Wow, so, first update in 3 years. How about that? So sorry about the wait you guys :( I started college and whatnot and got so busy. I'd been wanting to update, but never really felt the motivation to write with all the other stuff I have going on in my life. But then a couple of days ago, I got an email from FF, saying that I had gotten a review from user Lorelai Pattern saying how they loved my story and hoped for an update, and well, that got me going again!

I'm sorry if my writing is a little rusty. It's been a little while since I've tackled creative writing. I read through everything I had written prior to this (much to my surprise, my writing wasn't too horrible), to refamiliarize (is that a real word?) myself with the characters and the settings. I think I need to rewatch some Trek to get the characters to flow a little more naturally again.

Anyways, sorry for the wait, and I hope the writing is ok!

9. Denial

McCoy couldn't keep his mind still as he made his way down to the transporter room. Yes, Kirk was going to be very angry with him, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Besides, Kirk enjoyed tossing him out into the unknown too often to hold a grudge; that would be hypocritical. He simply hoped that there was a positive outcome to the situation that he had placed both his nurse and his Captain, but most importantly, his friend in. Kill me for wanting the man to be happy.

These hopes were dampened as a glassy-eyed Chapel quickly strode into the room, keeping her head lowered to the floor as she found her place next to him, closely followed only a few seconds behind by a wounded looking Kirk. Oh… goddamn it. He cursed under his breath. Bones hadn't seen Kirk this upset since Starfleet had told him he was grounded after cheating the Kobayashi Maru, and Christine's subtle hitched breathing made his dismay sink into an even deeper pit in his chest. He figured that it was safe to assume that it didn't go well. It was also safe to assume that that was an understatement. He skimmed the faces of the others stood in the room, searching for any signs that they had made a connection between nurse Chapel's and Kirk's current state, and sighed with relief when he found nothing to suggest so in their expressions. They were all too preoccupied with what the hobgoblin was saying. Bones knew exactly what Spock was telling the landing party, and he damn well could have said it in less time, too. He didn't need anyone to tell him how to do his job. Finally, the Vulcan stopped droning and the party moved towards the transporters that no matter how many times he used, McCoy found himself still loathing as much as he did the first time he used one in his cadet years back when he was simply training by being beamed from one room to the next. He looked over at his nurse, whose breathing had stabilized, though her nose and cheeks were still invaded by a strong shade of pink.

"Are you ready for take two, Nurse Chapel?" he asked as cheerily as was possible for the good doctor to muster. His only response was a quick glance upward and a meek smile. He didn't even dare ask Jim. He knew him better than anyone else on board, and was well aware of the fact that such a large ego made for an easy target; but he was even more aware of the fact that it was near impossible to get James Tiberius Kirk to have the pain written across his face the way it was now. A small glimpse at him from his spot on the transporter pad before dematerializing made Bones reconfirm his fears. Yep, by the looks of it, Christine Chapel had injected his ego with some of that future-red-matter-crap. His outlook on the mission was grim.

The captain surveyed his surroundings and his crew as they rematerialized onto the planet's surface. The expression that had graced his face only moments ago had been painted over by a more serious, determined demeanor.

"Alright." he said bluntly to gather the attention of his crew before they had had the opportunity to gather themselves. Heads snapped up to face their Captain in confusion. "Our sole mission here is to find that green cat, or another one of its species. No more gathering data." Kirk glanced at Spock, who gently nodded.

"Your decision seems logical, Captain, since we have extensive amounts of data already gathered. The description you gave me of the creature also suggested that is was of intelligent life; something that would be of important aid to my research."

