And this life sentence that I'm serving

I admit that I'm every bit deserving

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cuz I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity

I've been locked inside that house, all the while you hold the key

And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though there's no way of knowing where to go, promise I'm going

Cuz I gotta get outta here

"Be My Escape"

-Relient K

Chapter 12:

I hope I know what I'm doing…

When the alarm blared in my ears two hours later, I threw it into the wall across the room. I don't know why I had tried to sleep. Experience had taught me that when I tried to sleep when I was wound up, I usually woke up feeling worse than if I hadn't slept in days.

I was stiff as a board and my head was pounding. I groaned and rolled out of bed. I fumbled through my bedroom, lit only by the fading moonlight from outside my window. I think I was grumpier now than when I had gone to sleep.

I glanced out my window. I couldn't sense anyone outside. I decided that I would keep the lights out just in case someone was watching. Better to be neurotic and overly concerned than to not take this serious enough.

I grabbed the clothes that I had picked out before Billy showed up on my doorstop, and then made my way into the kitchen. The note that I had left for mom was still tucked underneath a vase on the counter. She was probably still with Charlie. Some people might find it a little uncomfortable when their mother stayed out at a guy's house. But I was glad that my mom was comforting Charlie at a time when he needed her. He had done the same for her after my father passed. He was a good guy, eyebrows and all.

I looked at a picture of my family that was hanging on the wall. It was taken before Seth and I were wolves, when my dad was still around. We all looked so happy. So much had changed. I took one last look at my family and then shuffled out the back door.

I had to avoid phasing for the moment. I needed to be far enough away when the pack realized I was really leaving. Once I got close to the Cullen's land, I would phase...let Jacob know that I was loyal to him now. Wow, that sounded weird. Leah Clearwater following Jacob Black.

I decided that it would be best to trek out to the Cullen's on foot. If I stuck to the busiest streets, I knew that no one in the pack would risk exposure to try and talk to me. It wouldn't be long before they realized that I was being serious when I bolted last night.

I grumbled. It would take longer to get there on two feet, but I didn't have a better idea. As I weaved through the roads that I had grown up on, I took in the sights around me. Who knows how long it would be before I saw this town again? Maybe after all this was over, I'd never come back. It's not like there was anything left for me here. Besides, as long as Sam stuck around, I didn't want to be anywhere near here.

I got to the boundary line a little after sunrise. Perfect timing. I couldn't have planned this better. I was praising myself for my job well done. The only thing left to do now was phase.

Using the woods for cover, I slowly started shedding my clothes. Usually it didn't take me long to get undressed, but I felt a certain uneasiness as I got ready to phase. I had never been nervous to change before.

It won't be any different. I told myself. Okay, now I was officially lying again. It would be completely different. I started wondering if this would work. After all, last night Sam was still in my head. But that was before I had declared for certain that this is what I was going to do.

I had questions racing through my mind. Was this all in vain? Would I still be linked to the pack? Was I really prepared to fight them if it came down to that? Would Jacob even accept me, or would I just go back to being unwanted all the way around?

I geared myself up, mumbling that I was doing this for many reasons. The most believable reason would be Seth. Yes, I would use my brother as an excuse. It was true that I didn't want anything to happen to him. He was my kid brother. Hopefully that would be as strong a case as any for Jacob to let me into his pack.

Then, I cut my thoughts off completely. It was time to do this. As I started sprinting forward, I let the wolf out. I raced through the forest in silence.

So far, so good. There was no pack in my head. I could feel Seth and Jacob, but no one else. And just like that…I was free. Free from the seven other wolves in my head. But most importantly, free from Sam.

I felt Jacob snap out of a deep sleep and I heard Seth stop dead in his tracks. Well, they knew now.

Morning, boys. Didja miss me? I laughed at myself. Of course they didn't miss me. Jacob couldn't stand me, and Seth was my brother. I could hear the resentment in Seth's head. I couldn't help but be a sister. Oh, come on, you know you love me.

Just great. Seth let out an irritated howl. I smiled. So I had done it. I had really pulled myself completely from the pack.

Go away, Leah. I had never been so happy in my life to hear my brother's grumbling.

God, he could be such a baby sometimes. I bet I was the last person they expected to come running through the trees. Neither of them looked happy to see me.

Aw, put some smiles on those faces. It's not like it's the end of the world.

Of course it is. You're here. My brother was unusually hostile. Had to say that one stung. I tried to shrug it off. Jacob bared his teeth at me, and I instinctively took a step back. He was the Alpha now. I had to fall in line. Jacob read my conflicting thoughts.

