I let the day go by

I always say goodbye

I watch the stars from my window sill

The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead

With an aching in my head

I lay motionless in bed

The night is here and the day is gone

And the world spins madly on

"World Spins Madly On"

-Weepies

Chapter 28:

All this thinking makes my head hurt

I spent nearly a week laying in bed just thinking. I spent a lot of time reassessing my relationship with Embry. The signs were all right in front of me. It was obvious that he cared about me. Hell, he'd stood up to Sam for me.

Embry was very good at understanding my thought process. He always seemed to know what I was thinking, even when we weren't wolves. He wasn't very pushy with me either. He handled my reactions to most things quite calmly. I knew that it wasn't easy for him; not seeing me for almost an entire week, but I had warned him that I needed time to think about this.

And even with the pull he felt towards me, he didn't overstep his bounds. He respected that I wanted my space. As hard as it must have been for him, he didn't call, and he didn't visit.

By the third day that I hadn't left my room, my mom became concerned that something else was bothering me. At first she thought I was mad at her for not telling me about Embry. But that was not the case. She hadn't known for very long. She told me that after I left the pack, Embry came to her and explained his situation. That was when she and him had formed their little plan to spy on me. He would talk to me using her as an excuse. He would get to see me, get updates on me and my brother, and tell her all about it. It was a win-win situation for everyone.

My mom doted on me all week long, trying everything in the world she could think of to try and get me out of my room. She even tried screaming that the house was on fire. I just asked her to roast me some marshmallows. She didn't find that funny.

Finally, I told her that there was nothing wrong with me. I just didn't feel like being social. I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry, and I hadn't stopped eating, thanks to her. She was constantly bringing me food and pampering the hell out of me. Occasionally, she would sit and chat with me, and I would just listen. She talked about love and imprinting and all that nonsense. After a while though, I tuned her out. I just wanted to form my own opinion on the whole subject. I was just thankful that she had a new boyfriend to get her away from me for a while.

Charlie was always at our house now. He was relying heavily on my mother to help keep him sane in our world. She kindly obliged. She even went as far as going with him daily to the Cullen's house, along with Seth. She didn't like it. In fact, she was just as uncomfortable, if not more so, than I was around the leeches. But Charlie needed her, and she wasn't going to disappoint him.

I hadn't seen a lot of my brother. He spent most of his free time with the Cullens and Jacob. I had gotten over the fact that he was surrounding himself with vampires. I had witnessed how much the Cullens seemed to value his friendship. I finally figured out that they probably weren't a threat to him. Bella possibly might get all "grr…I'm going to kill you" again, but the rest of the Cullens could control her. Plus, Jacob wouldn't let him get killed. Not on purpose anyway. And if he got hurt again, I knew Carlisle would take care of him. I didn't foresee that happening, but it was nice to know that there was a doctor around, just in case. Carlisle was good at his job, even if he was a vampire.

I didn't realize how much I had missed Seth's annoying voice until I heard him knock on my door.

"Leah? Can I come in?"

"I already told mom, I'm not hungry. I grabbed some leftover chicken from the fridge this morning."

"It's not about that." Seth opened the door. So much for getting permission to enter my room. "Mom didn't send me up here to spy on you."

"Okay, what's up then?" I questioned.

"First, are you sure you're okay? You've been acting very strange lately…"

"Strange is who I am," I shrugged.

"Right. Okay. Just let me know if there's anything that you need me to do for you."

"Seth, I'm not dying. I'm just mulling over my thoughts."

"Kay." He smiled happily. "So, Jake wants to talk to you."

"Don't the vampires have a phone? He has our number."

"He said he'd rather do it in person."

"Well then, he can bring his lazy ass to me. I've done enough running around on the leeches land."

Seth finally got frustrated with my short irritable responses.

"What is with you lately, Leah?"

Well, for one thing, I was confused as hell. I just shrugged with no emotion on my face. "Nothing's wrong. I just don't feel like doing anything with, you know…people."

"Just go talk to him. It's really important."

"Someone dead?" I raised my eyebrows, almost hopeful. Seth shook his head. "Oh, well, did he say what it was about?" I saw him lower his head and stick out his bottom lip. What did he have to pout about?

"Just go as a wolf," he grumbled.

Like I would go out to the Cullen's any other way? But now my curiosity was peaked.

"Why?" I questioned. He obviously knew more than he was telling me.

"Something to do with the pack, which has expanded by the way." He saw me staring at him for more of an explanation. "Embry and Quil came to talk to Jake a few days ago. They're running with us now."