"That's wonderful to hear, Mr. Spock, because I wasn't planning on leaving room for you to disagree with me." Kirk watched as Spock raised an eyebrow. "Now, the teams will be divided up differently this time, in order to better serve our new mission. There will be three teams, each looking for the cat-like creature I encountered earlier that seemed to show signs of intelligent life. It's very small, light green, and has big orange eyes. It seemed to be generally friendly, but be cautious if and when you approach it, because it somehow produces a pretty nasty force field if it feels threatened I assume." A quick glance at the party confirmed that they had registered the information, and even Spock looked much more interested now than he did previously. "The teams are as follows:" he continued. "Spock, Lieutenant Uhura, and cadets Yaris and Gale will search the area that Spock and Uhura had surveyed beforehand. Pash, cadet Navarro, and Bones; you will search the area that you surveyed prior to Pavel's accident as well as the area that Yaris and Gale were working. Nurse Chapel, you will be on a team with me since we found the thing together."

Kirk's face remained unreadable, but confusion and frustration danced across Christine's face for a fleeting moment.

"That's all that needs to be said. We meet back in four hours. Let's try to get this job done." Kirk said sternly, leaving no room for further discussion. The teams had begun to set off when Kirk stopped Bones by grabbing his shoulder. The Doctor turned to face his friend.

"Bones, just make sure that you keep Pasch away from tall structures and steep edges." The order made Chekov's cheeks flush once again with a deep rouge.

"I'll be sure to do that, Jim." he said as he eyed both the Captain and Christine wearily. Kirk looked as if nothing had ever happened, while his nurse, on the other hand, looked rather distraught. "Just promise me you won't do anything stupid, damnit."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Kirk denied with a flick of his wrist. "I'll see you in four hours." He stood and waited as his friend slowly turned and lead Ana Sofía and Pavel towards their assigned area before he started walking in the opposite direction. "Nurse Chapel, we should be on our way."

Christine half heartedly looked at her Captain who was already several paces ahead of her before hurrying behind him. Neither of them said a word, but the Nurse's mind was screaming a variety of thoughts. She was felt ashamed, vulnerable, confused, and now weary of her Captain. She didn't like the situation she was in, the situation he put her in, and she couldn't shake the feeling that he had something up his sleeve. She hurt him, it was all to easy to see on the elevator. She hurt a man who was famous for overcoming the most ludicrous scenarios, and now she couldn't understand why the same man was forcing her to accompany him when he wouldn't even look at her. At one point, fear crept into her mind, but Christine scolded herself for even thinking such a thing. Captain Kirk was not that kind of man. Still well behind her Captain, she quickened her pace in order to be standing next to him. The silence was unbearable

"Captain…"

"Nurse." he replied.

"I… about the turbo lift…" she began, but Christine didn't know what to say after that. She still wasn't completely clear as to what happened when they kissed, or why her Captain did what he did, but she knew she was ashamed of reciprocating without knowing his intentions. Despite the fact that she did find him attractive and brave (among many other wonderful qualities), Christine Chapel wasn't one to be taken advantage of, and she had grown weary of Kirk's games before he had even made his advance. At first it seemed like he was waiting for her to finish her sentence, but before she could find a way to explain her reaction without further injuring him, Kirk stopped walking and spoke.

"The issue isn't relevant to the mission on hand, and will never be relevant to future missions. I see no need to discuss it… ever." he said sharply, eyes fixed on a random point in the distance. Christine frowned at him, shocked by his reaction. She thought talking it through would help mend things. He was still her Captain, after all. She tried a more gentle approach that she thought would help him open up.

"James," she noticed Kirk quickly glance at her "I wanted to…"

"We're on duty. You need to call me Captain." he interrupted. His tone was gentle, but Christine's jaw still dropped in surprise. She quickly closed her mouth, embarrassed that he might have seen. "Besides," he muttered "you know what people say about me. I'll go after anything that moves. You don't want to have sex with me; fine. I'm sure there are plenty of other women would would be more than happy to. So don't worry about me."

Nurse Chapel quickly blinked away the tears that welled up in her eyes. She didn't understand the way she was feeling. A part of her had hoped that he might have been looking for something more than to use her for his own pleasure. From all the stories she had heard from Uhura, it wasn't in his nature… but still, that moment that she returned his kiss in the turbo lift, she had hoped. And then her common sense kicked in. She regretted her reaction originally, but now she was grateful that she didn't let things escalate. He would have used me and then thrown me out like all the rest, she thought bitterly.