What are you doing here, Leah?

How stupid was he? It was pretty obvious what I was doing here. I glanced at the big house I had last visited at the wedding. I shuddered just thinking about it. But here I was, willingly domesticating myself to become a common housepet for a group of vampires.

Jacob shook his head. You're not staying. It's enough that Seth is here. Then he threatened to tear out…some part of my body. I didn't pay attention to him. I had half-expected him to react this way, so I was prepared.

You know, Jake, I'm not afraid of you. It's kind of hard to take you seriously when I know that up until a year ago, you still slept with a nightlight.

Jacob's jaw dropped and he raised his hackles.

Go home, Leah. Turn around and go back home.

Make me. I pushed my luck.

I WILL take you down in front of your brother. He didn't sound nearly as threatening as Sam.

I shrugged. Like you could catch me. I leaned forward in a playful manner. Wanna race, O fearless leader?

He looked like he was about to scream, but instead he just huffed angrily, Wouldn't be any point. You'd kick my ass, and you know it. He faced Seth. Why don't you tell the Cullens that your stupid sister has decided to join our ranks?

Seth obediently raced towards the house. I was a little taken aback that Jacob was letting him go into the vampire's nest all alone.

He's a big boy. He can take care of himself. Jacob heard my thoughts. Besides, I think he'd rather risk spending time with the leeches than to sit here and listen to you flapping your jaw.

That burned me.

Why don't you just shut up, Jacob? I immediately remembered my place and tried to recover, Crap, uh, I mean…shut up, Oh most high and mighty Alpha.

Not bad. Jacob laughed. Maybe you should bow down and kiss my feet, too.

I rolled my eyes. Well, at least he was accepting me...I think. He frowned at me and asked me what I was doing here. I glanced to where Seth had run off to. As far as Jacob knew, I was doing this for my brother.

Seth's naïve. I figured you've kind of got your hands full with…things… I wasn't sure how to go about tiptoeing around the fact that Bella was dying. I'm here to watch after my brother. Do you think I want him to end up as some chew toy for the vampires?

You never were the protective older sister. Why start now?

Because he's my brother, Jacob. I growled. And because you led him out here on a suicide mission.

I didn't lead him anywhere. He chose to follow me. Much like you chose to follow him. Truth is, Seth doesn't need your protection.

Right, he's got his hero for that. I glared at Jacob. Seth had always seen Jacob as someone to look up to. He worshiped the ground Jake walked on.

Just go away, Leah. No one wants you here.

I tried to hide how much that hurt. I snorted sarcastically and put on my arrogant mask to hide the sadness. Jacob and Seth didn't want me. Sam didn't want me. I was just an unloved loser.

Jacob shook his head. I didn't mean it like that. He paused and then glanced at me sideways. So I take it that this isn't about Seth at all?

He's part of it. I was vague about the part where I was free of Sam. He looked at me like he didn't trust me. He was starting to wonder if this was some kind of trap set by Sam.

Don't be an idiot, Jacob…I mean, Oh great and merciless Alpha. I shrugged. Think about it. Would you be able to hear me if I was still loyal to Sam? My allegiance is no longer with him.

He examined my thoughts further, and I let him. He needed to see that this was real. It wasn't a trick. He laughed sarcastically, much like I had when I'd heard how ridiculous it sounded that I was following him now.

You're…loyal to me now?

Don't go getting all excited. I didn't have much to choose from. You just happened to be the lesser of the two evils.

Gee, thanks, Jacob rumbled. He pushed deeper into my thoughts. He could tell that I was more excited about this than I was letting on. It was weird that Jacob was reading my mind. He had never cared what I was thinking before. I guess maybe he found it intriguing that I was lighter now without Sam's burden holding me down. He pushed a little too far as he read some of my thoughts about Sam, so I started to push back.

Seth caused a nice little diversion as he explained in his mind what was going on to Edward.

Yeah, so, apparently God hates me, because my sister showed up this morning. Seth prattled to Edward. His expression didn't change as he listened to Seth's ranting. I was tense with Seth being around a vampire by himself. Seth continued, Since Leah's insisting on staying, it looks like you've got another set of eyes and ears…

I growled. I really didn't like to think that I was working for the vampires. It was so degrading.

And the pack is down to seven now, so chances of them attacking anytime soon are pretty slim. Seth glanced at Edward for a reaction. Nothing. The cold dead face was like an expressionless pit of despair. Edward gave Seth a nod and then disappeared back into the house.

