Chapter 28

I'd dragged Effy out into the garden snarling, spitting fire and brimstone and simply hurling abuse at her about involving other people, and exactly what did Panda know about my real job, because you know, undercover and all that. It appeared every fucker in Liverpool was going to know who I was soon enough. Jesus.

To Effs credit she stood and took all the vitriol I threw at her. And I pretty well threw everything I had at her, including the kitchen sink. Understanding that my anger was down to being utterly frustrated, helpless and in my mind reliant on a complete kook. A lovely one don't get me wrong, but Panda did seem a little flaky to me, always had when I'd met her. Super nice, but an airhead nonetheless. Effy waited for me to exhaust myself. I ended up slumped on the grass in the garden, forearms resting on my knees, head slumped. Spent. Exhausted.

I felt a body sit down next to me and a cup of coffee thrust under my nose. I grabbed the cup and took a few soothing sips of the familiar liquid. My throat was killing me from growling at Effy and crying all the fucking time.

"Emily loves you so much Naomi. That's why she's so angry." I looked to my side. Pandora was sitting there, arms looped around her knees, looking for all the world as if she belonged in Effy and Freddie's garden. "You're such a dream boat to her. You waltz in all funny and attentive and all knight in shining armoury. You called her beautiful, no one ever had before you know. Cute yes, beautiful, no. You're a blinking dream after the last idiot who cheated on her and lied." Pandora went quiet for a minute, her blue eyes zoned in on me. "And then all this. She thinks she doesn't know who you are Naomi."

"She won't fucking talk to me and let me explain so how the fuck am I expected to explain? And why are you going to help me Panda? You're her best mate, you should be with her, not me. She'll need you. Why don't you have a swing at me too?" I looked at Panda and she smiled.

"Effy can be very persuasive and I think you and Emsy are perfect together," her brows scrunched together for a moment. "Not as perfect as me and Tommo. He's so lush."

I saw Effy roll her eyes and smiled. She snapped her fingers together. "PANDA! We're trying to help here"

"Oh right yes." She turned her eyes back on me again; they'd lost their 'head in the clouds' look thankfully. "You have to keep wearing her down Naomi. She'll push you away, but it's her way of self defence. I've seen her do this before. People give up on her walls. They walk away and she's proven right, that everyone leaves her."

I sighed and showed the two of them my text message. Telling them I couldn't upset her any more than I had done. I wasn't that much of an inconsiderate twat. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do. Effy and Panda raged at me for a minute and then ignored me. I zoned out, listening to them deciding how I should reply. I looked at the house and saw Thomas and Fred's chatting intently. Huh. Well, at least they were getting along ok. Thomas was waving his arms around and Freddie was laughing. It was weird. If I had Emily here with me this would almost be perfect. Her best mate and my best mate getting on in a totally crazy dynamic. The lads getting on well. I could almost see the mad summer barbecues we'd have. Except for the fact I'd fucked it up.

My phone was thrust under my nose, bringing me back to Earth with a thump.

"This is what we decided you should send. We'll leave it for you to press the send button though." So kind of them. I read the text. Well, it could work I suppose, and Panda had known Emily for years, since school. She knew what made her tick.

"Hi Ems, I'd love to give you all the time you need, but I'm afraid. Afraid, you'll keep pushing me away and I'll lose you forever. I can't do that. Please talk to me. Give me a chance. Be brave. I love and need you. Naoms XX"

Yup, that'd do it. Pretty much what I felt. I nodded to myself and pushed the send icon that was blinking at me. Telling the girls that was scarily spot on, Effy just smiled that enigmatic smile of hers and sat back listening to Panda's plan if Emily "wouldn't play ball with me". Her words not mine. I've got to be honest. The plan was a go-er. Panda was wasted as a yoga instructor; she should have been a spy. No one would have suspected her.

Freddie and Thomas had brought us out more drinks when my phone beeped. We all stopped. Even the lads. I just looked down at it.

"Go on then, read it" Effys voice. I pressed the open button and read the text from Emily.