What the hell did I just say? Kirk thought angrily and he resumed walking. He couldn't believe that he had just thrown any sliver of a chance that remained out the window. Who am I kidding, I never had a chance.

"We should start where we left off." he said as normally as possible. Was he referring to their mission, or their relationship? The expression on Christine's face hinted that she was wondering the same thing. You dumbass, he scolded himself, there was never a relationship. "It will give us a better chance of finding the cat." he clarified.

"I guess that makes sense…" the nurse replied slowly "but it vanished into thin air. It could have reappeared anywhere. And there is no way for us to track it."

At least she got the hint. He was relieved that she wasn't going to push the subject further. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. Like there was even anything to talk about in the first place. Now things just needed to go back to normal. Captain and Nurse and nothing more. Kirk decided that the only way to do that was to behave as normally as possible.

"Call me crazy, but I can't help but feel that it wanted something from me. So maybe if we just wander around, it will come to us." he tried to smile. "And that way, we can get a better look at this weird landscape." Nurse Chapel simply nodded meekly. He tried to think of something to say to her, but decided it would be best to move on silently for now. It would get easier.

They had been wandering for over an hour now, exchanging short conversations about various strange plants, rocks, and animals they encountered on their way. Asides from that, much wasn't said. Christine noted that the Captain was strangely enthusiastic about every little thing he saw, and would quickly become engrossed in any leaf or critter that crossed his path. He also didn't appear to understand why she wasn't quite as impressed.

He wasn't sad for very long, she though hopelessly as Kirk gleefully pointed out an ugly little bug sunning itself on a rock. I guess he really didn't care very much about me. She was so surprised by how quickly he appeared to get over her rejection that she wondered if he ever felt rejected at all. She was starting to feel angry that he had kissed her now. He got to move on with apparent ease, and she was the one left wondering. Christine was so lost in her own thoughts she didn't notice that Kirk was trying to speak with her.

"Christine. Christine." he repeated sternly, looking down at her from the top of a random boulder. He stood about fifteen feet above her.

"Sorry…" she mumbled "what is it?"

"You should come up here. The view is nice."

"Um, no thanks." she shook her head, keeping her eyes on the ground. "I'd rather stay down here and wait for the cat to turn up."

"We could probably spot it easier from up here."

"I'm fine where I am." she replied.

Kirk tried to keep his annoyance from revealing itself in his expression. How can I even expect to act normally when she won't act normally. The thought nagged at him. He had been trying so hard to make things "normal" again, whatever that meant, but the Nurse wouldn't even look at him. Despite his facade, he didn't feel like he was actually making any progress himself. He tried to further distract himself from his annoyance by checking with the other groups. Hopefully they had found something promising and they could regroup. He eagerly whipped out his communicator.

"This is your Captain speaking. Have there been any sightings?" A short pause followed before the voice of his first officer buzzed through.

"I'm afraid not, Captain."

"Alright" Kirk sighed, disappointed. "How about you, Bones?"

"We haven't seen a thing, Jim." Those weren't the responses Kirk was hoping to hear.

"Well, keep looking then. We'll rendezvous in two hours to beam back up. It looks like this planet's sun is going to set soon." He then turned his gaze to Christine, who was staring off into the distance. I'm sure there are others like her, he thought, not exactly convincing himself. He was becoming fed up with the way she placed a silent wall between them. Every second she was silent was another second his mind could return to the turbo lift, to her taste and her smell and the way her body felt pressed against his… and to how it was all lost in a brief moment.

"Nurse Chapel," he called down to her "I want you to join me up here."

"I'd rather stay where I am, Captain." she replied, unmoving.

"Nurse Chapel, that was an order." he said sternly, and watched while the Nurse turned her head to look up at him, glaring at him with her blue eyes to hide the emotion behind them. Then she began to climb up to him.

Godammit. What am I thinking?

I've already got the next couple of chapters in mind... I hope to be able to continue writing this story over the summer and hopefully finish it before the fall semester ends! Thanks for reading and don't forget to review :)