I close my eyes when I get to sad

I think thoughts that I know are bad

Close my eyes and I count to ten

Hope it's over when I open them

"Wonderful"

-Everclear

Chapter 11:

Lalalalala…not listening…

I flipped on the porch light so we could see each other. Billy noticed the clothes that I had tethered around my ankles.

He let out a laugh.

"I told him you would go through with it." He shook his head. "He thought you were just blowing off steam. Figured you were running home to tell your mom about everything."

"What are you talking about?" I wasn't sure how much Sam had shared with Billy.

"Sam called me a bit ago. He was pretty upset. Said you were going renegade. Explained to me about Seth and Jacob abandoning the pack."

"They're not abandoning the pack; they're fighting for what they believe in," I disagreed.

"And what is it that you believe in, Leah?" Billy questioned.

I still wasn't sure about that. I knew that attacking the Cullens was wrong. But I also knew that letting that Omen child develop wasn't right either. I didn't feel the need to explain myself to Billy Black. It's not like he was my father. I just changed the subject.

"Where's my mom?"

"With Charlie. He's pretty torn up right now," Billy said. I saw his face scrunch seriously. "It's mighty risky…what Bella is doing."

"Downright idiotic," I agreed.

"Then why are you rushing to protect them?"

I sighed. I couldn't answer him. I didn't know the answer. I just knew that I wanted to be free of Sam.

Billy continued softly, "I told Sam that I would talk to you. He figured that you might change your mind if you thought about it first. He's not as worried as he should be."

"Oh?" Well la-dee-freakin-dah. Ask me how much I didn't care.

"Well, on account that he could still hear your thoughts up until you phased, he seems to think that you're just venting." He paused, "But, I think you're planning something more serious."

He was right on both accounts. The pack was still in my mind before I phased back. They weren't as strong, but they were there. Consciously, I had made my decision, but my subconscious hadn't accepted it yet.

"So that's why you're here? To tell me I'm making the wrong choice?"

He shook his head, "You're confused. Hurt. Angry." Billy tried to take a stab at how I was feeling. "You aren't thinking clearly."

But for once, I wasn't hurt. I wasn't angry or confused. I had never been thinking more clearly. I just stayed silent, seeing where Billy was going with this.

"I expected this from Jacob. And Seth doesn't surprise me, given his friendship with the Cullens. But you?" Billy was surprised at my abandon. He frowned, "You and Sam…you've been through so much."

"Which is exactly why I have to get out." I couldn't stay silent anymore. He had to understand that this wasn't just about the Cullens. I frowned in frustration.

Billy looked down at the ground. "You know there's no control over it…" He referred to imprinting.

Of course he would defend Sam. Because Sam apparently never did anything wrong. He was the god damn Golden Child of La Push.

"Don't you even think about bringing up imprinting, Billy, or I swear to God I'll wheel you into the middle of a busy intersection and leave you there." I let my anger get the better of me. And I immediately regretted it.

Billy understood my emotional outburst. He just nodded sympathetically. Wow, he really knew how to make me feel like shit. Couldn't he just yell at me or something?

"Sorry," I huffed. "It's been a rough night."

"So I hear."

Which brought up the question, "Why are you here exactly? To force me back into the pack?"

"I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. I know all too well what it's like to be under someone else's power." He patted the side of his wheelchair.

I guess he did have to rely on other people more often than he would like to admit because of his circumstances.

"I'm only here to make sure you understand all sides of things before you make your decision."

Before I could tell him that my decision was already made, he held his hand up and interrupted me.

"Just hear me out, okay? I told Sam I'd talk to you, and that's what I'm going to do. I know you don't want to hear this, but he seems to think that I can talk some sense into you." He let out a boisterous laugh. "Don't know how much good I'll do. You always were stubborn, even when you were little." He let out a softer laugh this time. "I remember when your father tried to teach you how to ride a bike. When he steadied the handlebars, you pushed him away and were adamant that you could do it all by yourself."

I felt a sudden twinge of sadness, recalling my dad. I remembered that day vividly. I was the most independent five-year-old on the block. My parents had bought me a brand new bike because I was jealous of how much attention Seth was getting. I felt like the forgotten child because I didn't understand that babies required a lot of attention.

So, my dad helped me pick out a bike. One without training wheels, because I wanted to be a big girl. But when he tried to help me learn to ride it, I pushed him away. Because big girls didn't need their daddy's help.

That's what my problem was. I didn't know how to let people help me. And I was constantly getting hurt because of it.

"I fell over." I recalled what had happened when I wouldn't let my father help me.

Billy smiled warmly at me, "But you got back up without so much as whimper." He reminded me. "And you learned how to ride that bike." He laughed. "You used to torture Jake with it. I would catch you riding circles around him and stealing his cookies."