"I can't Nai. If I talk to you I'll forget why I'm angry at you. I'm sorry, but please, I just can't right now. E X"

Whoo fucking hoo. At least I got a kiss at the end of the text this time. I threw my phone to the girls and let them read it. It was met with a resounding "that's plan B going into operation then". Great. A little soiree into enemy territory. Just what I needed. My two plotting confidantes decided I should leave it for today and try again either tomorrow or the day after if I'd not heard from her. Keep trying with little texts. "I love you's" and the like. They were like the witches from Macbeth. All they needed was a cauldron and a third member to complete the scene. Talking of witches...Panda tried telling me and Eff that Katie wasn't that bad and she did have her good points (like her double handed swing) and had had a bad time of things herself. I'm not too sure about the good points, but hey, Panda knew her better than me too. I'd only met her for an eventful and fun filled 60 seconds. And I guess she had rung Crimestoppers, so she did have some good in her.

Panda and Thomas spent another hour with us. Panda telling us about the mad twin speak that Emily and Katie had when they were younger, Emily's abandonment issues with Katie and her mum amongst others and some of the conversation she'd had with her. She wouldn't tell us all of it to keep Em's confidence which was fair comment, but my own confidence was increased slightly when she told me that Em's was distraught when her sister had hit me and she'd not wanted to leave me. It gave me hope. She also threw her arms around me as she left and whispered that Emily had told her that she still loved me and probably always would. Now that really did give me hope. I gave Panda a kiss on the cheek and a smile of gratitude as she said she'd keep trying to get her to listen to me. Thomas gave me a hug and made me promise to visit one of his club nights soon, with Emily of course, and left with a huge grin on his face.

After showing off in my new car and letting Freddie and Eff have the privilege of sitting in it and hearing how loud the stereo was, I took myself off home. I'd been avoiding it to be honest. The place was cold and uninviting since I'd been to Emily's and seen how cosy and warm her place was. Freddie had actually been the one to invite me to stay another night at their house, but I needed to start getting back to normal. Well, as normal as someone on gardening leave can get I guess. At least I'd have time to go for long runs and do some gym work.

Fuck it. I went to bed early again. Nothing else to do. Not even Angelina in her Tomb Raider outfit could interest me. I kept my phone by my bedside, hopeful that Emily might give in and text or call me at some point. I drifted off to sleep, Pandora's words of advice ringing in my ears.

'Text her and tell her you love her. Text her and tell her what you're doing, just text her. Don't give up. She's got barriers, but she loves you.'

God I hoped she was right. The idea of plan B terrified me, but I'd do it for Emily, and it was set up for next week if all else had failed.

I spent the next week existing, not living. Sporadic conversations with Tony regarding the case and Effy and Panda regarding Emily aside I did what I was supposed to. I ate and went for long runs to ease my frustrations. I texted Emily to remind her I was still here, still waiting. I kept them simple enough, always telling her I was going for a drive to the place I'd taken her stargazing, always ending with an 'I love you and I miss you, please talk to me'. Sometimes she'd reply, sometimes not. Usually she'd just tell me she needed more time, once she'd sent me a simple one word text. 'Why?' I'd spent I don't know how many texts trying to explain and then gave in and rang her phone, not surprised when it went to voicemail. I spent fifteen minutes telling her answer phone everything. It shocked me when I got a text the next morning saying simply 'Thank you for telling me. Why won't you do what I asked and leave me be for a while?' After talking to Effy and Panda I sent her back the truth, plain and simple. 'I know I said I'd do anything, but it's the one thing I can't do. Tell me you don't love me and I promise I'll walk away. Xx'

She didn't and I took some conmfort in that. God knows how Panda was managing to play the double agent. She was actually with Ems when I'd rung her to explain. I'd severely underestimated the girl and vowed to apologise to her. She was putting her friendship with Emily on the line to help me and she had no reason to, although when I'd asked Effy why she was helping me she'd replied that Panda had just accepted what had happened and said she'd help. Who knows. God moves in mysterious ways and all that.

