk back of the Wanker. Ah well, there was always tomorrow. I clocked off, said goodbye to the lads and headed home.

After another meal of delightful mush and a workout I rang Tony updated him and vegetated for the rest of the evening.

I was part way through my next days shift when Big Jimmy Boy Wanker collared me.

"Alright love, that disk you gave me's top notch shit, I'm hoping you and I can do some business over them. I know who to keep sweet in here if you know what I mean."

I smiled at him, this was going better than expected.

"Sure, I don't want to tread on any toes here, but I need to keep my outside interests up y'know? I've got expensive tastes and a nice pad to pay for"

"Sounds like my bird Katie to be honest." he laughed. Katie 'the bitch' I presumed. He ignored my bored look and carried on. "It's always 'James I want I want', you know how these women are eh love?"

Ah shit. The knob now presumed I treated women like he did? Bollocks.

"Hey, you single then? Caused her twins a muff muncher, and she's single too. Stroppy stuck up bitch like, but she's a looker" he looked at me expecting an answer.

"I'm not interested in dating at the minute mate, but thanks for the offer. Another time eh?" Thankfully for me, my pager went off calling me back to the porters office for more ferrying of people around. I smiled to myself. Go out on a date with the twin sister of that knob heads girl? Yeah right.