Wow, he's looking pretty rough. Jacob noted.

Yeah, he looks really bad. Seth agreed.

Once Seth reached us, I quickly asked for an explanation to everything that was going on. Jacob refused at first, telling me that I didn't belong here. Well, I sure as hell didn't belong in La Push either.

Leah, you don't like me and I don't like you. Jacob shook his massive head.

Oh, but Jacob, I had this dream that we would one day become lovers and have lots of babies together. I mouthed off. I saw him cringe and take a step backwards. Wow, I was that repulsive, huh? Ouch.

I just meant that you know you don't want to be here. You hate vampires.

So?

Conflict of interest. Jacob pointed out.

Oh, like you and Edward Cullen are BFF's? I shrugged. I can help and not have to be near them. I can run patrols. Isn't that what you have Seth doing?

He scoffed. He still didn't trust me. I figured it was time to let him know that I was serious about joining this pack. I will NOT betray my pack.

Jacob tossed his head in the air and started pacing in circles. He really had not wanted a pack. All he wanted was to break away from Sam and do what he felt was right. He hadn't anticipated anyone being loyal to him.

There must be something in your blood. You freaking Clearwaters are annoying as hell. Why don't you just leave me alone? He frowned and then sighed, How do I know you won't just change your mind if something pisses you off? I mean, at least Seth is dedicated to the cause. He'll never surrender. Jacob continued to eye me suspiciously.

Please, I don't even know the meaning of the word. I referred to "surrender."

Along with most of the other words in the English language. Jacob rolled his eyes.

See? Isn't this fun? I grinned.

Jacob took a moment to deliberate and then faced Seth.

You might be going home, kid. He looked at me and then my brother. As much help as you've been, if you and Leah are a package deal, I think I'm going to have to return you both.

I saw Seth hang his head sadly and then he glared angrily at me.

God, Leah, you ruin everything.

Since the day that I was born, I sighed. I know. Man, did I know. There was nothing about my life that wasn't tainted. Everything I touched turned to crap.

I could feel both Jacob's and Seth's unwilling sympathy for me. Well, if they were feeling bad for me, at least they might let me stay.

Seth quickly backtracked his hateful feelings and told Jacob that I really wasn't so terrible. He turned back into his optimistic self when he started telling Jacob all the good things about me being here. I was surprised that there was any good.

Jacob didn't seem to want to accept that he was leading a pack. He knew that by getting rid of Seth, he would get rid of me. I laughed silently to myself. Yeah, that's what he thought. Even if he did send Seth away, I wasn't going anywhere. I could not go back to Sam. Not after this feeling of regaining my free-will. I would not lose my freedom. Sam would always and forever have my heart, but he didn't have control over me anymore. I let my thoughts drift away from me and nearly bit through my tongue when I realized that Jacob had heard everything.

I thought this was about Seth.

I looked at Seth, who, by some miracle, had completely missed what I was thinking. Thank God for his short attention span.

Of course it's about Seth. I fumbled.

Is it really about him, or is this about getting away from Sam?

Well, part of it was about getting away from Sam. But I didn't have to talk to him about that. These were my personal feelings, and I had no obligation to talk to him about them. I was here to be part of his pack. Period. End of story.

You and Sam have been through a lot together… Jacob pointed out.

I grunted. Why did everyone keep saying that? Just because I had a history with him didn't mean I belonged with him. Our history meant nothing to me.

So...you're really willing to become a lapdog for the vampires? he questioned.

I would rather die than admit that. But this is where I belonged. The only other option I had was to kill myself. Even if I did get my hands on a gun, with my luck, I'd probably end up shooting myself in the foot and permanently disfiguring my toes.

I feel for you, I really do. I could tell that he was telling the truth. But, Leah, look…

No, you look, Jacob, this is my choice. Just stop arguing with me because you aren't going to change my mind. I will NOT go back to Sam. Not after I've experienced what it's like to be without him. I'm done being the dopey little ex-girlfriend that Sam can't stand. I can't stop loving him, Jacob, but I can damn sure cut him out of my life.

I watched as Jacob deliberated in his head. He sympathized with me. In fact, he was impressed that I was able to leave Sam when he couldn't even break himself away from Bella.

He grumbled something to Seth about killing me. I think he was joking, it was hard to tell. But then, he accepted me into his pack.

Finally, I belonged somewhere…