Wow, you miss a lot when you barricade yourself in your room for seven days. It would take some getting used to sharing Quil's thoughts again. But since Embry's confession, I hadn't been able to think anything unpleasant about him.

"There's more than that, which is, of course, why Jake wants to talk to you. I told him I'd pass on the message." He paused, and then I saw the look on his face completely change. "Hey, how come you didn't tell me that Embry imprinted on you?"

"It's kind of complicated." I hopped off of my bed. I might as well find out what Jacob wanted.

"So, how come you're not all…" Seth started doing some horrible 80's dance moves around my room.

"What? Spazzing out? Having a seizure?" I knew that he was trying to convey "happy" with his dancing, but it was horrible and I couldn't not tease him.

"I thought you wanted someone in your life." Seth didn't understand why I wasn't jumping for joy. And truthfully, I should be dancing around my room like an idiot. I wouldn't be alone forever now. But I was too frustrated trying to understand why I wasn't imprinting on Embry. I felt bad that he wanted to be with me forever, but I couldn't muster up the same feeling. He was a nice enough guy, but I still couldn't feel for him what he felt for me. I just didn't want him to be stuck with a miserable person for the rest of his life.

"It's not that I don't like him. He's a nice guy and all, but, I can't force myself to feel something that not there," I frowned.

"You haven't even given him a chance yet. How do you know there's nothing there?"

"Because if there was, don't you think I would have imprinted on him?"

"I think that you're so independent that a stupid werewolf rule isn't going to tell you who you want to be with." He paused to think. "And if you did imprint on someone, you'd probably find a way to do something else. You're stubborn, Leah."

Indeed I was. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe the "imprinting" gene was defective in me. Everything else about me seemed to be defective.

"Thanks, kid. You know, you're pretty insightful for fifteen years old." I punched him in the shoulder playfully.

"Sixteen in a few months." He grinned widely.

"Yeah, I heard mom let you drive Billy home the other night."

He looked at the floor sheepishly. "I hit the mailbox…" I busted into laughter. "Shut up! It was dark!"

I continued to laugh, so he just shrugged and walked out of my room.

"Tell Jacob I accept his invitation to talk." I followed him. "I'm just going to take a quick shower first." If I was going to go out running as a wolf, I wanted to start out as squeaky clean as possible.

Seth bounded happily out of the house to deliver my message to Jake. I quickly took my shower, and then threw on a jogging outfit. I had decided to jog for a while on two feet. Nothing cleared my head better than a good quiet run. I knew I could sort through some things that way. And since I was running to meet Jacob anyway, I could just start out on two feet, and then phase once I got to the Cullen's place.

My mom looked shocked that I was leaving the house. I couldn't tell whether or not she was worried or happy. She knew I was impulsive. And after an entire week of the two of us not really talking a lot, she was probably concerned about what I was going to do.

"Don't worry, I'll be back soon."

"No!" She was quick to exclaim. Wow, did she really want me out of the house that badly? She softened her tone. "No, go out and have some fun. Live a little."

"The last time I lived a little, I ended up in the back of a police car." I laughed thinking about a night involving alcohol, a stolen street sign, and a vicious little Chihuahua. I sighed, "God, that was a fun night…"

"Well, have fun, but not that much fun," she warned me.

"Doubt I'll get into any trouble. This trip is all business. So I probably won't be out too late partying." I studied her expression carefully and was curious about something. "Charlie must be coming over. That's the real reason you want to get rid of me, isn't it?" I winked at her.

"Actually, Charlie isn't coming over until tonight. He's visiting Bella and Nessie today." I could hear the strain in her voice as she spoke about them as if they were normal people. She was trying very hard, for Charlie, to be okay with Bella's situation.

I waved goodbye to my mom as I started to jog out towards the Cullen's land. And as soon as my feet started to hit the pavement, I felt all of my emotions relax. I was able to finally think rationally about the situation with Embry and I. It didn't matter that I hadn't imprinted on him, because in order for him to have imprinted on me, that means he had to care about me. And if he cared about me, that was enough motivation for me to want to see where this led. I decided that after I talked to Jacob, I needed to have a talk with Embry, too.

By the time I got to the border, I could tell Jacob was getting impatient. He let out a howl.

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you ya overgrown mutt." I grumbled as I tore my pants off. I quickly rolled them up and snapped them against my leg. I did the same with my shirt. A few seconds later, I was racing through the woods with my snout in the air.

