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Chapter 4

"Olivia. Olivia? Liv?"

The cool voice pulled her out of the dream, and Olivia's eyes snapped open to see Alex standing in the doorway, watching her. Shaking her head tiredly, she sat upright and ran a hand through her hair, glancing at Casey's still unconscious form before looking back at the blonde. "Alex, what are you doing here?"

"Elliot thought you needed someone to comfort you, and since you threw him out, he sent me."

Olivia chuckled humorously. She didn't even remember clearly what had happened. Elliot had been talking with her, and something he'd said had made her furious. Right now, she wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone besides Casey. "Yeah... yeah, I'm sorry for that. He was talking about me and Casey and I just snapped." Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Olivia sat up straighter and looked around in confusion. "How'd you even get in here, Alex?"

She shrugged. "I convinced the nurse. You know me. I can be very… persuasive."

"Intimidating's more like that."

Smiling, Alex sat down next to Olivia and leaned back in her chair. "Well? Elliot didn't tell me very much about the situation; care to explain it to me?"

"Casey's going to be okay. That's… that's not why I'm so upset. It's because we fought, last week, and broke up. But now this happens and I don't… I don't want to give her up now." Olivia closed her eyes briefly before looking up at Alex and smiling apologetically. "Alex, you don't have to be here for this. I'm sorry; Elliot shouldn't have called you. This can't be easy for you. If you don't want to stay and hear all this, then I'll understand-"

"Don't, Olivia. I may not care too much for Casey, but I can still be a friend to you."

Olivia forced a smile and shrugged. "Alex… I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear this, but... I love her. But I don't want to say it to say it to her; I'll scare her off. We've only been dating four months and it's not as if they've been filled with nothing but romantic dates- I slept with you," she admitted, her voice low, ashamed. "Casey doesn't think she can fully trust me. But after this happened… I just don't care. I want to tell her."

And once again, Alex had to fight back against her own emotions screaming at her to tell Olivia to forget about Casey and choose her and instead, be a good friend. "Well," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat, "Didn't she say after Zergin assaulted her that she loved you?"

Olivia just sighed, shaking her head. "Yes, but in her sleep. And does she mean 'love' like the way I love you, Elliot, or… the way I love her? Because if she didn't mean she was in love with me, then…"

Alex closed her eyes so she didn't have to see Olivia's guilty, sad expression when she was spoke next. "Olivia, I don't call out Elliot's or John's name in my sleep. When I was in Wisconsin, I tried dating a few people, trying to forget about you- not just you, really. Everything I'd left behind. Anyway, I also... did some things I'm not completely proud of. Had a few one night stands. And you know what one of them said to me the next morning? He said, 'You know, you should really do something about that Olivia. You've been moaning about her all night." Alex looked back at Olivia, who seemed unable to look at her. The guilt and sadness in her eyes nearly made her stop and apologize, but she forced herself to keep going. "You've known her for over a year now. You won't scare her off because it's not too soon… besides, I know that I didn't regret it when I told you that I loved you." She finished in a soft mumble, her gaze focused firmly on the ground, reliving the awful humiliation and embarrassment to find that Olivia did not return her feelings. The pain, the shock…

But she wasn't lying. She didn't regret it. At least now, she knew nothing would ever happen- infinitely preferable to always wondering what might have happened.

"Alex… I'm really sorry-" Olivia started, but Alex shook her head as she got to her feet.

"Don't be sorry, Olivia. You don't have anything to be sorry about," Alex said as she brushed by Olivia, headed towards the door.

Olivia had just looked back at Casey again, thinking Alex was gone, when the blonde spoke up again. "Olivia, I'm not giving up. You feel about Casey the way I feel about you. And I know you're happy with Casey, and I'm not going to try to jeopardize that... but I'll always love you. And I'm still going to try. May the best woman win, I suppose."

"Alex... it's no contest. Casey's already won. I'm sorry."

Alex just sighed. "I know." She leaned forward, kissed her on the cheek, then left.

Olivia sighed sadly as she looked back at Casey. She felt terrible for Alex. This entire situation had to be hard for her. Hell, she even worked in the same building as Casey and now, had been put into the position of trying to fix their relationship. Shaking her head apologetically, Olivia got to her feet as well, reluctantly letting go of Casey's hand. "I'll be back soon," she promised the sleeping lawyer. "I… I love you."

She walked out into the waiting room to find Elliot waiting for her, sleeping in a chair. Shaking her head and smiling, Olivia walked over to him and called his name. Elliot didn't respond.

"Elliot," she tried again, shaking his shoulder lightly. "Elliot!" She shook his shoulder harder, but he wasn't waking up. "Elliot!" she gasped, getting down on her knees in front of him and and shaking him harder. "Wake up!"

He didn't move. He made no sign that he could hear or feel Olivia's attempts to wake him up. "Elliot!" she cried in desperation, but he still wouldn't move.

"I'm so sorry we didn't see this sooner."

A doctor starting a sentence off with an apology was never good. Most often, it meant somebody was dead.

Olivia wrapped her arms tighter around herself as the doctor continued. "I gave him a quick look, he seemed fine, so I let one of the new doctors handle him. His first case on his own. He's done so well on his on all the cases I supervised, I thought things would be fine… but he missed a mild concussion. Has he been sleeping much, since the accident?"

Olivia shrugged weakly. "I- I don't know. None of us do. He stayed at the hospital for me, in case I needed someone, but I was in Casey's room almost all day. But it's only been a day since the accident; what does it matter how much he's slept?"

The doctor sighed. "Because, that could've of helped us to diagnose sooner what was actually wrong with him… Detective Stabler has a brain bleed."

That's another thing you never want to hear a doctor say. Anything involving 'bleed' and 'brain' can never bode well.

"We've already got him in surgery and he'll live, but… before we started to operate, he had slipped into a coma."

That's number three on the list of bad words from doctors: coma.

The doctor kept tailing, giving her medical phrases that turned Elliot's recovery into something she'd need a science book to understand before he finally left her in peace, telling her that she couldn't see Elliot now but that he'd come find her with more information soon.

She couldn't think. Olivia just knew, through instinct in the past when Elliot had been injured- although never this badly- that she had to call the station and his wife.

Kathy first. She deserved to know, even though it would be a much more difficult call than the one to the squad.

She picked up on the second ring even though it was late at night, clearly up worried about her husband. "Elliot?" she demanded.

"No… it's me. Olivia."

Kathy sighed unhappily, her disappointment nearly palpable. "Oh. I guess Elliot told you to call me and tell me that he's not coming home tonight? That he's-"

"No, Kathy, that's not it. Elliot's… well, it's not something I should say over the phone. But you should probably get the kids and get down to the hospital, now. It's an emergency."