So here we are then. Me, Effy's tiger walking into the lions den. Now, I reckon you've heard enough by now to know where I am. The one place where I know she'll be. Where I can feed my hunger and see her. Yup. Pandora had got me a pass into Fitches Family Gym. Emily was teaching a pilates class, and I reckoned I could cope with it. Fucking hell, my heart was thumping out of chest at the thought of bumping into any other fist throwing Fitch before Emily. She could belt me if she wanted, but no other Fitch. I'd at least insisted that the pass have Effy's name on it so Panda couldn't get any hassle of anyone, least of all Rocky Fitch. Eff didn't mind, she was spoiling top go one on one with Katie and was sitting outside, happy to wait for an hour she'd said.

Thankfully, I'd got through the bimbo on reception and headed for the studio where the class was. I'd waited until the last minute, creeping into the back of the class and grabbing a spare mat for the session. Emily had her back to me. I drunk in the vision she was. Lithe body, trim waist and magnificent arse. Her red hair was pulled back in a pony tail, revealing her slender neck and straight shoulders. Ah god, it took every bit of training I had not to run, grab her, and kiss her senseless, but I had a plan to keep to and I was nothing if not a well trained little copper.

Managing to keep out of sight as much as possible, it took her 15 minutes into the class to notice me. Her reaction would have been almost comical if I wasn't for the situation we were in. She managed to keep the surprise out of her voice as she instructed the class, but she quickly went and checked her name sheet for the session. I could see her checking it, frustrated at not seeing my name on it. Thankfully Panda had used Effy's full name, Elizabeth, that's how I'd really got into this class. She kept her distance from me, paying attention to the rest of her class. I could see her trying to figure out how this cuckoo had got into her nest without her knowledge. God I hoped she didn't go for the right side of my jaw, the left side had only just got back to normal.

The rather excellent class ended (yeah I know I'm biased but Emily really was a bloody good instructor) and the class walked out. I hovered near the back, waiting for my moment, not wanting to disturb her whilst others were there.

She spent her time tidying up the class collecting, folding up and putting mats away. I grabbed my mat and bided my time. The silence was deafening in the place, she was purposely avoiding me. Keeping her back to me as much as possible as she cleared the studio.

"You've missed one"

I watched her closely as she turned herself fully around, walking up to me and the mat that she had purposefully avoided. Sighing loudly as she leaned across to retrieve the rolled up mat, I felt the soft brush of her fingers touch my hand. I traced the side of the hand that was nearest to me with a finger.

It made my breathing stop.

Emily stilled what she was doing momentarily, her brow furrowed as she concentrated on my touch. How could she do this to me? Make me feel this way? How could she deny the magic that was still there after a week apart? It was a nothing of a caress and it was making every nerve in my body stand on end. Surely it was affecting her too? I watched as Emily let her eyes drift to mine and saw that she was staring at me intently. Knowing this was having its desired effect. On her as well as me.

Emily stepped back abruptly, holding my exercise mat like a shield between us and making sure her hand was not within my reaching distance.

"Stop making this harder Naoms." She whispered it to me like a warning.

"I'm not the one making this hard Ems." I whispered it back, saying what I'd come here to say. I leaned forward toward her. "I know you're angry, I know you're hurt. This thing between us is not gonna go away. No matter how much you ignore me and our love."

I paused and waited for her to meet my gaze again before finishing. Pleading with her to understand.

"I'm not gonna go away."

For a second I thought I had gotten through to her. Her face seemed to soften; her eyes seemed to be reaching out to me begging for her. But it was like she stopped herself suddenly. She looked away a moment, took a deep breath, and then looked back.

And it had gone.

Her face was different, her expression indifferent to me once more.

"Haven't you got an undercover case you have to be getting home to? Or is it someone elses turn to lie to people tonight?"

And she walked away quickly having said it.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek, trying to stop myself from getting upset.

That had hurt. But I was not going to give up, she was trying to push me away. Not going to work on me. I took a breath and followed a rapidly disappearing Emily out of the studio and down the stairs. And that's when all hell broke loose. I'd got close to her again, within ten foot, when a brawny arm grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around to face a furious Rob Fitch and a scarily familiar voice screeched.

"That's her dad. Fucking lying bitch."

Oh fuck.