Jacob sounded irritated, God, finally. Where the hell have you been? Seth said you left two hours ago…

If I had known you were going to miss me this much, I would have made you wait longer, I chuckled. Patience. Look it up in the dictionary sometime.

This isn't funny, Leah. I don't like to be away from Nessie.

I was going to reply with some smart ass remark, but I was too distracted by the images of Nessie in his brain. I gasped. She was the size of at least a six-month-old. She was still growing rapidly.

Still no cure to slow her growing? I could feel how panicked he was. Nessie wasn't only growing at an alarming rate, she was learning things that no week old baby should know how to do. Today, she had called Bella "Momma" for the first time. But that wasn't the only word she'd spoken. The exact phrase was Momma, where is Grandpa? I was alarmed at how clearly she had spoken. And I also laughed at the fact that old Charlie was a Grandpa.

I saw Jacob trotting into view. We both slowed our pace and met each other. It felt good to see his sorry ass. We started to walk side by side as he caught me up on Nessie's growth spurts.

It's really starting to scare me, how fast she's maturing. If she keeps growing at this rate… He cut his thoughts off. He didn't want to think about Nessie growing so old so quickly. It would be just his luck to imprint on someone who, ironically, had the lifespan of a domesticated dog. Jacob continued, She's actually the reason that I wanted to talk to you…alone…

Now that he had said something, I noticed that I didn't hear Seth, Embry, or Quil. He quickly answered my question before I even asked, I told them to phase. This conversation is strictly between the two of us.

That made me wonder where they had gone. Seth was probably at the Cullen's. He loved to play with Nessie. And Nessie seemed to take comfort in the fact that he was around. Everyone loved my brother. It was kind of hard not to. Having him around was like having a stupid, but loving Labrador puppy.

Quil was probably with Claire. So where was the one wolf that I needed to talk to? I would have to deal with that later. I turned my focus back to why Jake had brought me out here.

How bad is it, Jake? I questioned. I knew he wouldn't lie to me. He might try and hide the truth from Seth. And he probably didn't feel comfortable sharing it with Embry and Quil. But there was no bullshit with us. That's why we fought all the time; we were constantly telling each other the hard truth.

Carlisle is still doing research. But, so far, nothing has come up. He won't say anything to the rest of the family, but I think he's pretty freaked, too. No one knows what to do. Alice can't see Nessie's future either, and that terrifies me.

But she was never able to see Nessie, right? That's why she was always hanging around you when Bella was pregnant; because the kid gave her a headache.

That's true, he said. But I started to wonder if the reason that she can't see her future is because she might not have one?

She's definitely got a future, I grumbled a little. Like it or not, I knew the little mutant would be sticking around. I don't think the fates would be that cruel to Jacob. He heard my optimism.

Look who's become all cheery. He teased me.

I wouldn't go that far, I laughed.

Aw, Leah Clearwater's all grown up. He continued to hassle me.

Yeah, this is what maturity looks like. Take a good look…because Lord knows you'll never experience it. I teased him back.

Now there's the Leah that I know, he nodded.

Things became quiet between us.

So you hauled me out here to talk about Nessie? I questioned. Not that I don't appreciate the update and all, but…what exactly can I do about the situation?

You've already done more than I ever expected, Leah. I wouldn't want to ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I gave him a weird look. We were on the Cullen's territory talking about his infant girlfriend. That was uncomfortable.

The thing is, I need to focus on helping Nessie right now, so that makes me kind of lax in the wolf department. And now that Embry and Quil have joined our ranks, there needs to be a little more structure in the pack.

Great, he'd brought me out here to tell me that I had to follow my brother's command. I wonder if there was a cliff nearby that I could throw myself off of…

Seth's a good kid, and I love him to death, but he's not ready to handle that kind of responsibility. He surprised me with his response. Besides, I don't know how permanent he is to this pack. He glanced at me. I can't think of anyone else who would be better at ordering people around than you.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Had Jacob just put me second in command? It took me a moment to gain my composure.

I didn't know what to say. Okay, just answer me one question: Are you high? Really? I was his first choice? Are you sure you wouldn't rather choose Embry? And I hated myself for saying it, Or Quil?

They're my friends. And I'm happy to have them on board, but I can't count on them the way that I can count on you. He let out a huff of air. Your loyalty has meant more to me than you realize. I don't care what your reasoning was, you followed me when it counted most. He paused. I want you in my life, Leah.

Well, this was unexpected.