"God, I was such a terrible child." I couldn't help but laugh. Damn Billy for making me forget how pissed I was. But, I guess that's why Sam had sent him. Billy knew my weaknesses. All he had to do was mention my father and that was enough to turn my attention away from the matter at hand.

I really, really missed him. I wished that my daddy was here to help this "big girl" now.

"Let me ask you something, Billy. Who do you think is right? Sam or Jacob?"

At first he didn't say anything. I figured he wouldn't answer that. It was one of those impossible questions with no right answer. Or, so I thought.

"Whatever is festering inside of Bella can't be good. It's monstrous. And as much as I love Charlie and his daughter, and don't want to see them hurt, I'm inclined to believe that Sam is acting correctly. It needs to be destroyed."

He would side with Sam Uley over his own son? I was completely shocked. It could not have been an easy thing for him to admit.

Billy explained further, "As much as my son believes that he is doing this for the right reasons, his love for Bella is blinding him and clouding his judgment." He deliberated for a moment and let out a sigh. "I always taught him to follow his heart."

Well, that was stupid. Fortunately the filter in my brain caught that before I muttered it aloud to Billy. Well, it was good to know that I still had a filter in my brain. Where the hell was it five minutes ago when I was threatening to push Billy into traffic?

"If Jacob can follow his heart, why can't I?"

"This isn't what you want." Billy shook his head.

Being away from Sam? Yeah, it was. In fact, I don't think I had ever wanted anything more.

"Go back to where you belong," Billy begged. "To the pack." To Sam. I knew that's exactly what he was thinking. He sighed, "So you fell off the bike, Leah. Get back on."

What a ridiculously cheesy, adult thing to say. I shook my head. I wasn't going to listen to stupid analogies or childhood comparisons. This was different. I was reminded of Jacob standing up to my former Alpha. And the word quickly came to my lips as well.

"No."

Billy didn't get angry like I expected him to. Instead he offered me a suggestion.

"Tell you what, the pack is meeting tomorrow morning, right?" He watched as I nodded my head in silence. "Why don't you sleep on it? Go and meet them tomorrow. And if you still feel this way after the meeting, then you'll know that you do belong with Jacob and Seth."

Go to the meeting tomorrow morning? I frowned. There was no way I could pull away from Sam again. Once was hard enough. I had to fight with every fiber of my being to ignore his commands. I couldn't go and see the pack and then just take off again. This ploy had "Sam" written all over it. He must have told Billy to convince me in any way that he could to get me to come back to the pack. Then he could regain his command over me. I wasn't fooled.

I looked into Billy's eyes, pleading for me not do turn my back on the Quileutes. I knew the only way out of this was to lie. I bit down hard on my tongue. Lying to Billy felt so wrong, especially about this. But if Sam was going to play dirty, then so was I.

"Okay. Did Sam say when they were meeting?" I had skipped out before we had set a definite time.

"An hour after sunrise," Billy nodded.

Perfect. I just had to leave my house in a few hours, after Billy had gone home, and meet up with Seth and Jacob at sunrise. Then, there would be no turning back. Once I was with my brother and his new leader, I would be free of Sam Uley once and for all.

"Well, I guess I'd better get some sleep then." I tried to send Billy on his way. He raised his eyebrows suspiciously at me. I let out a comforting laugh. "Relax, Billy, I'm not going anywhere tonight."

That much was true. I had to make sure he was completely out of the picture before I snuck away. After a moment of deliberation, Billy decided that he believed me. Or at least he wasn't going to call me on my lie.

"You'll do the right thing," Billy said. I don't know if he was trying to convince me or himself. "You're a good kid, Leah."

A good kid? Yeah. Mouthing off to the pack leader, fighting with the other wolves, and lying to an Elder. I should get a freaking medal.

"Need a ride home?"

He shook his head as he wheeled away. I guessed that he had someone waiting on him further down the road. Someone who didn't have the balls to come and talk to me himself. Sam must have figured I would respond better to Billy than I would to him. He wasn't wrong. Because if Sam had been the one that showed up on my doorstep, I wouldn't have been able to run fast enough.

I paused as I shut the door. I took a second to deliberate what I would do next. Sam knew that I was serious. And now that he had Billy on his side, this was going to be much harder. He knew that. He was using the people I cared about against me. I gritted my teeth together in anger.

I collapsed into my bed in exhaustion and set my alarm for two hours. That would give me enough time to get some rest and make sure that Billy and his cohort were really gone.

As I laid on my bed trying to fall asleep, I wrestled with my frustration. Sam didn't really care about me. He just didn't want to lose another pack member. I was nothing more to him than a soldier. Why was he was mad that I was leaving? He's the one who didn't want me around in the first place. And that's fine, because I didn't want to be around. I was tired of following my ex-boyfriend around like some love-sick puppy. I knew I was making the right decision.

But that still didn't help me sleep any better.